POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: fraidknot on January 15, 2008, 07:55:16 pm
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I was diagnosed HIV+ on 7/24/07, my 43rd birthday, one week after the death of my 91 year old grandmother who I lived with the last nine months of her life. The man who infected me did so deliberately, knowingly, without regard for my health or my life. I have filed criminal charges against him and am considering filing civil charges. Is there anyone else who has been in this situation? If so, is there any advice you would extend to me?
Thank you
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The man who infected me did so deliberately, knowingly, without regard for my health or my life.
Were you raped? Otherwise, you were a party to your own infection, just as I was. Deal with it and you'll be happier for it.
Ann
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How about if you don't have something pertinent to the question you butt out?
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Fraid,
What I said was totally pertinent. Sex is a two way street. Where was YOUR regard for your health and your life? Did you insist on condom usage? Unless you were raped, you were a party to your own infection, just as I was and just as 99.9% of the people on this forum were.
Ann
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Yes, I accept that fact. And when we decided not to use condoms after a time I was honest about the fact that I was disease free and he wasn't. I don't want to argue this point. I asked a simple question. If no one has an answer to that specific question I would prefer not to hear from the peanut gallery.
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Fraid,
Unless you two tested together before going without condoms, I'm afraid I don't have much sympathy. It's a simple fact of life - sometimes people lie and sometimes (gasp-horror) sometimes people only ASSUME they are hiv negative.
If you want to file civil charges, charge yourself.
Sorry, but I'm sick and tired of irresponsible people trying to make pariahs of hiv positive people. You'd do yourself a far better service by coming to terms with your positive status and acknowledging your own part in it than pursuing a legal action.
Peanut gallery? Puh-leeeeeeze!
Ann
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Yes, I accept that fact. And when we decided not to use condoms after a time I was honest about the fact that I was disease free and he wasn't. I don't want to argue this point. I asked a simple question. If no one has an answer to that specific question I would prefer not to hear from the peanut gallery.
You've already gotten the best advice you can get in this situation. Do yourself a favor and heed it.
-thunter34
(who was MORE than 99.9% involved with his own infection)
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Lady, you don't know a thing about my situation. I came on a support site and asked for help. I am not trying to make a "pariah" of anyone. I am trying to stop a angry man from infecting more people, because he is still out there, fucking people right and left without a condom, he is mad at the world and wants to infect everyone he can. So I should just sit back and shut my mouth and let others be infected as well? Do you wish others to become infected with HIV?
This is not revenge. This is about stopping a man who literally has a loaded gun from taking someone else's life from them. I am sorry you are jaded and feel like lashing out. I certainly don't wish for one more person to have to hear that they have HIV and will do everything in my power as long as I live to prevent it.
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Fraid,
It's up to each individual person to protect their own health by using condoms. Unless this guy is out there raping people, I fail to see how he is 100% responsible.
Ann
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In Florida you are required to tell any sexual partner that you have HIV prior to having sex with them or it is a first degree felony. They don't have to ask you. So, legally, by not disclosing his status prior to having sex, he is 100% at fault.
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Fraid,
If you want this fellow prosecuted, fine. If the law permits it, go for it.
If you want to sue this fellow, all power to you. Retain high priced lawyers and spend your time and energy trudging through the courts. I hope he's loaded, because if he's not and you win, you won't see a red cent. You'll have pay some healthy costs as well.
If you expect this carry-on to help you adjust to your diagnosis, then you're going to be bitterly disappointed. The apportioning of blame will only leave you a bitter, twisted burned out husk of a person. But it's your call.
One piece of advice, don't try and tell us this isn't about revenge -- it is. You're angry and hurt and you want some vengeance. And that's fine with Matty the Damned. But please don't try and advance the "I'm trying save other people from being infected" line with us. We've heard it 1000 times before and it's always bullshit.
No matter how hard you try, we can see through the cloak of false virtue you've taken to wearing.
MtD
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Lady, you don't know a thing about my situation. I came on a support site and asked for help. I am not trying to make a "pariah" of anyone. I am trying to stop a angry man from infecting more people, because he is still out there, fucking people right and left without a condom, he is mad at the world and wants to infect everyone he can. So I should just sit back and shut my mouth and let others be infected as well? Do you wish others to become infected with HIV?
This is not revenge. This is about stopping a man who literally has a loaded gun from taking someone else's life from them. I am sorry you are jaded and feel like lashing out. I certainly don't wish for one more person to have to hear that they have HIV and will do everything in my power as long as I live to prevent it.
Then might I instead suggest you take your own personal side of the story to the public to try to warn others about the dangers of assuming the sexual health of their partners?
And this right here is a perfect example of why such legislation is BULLSHIT. It lulls people into some false sense of security rather than teaching them to be vigilent in protecting themselves.
You can hoot and holler all you want about 100% fault, but at the end of the day this little bit of legislation didn't help you any, did it?
And that is why my suggestion above holds a lot more merit than some fiery legal charge - if your real goal is helping people rather than revenge.
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Typical pass the buck behaviour, and one that continues to perpetuate this pandemic.
What ever happened to responsibility for one's self? It beggars belief, it really does.
Ann
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I am amazed and disgusted at the vomit you've uttered.
You don't know me from Adam. You don't know how I am processing my diagnosis. You are faceless strangers on a website.
Responsibility for one's self, yes. I would not have this had I insisted on a condom. Had he told me he had HIV I would not have had sex with him even with a condom. C'est la vie.
Thank you for the various lectures. Obviously you've got it all together. Congratulations.
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The way you are dealing with your diagnosis is quite evident in the posts you've made. Vomit uttered & all that.
And PS: None of us are "lecturing" you. We are actually giving you some seriously sound advice. You're just too bent out of the frame to receive it.
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Look mate, do you not think we've all been there, done that?
The sooner you come to terms with your own part in your diagnosis, the better off you'll be. But don't listen to me, I'm just another AIDS VICTIM. (not)
Take your power back, boy, you'll be happier and live longer for it.
Ann
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Yes, I accept that fact. And when we decided not to use condoms after a time...
Right. Both of you decided not to use condoms. You were both involved in that decision. Not just him. You consented to having unprotected sex and so you consented to the risks of unprotected sex as well. Unfortunately you found out the hard way that that isn't a good idea.
What do you expect to gain from legally pursuing this man?
And 'legally 100 percent at fault' means absolutely nothing. That is completely non-reflective upon the real world. In reality, you are both responsible.
If people understood the consequences of unprotected sex more seriously no one would see the need for 'laws' like this that are supposed to 'protect people' when all they do is make people believe they are safe when they aren't and apparently give excellent firewood for angry, bitter people like yourself. Suing this guy or whatever you plan on doing isn't going to protect anyone. If you're really interested in protecting people, as it's already been said, why don't you do something to encourage people to use condoms?
Trust me, buddy, many of us have been in the same situation as you, myself included, yet it became quite clear after a while that nothing positive was to come from being bitter about it and unable to cope.
Also, watch the attitude, seriously. Don't expect people to be very friendly to you if you plan on speaking like that to people like Ann and the rest of us, who are honestly giving wise advice that you should really consider taking.
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wow, that sucks. you are going get a lot of backlash with this topic. so here's my 2 cents.
everything above me is right, so i'd listen to the advice of others. if you need to prosecute this individual for this grave injustice, do so, but remember which side of the fence you are on. people who deceive other people and take advantage of them based on false premises should have to face some type of consequences for their actions, especially in a case like this.
but, also be aware, prosecuting and locking him up will not make this shit go away. the legal system is a bitch, and you will have to stand through a trial that my drain you emotionally, mentally and financially. You will also have to deal with you HIV long after he is out of the picture. And you still have to forgive yourself for allowing yourself to become infected. In some states (both physical and mental) you did consent to unsafe sex and you are aware of the potential consequences of unsafe sex, what you got is not a surprise.
locking him up so he can't do this to others is a great idea, but if you need vengeance be honest about your emotions. i know this is a moot point, but he can still infect other people in jail and once he gets out too. hiv positive inmates are also an extreme financial burden on any state's system. lastly, moving more towards a restorative, atoning solution will always outweigh a punitive one.
to answer your original question, yes there are people on here who have imprisoned the people that infected them. not a single one of the people i have spoken to felt significantly better after doing this. originally (like many of the others have stated) i was in a similar boat. i felt like i had lost a lot and that someone should be stopped before infecting others. turns out that someone is now myself. i notified my sex partners (the potential infectors) and left it at that. i gave them the information they needed and i contacted the local health dept. if anyone else is infected by the same person they can take over from that point.
but seriously, like ann says, focusing on yourself will get you in a better spot sooner. blaming someone will not fix the situation. afterall, i doubt they wanted it in the first place and maybe they felt they way you do now.
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am amazed and disgusted at the vomit you've uttered.
You don't know me from Adam. You don't know how I am processing my diagnosis. You are faceless strangers on a website.
How about if you don't have something pertinent to the question you butt out?
First of all drop the bad attitude, it will get you nowhere here you do not talk to the administrators, moderators or members of this forum like that, you asked a question you got an answer, just because it wasn't the one you wanted does not give you the right to insult the poster.
Wether or not you like it you consented to unprotected sex, so therefore you have to take some of the responsibility, you cannot put the whole blame onto this guy...News flash..people will lie to you to get you into bed.
You want to get your revenge then go ahead...but don't expect us to back you in this quest.
We will however try and help you to get over your anger if that's what you want.
Jan
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SORRY U R GOING THROUGH THIS AND I WISH U ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD. PLEASE BE CAREFUL SO U DONT BE EXPOSE TO THE MEDIA BECAUSE, THEY CAN TRY TO DIG UP YOUR PASS AND MAKE U LOOK LIKE THE BAD ONE SO GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS U
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Fraidknot
As you've experienced, this is one tremendously touchy topic.
I have always wished there were a way to discuss this without cannon fire. It was one of my first concerns when coming to this site. I learned quickly to stuff it and found what I needed elsewhere. Invariably such posts receive such reception.
Please refer to your Inbox, I'll post a short PM there. I can give you some info you'll wish to consider.
Em
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>:( are you sure its not that the guy has moved on and your pissed off?ps i agree if you really want to help the "general public".go out and preach what can happen when one has unprotected sex with your self as a prime example.zgood
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I have filed criminal charges against him
YOU have? LOL
I smell a troll .. and it is ankle-deep in bullshit.
