Has HIV given or increase your anxiety or depression? Or is it just life?

[BubbaPat]

My moods have been worse of late.  I see topics of HIV affecting mental health and I wonder if is the HIV or the mental thought about it itself that cause the mental issues.

I'm 55 and have known I'm positive for the past 24 years.  I remember be anxious and depressed about certain things growing up and yet I kept going.  I always saw the Sun at the end of the tunnel.  Now a days, I see a light at the end of the tunnel and it flickers from time to time.

Anyone else feel this?  From time to time?  Is it the HIV affecting our brain chemistry? Is it getting older?  Is it the world we live in?

Random thoughts, thought I'd share and see if anyone wants to chime in.

bubba hugs!
Patrick

[Tonny2]

            ojo.          Hello there, my dear friend!… In my case, I have never felt anxiety or depression, because of HIV, when I have felt anxiety yes because of my pains. I don’t take any medication for pain especially for neuropathies because they don’t help me but when I can’t handle the pain, I get a little bit anxious and I take a Xanax 5 mg.… I’m sorry about the way that you feel, and I always think about you. Sending you a bear hug and hang in there.


Ps. sorry for the typos.

[BubbaPat]

I’m sorry about the way that you feel, and I always think about you. Sending you a bear hug and hang in there.
Ps. sorry for the typos.

Thank you kiddo!  Your kind words always fill my heart with joy and hope.
I mean that.  I know we've never met in person and have only corresponded here but you've always been honest and uplifting.
I think you nearly every day, not to be creepy, and I hope and pray for you.

Bubba hugs from Texas kiddo!!

[Tonny2]

               ojo.            Hi there!, I feel the same about you, I wish I had the wisdom to tell you what to do to make you feel better, but I only can send you a hug hoping that makes you feel that you are not alone and you can count on me whenever you feel down or you need someone to talk to, I’m always here for you. You always put a smile in my face… More hugs from Ohio.

[idontknowhowbuthereitis]

I am very new to the club, so my opinion is probably not that relevant.

That being said,

I think with any chronic illness you naturally get increased chances of anxiety or depression, regardless of HIV or something else. And as you get older, I guess the "stakes" get higher (with health in general) which wears one down.

Best thing we can all do is take our meds, rely on our respective support groups, be it online or in real life, and try and stop and smell the roses and be thankful what we have.

Easier said than done.

Treat yourself and be kind to yourself.

For example, the meds I am on, no one really knows what will happen in 30 years time, completely outside of our control, I am riding it out like a bad acid trip

[Tonny2]

                  ojo.              Dust the attitude!!

[leatherman]

For example, the meds I am on, no one really knows what will happen in 30 years time

LOL you say that like it's an unknowable thing; but it's simply that you don't have enough information yet or trust in the information to understand what being on the meds for 30 yrs will do. We actually can very easily extrapolate what is going to happen being on meds for 30 years - you'll be alive and you'll probably be healthy.

Historically we know that there are plenty of us around who have been on meds for 30 yrs....and even though we started off on less effective drugs that often had negative side effects, we're doing fine and dandy. Statistically we known that PLWH often are healthier in the long run because our health is tracked and measured more often and issues are found and treated early.

Thirty years from now, both you and I will be living our lives - quite possibly healthy lives. I know I'm eating better, sticking on my ARVs and exercising regularly so that at 92 (that's 30 more years for me) I'll  be doing as well as my Nana who was still playing golf at 92 and had another decade and a half left to go. Heck, at 62 I've barely passed middle age. LOL

[idontknowhowbuthereitis]

LOL you say that like it's an unknowable thing; but it's simply that you don't have enough information yet or trust in the information to understand what being on the meds for 30 yrs will do. We actually can very easily extrapolate what is going to happen being on meds for 30 years - you'll be alive and you'll probably be healthy.

Thanks for your feedback, but the medication I am on is BIKTARVY which was approved in 2018, so how can any documented patients have used it for 30 years time and how can an end patient make actual data driven decisions regarding long time impact (30 year usage), if no one has ever used it for that long (lol). Yes it might be the result of years of trial and error and hard work by scientists, but expecting no side effects doesn't compute with me (although I have none at the moment). ARTs are a powerful drug, has to be some sort of side effect other than just keeping your VL down..

I am very comfortable and don't have future concerns personally but I think its a fair call out for patients to ask about the long term effects of HIV and ARTs, when much of the medication being mass produced and distributed is fairly new or has a previous commercial agenda by big pharma.

Again new to this club, I just take a logical approach to things, at one stage in life opioids were aggressively prescribed, I wouldnt encourage anyone not to take meds, but yeah blindly saying you will be fine and live a healthy life and blindly trusting big pharma, isnt for me. Although I actively take my meds and so grateful, I wouldnt be surprised if there was side effects down the line (not trying to scare monger)

The reality is, this is the cards we have been dealt so there is nothing we can do about it, follow our doctors advice and enjoy life.

