Help?

[cluelessinnyc]

Hi,


So, I've read a lot of posts on this forumn, in this particular section and I suppose I know ultimately what you all will say: The only way to know if you're HIV positive is to get tested.

I plan to get tested. I just haven't been able to make myself do so. I am quite literally paralyzed by fear.

So here I lay out my inner turmoil: I'm 28 years old. I had been in an 8-year long-term relationship that has recently ended. During those 8 years, we were on and off. I did sleep with at most 3 other men, but only 2 I can distinctly remember.

Anyway, before my 8-year relationship, I was promiscuous. At 20, I'd already racked up around 25 sexual partners in 4 years. Many, not all, but many of my partners did not use protection.

I've never been tested for HIV. Even now.

When my ex-boyfriend and I were together, he'd get tested once a year, and I'd ignorantly thought that, that meant I was okay to as his tests were always negative. I'd jumped for joy. My heart would rejoice. Because of my past, I'd always thought, in the back of my mind, that i MAY be infected. And so, when he and I started having unprotected sex, I always feared passing on whatever I may have had to him. (At this point, if you're reading this, you probably hate me. I hate myself.)

With my ex's constant negative tests, I'd stopped thinking I was probably carrying the virus. But this past fall, aroudn Sept/ Oct I've had several things happen:

1. I started getting slightly raised areas on my skin that very closely resembled mosquito bites. They were very itchy, only if I scratched. At first, I'd dismissed them as just mosquito bites, but my usual mosquito bites would go away in a matter of hours. These itchy areas, which started around my elbows, would stay for days. And I scratched and eventually scarred myself in several places (my back, my elbows, my chest and chin.) I started getting these things (lesions?) everywhere.. usually around 5 - 10 little lesions (irritation area grew if I scratched; went away if I ignored) One morning I woke up with it on my face. I am still getting them to this day. Today is 3/01/16 and I am still getting them. I wanted to tell myself that it's sccabies, but it isn't.

2. I've done my best to push the lesions out of my mind even as they appear pretty consistenly every couple of days. This morning I woke up wti ha big irritated area on my breast. More on my arms.

3. I am also getting darker areas now (within the past 2 weeks), first on my legs, and now a few little areas on my arms. They are flat and look like faded or fading bruises. I'm a brown woman (black). Dark skin. Just to help with the visual. One on the back of my leg. The one on the back of my leg has made the same area in my muscle hurt. This has been going on since Sunday. The pain is only now subsiding. The other areas do not really hurt unless i press down on them. Pressing down on them makes them get darker, so i AM again trying to ignore them. At first, it was only one area. Now they are sort of all over my thighs.

4. I also woke up this morning, this se small circular, flat, painless, red/pink area on my body (i've had these before). I have one on my arm right now.


I jsut don't know what's happening. And i want to be healthy. I feel so traumatized. Already. I know I'm not healthy and I am extremely depressed. I am so depressed. This is depressing. I am going to get tested, probably at home test, but I needed to talk to real people first. Share this experience.

The reason I am so convinced that this is HIV, maybe AIDS, is cause 10 years ago, I was very promiscuous. And I didn't always protect myself. And 10 years is the average length of latency. I feel like, my chickens are coming home to roost.


Please help. I know that life is still livable living with HIV. But, it's not the life i want. I couldn't tell anyone. No one knows this inner turmoil of mine. I've changed completely since my teenage years. Perhaps it was in receiving the love I did from my ex (who has recently asked to marry me, but I need to know my status first) that helped me stop searching for love in all the wrong ways.

Do my symptoms sound like HIV/AIDS to any of you?

Please, if all yo have us a lecture, I assure you , I have already read it. Self diagnosis is the worst, but these are literally the steps i need to take before i can force myself to take any steps at all. Thank you for you time.

[Jeff G]

The best we can do for is bring you back to reality … your symptoms are in no way specific to HIV, we do not discuss symptoms so you need to stop internalizing your fear and go take an HIV test, it is, as you already know the only way to know if you have HIV.

You can read about HIV and testing in the links below my post. I know you want more from us but the best we can is give you the information and tell you to go test.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI.Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

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[cluelessinnyc]

I understand that symptoms are not discussed here but does my experience at all sound like it could be Karposi Sarcoma?

[Jeff G]

I understand that symptoms are not discussed here but does my experience at all sound like it could be Karposi Sarcoma?

We do not discuss symptoms … I am not a doctor so if you have a health question please talk to a doctor. Your symptoms are in no way specific to HIV and we will not discuss them so don’t waste another post trying to get us to.

Go test and you will know and then you can move on.