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I think it is totaly terrible to want to press charge against the guy that has infected you, especially when you admit to not using a condom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I also know the person who infected me, i didnt ask him if he was poz or not and he never asked me it takes two people and two brains to transmit the hiv virus. - both people have to take the responsiblility.
Now take the advice of most people on this forum and get yourself treated and looked after rather than wasting time money on a personal vendetta against this bloke.
Simon
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Right, lets take this step by step here
Point 1: You’ve become infected after having unprotected sex. You do need to accept some responsibility for your part in this, regardless of what the law says in the State of Florida. You are an adult, you knew the risks.
Point 2: You had a conversation with the person you had sex with and they told you they were negative. How do you know that he didn’t think that he telling you the truth? Maybe he thought he was negative? It’s estimated that half of all new infections are from people who didn’t know they were infected themselves. Your infection may not have been as ‘deliberate’ as you think. Ever had and STD and not know about it?
Point 3: Do you even really know that it was this person and this episode of unprotected sex you became infected through? Maybe you’ve been positive for ages and didn’t know. Maybe you yourself were mistaken about your status.
Point 4: People lie, maybe he did know, maybe he did lie. You don’t say how long or well you knew this person. Maybe you trusted his word too soon. Yeah what he did was wrong, but did he really do it to wilfully and deliberately infect you? How long had he known? Had he had any support? Was he in denial himself?
Point 5: Your State gives you the option to pursue punishment for this man. How does that make your life better? Do you want your sex life dragged through the courts? It’s your word against his. Have you any proof that he didn’t tell you?
Point 6: Do you really want to continue the portrayal of all positive folks as either evil or victims? Do you want it to be illegal for you to have sex with someone even if you disclose and even if you use a condom? Cos that’s where some States are heading. Do you want it to be illegal for you to enter some countries? Cos that’s the reality of it. Or now you are one of us do you want to try to use this experience in a positive way? Do as people suggest and start teaching safe sex or something.
Point 7: Do you want to heal yourself mentally and move on with your life or do you want to destroy yourself with hatred and anger and victimhood? You may think that a legal solution is gonna do you good but it wont. It will prolong the agony and stop you moving on with your life.
My suggestion: Take a deep breath and re-read what people here have said. It is good advice for you if you want a future that is mentally healthy. Don’t pursue it through the legal system. Do seek counselling. Do move on.
Finally:
you saidHad he told me he had HIV I would not have had sex with him even with a condom.
Why?
Now you have HIV too do you expect to be treated this way or to continue having a life and be treated like a normal person?
Or do you want to be treated like a pariah?
Do to others as you would have done unto yourself.
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You all make a lot of assumptions. Sad.
He DID know he was positive, he made that statement to someone else the night I filed charges against him. He also denied knowing me the night I filed charges against him. Thankfully the other person has made a statement to my investigator. His name has also been mentioned in other cases of new HIV diagnosis. If this was an oops on his part, no problem. There are many more details that prove he knowingly did it.
If someone chooses not to have sex with me because I have HIV even with a condom, that is their right, their choice. The only safe sex is no sex. I have had people tell me no and I respect that decision.
I've had my psych evaluation. Two educated professionals with degrees in psychiatry and psychology have told me that I am dealing with my diagnosis with grace and courage. So don't tell me how I feel or how to deal. I'm doing just fine.
Thanks for taking time out of your busy days to give your opinions.
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Yeah, well. OK. Good luck with all that.
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YOU have? LOL
I smell a troll .. and it is ankle-deep in bullshit.
concur
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concur
absolutely
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Let me see if I have this right. Live and let live. Since I was a partner in this, even though I asked if he had any STD's, even though he denied it, in spite of the fact that I have proof he is still actively practicing sex without protection I should just shut my mouth and deal with it?
I'm healthy. I found out early. i can live and will live a normal productive life. By sitting back and allowing him to potentially infect many more I am an accomplice to murder. I am not willing to live with that for the rest of my life. I have never intentionally put anyone's life in harms way and I never will. Obviously you don't get where I am coming from but it sure would be nice on a board that is supposed to be a support to see a little less harshness.
Thank goodness i have a good support system here. I feel bad for anyone who posts, gets flamed, branded as a troll and leaves as a result.
Thank you to the few for their kind words and private messages.
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Let me see if I have this right. Live and let live. Since I was a partner in this, even though I asked if he had any STD's, even though he denied it, in spite of the fact that I have proof he is still actively practicing sex without protection I should just shut my mouth and deal with it?
Basically, yeah. And what direct "proof" do you have that this is still going on? Unless you're still banging him?
I'm healthy. I found out early. i can live and will live a normal productive life.
Then stop simmering on vengeance and go do it. Like Ann said...take your power back.
By sitting back and allowing him to potentially infect many more I am an accomplice to murder. I am not willing to live with that for the rest of my life.
Shakespeare was less dramatic. You're a christian martyr, you are. If you were really interested in saving the masses, you'd turn your energy outward & try to bring realistic prevention information to a wider group by sharing your cautionary tale. Instead, you're channeling your energy all to one end. And as said repeatedly above, we all know why.
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Calmly trying to work the guilt, eh? Good to see you are working to such a predictable script.
.. in spite of the fact that I have proof he is still actively practicing sex without protection
Well do be sure to let us know when you think all his practice makes him as perfect as you think your trolling skills are.
Obviously you don't get where I am coming from ..
You think?
Edited to add:
You can't report your own post to the moderator, that doesn't make sense!
???
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Obviously you don't get where I am coming from but it sure would be nice on a board that is supposed to be a support to see a little less harshness.
Sometimes the truth is harsh, dear. ::)
We don't know you. We don't have anything against you personally. You came onto this board and made it clear from your first post that you were more interested in going after someone for infecting you with HIV, which you were at least half responsible for in the first place, rather than receive any actual support. Your intentions seem more bitter and hostile than do they seem to have an interest in protecting anybody else.
Obviously there are still people out there like you (and me, like I had already mentioned) that are willing to put trust in the words of people we hardly know rather than take the safe route and just use a condom. However, the difference between you and I is I am quite clear on the fact that pursuing the guy that infected me isn't going to help me nor anybody else and any sense of security I feel is false, just as false as the security I felt when I believed my boyfriend at the time when he told me he did not have HIV and just as false as the security people will continue to feel if they think 'the law' is going to take care of everyone who lies about their HIV status and so therefore surely no one would lie about it in the first place, right?
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Hi all,
I'm curious here.
Hypothetical situation: Let's say, there is somebody out there who knows they are HIV positive. And let's say, when potential partners ask them if they have been tested and if they have HIV, they lie and say "I have been tested and am HIV negative." And in our hypothetical situation, the potential partner has unprotected sex with the person that just lied to them. And they get HIV. Are you saying that the person that lied has no fault ? What if they lie repeatedly ?
Now I understand that there are slippery slopes here, as mentioned above. I understand that if we are all not careful, the laws could end up putting innocent people into trouble.
But I also do not think everything is as clear cut as all of you are saying -- each case is unique. And I think we should be able to talk about this without just ripping on the new person ?? We ALL know that it is traumatic to receive an HIV diagnosis and we all have to go through a certain period of time before we start to accept and integrate our diagnosis. My first though when I was diagnosed was that it had been done on purpose. I eventually found out otherwise --- but I had to go through my own process to start figuring it out -- these things take time. I think we can EDUCATE people here about the pros and cons without SHREDDING them.
Sara
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As for "ripping on the new person", do bear in mind that this poster told another member to "butt out" with his (or her?) very second post. And referred to others here as being from "the peanut gallery" in the third. So spare me about us all being too harsh on the new kid.
/edited to add an "o" to "too". hate typos./
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Are you saying that the person that lied has no fault ?
I don’t think anyone here is saying that.
And I will eat my hat if the ‘new’ person is new.
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I am praying that your hat is small and tasty as I am very real.
My activism, if you wish to call it that, has extended beyond pursuing this man. I am an active member of b.com and have been very outspoken there about my part in this and placing too much trust in others instead of just using protection. My screen name is the same there so you can research for yourself if you still believe I am a troll or continue to believe whatever you wish.
I have also discussed the issue with my children who are very young adults and very adamantly suggested they use condoms every single time - do as i say, not as I do as they have seen the disasterous results.
I asked a very specific question here. I didn't ask for all the other advice. Again, I appreciate the encouragement and advice I received via pm.
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For the record when FK refers to 'b.com' s/he means Bondage.com (http://bondage.com/blog.asp?i=1765608&e=111218).
MtD
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It's funny how you still do not accept any of the blame. You are just as much to blame as the guy that lied.
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For the record when FK refers to 'b.com' s/he means Bondage.com (http://bondage.com/blog.asp?i=1765608&e=111218).
MtD
I was about to ask. Thanks.
And FK, the advice you received was completely in line with your initial post. It just wasn't what you wanted to hear.
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I don't understand.
What then, is the difference between:
1. Somebody knowingly lies about their status, you sleep with them without a condom, you get HIV.
2. Your boyfriend tests HIV negative. He cheats on you. He gets HIV. He doesn't tell you. You sleep with him. You get HIV.
Would scenario # 2, then, also be my fault ?
Sara
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Sara, I think you ought to go back and reread your very first post. http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=4710.msg53802#msg53802 (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=4710.msg53802#msg53802)
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What does my initial post have to do with my question ?
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Let's take two situations:
Situation 1:
You - "Are you negative" ?
Alex - "Yes"
You - "Let's fuck bareback"
Situation 2:
You - "Are you negative" ?
John - "Yes"
You - "Let's fuck bareback"
Let's assume that Alex knows he is positive and John doesn't know he is positive but he actually is. What differences does it make to you? You have given both Alex and John a chance to infect you.
How is Alex more responsible than John? Wouldn't you want to prosecute John because he didn't get tested in time before he fucked you? Aren't you responsible for keeping yourself in good health? I don't see any difference in the "guilty" verdict for John, Alex, and you. If you're going to prosecute Alex, then you should also prosecute John and yourself.
Milker.
/edited to add/ I didn't see srmn's post but we say the same thing.
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What does my initial post have to do with my question ?
You always used a condom but yet you say you got infected? Not by your ex mind you.
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Milker --
I agree with your scenario--- but my scenario, or at least my line of thinking, is something quite different.
