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Author Topic: I am scared to death  (Read 3148 times)

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Offline phillipburks50

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I am scared to death
« on: December 05, 2011, 09:39:07 pm »
I am very worried and need some peace of mind, PLEASE

I met a guy the first of September while out of town. We really liked each other. That time he gave me oral sex without a condom assuring me he was HIV Neg. We then started a long distant relationship. I was in another city in late October and he traveled  there and spent two days and two nights with me. The first night he again gave me oral sex without a condom. The next day, October 17, he gave me oral sex without a condom and I also gave him oral without a condom. He didn't cum in my mouth and it was a short approx five minutes. I feel sure there was precum present. I bottomed for him and he used a condom. He didn't cum and the condom was intact.  We continued our long distant relationship. All the time he was telling me he was HIV Neg.  Well while looking at personal ads on this site I found a ad he had posted. It said he was HIV POZ.
I talked with him today and told him what I had read and he told me that he was POZ.  I am a married guy and I am so worried, I am so afraid I am going to expose my wife! He said his levels are undetectable.
PLEASE help I am so Scared... I am about to lose it. I cant get my mind off this ! 
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Offline RapidRod

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Re: I am scared to death
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2011, 09:51:27 pm »
You were never at risk even if he was positive.
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Offline phillipburks50

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Re: I am scared to death
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2011, 10:06:20 pm »
No risk??  Do I need to get tested?  I am so scared I cant think straight.
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Offline jkinatl2

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  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: I am scared to death
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2011, 10:38:41 pm »
There is ABSOLUTELY no HIV risk in the activities you described.

HIV is sexually spread through unprotected anal and vaginal intercourse. Please wear a condom for those activities when having relations with a partner of unknown status and you will avoid infection. Period.

Also, you freaked out when you found out he was positive? This implies that A) you consider oral to be an HIV risk, but B) your determination of your risk and safety is contingent upon the word of a sex partner whose history is unknown.

Please understand that MANY people who are positive are not aware of their status. Ironically, if you have sex with someone who KNOWS he is positive and is on meds, he is extremely unlikely to be infectious even if you have unprotected anal sex. However, people who do not know their status or do not treat it can be very infectious if you have unprotected anal sex.

So oddly enough, fooling around with a person with HIV who is on meds (and whose viral load is undetectable) is far safer than determining your level of risk based on asking a person their status and using that reply to further your incomplete understanding of HIV transmission.

You have had NO RISK for HIV.


None.

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline phillipburks50

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: I am scared to death
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2011, 10:58:29 pm »
Thanks ever so much!!!  I never thought about it that way. But I haven't been able to think straight all day but not getting any sleep  last night doesn't help. I was scared of giving oral and having his precum in my mouth. This was my first time with a guy :(. Just a scary experience
Thanks again.  

I would like to ask if donations may be made to help.  This is the best site and the information ain't confusing like the CDC web site.
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Offline jkinatl2

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  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: I am scared to death
« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2011, 11:29:19 pm »
I'm glad we were able to help.

BTW it took me forever to string together that last sentence. Whew.

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I am scared to death
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2011, 10:50:28 am »
Phillip,

I'm glad to hear you found this site informative. You get the real deal here.

If you wish to make a (much appreciated) donation, make a check out to AIDSmeds.com

AIDSmeds.com,
462 Seventh Avenue, 19th Floor,
New York, NY 10018.

Unfortunately, since we are not non-profit, it's not tax-deductible.

As Jonathan alluded, do not go by what a person tells you about their hiv status. Always assume the other person is hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly. The use of condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse will do the job very well. Please read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence.

I hope you can understand your friend's reluctance to reveal his hiv status. He didn't do it to hurt you, he did it to protect himself. As he is on meds and undetectable, he knew he wasn't putting you in any danger. But please learn from this going forward and assume any new sexual partners are hiv positive and use condoms for intercourse.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!!

Ann
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Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline phillipburks50

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: I am scared to death AGAIN
« Reply #7 on: December 15, 2011, 02:12:54 pm »
 OK, it's me again. Sorry for worrying you all again but here is my situation.

I was in Atlanta yesterday and went to aidgwinet . There I was given the twenty minute oral quick response test for the previous posted event. The eight weeks had passed.  The results were negative. The lady there who did the test was super nice and answered several questions. As to oral she said to just enjoy oral sex. Didn't matter giving or receiving just enjoy it. She said only if I had just had oral surgery to abstain. I felt so relieved even though you here on the post had already said all was OK..
I got a blow job from a guy last night. After he finished me to climax he disclosed to me that he is HIV positive.
I then went for my doctor's appt. Today, He is a HIV specialist. He took care of the
things scheduled so I ask him about oral sex. He said that oral sex was risky and I could get HIV. So to clear myself a little I ask what about if I had just received a blow job and not did anything except masterbate the guy giving me oral. He said the receiver was always the most at risk for anal or oral sex.
Now I'm scared again.  Seems I can only pick guys that are HIV positive. He told me he was clean before he sucked me and right afterwards stated he was positive.

Well now I running scared and could kick myself for even going out to celebrate my negative test results. ( no drinking involved, just celebration)
I feel I know what you will say but I really just need to hear it from you all.
Thanks again for all the help and support y'all provide !!!!

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Offline Ann

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  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I am scared to death
« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2011, 03:14:15 pm »
Philip,

You are confuse over the terms used to describe oral sex. When you told the doctor you received a blowjob, he thought you were the receptive partner - as in you received the penis into your mouth. When you GET a blowjob, you are the insertive partner. The insertive partner is absolutely positively not at risk from getting blown. It's no different than being kissed and kissing is NOT a risk.

Logged
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts
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