Too Funny...

[rondrond]

When my father died, and Mom went to college, at the age of 20,  leaving us with her parents, whom we came to call Mother and Daddy, she had several jobs before she finally landed her Government job. One was as a Court Reporter:


IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by
> court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
> were actually taking place.

> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
> WITNESS:     He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
> ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS:     My name is Susan!
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS:     Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS:     No , I just lie there.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS:     Yes.
> ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS:     I forget..
> ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
> ___________________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS:     We both do.
> ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?
> WITNESS:     We do..
> ATTORNEY:  You do?
> WITNESS:     Yes , voodoo.
> ________________________! ____________________
> ATTORNEY:  Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep ,
> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
> WITNESS:      He's 20 , much like your IQ.
> ___________________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS:     Are you kidding me?
> _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS:     Yes.
> ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS:     Getting laid
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  She had three children , right?
> WITNESS:     Yes.
> ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
> WITNESS:   None.
> ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?
> WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
> new attorney?
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS:     By death..
> ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS:     Take a guess.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  Can you describe th! e individual?
> WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard
> ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS:     Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
> people?
> WITNESS:     All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
> _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
> WITNESS:     Oral...
> _________________________________________
>! ; ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
> ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS:     If not , he was by the time I finished.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS:     Are you qualified to ask that question?
> ______________________________________
> And last:
> ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
> WITNESS:     No.
> ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS:     No.
> ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS:     No..
> ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
> the autopsy?
> WITNESS:     No.
> ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>
> WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> practicing law.

[drewm]

Proof, once again, that attorneys will say anything!

[weasel]

        very cute ,
         I may know some  of these People   

                                                        Carl

       

[pozniceguy]

I once worked in a law office  I am sure I met some of these people....

Nick

[denb45]

I once worked in a law office  I am sure I met some of these people....

Nick

Lawyers are WHORES, but as long as they are defending you in some capacity and they just happen to win your case, then they are paid for services rendered, gotta love 'em in that respect