Scenario ONE involves somebody that is lying and intentionally exposing somebody to HIV.
Scenario TWO does not.
I'm not a lawyer. I'm just pointing out that the two situations, in my mind, are different in regards to Alex or John. Just because the outcome is the same for me does not mean that the entire scenarios are the same. We can take another example:
1. You drive down the road, you get in an accident -- god forbid, somebody in the other car gets killed.
2. You have a few drinks. You drive down the road, you get in an accident -- god forbid, somebody in the other car gets killed.
Both scenarios are pretty scary -- and the outcome for the victim is identical. But the driver faces two very different fates -- (i.e. jail/prosecution versus just having a horrible accident).
In one situation the driver is knowingly impaired, in the other situation, the driver is "fit" to drive.
All I'm really saying is that I don't think it is as black and white as some of you do.
Sara
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Rod,
I did always use a condom. I'm one of those people that gets accused of having a faulty memory on this board. I'm also one of those people that believe they were infected by oral sex, another bag of worms which is not appropriate for this thread.
But I don't see how I contracted HIV has anything to do with this. I have posed hypothetical situations, not my own.
Sara
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It's funny how you still do not accept any of the blame. You are just as much to blame as the guy that lied.
Apparently you are only reading part of my post as I have said that I accept my part of the blame. I didn't insist on a condom and I trusted someone at their word. That was my fault. I stated that very clearly in my last post.
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have also discussed the issue with my children who are very young adults and very adamantly suggested they use condoms every single time - do as i say, not as I do as they have seen the disasterous results.
No where did you accept your part of the blame.
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I guess the lesson here is to think that everyone you have sex with is HIV+. I was one of the lucky ones that didnt get infected by someone that didnt know they were positive.
Teresa
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Apparently you are only reading part of my post as I have said that I accept my part of the blame. I didn't insist on a condom and I trusted someone at their word.
So if you're partly to blame, why does the person you claim infected you (and that may not be the case) have to be prosecuted under the ever merciful provisions of Florida law?
MtD
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Let's assume that Alex knows he is positive and John doesn't know he is positive but he actually is. What differences does it make to you? You have given both Alex and John a chance to infect you.
How is Alex more responsible than John?
sorry but i do think alex is more responsible than john, in that he is potentially making himself a deliberate public health risk.
whilst i agree that the other party in the sex also should take responsibility for their part in the unprotected sex, if alex is deliberately going out there to infect other people there is a problem with that.
im not gonna get into the 'should alex be prosecuted' thing cos ive already given my opinion on that. but i do think that our hypothetical alex could potentially be a mental case & possibly in need of intervention by mental health professionals for his and the public health...
as far as those who get infected by alex go - i stand by my previous opinion that the best thing they can do for their long term mental health is to look after them and move on. if they have concerns re the public health risk posed by alex they should discuss with their health/hiv professional team and let them deal with trying to contact him. persuing him through the courts is not the answer
oh, and fyi FK, i thought i was in a similar situation when diagnosed so am saying all this from previous thinking through the matter when i thought i was in your shoes
I guess the lesson here is to think that everyone you have sex with is HIV+
hear, hear. if we could get this message across to the negative then half the battle would be won. the other half - the stigma half - of course we'd stil have to battle for a while longer...
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BECAUSE HE DID IT ON PURPOSE!!!! This was not an oops. It was not an accident. He continues to solicit sex on local swingers sites and lure young girls off myspace and tagged.
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Whilst Matty the Damned is sympathetic to English Girl, Sara and the other one wanting to turn this into yet another "disclosure" symposium, it's probably time to call out what's really going on here.
No, FK isn't a troll. I waded through that turgid blog at bondage.com and it's gotta be legit. You just can't make that stuff up.
What FK is looking for is absolution. S/he needs to be declared "an innocent victim", who didn't get HIV through any fault of his/er own. It's down to somebody else.
Sadly for FK, that crap doesn't fly here with most of us.
As for this:
BECAUSE HE DID IT ON PURPOSE!!!! This was not an oops. It was not an accident. He continues to solicit sex on local swingers sites and lure young girls off myspace and tagged.
Well says you. We've only got your word for that and it's pretty clear that, as well as whips and chains, you're into grinding axes. Like I said I read your bitter, poisonous rantings over at that BDSM outfit, and if I might be so bold, it seems to me that you're the sort of person who may well say that just to get back because you were spurned by an ex-lover.
Outside of the child-molestor tag, no mud sticks like the "evil AIDS spreading monster" kind.
How do we know you didn't infect him?
MtD
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BECAUSE HE DID IT ON PURPOSE!!!!
Has he actually told you he "DID IT ON PURPOSE" and has he told you his only goal in life is to have sex with as many people as possible in order to infect them with HIV?..I would be intersted to know if you have any definite proof of this.
As much as we would like to put a stop to all this..the sad truth is we can't control the actions of others.
You seem to know a fair bit about the sites you have mentioned here, have you posted anything to warn the members of these sites or written to the owners/moderators to see what they can do about him?...just curious.
Jan
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I'm happy you have verified I'm not a troll. Whatever else you think of me I don't really care.
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Ok, so let me get this straight
1..You don't care what we think of you.
2..You don't want to hear the advise that we have to give you.
3..When we do give you advise you tell us to "Butt out"
4..We are just a group of faceless strangers who advise obviously means nothing to you..so tell me, why are you still here and why in the hell did you come here in the first place asking for our Advise?...quite frankly it's got me beat.
Jan
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I'm not a lawyer. I'm just pointing out that the two situations, in my mind, are different in regards to Alex or John. Just because the outcome is the same for me does not mean that the entire scenarios are the same. We can take another example:
1. You drive down the road, you get in an accident -- god forbid, somebody in the other car gets killed.
2. You have a few drinks. You drive down the road, you get in an accident -- god forbid, somebody in the other car gets killed.
Both scenarios are pretty scary -- and the outcome for the victim is identical. But the driver faces two very different fates -- (i.e. jail/prosecution versus just having a horrible accident).
In one situation the driver is knowingly impaired, in the other situation, the driver is "fit" to drive.
Sara, what your scenario doesn't take into account is the fact that fraidknot had the opportunity to protect himself. In your scenario the driver that gets killed cannot say "hold on, I'm going to put my armor on my car before you crash into me".
Milker.
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milker,
you got me there -- i didn't think of that. so ... bad analogy on my part .... :(
s
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fraid,
I don't think anyone on here will say that deliberately infecting someone is okay and should be ignored. Go ahead and sue the guy but good luck proving that there was a specific intent. You may think that you act as a Good Samaritan by doing it, but there are so many side issues that your case could actually worsen the acceptance by the general public and the lawmakers that being infected with HIV doesn't make us bad people. You may not know how much fighting there is in this country and others for people to get the care they deserve. Your case would most certainly enrage the general public because the education about this disease is so poor and they wouldn't be able to step back and understand the broad issues around this. If you want to do good, there are other alternatives.
Milker.
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It seems within 24 hours this thread grew like ginger beer...
I want to go back to your original question, which is about filing a criminal case. Assuming that you really did file criminal charges, FK, what may happen is that with the evidences gathered by the local police, your district attorney will decide whether to prosecute or not. If it does go to the trial stage, the job of your prosecutor is to prove beyond reasonable doubt that this person did infect you. As far as I know the best medical evidences can only show that you and that person belong to the same "cluster", it cannot scientifically prove that who's infected who. So you'd need additional evidences like - whether you have been regularly tested during the whole period that he knows he's positive, etc. And that's only the beginning.
Even if you can establish that you'd been negative for that whole period, you'd still need to counter-prove any evidences that can be used to suggest that you might have engaged in other unsafe behaviors between, say, the last time you were still tested negative and the time that you had sex with this person. Having an active profile in sex sites will definitely work against you. Finally, there's the issue of whether unsafe sex did take place. You'd say, of course, I was there! But it's your words against his, and I can assure you that any defence attorney will try to make you look like a reckless, excuse the expression, whore and you will be cross-examined again and again on your sexual history and what did or didn't happen that night.
Any prosecutors will tell you that rape/sexual assault cases are still difficult to establish, unless there are strong forensic evidences (i.e. sperm found inside or on the body of a victim, etc). I assume you don't have any such forensic evidences. Unfair to the victims? Yes and no. Criminal responsibility is no small matter, even though nowadays the criminal justice system is more sensitive to victims, mainly women, that exceptional measures such as allowing them to testify through video conferencing, etc. have been introduced to minimize hardship and further emotional distress during the whole process. Why? Because we are more aware of the prejudices and biased views on in particularly sexually active women that they are somehow "asking for it".
Like many of us, I don't agree with any laws that hold someone criminally liable for another person's infection. They're legally and morally reprehensible. The laws also won't help reducing infection rate, which is a fact that has been statistically established. The introduction of such laws is usually no more than a thinly disguised assault on us pozzies and to make those legislators look righteous. But it's just my view, you don't have to agree with it.
As for you, at the least, just be prepared to sit through a few sessions of painful cross-examination, deal with all media attentions (by the way, your identity may be protected during a criminal trial, but it's an open field for a civil case) and the not unlikely consequence that after all these efforts, you may not be able to put this guy behind bars.
Just justice has to be pursued at all costs, right? You decide. Some of us think that it may be more productive to focus on yourself. You curiously mentioned your grandmother's passing during the time that you were infected. Are there unresolved emotional issues that might have caused you to take risks that you otherwise wouldn't have? Unless you tell us we won't know. But afterall we're just some faceless "strangers", though we manage to be open, honest (sometimes brutally) and supportive to each other.
Good luck to you, Shaun
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legally i don't think that you have a case but i would suggest turning his name into the HEALTH DEPT in your area,i think they would be very interested!!!
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This is a touchy subject.
I was infected by someone I knew. I also knew he was HIV+ and insisted on condom use. Unfortunately, when all was said and done, it was evident that he had removed the condom and deliberately put me at risk. Why? I'm not sure. I think it was retaliation for ending things with him a few months earlier. Basically, he was WRONG for doing what he did.
Ultimately, I have accepted my situation. I was there, I knew he was positive and I have some responsibility. I suppose I could "go after" him but instead I'm focusing my energy on living a normal, healthy life. He's clearly a troubled person and I feel sorry for him. What's done is done.
