POZ Community Forums
Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: OneB1 on November 16, 2008, 02:09:12 pm
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Well I am back in the dating pool. Living with HIV for the last 9 years has been an amazing experience mentally, physically as well as spiritually. I am doing very well working full time, socializing, getting exercise. HIV is not the main focus in my world until I began dating someone for the last 6 months whom is also HIV. It became the center of our universe.
He believed once infected we were free to have unprotected sex and that re-infection was a scare tactic. I did not want to take the risk so the relationship ended. Maybe it was the excuse we both used to get out of the relationship. I am curious to know who many men poz or negative think this way.
Poz friendly?
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Welcome to the Forums, relationships are never easy and there can sometimes be problems. ;D Have the best day
Michael
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Are you asking about
1) the pros and cons of unprotected sex between hiv+ lovers
or
2) the pros and cons of HIV+ people dating each other ("sero-sorting")
or both?
Please specify - the responses could go in many directions...
As for unprotected sex - I think some experts here should be able to provide links to the science about "superinfection" facts and fantasies, as well as psychology. Its a hot and rather diverse topic.
Best wishes....
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hey Poz friendly :) ,
Speaking for myself . My partner and I had unprotected sex
for EIGHTEEN years , Then I was diagnosed Full blown AIDS IN 2004 .
I refuse to have sex with out a Rubber ,or if we are playing then HE plays with HIS
and I play with MINE . I use a "T" shirt and clean up and shower instantly after this !
I do NOT ,will NOT have unprotected sex ,period !
I am so afraid now . Why take a chance ,We were very lucky allthe years ,
But I never push a good thing .
the best to you ,
karl
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In a life far, far away, a man I had just met, decided to do my dishes. Standing at my kitchen sink, he observed neighbors having sex across the street. I laughed so hard, I nearly fell out of bed. ;D Have the best day
Michael
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Honestly, I have had no better luck with HIv positive sites than any other.
Why?
Well, for one thing, I have encountered a whole lot of addicts. For another, a whole lot of entitlement. Flakiness, abject sadness.
Things are tough all over. Throw a virus into the mix, and you are not exactly skimming the cream from the gene pool here. Finding quality people is hard. Period.
My advice, for what little it is worth, is to be cautious. Talk via email or IM for a while. Have a couple of phone calls. Arrange to meet in a public place. A guy that messages you three times ina weekend looking for sex is likely on meth. This is often confirmed if, the next day, he messages you and berates you violently for being such a prude for not giving in.
Seriously. no lack of crazy in this world. Throw in HIV, and you really can only up the crazy ante. Be on your guard. And respect others who feel the same. Take it slow. be careful.
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Personally, I don't can't think of any HIV+ guys that I know who use protection with other pozzies. If re-infection and / or superinfection were a big risk, wouldn't there be many more folks showing up with multiple 'varieties' of HIV? I say this with the assumption that we're talking about folks who are HIV+, on HAART, and are undetectable. My understanding is that being on HAART, along with a resulting low(er) viral load, acts a a sort of PEP or Pr-EP to reinfection. I'm sure those with more experience will soon give their input.
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Honestly, I have had no better luck with HIv positive sites than any other.
Why?
Well, for one thing, I have encountered a whole lot of addicts. For another, a whole lot of entitlement. Flakiness, abject sadness.
Things are tough all over. Throw a virus into the mix, and you are not exactly skimming the cream from the gene pool here. Finding quality people is hard. Period.
My advice, for what little it is worth, is to be cautious. Talk via email or IM for a while. Have a couple of phone calls. Arrange to meet in a public place. A guy that messages you three times ina weekend looking for sex is likely on meth. This is often confirmed if, the next day, he messages you and berates you violently for being such a prude for not giving in.
Seriously. no lack of crazy in this world. Throw in HIV, and you really can only up the crazy ante. Be on your guard. And respect others who feel the same. Take it slow. be careful.
Hey Jonathon,
You are invinceable... I am fairly new to web dating, it appears it should work if everyone were honest about who they are, what they want etc., etc.. In real life, I can charm the pants off a snake but web wise, I have developed the 20/20/20 rule, they can gain 20 years and 20 lbs in 20 minutes and I have never been on a Poz site.
I met Walter last Winter on one of the "regular" sites. He was a nice looking fellow, did not claim to be anything special but did write about himself in a manner which appeared interesting. I sent an introductory email saying I was "bold, brash and obnoxious in public". He wrote back saying those were very good qualities, we should meet and planned out first date, sailing on the San Francisco Bay, then he got the flu, our date was postponed. I wasn't going to let him get away and since he was feeling like crap on toast, I entertained him every day by email until our first date.
That was 9 months and many incredible dates ago. Recently, he said he wanted to get married but didn't say, married to me so, I didn't hear that and treated it like a hypothetical because of Prop 8. More recently, I told him, I loved him more that life itself and he didn't hear that, another hypothetical.
Being a Poz, life is full of problems and he has taken an active role in seeing I get what I need. My doc has invited him to one of our meetings to meet and talk but, I have not extended that invitation yet, maybe later. Problems, problems, I unloaded some of them the other day, giving him an OUT with no hard feelings and instead... I heard some of his hidden Neg problems, something I can do something to help. I am doing PR work to build up his client list/ billable hours starting with the firms web site, membership in lawyer referral sites and a full-on advertising campaign in trade publications for new clients. If I may use a pastry metaphor,"piece of cake". He always made me happy because of his willingness to help me and now, I have the chance to help him.
In today's life and times, dating is not easy anywhere in any combination of Poz/ Poz, Neg/Poz and I am not sure but I do remember Neg/Neg. ;D Have the best day
Michael
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I just can't see why I would bother using condoms for sex with other pozzies. I never worried before being poz and i'm certainly not going to start worrying now.
If reinfection was commonplace there would be many more of us popping up so infected. Reinfection is also only an issue if you get reinfected with a strain resistant to your current meds.
As for dating other pozzies - from my point of view, it's only 'easier' as I don't have to worry about condoms. People are people and relationships are relationships. Regardless of whether the other person is +ve or not, you still have to work at it.
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In a life far, far away, a man I had just met, decided to do my dishes. Standing at my kitchen sink, he observed neighbors having sex across the street. I laughed so hard, I nearly fell out of bed. ;D Have the best day
Michael
I have no idea what that meant, but it was funny as hell. (Must have been the visual of a very dirty mind) ;D
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I have no idea what that meant, but it was funny as hell. (Must have been the visual of a very dirty mind) ;D
Thank you Alfred,
Everyone else is covering the serious side of the issue and I just wanted a cheap laugh ;D Have the best day
Michael
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Dear All,
Thanks so much for your responses. I have learned a great deal. This is a very personal issue. Everyone has his or her own truths and beliefs in regards to this issue. Relationships are indeed an investment and well worth it. I only hope that we would not be reckless with one another and treat each other in a less disposable manner. Saying that I still hope to venture and explore my life with that special someone whether he is neg or poz.
Thanks for the dialogue.
Hopeful