some random stray thoughts

[em]

alternative ending to the life of Vincent Van Gogh story

he was painting in a field. either a thief seeing the valuable art supplies tries to rob him' Vincent not wanting to stop painting. turned in an angry aggressive manor to tell him to go away  and the thief's gun went off

or the land owner of said field did not like his crops being trampled on  ,  confronted this trespasser painting a portrait in his crops

told him to leave , Vincent being inspired to paint an artwork said no.


then when he turned in an aggressive angry demeanor to tell the other guy to stop and let him paint the gun went off .  hitting Vincent in the head

either way these ways  make his death less tragic and more like just another senseless death do to the cruelty we inflict on each other through or day to day lives.

Armageddon 2419

in that book he describes being able to cross large distances by being able to take large steps . by wearing a belt made of negative gravity material that makes your mass less as heavy  so you can walk from the east coast to the west coast in eight hours. 

He did not imagine the internet or cell phones wherein  you can converse with someone in Australia Greece and New York Ireland in real time right now , crossing fast distances

we have surpassed the science fiction world dreamed about a hundred years ago

so it is my believe that we may have far to go we have already come so far the future is just around the corner it will be great .

what does this have to do with HIV , I am still hopeful any second a true cure will be found

sorry to burden you with these stray thoughts , my wife does not want me going to facebook or any where on the internet because she says I think to much and will go insane again ? to late I was never not insane to begin with the jokes on her ?

EM

[em]

I know I started this some place else , but had more to add that an intelligent person from the future looking back at us might find amusing ?


every time the word genius is used ,   the word is very close to genus species so under Darwinism and English discoveries a new name must be made .

homoerectus  up right man ,  is tripe as in over used pretentious , to many negative  connotations,

 hermaphrodite not really a genus species yet but just might be the dominant one in the future then what are we going to do with all these old laws and rules ?



new type of person ? 

huminus ridiculas what the future looking back might call us after are limited abilities and small minded grasp on how the world works as a whole 


genus species >   me I might be called thinkius tomuchacus

have a great day . all the best to you

EM

[em]

law theory

criminal intent

if you new you had HIV  then had sex ??

that is the crime ?

no other illness to my knowledge has ever been categorized as a crime ?

if this legal precedent if allowed to stand . then anyone who get ill for any reason can sue the person they think they got it from

genetic viral bacterial any illness sadness emotional distress .   

how far back could this legal problem go . could native american indigenous people sue European nations for bring European illness they brought to the new world and sue for damages and emotional suffering ?


see the problem this way of thinking can lead to ?
suing governments for the damage caused by covid -19 virus ?

this could ruin trade with the entire world trying to point the finger of who was at fault for the wrath of mother nature .

just thought this worth sharing

EM


anyway any good news out there in the world ?

for myself I thought I had a good nights sleep last night , but had been told I did not ?

maybe tomorrow will be a better day

EM

[em]

if you think the other stuff I wrote was hard to  understand

you might not be ready for this.

revolutionary way of thought that is the next step evolution

if you do not understand forward thinkers will look back and say this was what the future is based on , to bad more people did not understand and see it coming

three dimensional math >

how to start ?

encase you have never studied electrical engineering mechanical engineering  math and science

transistors in groups of three, tisserie binery two if you open your mind to the next level chemistry physics ,

three dimensional thinking ,  chemistry atomic bounds H3 ( government secret? ) ( tritridium ) O3 ( ozone ) well if everyone knows what ozone is

then the next higher level on the periodic table should not be to hard to understand .

two dimensional thought ,  then three dimensional thought ,  fourth and up from there

in law is written in base two  in three dimensional thinking . base three way of thought , then up from there . base three and up is much better more efficient way of calculating and thinking ,, abacus , to slide rulers to calculators to ipad -> what  next

ac dc electrical engineering  wiring there is also three phase ,  in three directions

just like ac and dc if their was a third sex like maybe both sexes this would be a third dimension , I am sure possibly it might even go up from there . both sexes would be more like a fourth group /  the third there might be room for ?