Move on. Take care of yourself. There's nothing like owning your own life and taking control for your health and happiness. I believe that there is a reason for everything. I don't yet know what the reason is for me becoming infected but I do know that it doesn't have to make me sick, bitter, angry or resentful. Maybe I can serve as a positive influence for others? Maybe I can help educate people? Maybe I can just live and accept what life brings my way?
Life goes on - live it to the fullest. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow!
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Ok...I am glad someone started this thread. I think it brings up a lot of points. I was infected by someone I have been involved w/off and on for 12 years. I knew that he had been with many other women and was even with others while he was with me. He is the only person I have been with. When I found out that I was HIV + and told him he denied that he was. Of course I and my family knew that was a lie. The topic of taking legal action did come up (from my parents) but my response was that it would not change anything. Yes I do feel terrible about the women that have been infected and the ones that might be in the future, but I cannot live their lives for them. All are consenting adults. All, myself included, have to assume some responsibility. Sure I am angry at him, but he did not force me. I did not insist he use protection. This is a horrible thing to go through. Of course I believe we all have our own reasons why we do the things we do, just be honest.
Just because a person may be held legally accountable doesn't mean that anything really is going to get better. If someone is going to have sex with this person unprotected then they will probably have unprotected sex w/someone else. Am I making sense? I guess the question is how is this going to help you? Is it going to make you whole? Are you really doing it for the others? There are many times I have wished that my "Mr. Wonderful" would hurt as much as I do and I remind myself that me wanting him to hurt is really only hurting me.
All that aside...FRAIDKNOT, I wish you well and I hope you do what ultimately will help you.
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'Fraidknot, all I can say is "hmmm, looks like shit," "hmmmm, smells like shit," hmmmmmmm__________ (fill in the blank).
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The thread and this weeks turn of events have made for some deep thinking. I truly do appreciate all the input, even those that I initially lashed out at.
The fact remains the criminal charges are filed and I am not sure I can drop those at this point. The state health department has been notified, was notified early on, in fact was the main impetus for me filing charges. I will not pursue a civil trial as there is nothing to be gained from that.
The man put long scratches down my back with his fingernails, ejaculated onto my back and then rubbed it in. The day that I filed charges he phoned a mutual friend and confided that he was indeed positive. Using a condom would not have prevented that source of exposure.
Of course there is still much more to the story but it really doesn't matter. Choices have consequences. Much to think about.
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The man put long scratches down my back with his fingernails, ejaculated onto my back and then rubbed it in. The day that I filed charges he phoned a mutual friend and confided that he was indeed positive. Using a condom would not have prevented that source of exposure.
Wait. Hold up. You are telling us you were deliberately infected with HIV via fingernail scratches?
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Unless he resembled this guy, I remain skeptical.
[attachment deleted by admin]
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Of course there is still much more to the story but it really doesn't matter. Choices have consequences. Much to think about.
You've said it yourself FK. One more thing you need to know is that in some cases prosecutions are launched for "political" reasons. It's now out of your control and to appear weak or to reverse your early testimony will only cause you more troubles and stress during the whole process. I haven't really systemically looked at all the relevant cases in the US but from other jurisdiction I haven't seen that many successful prosecutions from one-night-stands and causal encounters.
Again, good luck to you. What's done is done so you'd just have to deal with the criminal justice system and possible media attention when it does go to the court, and my feeling is that both will not be as sympathetic as you might have expected.
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The man put long scratches down my back with his fingernails, ejaculated onto my back and then rubbed it in. The day that I filed charges he phoned a mutual friend and confided that he was indeed positive. Using a condom would not have prevented that source of exposure.
I've heard everything now!
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I will not pursue a civil trial as there is nothing to be gained from that.
I see...
The man put long scratches down my back with his fingernails, ejaculated onto my back and then rubbed it in. The day that I filed charges he phoned a mutual friend and confided that he was indeed positive. Using a condom would not have prevented that source of exposure.
Of course there is still much more to the story but it really doesn't matter. Choices have consequences. Much to think about.
Could have been a vampire or a zombie, so a back scratch is better than a head chop.
Milker.
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No, FK isn't a troll. I waded through that turgid blog at bondage.com and it's gotta be legit. You just can't make that stuff up.
were fingernail scratches mentioned over there? Stange that fraidknot would wait until post #65 to mention such an interesting mode of infection after leading us to believe that it was due to condoms not being used as mentioned early on in post #4.
Yes, I accept that fact. And when we decided not to use condoms after a time I was honest about the fact that I was disease free and he wasn't.
I'm afraid FraidKnot that by your own story it sounds like you had unprotected sex a few times before this incident with the fingernails (if that is a true tale). I don't see how you'll prove it was this "attack" and not the previous consensual sex when you were infected.
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were fingernail scratches mentioned over there? Stange that fraidknot would wait until post #65 to mention such an interesting mode of infection after leading us to believe that it was due to condoms not being used as mentioned early on in post #4.
I'm afraid FraidKnot that by your own story it sounds like you had unprotected sex a few times before this incident with the fingernails (if that is a true tale). I don't see how you'll prove it was this "attack" and not the previous consensual sex when you were infected.
Oops.
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You know, lets forget the fact that I am HIV positive. The man is HIV positive. I know that for a fact. He has multiple web sites stating he is D/D free. Obviously the state health care system has been unable to stop him from infecting other people. I chose to report it to possibly stop him from infecting anyone else.
The scratches were mentioned to demonstrate there is much you don't know about the situation but you are determined to sit in judgment anyway. Could it be you are all protesting so loudly because you are doing the same thing as he is?
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Could it be you are all protesting so loudly because you are doing the same thing as he is?
Could it be that you are?
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No. I last had sex on August 12 with the partner who introduced me to the one who infected me. He was aware of my status and used a condom. Anyone I have discussed even a date with since that time has been informed of my status.
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The scratches were mentioned to demonstrate there is much you don't know about the situation but you are determined to sit in judgment anyway.
Malarkey. You were trying to suggest this was your route of infection. You just got sloppy about your story and got busted on it, that's all.
You know, lets forget the fact that I am HIV positive. The man is HIV positive. I know that for a fact. He has multiple web sites stating he is D/D free. Obviously the state health care system has been unable to stop him from infecting other people. I chose to report it to possibly stop him from infecting anyone else.
If his online hook up profiles are the best you've got to work on, your case is in sad shape indeed. But the further this yarn continues, the more inclined I am to change my previous stance and tell you to go for it - start raising your ruckus with the authorities. I think it might just be exactly the fitting course of action for you to take, consequences and all.
And if you think you'll be allowed to take such ill tones with the good people of these forums while spinning your yarn, I'll wager you'll soon find yourself scratched from here as well.
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No yarn dear. The State Attorney's office has the information and is collecting additional evidence. The "good" people of this forum are greatly appreciated. They have responded kindly by personal message.
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Ok then it's all set! Keep us informed!
Milker.
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The man is HIV positive. I know that for a fact.
Does "fact" in this case mean rumours and hearsay?
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Like I said in a thread in off topic, I'm glad I come on here when I need a good laugh and read this. Fraid, you have more excuses in you than I had to get high again when I was a junkie. (and that's a lot)
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??? From scratches? ::)
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ok so maybe im a little slow....but i know i am pretty open sexually...so are you saying that IFFFFF the guy was HIV neg it would be been OK for him to scratch your back all up, ejaculate on it, then rub it in??? i mean did you really really think they was something that sounded like a good idea? and would you ACTUALLY take someones word about it? I know for myself that I did not know I was positive due to a miscommunication with my physician about what tests had been run in Feb and thankfully the two partners who were put at risk with me are negative. Think about how ridiculous your claim sounds. So you consented...you got exposed...get some counseling...move on. Zan
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Could it be you are all protesting so loudly because you are doing the same thing as he is?
This is really uncalled for.
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Like I said in a thread in off topic, I'm glad I come on here when I need a good laugh and read this. Fraid, you have more excuses in you than I had to get high again when I was a junkie. (and that's a lot)
amen.
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Fraidknot
As you've experienced, this is one tremendously touchy topic.
I have always wished there were a way to discuss this without cannon fire. It was one of my first concerns when coming to this site. I learned quickly to stuff it and found what I needed elsewhere. Invariably such posts receive such reception.
Please refer to your Inbox, I'll post a short PM there. I can give you some info you'll wish to consider.
Em
I just noticed this a few minutes ago and have to take a bit of exception at part of your post here, Em. I don't think that's an entirely fair claim to make of this place. I don't think the subject is completely closed to reason. I, for one, am open to hear what a person might have to say on this and give it fair consideration - and I think a great many people on here are the same in that regard. I'm willing to take claims like this on a case by case basis, but I don't think it's unreasonable at all to expect any such claim to face rather intense scrutiny. They demand it. It's the only truly proper and respectful way to address them, in my opinion.
I don't have a blanket resistance to any argument of this kind...just this particular claim.
I dunno. I guess I'm just feeling a little put off by the suggestive tone that there are certain things that really can't be discussed here. I think some cannon fire is a good thing. It forces you to examine and defend your position and maintain the courage of your convictions. It may not be as comfortable as "stuffing it" or seeking out somewhere more cozy, but in the end I think it serves you best.
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Could it be you are all protesting so loudly because you are doing the same thing as he is?
Whoa Bessie! Dems some SERIOUS INTERNET BUSINESS that there. How have I missed this fab thread for an entire week?
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How have I missed this fab thread for an entire week?
. . . well that's what happens when you live in a haze of Red X fumes, Philodendron. KS must be sending you blind. ;)
Matty the Damned is inclined to agree with Youth Pastor Tim here as he takes issue with Emeraldize. I've seen this issue debated in it's many manifestations over the years; sometimes it's hardcore (like now) and other times it's spirited, emphatic, frank but ultimately peaceful.
For the record, this isn't the most torrid thread on this subject I've ever seen in this place.
This is only my opinion, but I think it's unfortunate and even regrettable that Emeraldize has decided to give succour to a character like fraidknot, be it here in the thread or under cover of PM.
MtD
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expect some " * " posts by tomorrow :)
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The man who is positive made a phone call to the man who introduced us AFTER I filed the charges and ADMITTED that he is positive and taking medications.
But wait, maybe I shouldn't believe him since he told me he didn't have any communicable diseases to begin with.
