Alone

[RobT]

All-
I am so tired of being alone. My almost 3 yr long LDR is certainly not panning out the way both my partner and I expected. I just want some1 to come home 2 everynight. Some1 that will offer me the help that I need and some 2 cuddle w/ at night. I do not feel 'loved' in my LDR. My partner at time, most often than not, makes unreasonable demands. When he says jump, I always ask how high?
I am struggleing thru school and he gives me a hard time on applying to do my grad studies in the UK. The MAJOR problem is strictly financial. How am I supposed to pay for application fees and my student visa if....I HAVE NO MONEY!
I have tried to get him to understand, but he doesn't.
Last weekend, I spent the night at a friend's. We met @ the local POZ support group. Yes, he's poz. I do not have to justify w/ him whenever I feel lonely, depressed, emotional, etc...We met Wednesday night and he was the sweetest man that I had known in quite a while. He feed me a lot of sweet ideas of wanting a relationship. I, therefore spent the night @ his place. I loved it, but then again I was so very confused. Right now, I am doubting my LDR because 3 yrs running and it is leading NOWHERE! I need to find some1 local. Some1 who cud offer me what I want in a 'relationship'. This guy is 48 and I am in my l8 20's. He claims that age might b a factore and I just played it off.
I came home yesterday and felt more confused than ever. I read my emails and took a nice, relaxing bubble bath. I read his email and he was apologizing to his impulsive email that he initailly wrote me. He then said that he might not b in the same thought process of wanting to share his life w/ome1. Now, I shud not care cuz I DO have a partner, but I am crushed.
What does that say about me??

Rob

[404error]

Well, it sounds to me like you're impatient and needy.  I don't have a lot to go on here but it seems like you want everything to be perfect and you're willing to be treated as second class if it means you'll eventually get what you think it is you want.  How old is the long distance guy?  If he's not close to the guy who is in your neighbourhood I'd say you're more interested in the local guy out of fear of being alone as opposed to being genuinely interested in him for real reasons. 

I could be way off here, take it with a grain of salt...

[Queen Tokelove]

Rob--

It sounds like to me that you are stressing about school and that it would be nice to have someone close or at home to share this with. I give you props for making the LDR last 3 years, to me that is an accomplishment in itself. But it also sounds like you are the one doing all the compromising in the LDR and the bf is just giving orders and not really being understanding at all.

The friend you met at the meeting sounds like he just was trying to hook up or see if there was a possibility of a hook up. He prolly listened to you complain about the LDR and decided it wasn't worth it. And he used the age difference as being the reason, not that he didn't like your company or anything, just saying this is what I get from the info you provided.

Now here you sit all alone and confused. But I bet the bubble bath felt nice....