scared

[scared22]

Please help....my story
Just recently i found out my husband had cheated on me after being married for 10 years. Totally devastated. I went out one night with the girls and ended up going home with someone. He went inside me for a few seconds without protection before I made him stop and put on a condom. He didnt ejaculate the whole time even with the condom on but I am scared maybe there was precum in those first few seconds? I feel terrible ever since and I have confronted him to ask of his status....he told me I have nothing to worry about. I asked him maybe a few weeks later and again he said I have nothing none nil to worry about. He did get defensive when I asked him again which has made me worry. He also told me that a few weeks ago he got shingles so this has me worried even more....even though he told me he got it from being totally stressed out about his girlfriend leaving him. This could be all true but at the end of the day I dont know him at all and what is sexual encounters have been.

I have had a cough, right now a running nose ( it is winter here) I have had a bad breakout of what looks to me like acne. I cant remember having a sore throat or temperature. I have had sore muscles and what looks like a coldsore now on my lip. Im freaking out and I cant sleep or concentrate. To make things worse my husband and I have decided to try make our marriage work and im just s scared rigt now I have contracted a disease. He also did tell me he tested a few week ago so i guess this is why he tells me i have nothing to worry about....surely someone wouldnt lie about things like this? I am going to test of Friday but I am dreading the results this is consuming my life now.......i regret even sleeping with another man i feel stupid. Please help

[Ann]

Scared,

Neither symptoms nor the lack of symptoms will ever tell you a single thing about your status or someone else's status either. The ONLY way to accurately know your hiv status is through testing.

As your husband has also had relations outside your marriage, I suggest that you both test for ALL STIs TOGETHER before you stop using condoms with each other.

Having said that, the chance of you ending up hiv positive following this one, very brief incident without ejaculation is very low. But again, the only way to know for sure is to test.

You must also test for all the other, MUCH more prevalent and MUCH more easily transmitted STIs. It's not just about hiv.

By the way, how do you expect someone to react when you keep asking them about their hiv status? If someone did that to you, I bet you'd get defensive as well. You're never going to know your own hiv status by asking someone else what theirs is anyway.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
 

PS - I nearly forgot to mention - hiv has a three month testing window for a conclusive result. ONLY a three month negative is conclusive.

The earliest you should test is at six weeks, as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this time, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days.

A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point.

[scared22]

Thanks for your response Ann! My husband and I have our hiv test every year while doing IVF (its the law) so we  have known our status every year. I have requested my husband get tested again too...our last test was done at the start of the year but that was before the cheating occurred! I am usually very particular about testing and pap smears etc etc and I am so annoyed at myself for allowing this to happen. I wasnt trying to make the guy i slept with feel uncomfortable and i did apologise for this. Even if he was HIV + do you think that my chances of contracting it very low? Tomorrow is the 6 weeks mark and im feeling so sick in my stomach about it all.

Thanks again I really appreciate it.

[Ann]

Scared,

Even if he was HIV + do you think that my chances of contracting it very low? 

It's impossible to speculate with any real certainty as there are just too many possible variables. As the receptive partner you were definitely at risk and that risk rises with his viral load. If he has a low viral load, less risk. High viral load, higher risk. But hiv is not easily transmitted and ending up positive following a one-off would be like being the sole winner of a huge lottery jackpot. Sure, it could happen, but it could also not happen. Successful hiv transmission is one of those "perfect storm" situations. As there was no ejaculation, I don't think you've achieved the perfect storm.

I do think you're going to be ok. Go test tomorrow. If you get a negative result like I'm expecting, you can relax as your three month confirmation is highly unlikely to change.

Ann