Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing

[Hashtag]

I've just recently received the news that I'm HIV positive (four days now). I didn't see this coming at all and have always practiced safe sex, except on one occasion briefly last year. I am trying not to dwell on this and except my diagnosis. This is proving very tricky, one minute I feel I'm coping, the next Moment I'm freaking out and panicking.
My hugest fear is disclosing to friends and family. It took me many years to break the news to my parents of my sexuality and is rarely talked about in our family. Everything just gets brushed under the carpet. I don't plan to inform my family yet, but really want to tell some friends, but fear I can't trust them to tell others. It's  making me extremely anxious.
All in all I feel very overwhelmed and extremely alone. On top of this I'm about to start a new job next week and concerned that I'm not going to be focused when I should be.
If anyone could offer advise or empathy with regards to disclosing to people.

[Jeff G]

Welcome to the forum . It does get better in time and there is lots of support to be found here .

Did you have your Western Blot test done to conform that you really are HIV positive ? False positives do happen you know .

[Hashtag]

Hi Jeff, I had the initial blood test, then was called back the next day for a confirmatory blood test, reactive and positive. Also more blood taken to find out how advanced I am I guess. I'm only beginning to research it now.  Excuse my naivety but not sure what western blot test is. 

[Jeff G]

A western blot is the final conclusive test to confirm the antibody test used to screen for HIV . If you test positive it must be confirmed with a Western Blot, it sounds like they did the blood work to confirm the diagnosis .

The learning curve to living with HIV is steep but you will get there soon enough .

[mecch]

I've just recently received the news that I'm HIV positive (four days now). I didn't see this coming at all and have always practiced safe sex, except on one occasion briefly last year. I am trying not to dwell on this and except my diagnosis. This is proving very tricky, one minute I feel I'm coping, the next Moment I'm freaking out and panicking.
My hugest fear is disclosing to friends and family. It took me many years to break the news to my parents of my sexuality and is rarely talked about in our family. Everything just gets brushed under the carpet. I don't plan to inform my family yet, but really want to tell some friends, but fear I can't trust them to tell others. It's  making me extremely anxious.
All in all I feel very overwhelmed and extremely alone. On top of this I'm about to start a new job next week and concerned that I'm not going to be focused when I should be.
If anyone could offer advise or empathy with regards to disclosing to people.

Hi welcome here.

You just got hard news and it will take time adjust.  There is no rush to tell your family, do that when you are good and ready...  Do you need them to know, now?  The relation sounds complicated and not very frank.  IF you don't need something from them about this diagnosis, just wait on telling them.

You will need people to talk to about what you are experiencing.  Why not identify a friend or two who you do trust enough to support you now.   Don't deprive yourself of their support out of fears that may be unfounded. 

You can chat a lot here, too.

And if you want to chat with HIV+ face to face - there are probably people around you who are..  And probably some service organisation or some support groups, etc.

[Hashtag]

Thank you so much for your assurance. I have disclosed to one friend who responded well and is supportive , which I'm extremely grateful for. I guess the right time will come to tell my friends. I sure as hell could do with their support, obviously they will initially judge me initially and I have to prepare for that.

[mecch]

Why is it so obvious your friends are going to "judge" you.

What judgements are you wondering they are going to make.  Only negative judgements?

[Ann]

Why is it so obvious your friends are going to "judge" you.

What judgements are you wondering they are going to make.  Only negative judgements?

I was wondering the same thing.

Hashtag, would you judge any of your friends if they'd tested positive, or would you love them all the same and be supportive? If it's the former, maybe you're projecting your own prejudice onto others. If it's the latter, you're probably worrying unnecessarily.

If they're true friends, they're gonna love you no matter what.

If they're not true friends, they're probably not the best people to disclose to right now anyway. Hopefully you'll eventually get to the point where it doesn't matter to you who knows, but right now while it's all still so new and raw, chose who you disclose to carefully. You can't un-ring a bell.

Welcome to the forums, btw. You're going to be just fine, trust me on that.

Hugs,
Ann

[zach]

i wouldn't be in a hurry to disclose to anyone that doesn't need to know for medical or sexual relation reasons. my anecdotal experience, everyone you choose to tell, tells two people you didn't choose to tell. there will come a time when you'll make peace with being positive, and own it more strongly. but right now, you've got alot on your plate to handle that issue at the same time. my advice, just hold off for awhile.

for me, at this point, its irrelevant to me if someone knows or not, or their reaction. and believe this, even among your friends and family, there will be negative reactions. you just don't need that right now. focus on you.

[Hashtag]

Thank you for your wise words, you have helped put my mind at ease. Im sure they will not judge, but perhaps make negative observations and thoughts, Im hoping thats just my paranoia.  To answer your question Ann I would offer any newly diagnosed friend the love and support they deserve. I hoping that it will make friendships stronger, through time.
Im going to my first peer group session on Tuesday, and looking forward to meeting other HIV + peers face to face, to hear their stories and assist with concerns I have. If they're tales are half as inspiring as the ones on this forum it will be a worthwhile experience.

[mecch]

Im going to my first peer group session on Tuesday, and looking forward to meeting other HIV + peers face to face, to hear their stories and assist with concerns I have. If they're tales are half as inspiring as the ones on this forum it will be a worthwhile experience.

Great idea. Let us know how it goes.

[Jmarksto]

Hey Hashtag; 

Welcome to the forums.  It seems you are working through the disclosure thing and getting a range of advice on that topic.

Regarding the new job and being concerned about being distracted: when I was diagnosed it really slowed me down at work and in retrospect there was no reason for it - it was really just myself getting in the way of myself.  Please know that you are going to be ok and this should not slow you down in the short term or the long run. 

I wish you the best with the new job,

JM

[Hashtag]

Hi JM, yes as I'm discovering life must go on and trying to take it one day at a time. In fact I'm hoping my new job will be a welcome distraction from the thoughts and feelings going through my mind. I had a meeting today with a counsellor which really helped and met another hiv + individual, whom at the age of 61 became infected.
A gentle reminder that this can happen to anyone no matter your orientation, race or age. I hope to join a support group when I move back to London in two weeks and will need to find a good gp/clinic in the capital... If anybody can recommend one that would be really helpful!  peace and good health to you all