and so on and up and up and away ,
he bad times . h

life energy what  brings us into existence and what sustains us keeps us alive though the hard times and tope and faith that things will get better , 


sorry for the hodgepodge   of mixed up sciences like I said earlier  . my classification should be humanius thinkious tomuchikus

tring to work up to how a legal system might look with more than just two sides to every story , that the decision process might have three or four ways to come to a conclusion ? like binary , being two sided tisserie   being three sided a whole new data system would emerge ..   I know hard to understand but if this world is ever going to achieve the things it might like to this way of thinking needs to be explored . a cornucopia of thinking yet to be understood or used developed and understood

if no one here understands this , this note to the future might just be the jolt to the entire thought process needed to get the ball rolling , to build a world to be proud of .

EM


we have binery ( two ) computers tisserie ( three ) computers would make things smaller lighter and cheaper and open up an entire new way of thinking.

just like three phase electric ,  the next level above AC then the base being DC ,,,,  fourth level might be another level yet to be discovered 


these things if you do not understand some day some else will and the secrets unlocked will be breathtaking in size and magnitude .   the future is coming and hold on because it is coming fast 

EM

this is all ready here it is just not to many people study it and work to use it to build a better world . most people just do not bother ,

some one out there from the future looking back , is going to read this and go to bad that more people did not see and understand ,  life would have been so much easier if this was more wide known .

sorry to waste your time

all the best to you

EM



three sides to every story , my side your side and the truth ,

to bad some out there use this way of thinking to take more than their share and keep others subservient while not seeing or to care  about the resulting mishaps

three sided thinking in every aspect once this is out into written form , the world can move to the next level of development

sorry if trying to explain the universe in its entirety and come up with 10 examples is not easy thing for the mind to grasp but someday not to far off most people will be thinking like this ,

EM

 I come from a long line of military family members , this was told me about yes or no answers

some times yes and no ar both wrong answers

case in point

drill instructor asks recruit

recruit would you have intimate relations with my wife !

drill instructor NO drill instructor

recruit she is not good enough for likes of you!

give me fifty pushups

next go around ,

recruit answers in the affirmative 

drill instructor Yes drill instructor

recruit would you now

drop and give me a hundred pushups

the right answer I will not wait for your speculation,

but give you the answer

drill instructor I am not worthy of even thinking about your wife drill instructor

no more push ups

   

[em]

I know this stuff is hard to understand and I am sorry to have wasted your time

all the best to you

EM

[em]

In the future if the world gets smarter instead of dumber this stuff will be jr high level education. it is up to the choices we make now how the future will turn out for our children . even if you never have children would you not like to hope the world becomes a better place for them even if you chose not to have any > 

I wouldn't change my children for the world but I wish I could change the world for my children,

if Adam was made by GOD and therefore we are related to Adam , therefor we are all god 's children ,, each and everyone one of us ,

just saying if that is the god you chose to guide you if not , do your best and the (       ) with the rest .  if you do not believe in god then whatever you do believe in again do your best and the world we better for it <
"
EM

[Grasshopper]

may be....just maybe IF I were to smoke a stiff joint I could/would understand what you are posting. However, being sober and lucid, I'm left clueless over and over 

[em]

deep thought inspired from long hours studying advanced mathematics and getting  a hundred %,   A+ in each course I am like a math sponge

to bad computers and calculators have made me obsolete

and not to mention the time I spent dying over and over and over again form this virus

will the journey ever end with a cure ? 

hopefully I will live to see that day ?

if not someone else can read understand the math behind this way of thinking and they will know someone else had been down the same road , they will know it is not hopeless and soldier on . that is the message I am trying to convey .

does this confuse you too ?

em

[Grasshopper]

and not to mention the time I spent dying over and over and over again form this virus



does this confuse you too ?

em

Yes, the part I quoted, does.

When someone is dying, the next phase is death and not life.

A lot of us have been seriously ill in the past, we empathize, so no need to dramatize. 

