Its been month since diagnosed

[Mo_1990]

Hi guys im new to the forum its been a month since i have been diagnosed its been a rollercoaster ride for me im 21 i hadmy whole life ahead of me and now im facing this dilema im really scared and feel alone...the first has been hell but its slwoly getting better each day.

my CD4 count is 540 and my viral load is 55,000 the doctor has told i dont need any meds at the moment but will need some soon as my CD4 drops anyways i made some bad choices in life having sex without a condom and now i have to face being HIV postive

its not being HIV postive im worried its the stigma i have not told anyone yet im soo scared of rejection as i feel dirty.
anyways i just hope that someday this pain would go away and i would come back to being me again i know its not a death sentence but not a day passes when i think if could turn back time....but i guess it was ment to happen and i have to deal with it....i know there is no cure but i dont know if i would be here for another 20 years or even 10 years i just hope that i live a long life. 

[leatherman]

sorry you had to find us Mo, but glad you did.
You might want to check out the Lessons section as it's filled with good scientific info about all things HIV

i know there is no cure but i dont know if i would be here for another 20 years or even 10 years i just hope that i live a long life. 

yes, your numbers seem ok right now and in no immediate need of medications. As someone that used to take some of the first (and worst) HIV meds like AZT and is still here 20+ yrs and counting, let me tell you that when you go on meds and are properly treated, you better be planning on a lot more like 30 or 40 yrs.   

[spacebarsux]

Hi guys im new to the forum its been a month since i have been diagnosed its been a rollercoaster ride for me im 21 i hadmy whole life ahead of me and now im facing this dilema im really scared and feel alone...the first has been hell but its slwoly getting better each day.

my CD4 count is 540 and my viral load is 55,000 the doctor has told i dont need any meds at the moment but will need some soon as my CD4 drops anyways i made some bad choices in life having sex without a condom and now i have to face being HIV postive

its not being HIV postive im worried its the stigma i have not told anyone yet im soo scared of rejection as i feel dirty.
anyways i just hope that someday this pain would go away and i would come back to being me again i know its not a death sentence but not a day passes when i think if could turn back time....but i guess it was ment to happen and i have to deal with it....i know there is no cure but i dont know if i would be here for another 20 years or even 10 years i just hope that i live a long life. 

Hi Mo,

Sorry you tested poz but glad you found us.

Your head is probably spinning with all sorts of fears and thoughts and that's perfectly normal. In time you'll start feeling yourself again.

You are not dirty. You are still you. The only thing that has changed is that you now have an infection to manage.

Although HIV is not a disease to be trifled with, today's treatment options give us a near-normal life expectancy and there's no reason to think that you won't still have your entire life ahead of you, because you do.

Give it some time, you'll see you're you and always will be.

Hugs.

[sshortguy1]

that is well said spacebarsux , hiv is manageable this day and age , nothing can be done now . noone's perfect we all make mistakes and misjudgements in our lives. but that's just being human . we are all the same as before the infection

[Lad_Liam]

Hey Mo
Shit news, sucks to hear. But Welcome to the best place on the net for info and first-hand experience.

On feeling dirt; don't.

At the moment your mind will undoubtedly be awash with the stigma and misconceptions about HIV that exist in society.  It is stigma, untrue beliefs and prejudice. It does not belong to you. I belive these bad thoughts will pass in time, and reading the pages here is an excellent way to re-educate those stigmas.  I'm sorry you have to feel them now. Know they are false and reject them when they enter your mind.

If there is a HIV service near or accessible to you then it could be a safe place to get support. Speaking with someone who is experienced and knowledgable helped me get my head around it.

I want you know know you will adjust to the news too. And it sounds like you can access the meds when you need, yippee.

As the other guys have said, we're gonna still be here to get grey hairs and saggy ball sacks just like negative peeps.

Good on you for reaching out. it's a brilliant move in the right direction. 

[leatherman]

If there is a HIV service near or accessible to you then it could be a safe place to get support.

try this resource to find something local
http://directory.poz.com/

[Joe K]

Hello Mo,

You have already been given some great advice and I encourage you to use the forum and the lessons to educate yourself.  But take your time and go at your own pace.  Becoming poz is something that nobody can prepare us for, because you never understand what it means, until it happens.  Allow yourself to feel, whatever it is you feel, without the need to do anything about any of it.  Feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are and at times like this, you need to be good to you.

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum and to let you know that you have a long and meaningful life ahead of you.  It may not seem like it now, but believe me, it will get better.  I know, because I've been poz for 27 years, so take your time, be good to yourself and I look forward to hearing more about you.

Joe