I'm so delighted to have provided you all with entertainment.
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The man who is positive made a phone call to the man who introduced us AFTER I filed the charges and ADMITTED that he is positive and taking medications.
But wait, maybe I shouldn't believe him since he told me he didn't have any communicable diseases to begin with.
I'm so delighted to have provided you all with entertainment.
Maybe you shouldn't trust anyone you don't know well. Especially when it comes to your own health. Using a condom should be the default response.
Just a thought.
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This is certainly true. I trusted him because he was a friend of a friend, who was known to be very picky about partners. I asked about his history, had known him for several months before we actually had sex, I did all the right things except use a condom 100% of the time.
I know my story seems disjointed and honestly, if I had been around as long as those of you who have responded I would probably be flaming a bit too. I haven't lied to the investigator. I've given up my computer hard drive, which stands to do a lot more damage to me than it does to him, to help them in the case. I won't lie about my activities because any lie on my part may keep them from stopping him.
I'm not going to slink away because some of you don't like me. I may shout back but I have taken your words into consideration. You've given me many things to think about, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here at 1:28 am, I would be sleeping peacefully.
Hope everyone else is getting a good nights rest.
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So FK, which particular version of the "truth" are you pushing today? This one:
This is certainly true. I trusted him because he was a friend of a friend, who was known to be very picky about partners. I asked about his history, had known him for several months before we actually had sex, I did all the right things except use a condom 100% of the time.
I know my story seems disjointed and honestly, if I had been around as long as those of you who have responded I would probably be flaming a bit too. I haven't lied to the investigator. I've given up my computer hard drive, which stands to do a lot more damage to me than it does to him, to help them in the case. I won't lie about my activities because any lie on my part may keep them from stopping him.
I'm not going to slink away because some of you don't like me. I may shout back but I have taken your words into consideration. You've given me many things to think about, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here at 1:28 am, I would be sleeping peacefully.
Hope everyone else is getting a good nights rest.
Or this one:
The man put long scratches down my back with his fingernails, ejaculated onto my back and then rubbed it in. The day that I filed charges he phoned a mutual friend and confided that he was indeed positive. Using a condom would not have prevented that source of exposure.
I'm sure the prosecutor will be keen to know this as well.
MtD
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I haven't lied to the investigator. I've given up my computer hard drive,...
And from the very beginning you gave the police your computer WITHOUT even them issuing a warrant or a court order asking for it? You gave it up willingly to cooperate? You sure you don't have anything incriminating in it? Are you receiving any qualified legal advises since you filed the charges? Seriously, not at all sounding mean or anything, I really hope you are not trusting the investigators will do the right things the way you "trusted" this man for letting him not using condoms.
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In post #13 you said
I would not have this had I insisted on a condom. Had he told me he had HIV I would not have had sex with him even with a condom.
So you had upprotected sex with him...are you saying this is how he infected you?
OR
The man put long scratches down my back with his fingernails, ejaculated onto my back and then rubbed it in
Are you now telling us this is how he infected you?
Then you say in post #73
there is much you don't know about the situation
There probaly is a lot we don't know, because you are not telling us, so far we have two different stories, which one do we believe?
However I do agree with you on one point and that is your story is very disjointed.
You mentioned that we have given you many things to think about..I hope the truth is one of them.
Jan
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He did both. I also deep throated his 8.5 inch dick which left my throat a little raw. Maybe that was what did it? He also fucked my ass, with and without a condom. He chewed my twat raw and loved to bite me on the neck though I don't think he ever drew blood. There is lots more. I never stated this was a one night stand. Would you like the lot of it so you can be judge and jury?
Oh, I forgot, you already made your judgment from my original post.
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He did both. I also deep throated his 8.5 inch dick which left my throat a little raw. Maybe that was what did it? He also fucked my ass, with and without a condom. He chewed my twat raw and loved to bite me on the neck though I don't think he ever drew blood. There is lots more. I never stated this was a one night stand. Would you like the lot of it so you can be judge and jury?
Oh, I forgot, you already made your judgment from my original post.
Spoken like the true exhibitionist S&M bottom that your profile in The Other Place proclaims you to be. :)
MtD
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..There is lots more. I never stated this was a one night stand. Would you like the lot of it so you can be judge and jury?
Actually, you can treat this exercise as a rehearsal of your cross-examinations on the witness stand.
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The brothers Grimm wrote more convincing fairytales .. and they were full of .......... mythical creatures too.
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Heh.
Those AIDSmeders who are posting here in earnest should know that our new playmate FK, is just loving every minute of this. The responses she's getting here are so much more satisfying than anything she's received over at the Site of the Slapped Buttocks. (http://www.bondage.com/)
Now Matty the Damned ain't doubting FK's claims to be HIV positive. There is no more evidence that she's not positive than for any other person here. On that basis, her claims must be taken at face value.
What he does doubt is the sincerity of her intentions. This character isn't serious about prosecuting whoever infected her. She's just looking for cheap thrills.
And she's getting them. You can be sure she's flicking herself off to every admonition she receives here.
She's a naughty, impudent girl and she doesn't care who knows it.
I'm not going to slink away because some of you don't like me.
*Thwack!* You rotten wench!
I haven't lied to the investigator. I've given up my computer hard drive, which stands to do a lot more damage to me than it does to him, to help them in the case. I won't lie about my activities because any lie on my part may keep them from stopping him.
Yairs, Matty the Damned is sure that a close and brutal scrutiny by uniformed authority is much to her tastes.
MtD
(Who, having been to a Catholic boarding school, knows these things) :)
/edited for a tyop/
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MtD
(Who, having been to a Catholic boarding school, knows these things) :)
I WAS sent to ("locked up in" may be a better way to describe it) a Catholic boarding school and I have no clue of what Matty meant by "these things".. I missed out on the much craved "abuses" from the PE teacher.. and now "these things"? ;D
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I WAS sent to ("locked up in" may be a better way to describe it) a Catholic boarding school and I have no clue of what Matty meant by "these things".. I missed out on the much craved "abuses" from the PE teacher.. and now "these things"?
Clearly you were a snotty little teacher's pet. Not like Matty the Damned and FraidKnot -- two Rebels without Causes out to show the world a thing or two . . .
;)
MtD
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Has anyone figured out where the 91-year-old grandmother fits into all of this? If so, could someone please tell me so I can change channels.
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Clearly you were a snotty little teacher's pet. Not like Matty the Damned and FraidKnot -- two Rebels without Causes out to show the world a thing or two . . .
More Pest than Pet I reckon.. which is exacly what I still am now.. ;D
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He did both. I also deep throated his 8.5 inch dick which left my throat a little raw. Maybe that was what did it? He also fucked my ass, with and without a condom. He chewed my twat raw and loved to bite me on the neck though I don't think he ever drew blood. There is lots more.
Oh you poor dear..you are obviously the innocent party here and had no idea what he was doing to you, I say hang him now and get it over with...how could we have possibly believed that someone as innocent as you could have had anything to do with this, what were we thinking..I can see it all now, it's clearly not your fault you became infected...oh how we have misjudge you.
Just out of curiousity what planet you live on.
Jan
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I sort of understand your response, even though in the long run, I can't see it helping you to come to terns with having HIV.
Wanting to lash out at who you think infected you is one response, though as you can see from above, it makes a lot of people round here angry. It's your response to the situation you are in.
Your stories do seem, from what I've read, farfetched and there seem to be a lot of inconsistencies, which any court case could easily exploit.
I hope you find a way to move on from this, accept what has happened and concentrate on your wellbeing.
Personally, I am sick of people who are are happy to have unprotected sex and when the shit hits the fan, accept no culpability for their own actions.
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Like Matty said, Fraid is getting off on all of these "corrections of character." Matty, although it wasn't Catholic school, I went to Seventh-Day Adventist schools for the first 10 years, and know quite well about being a "rebel without a cause." ;)
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this thread is really unproductive. the original poster obviously engaged in some risky behaviour. getting mad about it after the fact is really pointless. these things happen. do yourself a favor, seek counselling, get a good ID doc and take care of yourself. it's a long process, but the sooner your forgive yourself the better. trust me.
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Betty, I went to a Seventh-Day Adventist college. Their food sucked and I was in the Dean's Office more than I was in class. I don't think they liked me all that much. :D If I heard "Rodney" please report to the Dean's Office once, I must have heard it a hundred times. Most of the time was because I would pick up a group from the dorm on Friday and Saturday and took them to the Gay Bars. :D At least my Prof. in Religion liked me. ;)
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I hear ya, Roddles. I was always in the principle's office. At the academy I went to, they had morning devotions every morning. I would always go into the girl's bathroom and smoke a couple doobies, then hide out in one of the stalls and laugh after morning devotions was over and the girls would come in and say "what is that smell?" :D
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Fraid, I have deliberately not read anyone’s posts in this thread but yours. I am so sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis and that you have been put at risk in this way. You are right in Florida there are very stringent laws that are in place that are there to try in help stop the spread of HIV. Unfortunately, those laws are not working very well and we are introducing more and more HIV+ people into our prison systems, where there they have medical opportunities not to mention the opportunity to spread this disease. A few months back I saw a HIV+ young man of 22 on the news that was having unsafe sex with young girls. He was put in prison, and he was pretty so you know who is probably going to be getting freaky in the jail. All of those prisoners will be released and guess what back to spreading HIV. It is an imperfect world I understand. It is not anyone’s place to judge you, we have all been where you are angry and unnerved and trying to deal with new diagnosis of living with this life altering disease. I understand that you want to help stop the spread of this disease and stop him from spreading this disease to others. Please take a breath, give yourself a chance to accept your diagnosis and grieve for the loss of your life before you were infected. You have done what the health department wants you do, and name names; it is their job to keep records on who is infected and how they were infected. Whether I agree or disagree is irrelevant, what is now important is that you move forward and deal with your life. Life is not over, it has only just begun. I was infected by someone who did not know his status, he took the condom off during sex, and once I realized that the condom was not in place, I stopped the act and ended the relationship. I did test within two weeks of this encounter and my results were negative, never experienced ARS, and met a new person whom I am still involved with. I found out my status a few years later, by applying for life insurance. I know who infected me, because I was not sexually promiscuous during this time and I only had one partner, and he is still negative. I am in the legal field and pretty good at PI work that is how I found this guy again. I did the right thing and made sure that I listed his name with the health department, which as a Floridian is your duty according to the law that is also how I found out his status. I wanted you to know how I was infected, as I have always played safe unless I am was in a committed relationship and we both tested together after a considerable amount of time. I have known my status for two years. My advice to you is to start by forgiving yourself, and maybe forgiving him. I know that is very difficult, but it is important in order to start your new life. You don’t want this to be hanging over your head for the rest of your life. You are not broken; just now you have to be a lot more cautious. This will always be a part of you, but now you are a part of something bigger. It does take two, and as humans we tend to trust, which may be a flaw. Anyway, I hope you find support in these words and good luck to you.. D
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Fraid, I have deliberately not read anyone’s posts in this thread but yours.