[em]

in show business drama sells the most tickets

like the princess bride only mostly dead

in life there are decisions to  be made

try discretionary math decision  tree in trinery form for a thousand Alex Trebek.

for other people around the world that is  a US TV game show called Jeopardy,

discretionary mathematics is a college math class about organizing groups of data

trinery is in groups of three . sorry not trying to show of my education   .  why have it if you can not use it ?

again my apologies for being to dramatic ?

smile more it does not brake your face

a sign from a shop in an old national geographic magazine that showed a work shop run by a leper who had lost both his hands and most of his face but still made dolphins out of sea shells with power tools to sell to tourists 

look it up if you do not believe me ?  maybe some old version of questor a data search engine for magazine articles from years ago maybe ?

sorry if this sounds like some how I am showing off just tired of people looking at me cross wise when ever I speak because they can not keep up ?

to much ? to little?  to late ?

TMI ?    I have yet begun to think ,  just scratching the surface of the power of one mind at work ?

I will go write some more someplace else ? to dramatic ? 

I can say this , I am very close to the place I wsa born so if I die all my old memories of my childhood will comfort me as I ( whatever is a good word for expire die end my time on earth dirt nap , enteral slumber run out of time ? )

sorry if this is still to dramatic

em
 

[em]

back to how hermaphrodites lives might be lived ?

my dad had a book on them and their lives stories ?

I could write a fictitious story on just how a life might be lived for such a creature

if this topic might interest anyone ?

maybe some other time chores to do .

people to see , people to annoy people to give me a hard time ?

big fun plans for today

EM

[em]

I have no idea why this movie was on my mind

quest for fire (1981)

no words spoken throughout the entire movie

I am thinking of watching it again I saw it maybe

almost forty years ago . if old movies and the way people used to think

about life , the way old people thought older people thought

this movie is scary well thought out and worth watching at least is was for me .

thank you for having a place I can share my thoughts with other people

all the best to you

EM

[em]

the version I saw many years ago was edited differently

it started light and fluffy then got dark then fluffy again alternating up and down

this version starts out dark then gets lighter as it flows

 o well editing changes the entire flavor of the film

sorry to have mentioned it

EM

[em]

spreading of HIV a crime ?


viral war crime

the earl of dartmouth

in colonial new england

would give smallpox quarantine victims blankets 

the quarantine would last three days

the people in the house would die from no water , they died from thirst

then the earl would send people in who had been vaccinated with cowpox to retrieve the blankets fold them up and present them to the native americans as a gift

north america lost 90% of its population at that time to european diseases spread by the newly arriving ships. leaving the land easily ready for colonization.


war crimes , history , suing over who started what virus making it criminal

the US making the spread of HIV a crime . presidents for further lawsuits

did the earl of Dartmouth now he was spreading smallpox to the native Americans

   you decide ?   believe it or not ,  believe the government or the scientists

who do you think would tell the most lies to get what they want

not to worry Mexico will pay for the wall ?

who do you trust ?

EM

[em]

science fiction

one possible future out of billions

where in hermaphrodites are the dominant sex ?

they keep male and female people as pets ?

to entertain them in their homes . to provide a balance to their hectic lives

just for entertainment and comfort in the homes they live in

running and making the world a  safe place and  balanced planet

how does a story like that grab ya ?

just the start just barely scratching the surface and what might be

EM

would anyone here like a story like this?

respond below . ya or nay ? lets take a vote ?

[em]

I had said some place in here that i Had thought there would be a cure any second

like the song in rent . how do you measure the time in a year

the 525,600 minutes becomes

31.536,000 seconds , just how many of these groups of seconds before a HIV cure is found ,

I do not know about you , but I feel after all these years like beauty and the beast waiting to be human again ?

to dramatic
to bad

I would like to hopefully when my time is up on earth to die like a human rather than outcast that no one wants to be around ?

sorry i know way over the top .

but hey when the mod is right and the words flow why not put them down and share ?
sorry by the responses I am just talking to myself here

hopefully this will runs it course and the world will be hole and peace shall prevail ?

dream on . like  engineering school. they would say the earth has no gravity . it sucks ? 


