Panick setting in...

[keyite]

Just been given my second set of results and am finding it very hard not to panic.

5th Sept: CD4 583; VL 17,000; CD4% 33
11th Oct: CD4 437; VL 46,000; CD4% 33

Doc says it is within normal fluctuation, particularly since I only seroconverted this summer and because the CD4% is stable. I also appreciate I'm not yet near the danger zone. Still, it's very scary that my body seems to be buckling so early on - I was really hoping to hold off meds for a long time to come.

Another draw of blood in six weeks - hopefully I can manage to calm down during the wait...

[penguin]

They are numbers. They change. Much of the time, this is not meaningful.

Your immune system is doing just fine - trust that, and try not to worry..it expends unnecessary energy 

Kate

[Alain]

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[aztecan]

Hey Keyite,
Don't panic about one set of labs. The thing to watch is a pattern over time, such as after three, four or five sets of labs.

Your doc is spot on regarding the numbers. You are still doing well and your percentage is just fine.

Since you just seroconverted this summer, your body is still probably adjusting to the virus. Give yourself some time.

Now, go out and do something you enjoy and try to put these numbers out of your mind for a little while. It does a world of good to be a little escapist at times, especially when you are stressing about things.

HUGS,

Mark

[Christine]

Your lab numbers are a guideline which the doctors work within. Your health consists of your physical well being, lack of any OI's, along with your mental and spiritual well being. I know its hard, but don't base your well being on a number. Look at the whole picture.

Plus, the VL and cd 4's can fluctuate up and down. That is very normal. It is the long term trend in numbers along with the cd4 % that is more important than each individual set of labs.

Christine

[wellington]

Numbers cause way to much stress in our lives. OMG, I'm over 40. OMG, how did I gain 10 pounds? OMG OMG OMG.

Not to trivialize how you're feeling about the latest labs, but as others have said, it's the longer term trend that is of significance. There are all kinds fo things, aside from HIV, that affect our immune system. Stress. Smog. Allergies. Sleep. The list is seemingly endless. Don't forget, as well, that having recently becoming positive, your body is waging an all out war on this new invader. You're bound to see some fluctuations until things settle a bit.
Monitor your labs, talk openly with your medical team, and ask questions here to calm your fears.

We're all in this together.

[blondbeauty]

Your CD4% is normal for a non infected person. I understand your panic for having contracted HIV but your numbers are in the normal range. As long as you are above 350 cd4 and over 14% nothing bad can happen to you.

[keyite]

Thanks all - I know I'm not being terribly rational about this and that I'll have to learn to chill out a bit about the whole thing. There's just something very 'stark' about being confronted with numbers as a measure of your health. I think I had prepared mentally for the possibility that CD4 could be lower for this second test, I just wasn't prepared for such a huge drop.

I'll try my best to focus on the CD4% and otherwise treat it as a potential 'blip' - I totally agree that if I don't then much energy can get sucked into worrying about something I ultimately have little control over.

Thanks again.

[tcellsnaction]

Hi K,

I understand your feelings of fear....

I have had AIDS for 19+ years and for at least 18 of them have had less than 60 tcells.....at one point there were only two, wilma and fred....and for the longest time the doctors told me they didn't know how I was still staying alive with the numbers I had....I like to think that spirit has a lot to do with it....and from personal experience know that anxiety is an ally of the virus and together are a might force to compete with.

But I am not naive enough to know that man can not live by spirit alone....but living positive will go a long way.  Its not unusual at all as your body becomes adjusted to its new partner, the virus, to go through these types of changes.  You will be able to stabilize and have the good fortune of a healthy life.....

Be well...Live with Passion!!!

[wellington]

You do have control - over worrying and the stress it induces. Don't underestimate the power of positive thought! Ever try going to sleep at night with the thought that while you're snoozing, your body is kicking ass? Give it permission to fight the good fight and wake up to a new, and exciting, day.  It's obvious, by your concern, that you very much want to live. I think it's entirely possible that you will 

[Eldon]

Hello Keyite,

In looking at your numbers, they are in a good and stable range. There has been no fluctuation in your CD4 percentage so that is even better news.

As far as the "panic" and "anxiety" goes. You DO have control over it. There are (2) two different types of anxiety; an external and an internal anxiety. External Anxiety is the outside influences, the things you cannot control. Internal Anxiety is all under your control. It is up to you with what happens to your internal anxiety. When you have the chance, you can read over the "I am the lock, and I am the Key" thread:

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=4717.0

This information is very beneficial to you and it will help you calm down a lot. Feel free to bookmark it or print it out for your review.

Make the BEST of each Day!