Heh. There's where ya blew it, Florida.
She isn't gonna get any good diddles off your post at all.
I used to work for a gripe line...ya know, one of those places for customer complaints ("my pizza was too greasy, my fries were cold, that girl at the drive up window was a real cunt"....that sort of thing). We occasionally had people call up to talk dirty to us under the guise of a "complaint" (example: "I went into the Arby's bathroom to change clothes for some reason. A male employee came in to clean it, and...he saw me....naked. I mean....my shaved pussy was just exposed for him to see!")
You get the idea. They did this because they were too cheap to cough up for a 900 phone sex line and we were an 800 source for free thrills.
And so it is with this tawdry little girl. Not only does she engage in nasty behavior, she doesn't know the proper places for it. Not to mention that she's cheap, too. It's appalling, and she deserves every bit of ridicule we can heap on her.
Meh. That's it for me. Too much effort involved. Not my sscene. Too many whistles and bells required - even for simple masturbation, apparently.
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Fraid, I have deliberately not read anyone’s posts in this thread but yours.
Heh. Donny, you always surprise me. Just when I think you can't get anymore sanctimonious, you go and prove me wrong. It's a real talent you have there sweetpea.
Maybe you can take FK across to be a blogger in the Othe Place? ;)
MtD
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Fraid, I have deliberately not read anyone’s posts in this thread but yours.
Heh. Donny, you always surprise me. Just when I think you can't get anymore sanctimonious, you go and prove me wrong. It's a real talent you have there sweetpea.
Maybe you can take FK across to be a blogger in the Othe Place? ;)
MtD
HMMMMMMMMMMM.. Something to consider and no I am not trying to convince anyone to leave this site, as it is obvious in need of some new people with personalties. I think you are flamebaiting me, but you know, my flame is so bright I have no need to find a dimmer switch. It appears as some can get away with it and others can't. I hope you remember this sentiment when you come to that other place snook em. Honestly, I pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, I have no need to look for a life, mine engulfs me and gives me pleasure. With that sad, I too will put you on that persistent ignore with your mates, sugar plum. D
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HMMMMMMMMMMM.. Something to consider and no I am not trying to convince anyone to leave this site, as it is obvious in need of some new people with personalties. I think you are flamebaiting me, but you know, my flame is so bright I have no need to find a dimmer switch. It appears as some can get away with it and others can't. I hope you remember this sentiment when you come to that other place snook em. Honestly, I pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, I have no need to look for a life, mine engulfs me and gives me pleasure. With that sad, I too will put you on that persistent ignore with your mates, sugar plum. D
Just one question. I thought you deliberately didn't read anyone's post in this thread but Fraid's?
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I have filed criminal charges against him and am considering filing civil charges. Is there anyone else who has been in this situation? If so, is there any advice you would extend to me?
This specific portion of Fraidknot's post is what I responded to via PM to her. I also related trying to get input early on after joining the site.
In subsequent threads, I noticed this topic, yes invariably, draws response which I described as cannon fire. When a person asks a question ...is there any advice you would extend to me? with regard to experience pursuing a transmission case and the responses are anything but related to that, and are opinionated as to how to get over being infected, to get counseling,to go on and live your life, to realize the damage such action causes all positive people, etc. it reads like cannon fire to me. I suppose I would have been safe to have written it nets a lot of response.
I did stuff, or stop, seeking any info here on that topic, but in the months since have continued to find the site a source for important medical info, witty and bawdy humor, friendship and activism.
Beyond taking Fraidknot's query at face value, I don't know, nor do I care what her intentions are. I knew my response was best shared in a PM rather than a post. I made a choice to read her request as legitimate and to reply.
This topic is touchy and I understand why. My favorite ID doc was a defense lawyer before going to med school and we discussed HIV transmission law at length. There are pros and cons to such legislation and every case is different.
I don't believe my comments regarding the usual receptivity for this hotly debated issue paint the site nor its members negatively. I've observed it's a touchy topic, threads can derail, people can be hacked at and at times I've wished it weren't this way. But, again, I get my discourse needs on this topic met elsewhere.
Em
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Thank you Em. There were several others that responded with encouragement via PM as well. I do understand how identifying in any way with my situation in the forum will bring potential backlash. Others have already seen that. I appreciate the support from those who have given it.
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I have filed criminal charges against him and am considering filing civil charges. Is there anyone else who has been in this situation? If so, is there any advice you would extend to me?
This specific portion of Fraidknot's post is what I responded to via PM to her. I also related trying to get input early on after joining the site.
In subsequent threads, I noticed this topic, yes invariably, draws response which I described as cannon fire. When a person asks a question ...is there any advice you would extend to me? with regard to experience pursuing a transmission case and the responses are anything but related to that, and are opinionated as to how to get over being infected, to get counseling,to go on and live your life, to realize the damage such action causes all positive people, etc. it reads like cannon fire to me. I suppose I would have been safe to have written it nets a lot of response.
I did stuff, or stop, seeking any info here on that topic, but in the months since have continued to find the site a source for important medical info, witty and bawdy humor, friendship and activism.
Beyond taking Fraidknot's query at face value, I don't know, nor do I care what her intentions are. I knew my response was best shared in a PM rather than a post. I made a choice to read her request as legitimate and to reply.
This topic is touchy and I understand why. My favorite ID doc was a defense lawyer before going to med school and we discussed HIV transmission law at length. There are pros and cons to such legislation and every case is different.
I don't believe my comments regarding the usual receptivity for this hotly debated issue paint the site nor its members negatively. I've observed it's a touchy topic, threads can derail, people can be hacked at and at times I've wished it weren't this way. But, again, I get my discourse needs on this topic met elsewhere.
Em
Yeah...I tried to look up that old post you had made seeking input to get a bit more context and perspective. As has happened with several of your posts, it had been deleted and left with only a "*". I'm taking the liberty of quoting this one in full as a preventative measure. I made the bold emphasis because I wanted to address that specific part.
The main thing I want to say is that "how to get over being infected, to get counseling,to go on and live your life, to realize the damage such action causes all positive people, etc" is NOT "anything but related"....it is DIRECTLY related. I'm at a loss as to how that isn't immediately evident, especially to someone like you, Em. You...of the "Starving HIV Stigma" movement. You...who currently ask alongside every post you make, "Have you written or called your rep yet?"
It is most likely the lion's share of the responses because they are the most appropriate for the lion's share of cases. I think you should only expect otherwise once you've made a clearly defensible case otherwise. And a case such as this one ain't it, hon.
The only other thing I want to address is this part: "I suppose I would have been safe to have written it nets a lot of response."
My question here is: Do you feel unsafe that I called your post into question? If so, you shouldn't. I think you should know me well enough to know that I have a great deal of respect for you not only for your recent efforts regarding the travel ban, but as a person in general and would not look to form any sort of attack on you if that is how you are perceiving it. Just so we are clear there.
The statements about safety and the history of taking a "*" to controversial posts you've made do give me pause, though. I don't think you should feel "unsafe" about tabling any subject here, and I worry you second guess yourself more than you should - rather than just fielding opposition and responding to it like you've just done. ;)
Now back to our regularly scheduled nonsense.
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Hi Tim,
Nope, I don't feel unsafe about about you calling my post into question, posting or as you noted, tabling--I didn't think I was tabling, I was trying to clarify. What I meant by safe was perhaps it would have been better to select words other than cannon fire to convey what I meant in terms of volume, and in some cases, style, of responses.
I still come back to the specificity of FK's initial query and that's what I meant by responses being directly related to her request. She stated the premise and asked if anyone had been in the situation and if so, did anyone have any advice to extend. I read it as only that, asking for advice in that narrow setting of having relevant experience and wanting to pass it along.
I have filed criminal charges against him and am considering filing civil charges. Is there anyone else who has been in this situation? If so, is there any advice you would extend to me?
Regarding asterisks in my boring portfolio. Back in the days when we could delete posts, I deleted some for a variety of reasons. I know that's looked down upon by some, but I don't regret doing it nor do I think my deletions affected the quality of the threads in which they were nested.
I know, I know. What if everyone did it? That's the social question to pose. Why we'd have swiss cheese threads and no evidence of previous blunders, boneheaded thinking, fetish confessions and unbridled sarcasm. I haven't deleted a post in quite some time except when a moderator asked me to because it was believed a site member could be affected negatively by non-site folks. So, I was enabled by the moderator to delete the post. There's a shelf life now isn't there for how long you have to go back and retract? Anyway, suffice to report, I presently don't delete unless asked. I'm trying, Youth Pastor Tim, to conform to the ways of the Youth Group. Honest, I am. 8)
I think destigmatization efforts, HIV transmission laws and activism can co-exist and not in such a way as to contradict. Are we at the optimal level of that? No, not by a long shot and I only hope I'm not dead before that occurs. I'm sure we'd prefer to see none of them having to exist at all.
Thanks for remarking on my rather stale profile attributes. Perhaps it's time for a change. I could use an Extreme Makeover...no second guessing there! Heck, it's a new year. We're making progress on the HIV Travel Ban, slow but sure. Bobino and Mouse have anything ENDA-related well covered. I can strip out all that tired text, find something by Emerson and pick another fetching head shot.
Em
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I gotta give it to ya Em, this:
Regarding asterisks in my boring portfolio. Back in the days when we could delete posts, I deleted some for a variety of reasons. I know that's looked down upon by some, but I don't regret doing it nor do I think my deletions affected the quality of the threads in which they were nested.