EM

[em]

someone had said we have all been through alot

I once in the mid eighties stayed in a converted chapel in a YMCA full of people dying from AIDS ?

good times

I would like to think that I would never get used to the sickness on earth . but it just like everything else just keeps repeating over and over ,

be grateful to be alive ?   keep trying to not look at all the bad in the world ? 

all the best to you

sorry to have taken up so much of your time

EM

[em]

I ve seen the response

apples and oranges ?

one bad apple

apples and pears

how about

one bad apple and a field decimated ( which by the way is a latin roman term )

they after a poor outcome of battle would count of by groups of ten ( deci )  ( mated )   mated being a unit . then the order would be given in a number .  the nine men would be ordered to kill the number called .. .   this was a roman way of punishing the men for not living up to the standards of what a roman soldier should be


sorry so i guess wrong choice of words but thought that trivial information might shed some light on words true meaning even small words can have larger meanings

sorry a tangent I know ,  that is how I think?

back to the main topic

a bad apple

to field that has died do to blight fungus an early frost

we have all suffered dearly from this virus , still yearning to be free and whole again

at least that is how i see It


life could always be better , it could always be worse , that is the nature of life

what you going to do ?

I should stop wasting time writing stupid notes that most care not to read

thank you

for having this place I could write to

sorry for wasting my time and your time 

our time together ,

the stuff I was writing I hoped my help others ,

and myself. for years I wrote down thoughts like this then burned them in the fireplace thinking no one would understand ..

I should of just kept doing that

EM

[em]

HIV AIDS

a virus

you lay down with dogs you get fleas


that should just about some up everything ?

EM

[em]

somehow the post I just made had some sort of error to it ? and did not post maybe some other time I will try again ?

EM

it was a true story ? but who has time to tell he truth on the internet ?

cause it has to be true ? cause it is on the internet right ?

EM

[Jim Allen]

HIV AIDS

a virus

you lay down with dogs you get fleas


that should just about some up everything ?

EM

@EM

Is this what you honestly think or are you just trying to get a rise out of someone?
 

[em]

what is it women say all men are dogs ?

EM

I still want to write about that name ? just because it is what happened to me

but some other time it is to unbelievable for words

maybe I should call that number on the wall ?

EM

[Jim Allen]

I didn't ask about what some women say.

Anyhow, if I start getting more mod reports it would not surprise me.

Jim

[em]

Mod reports ?

sorry maybe I should just private chat with you and go away and wait to die alone ?


it is memorial day

anyone have any thoughts on just about anything ?

here is a math question for you calculations

the tri route of pie ?

if you were to plug that into a computer it would never finish the calculations

or square route or cube route ?


either way it is infinite . like infinity inside zero , everything and nothing all at the same time 

in the name of the father son and holy ghost

 Au nom du Père et du Fils et du Saint-Esprit.


to those we have lost may they rest in peace , knowing the world we live on we will protect and grow to be the world of their dreams


 

sorry if the spelling is off ?

my french is a bit rusty having not been over there in a while

but just in case there might be something to religion, 

could not hurt ?   

sorry just a bit under the weather being the covid -19 season and HIV taking its toll

wonder witch one ? nevermind ?

in memory of those who have passed , may whatever you believe in keep them safe and in hearts forever , for the love they shared with us will never be forgotten

EM

sorry my deepest apologies for if I offend anyone , my thoughts go way beyond my abilities to understand sometimes what I am trying to say

my intent is just to have a thought that might be able to share just a small part of those thoughts .

all the best to you

and have a great memorial day

EM

Jim

sorry to have taken up so much of your time

no one else wants to hear from either ?

I will leave hat in hand and say till we see each other again

EM

[Jim Allen]

Mod reports ?

sorry maybe I should just private chat with you and go away and wait to die alone ?

Dramatic EM.

