Today makes one year since my diagnoses

[tippytu]

Today makes exactly one year since I was diagnosed with HIV...in fact it's almost down to the very hour. It is dark & dreary & raining today..that is how my heart feels also. I am able to function now so things have gotten slightly better..but still not a day goes by that I don't think about this disease. Yes I can enjoy most things but always at the end of the day I'm sad & depressed. I don't know if I will ever be whole again! I worry about so much it's overwhelming. Since my husband is gone most of the time I am the one who has to take care of the kids the house etc. & it is so stressful sometimes I just want to give in

[YellowFever]

That's 525,600 minutes you've lived knowing you have HIV. But hopefully that's not the only way you measure a year in your life. Based on what you've said, it's also 525,600 minutes of enjoying most things in your life and of taking care of your family.

Personally, I don't see why the disease itself should make us sad. No one sheds a tear over learning that they have high cholesterol ("Oh no, got to lay off the bacon now..."). And HIV does not equal DEATH. What makes us sad and depressed is the stigma. So go find your safe space. Either in a solitary activity or a social circle of poz or poz-friendly friends. I'm sure it will make a big difference to you as it did to me.

[weasel]

 
              Hi Tippy 

  Nice to meet you !     I hope you are having a nice day .   Life gets better , much much better .   I do think of my HIV / AIDS   status  , not as much as I did years ago.
   You are lucky to have a family , although taking care of children by yourself , I'm sure is stressful in it self 
   Take some time ; when you can , to care for your inner self .   We all tend to
 find HIV a  burden , but it does not have to rule our lives .
  I've had HIV over half my life now ,  I do have bad days , but I try to live a normal life , so far so good .  Things could be way worse than having HIV .
   Words can't make you  all better , but know that we all care .

                                                                Be well , Carl
 

[Joe K]

Hello Tippy,

Congratulations on your one year and I'm sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.  Not only do you have to deal with issues, due to HIV, you are a full time mother with all the responsibility that entails.  It sounds like you could use some help, or maybe some time away from the family, to get the extra support you may need.

I also sense that you are experiencing some depression and sadly that is all too common with us pozzies, but there is help available, so maybe you could talk with someone about that issue.  I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must feel at times and what I would offer is for you to do something, anything, that you love, everyday (even if only for 15 minutes) to remind yourself that you matter.

As a parent I appreciate your dedication, but sometimes we forget to tend to ourselves.  My hope is that you will take some time, for you, to help ease your load and talk to some people to see what help they may provide.

I know you don't want to give in, otherwise you would not be here.  I think what you need is some help in dealing with real issues and you have the strength to ask for such help and the wisdom to realize that there are some things that we are unable to handle alone.

Joe

[tippytu]

Thank you everyone. I work 40 hours a week & take care of 3 kids plus various farm animals..just feel like I never have enough time to get everything done. I'm exhausted..I am going to therapy once a week & on anti depressants but sadness still lingers

[Jeff G]

Its good to hear from you . Hopefully coming here and talking about it can help a little bit . I don't talk about as much as I should but although I have accepted my HIV diagnosis a long time ago I still have good days and bad days dealing with my health situation . This week has been especially bad .

I am relieved to hear you are working with a doctor on the depression and pressure you are under as well as posting again here . I hope you find that balance of good days and bad ... just remember that although its been a year you are still a work in progress and will get to that better place in your own time .

[Jmarksto]

Hi Tippy;

 I am also a parent, with a full time job and it does get to be a struggle.  I am a little over a year and a half into my diagnosis and things have gotten better over time.

You have allot on your plate with or without HIV - and I think Joe is right, you need to take some time for yourself even if it is just 15 minutes a day.

Wish you well,

JM

[idee]

Hello,
I was a single mom for the first five years of my daughter's life.
I have had HIV for almost twenty years. Since I have had this disease I have seen friends and family show their true colors. I consider myself lucky because if it wasn't this disease it would have been something else they decided not to like me for.
I am now married and have a sixteen year old daughter. My daughter is HIV negative. My husband and I met after we were both positive.
One year is a good thing. Being HIV positive doesn't equal a terrible life. To me it means I have to be careful when it comes to making friends I can trust. Things do improve.