I know, I know. What if everyone did it? That's the social question to pose. Why we'd have swiss cheese threads and no evidence of previous blunders, boneheaded thinking, fetish confessions and unbridled sarcasm. I haven't deleted a post in quite some time except when a moderator asked me to because it was believed a site member could be affected negatively by non-site folks. So, I was enabled by the moderator to delete the post. There's a shelf life now isn't there for how long you have to go back and retract? Anyway, suffice to report, I presently don't delete unless asked. I'm trying, Youth Pastor Tim, to conform to the ways of the Youth Group. Honest, I am.
I think destigmatization efforts, HIV transmission laws and activism can co-exist and not in such a way as to contradict. Are we at the optimal level of that? No, not by a long shot and I only hope I'm not dead before that occurs. I'm sure we'd prefer to see none of them having to exist at all.
Thanks for remarking on my rather stale profile attributes. Perhaps it's time for a change. I could use an Extreme Makeover...no second guessing there! Heck, it's a new year. We're making progress on the HIV Travel Ban, slow but sure. Bobino and Mouse have anything ENDA-related well covered. I can strip out all that tired text, find something by Emerson and pick another fetching head shot.
Em
is quite possibly the finest piece of passive-aggression I've ever encountered on Teh Intahwebz. I take my hat off to you. :)
MtD
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MtD
Passive-aggressive? Nope. Just a reply with some pretty mundane stuff in it. I don't delete any more and it's intentional. I'm abiding by the site rules and member preferences. My portfolio is quite boring, in the world of all things written. Previous profile was old and tired. Really old and tired. Tim's post caused me to realize that. I could take out a reference to ENDA because Mouse really has done a good job addressing the issue and Bobino has been weighty counter-balance. I am not capable graphics-wise as you are or I would do something creative. Wish we didn't have all the problems there are related to HIV. Added another clarification re: the FK response. The danger of posting rather than phoning or chatting in person is that simple statements rather plainly written can be misread. I like Tim, have from the start and replied to his post. I don't see what all the flap about responding to FK's post is about, but oh well. As Tim put it, it really did go back to our regularly scheduled nonsense. And, the ratings are really up on this one!
Em
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There are so many red herrings being tossed around here that you could all feast on fish for a month - and all that serves to do is detract from the fact that we are being asked to swallow the plainly inconsistent and the unashamedly unbelievable .. dressed in a sauce dripping with disingenuity.
Anyone for sockpuppet (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sockpuppet_%28Internet%29)ry 101?
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After going back and reading through the entire request that fraid asked in regard to information and other’s responses, I wanted to address my stance on this issue so that you all can see that I clearly was not being self-righteous as those indignantly called me in this forum. I was attempting to address what she was going through and show empathy, which is obviously lacking in many places in the world. What I find humorous among most is that instead of understanding the fire came in full force, from folks who should have been more understanding and not let their personal feelings be involved. Florida law is just that the law, I am attempting to address these issues here in Florida, on a judicial level and perhaps get the law changed. At this point it is not his word against hers, basically even if they are living together if someone files a complaint against someone in regard to HIV, then the infected person is presumed guilty. I do not agree with this law; however whether I agree or disagree is a mute point, as it is the law in the law books in the state of Florida.
Whether you disclose or not disclose, unless you have something in writing or proof that you disclosed and know your status then you are at fault. The health department keeps records of who in the state of Florida is infected with the virus. All fraid had to do was say this person infected me, and did not tell me he was positive, then the police go and look up his information in their database and find out he is indeed infected and therefore criminal charges are enforced. “Abstract: 960.003 HIV testing for persons charged with or alleged by petition for delinquency to have committed certain offenses; disclosure of results to victims. 381.004(3)(e) (http://www.doh.state.fl.us/disease_ctrl/aids/legal/hivindex.html) to those who undergo HIV testing shall also be afforded to the victim or the victim's legal guardian, or to the parent or legal guardian of the victim if the victim is a minor. (b) The results of such HIV testing have been furnished to the victim or the victim's legal guardian, or the parent or legal guardian of the victim if ...” which basically means the victim has the upper hand. I have not now nor will I ever be someone’s victim, not of this forum with your callous or snide unintelligible remarks, or your fire for being nice to someone who is feeling tortured by their new diagnosis. I did not file a formal complaint, if you would have read carefully you would have realized that the person who infected me did NOT know their status. I don’t hold it against him, things happen in life in which we have no control. I only turned his name into the health department by hopefully helping him know of his status. There were never charges pressed against this person, in fact I have had no contact with him since our relationship ended. I am in a relationship, with a negative person, and I trust that he will not get angry one day and use my status against me, as in the laws of the State of Florida he could. I never said that I was not party to my own infection, as I believe that indeed I was. However, I never agreed to have unprotected sex with anyone. I now understand how some get themselves into dire and dreadful predicaments, by letting their mouth run while their brain is in a resting mode.
Honestly, I have to work and do not have the time nor the patience to get involved in the war of words or the touchy subject that is presented here. I am not intimidated, but I do not have the need friends, I am lucky that I have an abundance. Take care, D
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Florida69, I'm sorry, but that story was a waste of bandwidth.
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Florida, your attempts to belittle and berate us are going to get you nowhere; my feelings stand, and they're not just feelings, they're logic and ethical. If one doesn't insist on condoms, unless one is raped, then both parties are responsible. That's just elementary. Your tirade of words is nothing more than just that-a tirade.
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Florida, your attempts to belittle and berate us are going to get you nowhere; my feelings stand, and they're not just feelings, they're logic and ethical. If one doesn't insist on condoms, unless one is raped, then both parties are responsible. That's just elementary. Your tirade of words is nothing more than just that-a tirade.
I am not attempting to belittle or berate anyone and I never addressed anyone, except fraid. You all have gone out of your way to attack me, because I understand. I never said that I agreed. Everyone is entitled to their opninion. Unfortunately, the law is black and white, there is no gray. I provided the link, it is there for your education, so that maybe we can graduate. D
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I now understand how some get themselves into dire and dreadful predicaments, by letting their mouth run while their brain is in a resting mode.
Honestly, I have to work and do not have the time nor the patience to get involved in the war of words or the touchy subject that is presented here. I am not intimidated, but I do not have the need friends, I am lucky that I have an abundance. Take care, D
You know Donnie, where I come from, we would say, "boy, he's got a lot of nerve." We get it, you don't like the folks at AIDSMEDS and the few times you choose to post prove that. You don't think we are very nice people. I find it remarkable that you chide us for our welcomes when your welcome at "the other site" consists of this.
I hope this is Steve from Aidsmed, you will see Steve that we are a much better group of people (although we all have friends there), none of that crap that goes on at that board. We are supportive and compassionate, I think we are the lucky ones to have such a great forum with such a great group of people. I am glad that you joined us here, and I look forward to getting to know you better. Donnie
I've yet to see anyone here at AIDSMEDS welcome someone by denigrating another HIV site. In fact I'm sure we would get a bit of a tongue lashing if we did.
Give me a break.
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but I do not have the need friends, I am lucky that I have an abundance.
wut
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You know Donnie, where I come from, we would say, "boy, he's got a lot of nerve." We get it, you don't like the folks at AIDSMEDS and the few times you choose to post prove that. You don't think we are very nice people. I find it remarkable that you chide us for our welcomes when your welcome at "the other site" consists of this.
I've yet to see anyone here at AIDSMEDS welcome someone by denigrating another HIV site. In fact I'm sure we would get a bit of a tongue lashing if we did.
Give me a break.
I was simply stating the law and perhaps educating you all on Florida law. I never ever said that I did not like the people here, or that I thought that they were not nice. I was welcoming you on the other site and letting you know that the cannon fire that goes on here, would never be tolerated there. You are right by showing my words to you show that this site is different. None of the stuff that goes on here, would ever happen there. Your welcome to fraid was really great, I see how you all treat new members. I wasn't denigrating aidsmeds, I was simply stating that the what goes on here, stays here. I guess you didn't get that. D
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I was simply stating the law and perhaps educating you all on Florida law. I never ever said that I did not like the people here, or that I thought that they were not nice. I was welcoming you on the other site and letting you know that the cannon fire that goes on here, would never be tolerated there. You are right by showing my words to you show that this site is different. None of the stuff that goes on here, would ever happen there. Your welcome to fraid was really great, I see how you all treat new members. I wasn't denigrating aidsmeds, I was simply stating that the what goes on here, stays here. I guess you didn't get that. D
you will see Steve that we are a much better group of people
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Just my two cents here. Was on a jury panel recently. The case was not anything to do with fraidnot's situation. HOWEVER, not being judgmental, looking at fraidnot's background, irregardless if she is insistant on bringing the alleged individual to justice, I wonder if it will even make it to court. Her lawyers, looking at her background, know that his lawyers will certainly bring up all of her background (including as much of her sexual escapades as they can).
No matter how she trys to protray the fellow who supposedly infected her, which she will have to prove with out a shadow of a doubt (good luck). The jury will weigh all the evidence, and looking at her past, and compairing it with his past. I honestly don't think she can win.
Plus unless she doesn't mind her life style publicly displayed in the courtroom as well as in the papers. Is this worth it.
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you will see Steve that we are a much better group of people
I just realized that you can’t be Steve because he obviously is not acrimonious, I do have you on ignore for a reason, as you are one of the biggest flame baiters in this forum. By the way, Steve did say that his welcome at that sight beat the welcome he had received in other places.
The definition of better is (of the same class or set or kind) in excellence or quality or desirability or suitability.
So, I guess you proved that I was right. By the way, I don’t have any ill feelings towards anyone in this forum. The fact is I am not a bitter person. I do not engage for a reason, and you showed that reason to be on point. D
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How is it that Donnie can see all these posts if he has the posters on ignore? ::)
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How is it that Donnie can see all these posts if he has the posters on ignore? ::)
Depends on if it's the Romulan or Klingon version of the cloaking device. They operate differently.
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Lonewolf - this is not a CIVIL suit. It is a CRIMINAL suit. In addition to my history, I have documentation, a physician's visit during my seroconversion and the confession of the man who infected me.
YES, I understand that my background will be looked into and be torn apart. My history against his? Piece of cake. Does he want his name in the paper? I think not. State health care worker said his name has come up in conversations with other newly diagnosed HIV people as well.
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Huh? What is she...?? Oh...that. Girl, are you still going on with all that? Face it, honey: You're thread's moved on without you.
It climaxed before you did.
