a short story and my apology

[em]

an experience a military story of fiction because stuff like this is classified and not to be discussed ? Or even thought about ? 

while deployed in the service the the order came down for us to advance. So we did while we were moving on there was a large explosion. I seem to recall two explosions.

I had thought great we are under attack .  then there was an announcement made. I could not make it out because while I was trying to figure out what was said there was a large cheer by our group.  I had felt  the cheering go  right through me. when someone had told me what was said I felt a bit ashamed to be a human being . An enemy plane had been  blown out of the sky. My first thought was he had kissed his wife and children that morning went to the base full of pride to be a pilot. the thought never crossed his mind that today was going to be his last day. we had killed a human being that day. there was no other activity and we were told to return to the others. Maybe I was never meant to be service man. My evals always said lacks military bearing ? personally I had thought lacking military bearing was not a bad thing at all 

what was one life worth. later on after many a sleepless night. I was haunted night after night by all the military personal throughout history  that had ever lost their lives in battle  asking me why have we not out grown this.fighting over borders and ideals or for no reason at all .  cowardliness or compassion for life in me. or my own thought that life anyone's life is precious and long happy  life should be given to everyone and expected by all. maybe just my weakness showing through. I did not feel good for  that was not me that died that day, but part of me had   

war what is it good for ?

sorry if my writing being drawn out seems like I am  inflicting my crankiness onto others.   

it was a plea for all of us to do better to join together as people to be part of a better future for all of us

I have spent many years sitting on the outside on the fringe of life  just watching the world go by. the thought we could do better and I could do better by trying to make this world a better place. I seem to have been unable to do so


I wish to apologize for the implied thought anyone might think. that I have said to much and was not being light hearted and spreading joy peace and love.  I was just thinking out loud while writing with out thinking it could be seen as cranky just some observations I thought might bring peace to myself and hope fully others who read it  and trying unsuccessfully to do so . putting away anger,  my intention was to try and create unity peace and love ( my inner hippy trying to get out )




my hope was to make others not feel alone like many days of my youth and on into later life had felt


I guess I was not being a friend and deserve to be not liked or befriended

Joy and sadness are part of life. enjoy each other and life for as long as we have on this earth together

EM

My post military veterans exam career recommendation first on the list was priest ? I thought do priests drink tequila on the beach in the Caribbean ? what is the next choice it was social worker ? I needed a social worker  not to be one at that time I thought OK the third choice ?   while trying my third choice I got sick ?

joke ; enough about me lets talk about you
what do you think about me ?  sorry to selfish ?