Tested Poz 03.2009

[ChicagoLatino]

So this is my story.  I met this guy on New Years Eve and it was awesome.  He wasnt as attractive as I usually go for but our personalities clicked.  We saw eachother ever day for 3 weeks straight and I thought I found the one.  After our second week of dating we started having sex but were using condoms.  The beginning of Feb we had sex without a condom both ways (topping and bottoming).  The second or third week in Feb things were basically horrible.  He got really sick and I wasnt sure what was going on.  I was tested in December and new i was negative. Then he started really distancing himself and i didnt know what was going on.  I hadnt talked to him in a couple days and then I was going out of town for Spring break.  He called me and told me he needed to talk to me and it was really important.  I was unable to meet up with him because i had so much stuff to do.  I went and got tested the day before I went out of town.  While i was gone on vacation I never heard from him.  I then went to this club 3 nights into my trip and was getting a hotties number and my phone was broken.  So i didnt get the guys number and I also lost every connection i had to the world.  I came back from my vacation and went to the doctors to get all of my results and discovered i was positive.     I was dating this guy and had no way of getting in touch with him.  I went to his job but he was no longer at that store and they wouldnt tell me which store he worked at.  I lost his number and his friends numbers so i had no way of getting in touch with him.  When I discovered what happened I cant help but to think is this what he needed to talk to me about.  Now I feel lost.  I am 26, still in school, working as a waiter at a restaurant that doesnt offer insurance.  I am going to an awesome clinic that specializes in HIV but I have never felt more alone.  I tried going to a group for men with HIV but everyone there was so much older than me and they have had it for so many years.  The first meeting we sat and talked to eachother and there was this guy who was  a little younger than me and was diagnosed two years ago.  He told me he has a great partner but has had it since before he found out.  He has been in and out of the hospital 7 times and I all of a sudden got so scared.  I feel like I am destined to be alone.  I am scared if i find an hiv - partner they will not want to be with me bcuz i am +.  I also feel that if I find a + partner im risking cross infection which i heard is not good.  Then i also feel like what will happen if i end up in the hospital.  I have no insurance and I dont want to mess up in school now.  I also feel a little threatened because my major is Biology and i want to be a middle school teacher.  I am afraid i will not be able to follow my dream and teach. 

For the more positive part of my story I feel excellent.  I work out 4-5x a week.  I have some really good friends and family members that keep me grounded.  I have an extremely positive outlook.  when I got my first set of results back my cd4 was around 267 and now it is almost 500.  I am not on any medication and hope to stay off as long as possible.  I also worry about future medical coverage.  What happens when I start in my career and want to get insurance.  Will this be covered or no becuse its pre-existing?  I guess you can see from my post i have so much blankness going on because I am not sure wht to do...

Thank you for reading
ChicagoLatino

[Dennis]

Welcome ChicagoLatino.

I just want to dispel your fears about school and your dream of becoming a teacher. I'm 38 years old and was diagnosed when I was 19. I'm currently attending school and majoring in Exceptional Student Education. I plan to teach 1-3 grades. I worked this past school year as a Teacher's Aide. My ex partner is also teacher and is HIV+.

I guess what I'm trying to say is despite being HIV+, you can still fulfill your dreams of becoming a teacher.

You have a long life ahead of you if you take care of yourself and monitor your health regularly.

Ciao,
Dennis

[Andy Velez]

Chicago, it's going to take some time to get adjusted to this new element in your life. It's very good that you're having your numbers monitored. Developing a good partnership with your doctor is one of the best tools you will have to protect your health.

Gradually you're going to see that HIV is going to be part of your life and that your life is going to be about a lot more than living with the virus. And yes, absolutely you can still be a teacher. And a lot of other good things that will come into your life through the years.

You're always welcome here to ask questions and to talk about anything that's on your mind.

Welcome.

[tag_man08]

Everyone is right...you can still fulfill all your dreams.  The problem for now is how to pay for everything.  There are lots of studies out there for treatment naive patients....
look into the site
clinicaltrials.gov
You can type in "treatment naive"  and you should see current studies that you might can get involved in that can help pay for your meds between 1-2years.  Your local HIV clinic can also help guide you as well.  Just remember to finish what you started.  You will live many years to come.  This disease should not be the reason to stop. 

We are always here to help with any information we have.  Just ask.....