Can you help me?

[wannabeasinger]

Hello folks,

I have had sex with a guy yesterday unprotected while I was drunk. Everything is fine. But I haven't told him that I am HIV Poz just because I brought condoms. And We haven't use them. I dunno why but I feel so bad about it. And I am UD for 3 and half or 4 years. I know all the things. But it is the stupidest thing I have done and I feel so bad. I heard about those meds called PEPs. Should I tell him to use it? Because I was having unprotected sex with my ex and he is negative still after a year since we broke up. What can we do? I know risk is so low but I needed to tell someone

[Jim Allen]

Ill skip my own moral point of views.

Should I tell him to use it?

I did check and if I am not mistaken your nation is one that has criminal laws against both HIV exposure or transmission. So my advice on that front is to say absolutely nothing, as the deed is done and if you need help on that, speak to a lawyer first. Going to jail is not going to change anything.

I know risk is so low but I needed to tell someone

On transmission risk I am not sure why you are concerned? Or why PEP is even a thought in your mind? He had no HIV risk if what you posted here is true.

In terms of HIV here is the consensus statement that may give you peace of mind. http://www.preventionaccess.org/consensus

People living with HIV on ART with an undetectable viral load in their blood have a negligible risk of sexual transmission of HIV.  Depending on the drugs employed it may take as long as six months for the viral load to become undetectable. Continued and reliable HIV suppression requires selection of appropriate agents and excellent adherence to treatment. HIV viral suppression should be monitored to assure both personal health and public health benefits.
​
NOTE:   An undetectable HIV viral load only prevents HIV transmission to sexual partners. Condoms also help prevent HIV transmission as well as other STIs and pregnancy. The choice of HIV prevention method may be different depending upon a person’s sexual practices, circumstances and relationships. For instance, if someone is having sex with multiple partners or in a non-monogamous relationship, they might consider using condoms to prevent other STIs.

Also you used condoms, as additional layer, well HIV does not transmit through a Latex or polyurethane condom to start with, as long as the condom remains intact. If they shred its obvious it leaves no doubt and again HIV simply can not transmit through the intact barrier.

On condoms as tip if you are using them as a layer to protect yourself from other STI's, than do make sure that whatever the type of condom being used, you only use approved condoms. In other words check for certification mark (FDA, CE, ISO or Kitemark). This means it complies with safety standards. Check the expiry date and make sure the condom is still in date.

Also to note when using condoms use lubricant, condom safe water-based lubricants makes condoms more comfortable and reduces the risk of breakage. – but avoid oil-based lubricants  as they can weaken or break condoms.

As for putting condom on correctly, as incorrectly done it increases the risk of breakage.  Place one on top of the erect penis and pinch the teat at the end of the condom before you start to roll it down the penis. By doing this you’ll squeeze out any air bubbles and ensure there is room for the semen (cum).
Roll the condom down to the base of the penis.

If it's on correctly it will roll downwards easily. If you've started putting it on the wrong way or you’re not sure then take it off and try again. Even if the man hasn’t ejaculated (cum) there can still be semen on his penis (pre-cum), so it’s important to try again with a new condom. (More against other STI's)

Finally if you are changing the sex act, than change the condom.

Jim

[wannabeasinger]

Thank you for your reply,

I live at America, I do my internship here.

So as I told it is my first time doing this without telling anyone. And just because I haven't told him that I am poz. I am in a guilt trip.

Yeah when I am UD transmission is impossible nearly. But it is great to hear it from someone else you know. I always tell my partners I am POZ. And I have few regular partners that knows my status and okay with it. So I we don't use protection sometimes. And I don't feel guilty you know. But this is a different case.

So we don't need those PEP meds right? I don't think he can afford it or are they free here?

[Jim Allen]

He's an adult and responsible for himself. He made the choice to have sex, and is responsible for himself so leave it be.

You are an adult, you used condoms and you are UD and adherent (I hope) to your medication and so have done what you can.

All you can do is make the situation worse not better for him and yourself. My advice is to move on with your life.

Jim

 

[Jim Allen]

https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=65601.0