Waiting

[em]

waiting for a cure

My thought was either the virus would kill me or they would find a cure ? either or yes or no digital thought process way of thinking

Now some years later the better part of three decades and counting still waiting to have the life of my dreams? a little late my life has already been lived while waiting for a cure that has not come yet ?

While I was waiting my grand parents all passed away my parents passed away and recently my younger brother has died in his thirties so much time not lived  ?

The entire time HIV has weighed heavily in my thoughts . Watching other people go about their lives without the weight of this virus on them maybe other illnesses have befell them but not the one that this one is. the big bad bug of shame. a lot of friends died and some I know, are still alive. Most who got this virus long ago are not with us but then again after this amount of time has passed the toll on others with and without HIV  still shows.

IN my life  I do not know exactly when I got the virus but I had a positive test in 89. so that is 27 years the better part of three decades  of waiting for the big day of when the cure comes but like the millennium that was a let down at least  for me it was just another day. To me a cure for AIDS will still  be something. Maybe it is already in the works just waiting to trickle down the health care system.

Like the Pres. Reagon's policy on AIDS just say NO.  O sorry my mistake  that was Nancy drug policy  but might as well have been their AIDS policy too. the way they did not even acknowledge the problem. 

sorry to fallow a tangent I digress I have written enough maybe to much

Well for me the wait continues and my life as much as it is I have much to live for and keep going waiting for freedom from AIDS. May not be the grand beach house with the stunning view the country club membership with  high powered influential friends social elite that I was never going to have any way but still a modest life with people who care. That was and is the best  I am warm in the winter and fed and have a family to care for and about . Again maybe not the best life to be had but a respectable one given the blotch HIV can leave on resume. employment history in the nineties part time in patient at the hospital full time scared to death 100 pound  shut in with skin legions thrush and shingles. Does not read well on a resume.  The rest of the years since relatively healthy long extended trips not recommended with the  diarrhea from norvir and sequinivir with for years not being more then a few steps from a bathroom then some new stuff but a cure not yet. That still a job interview sorry my attitude and shifty eyes untidy wardrobe. It is hard to get good tailoring of the rack at the thrift store for whatever this shape my body has become after the toll this virus has caused.  would either get me tossed out on the curb or arrested for being the nut job I have grown to be. The crazy shut in. That is were the road of life has lead me too. not to bad could be worse . I am not dead yet at least that I have goin for me   

sorry to vent thank you for giving a place to share my thoughts and my life

 

[Ptrk3]

I'm sorry for your losses, especially for the recent loss of your younger brother, far too early for him to have left this vale of tears.  I wish you continued strength and courage in your own journey to where ever it is we are all heading.  Most of all, I wish you good health and peace of mind.

[wolfter]

So much of this post resonates with me.  Thanks for sharing.

wolfie

[harleymc]

I've got the perfect resume gap filler for times I've been ill.
Caring for a family member... it's true, I'm a member of my own family. So I can say it with confidence and assurance.

Sorry to hear about your brother.