You have been attracting mod reports by hijacking threads and flame-baiting recently.

I would not be surprised if someone does open another one when you start randomly posting comments about HIV and dogs. I.e Catching HIV from the company we keep.

Qui cum canibus concumbunt cum pulicibus surgent.

[em]

Mod reports

bad publicity is better than no publicity ?

so you saying people react to the stuff I write ?

then I have accomplished something with my not so normal way of thinking

flame baiting , I was always into fire ? so I should not be surprised with that one

heat pasion , physical desires , generating output ?   I can see how my way of thinking might do just that ?


here is a tangent for you

favorite story tellers

Ben Franklin ,  could write for days ,

Neil Simon , to much male drama for my taste

Tennessee williams to much female drama and tragic depth

science fiction ?   

chose a topic any topic and run with it , start new threads , lets get poor jim running ragged trying to keep up ?

could write under , anonymous and write sex stories to inspire fantasy ?

let me just give a title or two ,

sex fantasy ,, one of mine that works wonders for pent up desires and sexual tension relief, it would blow the foundation right from under the church ?

the erotic wedding ceremony.  coming to an erotic book store near you ?   

that story could cause all kinds of damage ?  but it serves it purpose .



some of the thoughts running through this mind of mine ?

again sorry to not write in modern short blurbs that everyone has become accustomed to .  hijacking threads again sorry I am not a short blurb kind of thinker
more of a old style letter writer myself .

you know back in the day pen in hand paper long distance stamps ?

While in the military . may not be true proud of it , but I had a shipping crate full of love letter responses / I did not last long in the military , unfortunately to much of a young wild child for regimented lifestyle

can not seem to get enough love in my youth , HIV big surprise there ?

I will let this settle and see how many complaints this one generates ?

EM

[em]

science fiction :

the fifth element ?

what if the four stones ?

are reproductive organs ? 

the stones being two testes and two  ovaries ?

just saying tying into the hermaphrodite theme

another movie about freaks from mars and defects ?

how about a twin folded over onto itself with an entire different way of dealing with the world ?

total recall ?


sorry just ranting of some crazy old guy trying to figure out a better way to tell a story ?

EM

 

[em]

sorry did I put a stop on all other traffic on this website ?

come on get your brains in gear people ?


this is a stray on smoking ?

THC Nicotine ?

a test tube water pipe , flavor the water with mint or whatever floats your boat

smoke whatever in it . then the flavored water is liquid form of again the stuff you enjoyed smoking now is a a drink ?

do not tell anyone you heard that here ?   

that was an idea I came up with as a child , but thought maybe later I might put it to good use ? well it is so much later than I expected 

sorry if no one else is going to participate maybe I should take my show someplace else ?

As the crowd cheers good riddance, I will take my leave

and go bother someone else ?

EM   

[J.R.E.]

come on get your brains in gear people ?


Isn't that special ?  I can assure you there is nothing wrong with my brain. How arrogant of you to say or to insist that other people on this forum are not using their brains



Sorry if no one else is going to participate maybe I should take my show someplace else ?

Now it all makes sense, you think this is some sort of SHOW ?





 I will take my leave

and go bother someone else ?

Perhaps you can find an HIV positive MENSA forum. Might be more on your intellectual level.

EM

I wasn't going to respond to this thread, because its full of nonsense and gibberish.  But I wasn't going to let things slide by.  Tired of tip toeing around you, because you have issues.

Good luck to you in all you do in the future.

[J.R.E.]

By the way, I am sure there may be others on this site that may not approve of what I had to say,  But I want you to know this.

I Have never been an enabler. And I wont be your enabler.!!



I still wish you the best..

Ray

[Jim Allen]

Mod reports

bad publicity is better than no publicity ?

so you saying people react to the stuff I write ?

then I have accomplished something with my not so normal way of thinking

Seems obviously my previous comments and requests have clearly been misunderstood, so I am posting this to be clear on the topic. 

