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Author Topic: I really messed up  (Read 3602 times)

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Offline mountainboy323

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I really messed up
« on: December 22, 2014, 09:25:36 pm »
My best friend is poz. We've been friends for 4 years and he's been an amazing part of my life. Because of him, I have a level of understanding and education about the poz life I am thankful he was able to give me.

10 months ago I started dating someone who became very jealous of our friendship. In a fit one day 6 months in, he was demanding why I cared about my buddy so much and I let him know for one was because he didn't have a lot of friends and was poz and stigmatized by it (my friend does not live out as poz). At the time he was sympathetic. However, his jealously of our friendship led me to end our relationship a few months later. My ex then let my friend know he knew he was poz and threatened to tell anyone he came in contact with who knew him to spite us.

Needless to say, my friend probably will never forgive me for it and won't speak to me. I realize I messed up and it was horrifically poor judgment on my part to even tell someone else. Does anyone have any advice as to what I should do now? Should I or can I even seek legal action against my ex and should I be worried about any legal ramifications against me? And, of course this is personal, but do you think my buddy ever should or will forgive me?

« Last Edit: December 22, 2014, 09:29:34 pm by mountainboy323 »
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Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 13,455
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: I really messed up
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2014, 05:34:12 am »
There is no crime so forget about legal stuff.
Write your friend a letter telling him what you like about him and why your friendship is important. Don't write too too much.  Don't say how you "help" him in his loneliness or blah blah or how he is so brave, HIV blah blah blah.  Just write the stuff you like, and don't mention HIV.  Then write that you are sorry for breaking his trust and sorry for not respecting his secret. There isn't much else to do.

If nobody knows he is poz, then why has he been "stigmatised", leading to no friends? I suppose its self-stigmatisation.  If the cat is really out of the bag this might go differently then either of you expect. Could get very bad, or amount to not much news, or could lead to a good outcome and less self-stigmatisation.  Anyone yeah you didn't have a right to blurt it out.

I have no idea if or when he will forgive you and its not my place to give an opinion what he "should" do.

« Last Edit: December 23, 2014, 05:36:18 am by mecch »
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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx
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