POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: bama_gal on June 02, 2006, 02:32:22 pm
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If you're genuinely having suicidal thoughts you need to pick yourself up right now and walk to the nearest hospital emergency room and tell them that.
On the other hand, if you're willing to use some of your energy and brains for something other than expressing all sorts of self-loathing and self-attacks, getting tested for HIV is a pretty simple process these days. And depending on where you are writing from you maybe able to get the rapid test which gives you a reliable result very quickly.
It's pretty insulting of you to all of those who are living with HIV for you to be putting out all this dramatic stuff about suicide, since they are doing their damnest to stay alive and productive.
So are you willing to give up this drama stuff and get on with your life or what? If you have enough strength to be writing what you've written thus far then as far as I am concerned you can get yourself tested. This is a tough life in case you haven't noticed it before today. So how about quitting the frabber jabber and getting on with yours now?
At it's best our time here is all too short anyway, so from my point of view there's no need to rush the end.
Maybe you can explain to me why your pile of cocky doody is more special than anyone else's, but I can tell you now it will really take some convincing.
On top of which I'm expecting you to test negative and then you have a real problem: being condemned to live.
Cheers,
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View the "living with" forums and get some perspective (don't post there though). You are most likely negative. Care for yourself a little bit and protect yourself.
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Bama Girl,
There are deeper issues with you than all this. HIV is simply your baseball bat of choice to hit yourself with. Your risky behaviors stem from somewhere else inside you.
You're ok at the time of whatever sexual incident happens, and then afterwards BOOM you hit yourself with HIV to try to scare yourself in the hopes you'll never fuck up again. Guess what: take it from me, it doesn't work so good. You'll have some peace after this negative test, like you just had recently and then whammo, here you go again.
Yes, you'll have to endure the HIV test and the broken relationship. That's plenty of pain. During the wait, may I humbly suggest you delve into the unpleasant and find out what about you causes this? It ain't HIV. The promise I initially made to myself was that WHEN I screwed up next, I'd screw up with condoms. That's pretty easy to wrap ones head around. Sex is fine, just don't confuse it with unprotected risky self damaging behavior. It takes very little to insist on a condom....and I'm not saying that to be mean, but to help you see that its a choice you made to hurt yourself with your weapon of choice. The alcohol makes matters all too easy. Bad idea.
And to answer the inevitable question...yes...I was there once (excluding the suicide issues). I got considerable help, and I don't use sex and/or HIV to scare myself anymore. I was lucky and stayed negative, I hope you will too, but HIV/Russian Roulette is EXACTLY what Andy suggested I stop playing around with a YEAR ago TODAY.
I realize this is an HIV site, not a counseling service...and my two cents ends here. Your post was just a little uncomfortable for me to see.
Sae
(who is securely monogamous, tested and Consumed).
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Nevermind...I'll leave
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Well, you can do that. I'm wondering what reaction you wanted here which you didn't get?
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BamaGal - How can we help you? Talk to us.
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deleting your posts here is not conducive to this environment. This is a place for many people to learn. Many more than just you who read, but do not post. You waste the time of the fine people here by doing so. If you are all about wasting people's time, please find a new forum to do so on... or perhaps call a suicide line. Either way, don't waste our time and effort if you are going to delete your posts.
I hope you get the serious psychological help you need somewhere, but this website isn't designed for counseling.
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~sigh~
Bama girl,
As you deleted your initial post in this thread, I guess I might as well lock it.
Please feel free to come back and start a new thread if you wish to ask further questions about hiv transmission or testing.
Ann