I've been nice about this so far, however, If I see you hijacking another thread it will lead to a time-out from the forum. Same goes for flame-bating or posting stuff just to get a rise out of people.

Consider yourself warned.

Best, Jim

https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=277.0

[leatherman]

again sorry to not write in modern short blurbs that everyone has become accustomed to .  hijacking threads again sorry I am not a short blurb kind of thinker
more of a old style letter writer myself .

now you're just trolling us, Em. 

[em]

I apologize for trying to summarize s bit of this and a bit of that 

and have no tangible link to anything?

as far as religion and  Jesus that was how I was raised

I had taken a college course that was a summation on world religions

crossovers are very big now 

some theorize that  buddhism and confucianism may have been started by the same person ??

 in the cohran  Jesus is mentioned as a great teacher ?

how stray of thought are those ? cross overs a new thing from long ago

sorry not trying to insult just trying to make sense of a very confusing world

em

[em]

I am not trying to bait anyone

just trying to make sense of who and what I am if not here then where ?





where to start ? bare with me this is hard to write and even harder for me to wrap my mind around to try and get a better understanding

others out there in the world might have a similar story , this is just conjecture I have no proof just what  I have been told  , this one is mine .  a short story that might be true might be a hallucination for all I know or for all you know

the VA has been asking me for permission to study my DNA .  I thought that might be troublesome throwing my DNA out there for study

I have been taking medication my mother called vitamins since i was about five

when I was about forty five years old

I had about ten years ago pain in my haunches

I was told they were kidney stones

10 millimetre  kidney stones on either side

when I rode the lawn tractor over bumps they felt  like spurs inside me

ten years later

my wife filled for divorce , she had taken out a restraining order

I went by our home on a sunday afternoon to see my children

I was beaten up by a police officer while two other police men watched he bare fists  punches my  haunches like a punching bag

the two stones some how ended up on the right side my kidney lost circulation

I have heard tell that women feel pain differently then men .

they removed one  with a probe told me it was made from norivir ?  and put a foot long stent in

by the way about a year before Norvir came out

I was in the VA hospital with swollen glands the one in my thighs where the size of golf balls and the ones in my neck where the size of ping pong balls pumping away fluids that were trying to keep the virus at bay

this guy wearing a docs mask in the middle of the night removed my sheets and stuck a syringe into one of these glands in my thigh he pulled out a good sized amount of brown translucent  fluid from my gland , I thought after all the procedures I had undergone that had to be one of the most painful,


 and having two stones round stones in my haunches ? two round 10 mm stones ? I looked it up and they could have been ovaries that never ovulated ?? do to chemical treatments  just conjecture . Also when i was young my dad for some reason had a book on hermaphrodites , that i read ?  I saw in this book somethings I could relate to ?

I have no way to prove this , but the brown fluid that came out of that gland ?  could it have been the chemical compound Norvir was based on ? My doc told me to remember my viral load and how fast it decreased with this new medication it was to a factor of the nth on how fast it decreased he said this is very important to remember that number ! 

Novir had to come from some place ?
 

back to these two round matching stones
I got well anyway they got shifted to one side ? and I lost a kidney and had to have one stone removed

perfect round kidney stones is that normal I ask myself ?

the two where on one side after a beating from the police while trying to visit my children on a sunday afternoon while my wife had filed for divorce and filed a retaining order

this cop beat me in front of my children on a sunday after noon

life sucks then you die


so now I have one kidney and am missing a round stone

My hands ? very long slender fingers with large palms ? the palms are from the vitamins my mother gave me to increase masculine traits ?  this is just a fictitious story on what it might be

just a story because everyone lies . even doctors . to get the desired results

just a story maybe something to it might not ?   