Much love, dont take it personally

[leatherman]

I think its a fair call out for patients to ask about the long term effects of HIV and ARTs, when much of the medication being mass produced and distributed is fairly new or has a previous commercial agenda by big pharma.

"fairly new" isn't really a good description. These are medications based on prior meds or medications that are combinations of long standing meds, and all of these are based on 40 years worth of treatment science. Each generation of ARVs have become more effective, with fewer negative side effects, and better long term effectiveness.

Comparing ARVs with opioids is apples to oranges. Compare ARVs with insulin instead.

blindly saying you will be fine and live a healthy life and blindly trusting big pharma

blindly trust? heck no. LOL.

I quit taking ARVS in 95 and 97 because the side effects for me were too terrible. but it was still a choice of dying by AIDS or dying from the side effects.  However that said, I'm been taking a range of ARVs since AZT monotherapy back in 1992 and even though I suffered through lots of serious side effects and nearly dying from PCP pneumonia a couple of times, I'm 62 and pretty darned healthy. Knowing a lot of fellow long-term HIV survivors (30+ years), I can tell you there a lot of people in my same situation of good health after enduring a lot of meds up until now.

The point I'm trying to make is that plenty of people have lived 30+ years and are healthy having started on very ineffective early meds. Understanding how much better/improved the meds of today are, it's not irrational to predict that someone starting meds in 2024 will easily live 30+ years on these newer meds with fewer side effects and better health. This prediction is based on the historical reality of the improvement of HIV treatment.

[Kirat]

I've always had depression and anxiety. So, having the diagnosis of HIV was, and still is, took a huge toll in my life in that way. But, I must say, I'm possibly with other chronic disease still mysterious to me that is making my life miserable, so maybe that's why my happiness never came back. I associate it with HIV because so far I was not diagnosed with anything else. But since I'm undetectable, apparently it's not hiv, it's something else. If I could exercise regularly and not have brainfog, I think my depression and anxiety would reduce immensely.

[Dogman]

My moods have been worse of late.  I see topics of HIV affecting mental health and I wonder if is the HIV or the mental thought about it itself that cause the mental issues.

Yes.  given that I fairly recently acquired this virus ( aprox 5 years ago , found out 2 years ago) - I feel like a fool and a loser - I had every tool available to prevent it, but somehow my always leading a fairly conservative sex life (when compared to many of my peers), thinking that everyone was honest and everyone was on prep -  fooled me and I still managed to get it - through my own stupidity.

I feel I have sabotaged my future, my retirement. It weighs me down like a rock mentally, It's like that nagging gremlin on my shoulder going "you got it" "you got it". I know this sounds melodramatic, but it's my reality. I read all the long term survivor posts and I know a couple personally (external to this site) - who've had a battle I can't begin to comprehend, but it's still about individual realities, and unfortunately mine has me very depressed more often than not.

 I fight it with keeping active, reminding myself everyday I'm "healthy", the medication I'm on is doing what its supposed to do. I've lost friends recently to cancer and some other illnesses and that's when I stop and take pause and think given what I've got, how lucky I am there is a viable treatment, they weren't so lucky. I'm all over the place with my thoughts and emotions - and I'm sorry if I have offended anyone with my largely non sensical complaining, but there it is.

[leatherman]

I'm all over the place with my thoughts and emotions - and I'm sorry if I have offended anyone with my largely non sensical complaining, but there it is.

There's been no offense. Sadly, you're just voicing what most of us have felt, are feeling, or will feel.

I feel like a fool and a loser - I had every tool available to prevent it, but somehow my always leading a fairly conservative sex life .... through my own stupidity.

don't knock yourself too much. We humans have known about STDs for a long long time....and yet people keep needing antibiotics and keep getting knocked up. As the 80s started, all gay men knew something was going around and it was clearly related to unprotected sex....and yet people still kept getting infected even knowing there was no treatment.

Heck, I was a big ol' slut and even though I used condoms 99.9% of the time, it was those two condomless times with my first long-term partner that got me. Some luck, huh, for that 1 in 900 chance for a top to get infected to meet up with that .1% failure to use condoms. ugh.

I feel I have sabotaged my future, my retirement. It weighs me down like a rock mentally, It's like that nagging gremlin on my shoulder going "you got it" "you got it". I know this sounds melodramatic, but it's my reality

Modern meds and HIPAA laws though suggest your future and your retirement isn't f-ed up. These days you have the same chances as everyone else for making your future be whatever you work for it to be.

[Dogman]

There's been no offense. Sadly, you're just voicing what most of us have felt, are feeling, or will feel.

As always I appreciate your input and agree with everything you say.

[Dogman]

Heck, I was a big ol' slut and even though I used condoms 99.9% of the time, it was those two condomless times with my first long-term partner that got me. Some luck, huh, for that 1 in 900 chance for a top to get infected to meet up with that .1% failure to use condoms. ugh.

No judgments, I wasn't a slut most of the time - but that really has no bearing, I know people who got it the very first time they did anything, and yep - I hear what you say about the 1 in 900 + the one or two times you didn't use a condom. Wish I had the same "luck" with the lottery. LOL.