Looking for relationship and tips, advice, diagnosed in 09/2016....

[dallas nk]

HI everyone,

I just started treatment this week after being diagnosed a few months ago. It took this long bc I was waiting to see if I qualified for a new research study. Looking for any advice you can give me. My husband is not negative. I contracted it from having sex with an old high school friend while married. Prior to this, my husband was the only man I'd ever been with. I was a virgin when we got married. After years of marriage and multiple adulteries on his part, we were still having marital problems and I don't think I had truly forgiven him of his transgressions. An old guy I use to like in high school got in contact with me and we ended up having sex like 2 times. That was 2 years ago. I'd been walking around taking over the counter meds for sinuses. Thankfully, due to constant yeast infections, I was referred to ID specialist who finally diagnosed me after blood work.

I'm excited about feeling better and getting healthier once the meds start working but also concerned about any issues that might come with it. In addition, my husband has decided to stay with me and stand by my side. It makes me feel some type of way because I feel so bad that I contracted this disease from an outside guy and now he's potentially at risk but he don't care. It affects our relationship because I don't want to pass this to him or anyone else. BUT at the same time, my husband is a tad controlling, always has been. He's a fundamentalist Christian minister actually. He expects me to submit and follow his lead. If I question or disagree or get upset he believes that I'm not following Gods word and we have issues. Sometimes, he even says that God allowed me to contract this because I've been an unsubmitted wife all these years. He says that when a wife argues with her husband, she's unsubmitted and God will judge her. He says that the HIV/AIDS diagnosis is judgement.

I'm not really happy. I love him but feel like he was spiritually and emotionally abusive before and now he continues to use it by way of my new diagnosis but I'm depressed because I know that if we separate, it will be hard to find someone who will accept my diagnosis. We also have children together and that's what has kept me with him this long.