I have been treated by medical prof , since I was about five .

you draw your own conclusions . me I am tired of trying to figure out what is wrong with me ,  I am fifty five years old and feel like a thousand ,,   from all the wear and tear this road of life has taken me down


believe whatever you like, I believe I am never going to be free of doctors medication and my life will be a never ending trail of pill popping , kind of like a PAC MAN . that never ends 

sorry I tried to keep this short and tried to make it make sense

sorry if  I failed

all lies all truth I do not know anymore

all the best to you

EM

think what you like and please allow me the same courtesy


I am an RH factor once upon a time that might have meant something a blood line where in an O  positive and an O negative have a child

now in a land where nothing means anything , I am just a person trying to make sense of everything ?

I am an O positive , the line continues with another O negative ?

maybe maybe not ? blood lines do they have any meaning ?

does anything ?  I do not know ?









a song I use to listen to in my youth before doing home work

that inspired me



https://youtu.be/nVhNCTH8pDs?list=RDnVhNCTH8pDs

[em]

sorry I should have labeled the link better

learning to fly by Pink Floyd

as young person trying to accomplish my studies , listening to this song made think studying books and using my mind , to make sense of the world might pay off some day .

I would like to think it has

em

[em]

just so you know

do to complaints from family and friends

I have been given a major increase in sedation

so I am guessing everyone is pleased with that news

my bet is that pleases everyone and is for the best

thank you for your patients and understanding

if I do not write here very often it is because I just might sleep a lot more

get fat again and make everyone else's life easier

all for the best

like the world needs some one with a fire in their belly trying to rally everyone for change .

that has already been done by (Larry Kramer )   , who needs more of that right

thank you

EM

[em]

this is something I have never been accused of.

having a closed mind

I have heard  some of the saddest stories ever told

sometimes I put a spin on them to turn the look of sadness into a smile

even the spin I put on them is not the truth , it is worth the smile they

bring to a sad face ,, if this has no value ,  ?  what is a smile worth ?

if you like I could share some stories I have heard , it might turn your hair white

turn your stomach ,  make you think their is no higher power. it might also make you think how great your life actually is . or look for someone or something to blame for these injustices.  when you think hard and long on a topic the solution just may be? there is no solution?   

you might already think that , you might not , or you may wish you did ?

sorry for writing so cryptically.   that is who what and how I am

 in this that I write there is nothing actually said about anyone anyplace or any actual events .  have you ever read something this long that does not actually say anything ??  a skill a talent a curse a blessing a example of what not to be ?

or something no one else has ever tried to be ?

just words strong together to open closed minds to the power of thought

all my best to you

in the hopes you find something in these written words to take away and make your own to help in any way possible .   

if that is offensive ?   this world has no hope.   faith in better outcome then the past mistakes ,  that would be something ,  we can all take away form this

in that hope springs eternal and faith to get through

just might be what the world needs most in this our darkest hours

em   

 

[em]

I recall sometime around 1977 or so a teacher saying to a class that the rumor that women gossip about is nothing compared to how vicious mean spirited and cruel the things men say behind the backs of those the intend on hurting ?

One  would think someone who lived through the entire HIV AIDS experience and seen the tears the death with their own eyes , could speak their mind without fear of someone being offended

fine I will keep my thoughts to myself , a resource form someone who lived this long with HIV and seen and heard all kinds of lifes experiences .

to be band for having to much to say . that others may not like ?

flame bashing ( computer slang ) if it is not a real word how can it be a punishable crime .  unlike some out there > I do get offended when people who have never seen my face feel it is justified to be rude condescending unkind and impolite because they feel they can   do so for some reason .

flame bashing a bunch of flamers ? if this is my crime who needs any of you

not to worry I just banned my self

I should find friends without HIV who might care what I think . even though I have none ? I keep to myself barely go out , when I do finally find some place that I feel at peace I fall asleep . because peace is so very hard for me to come by

my thought for the past many years in this website and the one before it was a shared knowledge of knowing we have HIV and together we would stand to face this together side by side! I guess that was only in theory  I guess I was wrong the internet has become a place of short blurbs an quick emotionless emojis. 

trying to be light in the darkness to offer more then just a quick response seems to  rub people the wrong way ! they want quick fast response they feel acceptable  and anything else is wrong ? this is the world you have you can have it


I need ot go someplace with less anger judgment condemnation and vulgar rudeness

I doubt I will find a place with more then this place that i have been part of since it first opened its website many many years ago > what 25 years ago > I was at drug trial for norvir and saw the brand new POZ magazine in the waiting area and red it while I waited for my results from this new drug / i went to the website and found this poz forum . thought great someone who I should be able to relate to


yes I am wordy .

no one put a gun to your head and said read this !

end of tirade

it gets lonely here thinking I am the only one hiding from the world , it has been many years ... full of fear shame disgust with  myself and this was my outlet

you do not want me here ? after all these years

I am without words   

how many here can say that >

here is a story you may not have heard

father digastino ( means little angel in portuges the same word used to describe the little lobsters of the west coast  of south america ?? )

he ran an aids orphanage in africa called nuembani which means home in something other language ?  I corresponded wit him for many years.

one time while playing a game in my back yard  alone that i came up with . I would play hand ball with  bumble bees for something to do . bashing them against the wall of my home ? with while swinging my hand like one would do for hand ball

I told him to tell the children that he cares for that he knows a guy from america who loves to play B Ball with real bees . hoping that might make the children over there  laugh ..

before he retired and passed away he sent me an Email that said , you have my blessings ??

people die with or without AIDS

can anyone else say they did that

really end of tirade my head hurts almost as much as my feelings 

[Jim Allen]

See you in 30 days.

Fabio's thread https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=74358.msg769070;topicseen#msg769070 and the post above in this thread.

Offences that may result in a warning and/or TO include abusive language, personal attacks, threats, and starting threads or posting comments that are designed to provoke an angry response - a practice known as flame-baiting (see a definition at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flamebait). If you find yourself wondering if you will be warned/TOd over a comment, it's probably best to not make the comment. You will not be warned/TOd over stating your opinion in a respectful manner, without personal attacks.

Posting unacceptable comments, as outlined above, and editing them out later (to avoid being warned or TOd) will be noticed by the moderators and will not be tolerated.

Please keep your replies on the topic of the thread you are posting in. Going off-topic is considered thread hijacking and is not considered good forum ettiquette.  Also note: Please do not post questions that you have about your own concerns in another person's thread, this will also be considered hijacking. If you have concerns or questions you wish to discuss open your own thread.

Being Timed Out means that you will not be able to log into your POZ forum account. This means you cannot post messages in threads or access your Private Messages. You will only be able to read the forums as a guest. Creating a new account to get around a TO will result in an immediate and permanent ban.

A first TO will result in not being able to log in for 7 days (one week).

A second TO will result in not being able to log in for 30 days (approximately 1 month).

A third TO will result in not being able to log in for 90 days (approximately 3 months).

The 4th and subsequent TOs will result in not being able to log in for 180 days (approximately 6 months).

[Jim Allen]

@EM

You are 100% welcome to return to the forum after the time-out and I hope you do.
To be clear forum members have been expressing concern for your wellbeing over the past weeks because they care about you and, we have let a lot of things slide as it seems clear that you are in pain and in need of support so it really hurts me we have had issued you with a time-out.

Express yourself, sure, however, a bit of decorum, please!

Whatever is going on you simply can't take it out on us and we can't continue to tolerate flame-bating, posting nasty comments to piss people off and the hijacking of threads. Personally I find it cheeky that you accuse others of being judgmental.

Anyhow, if you are still looking for examples of the issues here are just a mere few examples from the plenty of very recent interactions. Read back your own comments in the threads as well.

https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=73775.msg768234#msg768234
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=56503.msg768949#msg768949
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=74288.msg768845#msg768845
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=56503.msg768706#msg768706
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=73775.msg768533#msg768533

Other peoples comments:

Zach
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=56503.msg768946#msg768946
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=74331.msg768916#msg768916

leatherman
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=56503.msg768821#msg768821

bocker3
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=56503.msg768176#msg768176

J.R.E.
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=74288.msg768869#msg768869

Jim