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WOW yall are deep..im afraid to voice my opinions...and im not reading each and everything that was posted, i get the gist i think...i know in florida, u must disclose before having sex PERIOD. protected or not...So if this is legit i say sue em..If thats what u want to do. I was infected in florida, but kids dad didnt know..but i did know that kids dad was a cheat and i still slept with him unprotected..so i def know my and accept part in my infection..
I find it funny tho if yall chk out florida dept of corrections they will list if a person is convicted of transmitting HIV..all women..havent seen any men tho..Also its usually women who were convicted prior of prostituion, so what i am assuming is that if they get picked up and test pos..they automatically charge them with criminal transmission of HIV...Anyone else know anything about this...??
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Who is Steve?
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They're referring to SteveA, (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?action=profile;u=235) Philodendron. Covered himself with glory here in the latter part of last year.
MtD
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I didn't read all the back posts because frankly there is too much of it. The descriptive deep throating, penis size, anal sex and chewing of the "twat" caught my attention enough to graze the page.
With consentual sex I'm wondering how someone could prove that a HIV positive person willfully and knowingly had unprotected sex with someone without receiving consent first.
Wouldn't it be one persons word against another?
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I wanted to address my stance on this issue so that you all can see that I clearly was not being self-righteous as those indignantly called me in this forum.
Would that be a wide stance Donnito or just another "mute point"? ;)
The health department keeps records of who in the state of Florida is infected with the virus. All fraid had to do was say this person infected me, and did not tell me he was positive, then the police go and look up his information in their database and find out he is indeed infected and therefore criminal charges are enforced.
Really? I know it's Florida and everything but they'll "enforce" criminal charges in the absence of any definitive evidence? Wow. Well you're the para-legal so I 'spose you know these things.
Regards,
MtD
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I wanted to address my stance on this issue so that you all can see that I clearly was not being self-righteous as those indignantly called me in this forum.
Would that be a wide stance Donnito or just another "mute point"? ;)
Reminds me of a certain airport toilet escapade.... ::)
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Reminds me of a certain airport toilet escapade.... ::)
I guess you would know.. I am not into that type of stuff, but please do keep us updated.
D
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I didn't read all the back posts because frankly there is too much of it. The descriptive deep throating, penis size, anal sex and chewing of the "twat" caught my attention enough to graze the page.
With consentual sex I'm wondering how someone could prove that a HIV positive person willfully and knowingly had unprotected sex with someone without receiving consent first.
Wouldn't it be one persons word against another?
If you are interested you can read back through the thread. Simply stated, in Florida you must disclose you are positive before having sex whether the other person asks or not. He didn't. I have proof.
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I guess you would know.. I am not into that type of stuff, but please do keep us updated.
D
Oh dear, someone hasn't been keeping up on current affairs. (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=15050.0)
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If you are interested you can read back through the thread. Simply stated, in Florida you must disclose you are positive before having sex whether the other person asks or not. He didn't. I have proof.
Sweetheart,
I'm afraid the law is an ass.
Do you videotape every sexual encounter? Unless you do, I fail to see how you have "proof". It's your word against his. How do we know that one of your other Dominate Tops didn't infect you before you even laid eyes on this guy?
Ann
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Oh dear, someone hasn't been keeping up on current affairs. (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=15050.0)
I choose to be better and set the example, oh I thought that was your job. I really had a lot of respect for you, I will remember to flush next time.
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Sweetheart,
I'm afraid the law is an ass.
Do you videotape every sexual encounter? Unless you do, I fail to see how you have "proof". It's your word against his. How do we know that one of your other Dominate Tops didn't infect you before you even laid eyes on this guy?
Ann
Again, I never said that I agreed with the law. It is the law, I will agree that the law is not always functional. Basically, not disclosing your status is the criminal act. Whether you use protection or not. It is what it is, people are convicted on this issue on a regular basis. I have nothing to gain by lying to you, I was basically sharing my story, and look lets come out of the from under the rock and attack. I am so glad that things are better for you there, please feel free to read what I posted, before you go get all knowing. Which I now see you are not. D
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I will remember to flush next time.
Me too buddy, me too. ;)
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Again, I never said that I agreed with the law. It is the law, I will agree that the law is not always functional. Basically, not disclosing your status is the criminal act. Whether you use protection or not. It is what it is, people are convicted on this issue on a regular basis. I have nothing to gain by lying to you, I was basically sharing my story, and look lets come out of the from under the rock and attack. I am so glad that things are better for you there, please feel free to read what I posted, before you go get all knowing. Which I now see you are not. D
Uh, duh, I was responding to Fraid, as should have been obvious. It's not all about you, you know. ::)
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Takes the 150th Post!!!
W00T!!!1!
MtD
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Sweetheart,
I'm afraid the law is an ass.
Do you videotape every sexual encounter? Unless you do, I fail to see how you have "proof". It's your word against his. How do we know that one of your other Dominate Tops didn't infect you before you even laid eyes on this guy?
Ann
You ASSUME as you have from the beginning to know more than you do. My ONE Dominant is negative after being tested twice. The other people involved besides the man who infected me have all tested negative. I have seen all the results.
It is not my word against his. I have proof, another human being in the room, when I had sex with him, the first time. He did not disclose.
Now why don't you do your job as a moderator and try to maintain some sort of moderation instead of allowing the favored members of your posse to run rough shod over people they don't like.
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Fraid,
You assume things yourself. You assume we don't like you. What we actually don't like is when people don't take responsibility for their own actions, but instead take legal action and play the victim. You want to be a victim, well, good luck with that.
There has been nothing to moderate in this thread so far. We allow people to voice opinions in these forums, whether you like it or not. This freedom of speech, by the way, has also applied to you. Haven't you noticed? Of course not, you only seem to see what you want to.
Ann
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It is not my word against his. I have proof, another human being in the room, when I had sex with him, the first time. He did not disclose.
I wish you the best of luck. It never occurred to me that you would have a witness in the same room. That wouldn't be a norm for my life therefore it isn't something I considered.
I whole heartedly agree that a person should disclose their status prior to any risky behavior.
I'll pass on reading the entire thread. My intent was a simple question. I do not intend on getting involved in a heated angry discussion.
Are you receiving any counseling?
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The Florida statute has a loophole: it doesn't specify whether the disclosure must be verbal or written. After I read about it I went to my favorite tattoo parlor, "The Rising Dragon", and I now have an "HIV positive" warning tattooed on my genitalia in Times New Roman. The font is very small, though, and you have to get REALLY close if you want to read it.
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LMAO thats a hoot
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As long as you don't accuse me of being tongue in cheek... ;)
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It is not my word against his. I have proof, another human being in the room, when I had sex with him, the first time. He did not disclose.
Thanks Winnie, I didn't read that closely enough the first time around.
So you had a witness the first time you had sex? So what? Did you use a condom? If you did, then there was no real point in disclosure, regardless of what the ass of a law says. If you didn't, witness or no witness, more fool you.
You know, the whole crux of this thread is the fact that if you play without condoms, sometimes you pay. Sorry you had to pay, but you wrote the balance sheet yourself. As did the vast majority of us. Get over it and stop criminalising sex for poz people. You're one of us now, remember?
Ann
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Serious answer? If I read this thread correctly, FK had sex with two people, at least one of whom she met at a bondage site. It speaks for itself. Law or no law, if that's how you want to play, be prepared to pay.
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FK, Please take a deep breath. You are a grown up adult, with two children. You have been around the block enough to know that you have to take responsibilities for your actions, whether it it be how you interact with your daughters, or at work or what ever. Your life style obviously, your choice, has caused this turn of events for you due to YOUR poor judgment in not using proper protection all the time.
I know, that you are new with this disease, and you are going through alot of emotions. Don't you think we all have done that and been there too. You honestly, found the best site on the internet for compassion, support and knowledge. How you interact, is your choice.
You are going to have to not be hard on all of those who have tried to help you. It hurts to see you so hard on those here, who have been so compassionate to so many.
If you continue this trend, the only "friend or support" you will have will be the lawyer who is out to get your money.
And I say again, you have no clue how your character will be torn apart, or even your character witness's you bring to court with you. I don't know how much you have told your daughters of your lifestyle, but more than likely they will get to read about it in the papers, as well as their friends.
Are you really ready for this.
Time to move on, and let the Health Department take care of things.
Focus your time on your precious daughters, they grow up so fast, focus your time on mentally healing from what has happened to you. And focus your time on learning to live life to the fullest and healthiest.
If you can do that, you will find many people that are genuinely there to support you. Including those here at this site, honest.
My thoughts go out to you, (this old man should be sleeping now) just had to write again.
Please stop and read this objectively, and not just to find more fault.
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Serious answer? If I read this thread correctly, FK had sex with two people, at least one of whom she met at a bondage site. It speaks for itself. Law or no law, if that's how you want to play, be prepared to pay.
Nope, met neither of them at a bondage site. Another assumed idea.
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FK, Please take a deep breath. You are a grown up adult, with two children. You have been around the block enough to know that you have to take responsibilities for your actions, whether it it be how you interact with your daughters, or at work or what ever. Your life style obviously, your choice, has caused this turn of events for you due to YOUR poor judgment in not using proper protection all the time.
I know, that you are new with this disease, and you are going through alot of emotions. Don't you think we all have done that and been there too. You honestly, found the best site on the internet for compassion, support and knowledge. How you interact, is your choice.
You are going to have to not be hard on all of those who have tried to help you. It hurts to see you so hard on those here, who have been so compassionate to so many.
If you continue this trend, the only "friend or support" you will have will be the lawyer who is out to get your money.
And I say again, you have no clue how your character will be torn apart, or even your character witness's you bring to court with you. I don't know how much you have told your daughters of your lifestyle, but more than likely they will get to read about it in the papers, as well as their friends.
Are you really ready for this.
Time to move on, and let the Health Department take care of things.
Focus your time on your precious daughters, they grow up so fast, focus your time on mentally healing from what has happened to you. And focus your time on learning to live life to the fullest and healthiest.
If you can do that, you will find many people that are genuinely there to support you. Including those here at this site, honest.
My thoughts go out to you, (this old man should be sleeping now) just had to write again.
Please stop and read this objectively, and not just to find more fault.
The man will be prosecuted by the STATE ATTORNEY, not by a lawyer of my choice that I have to pay for.
My children are grown.
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so maybe you can clear this up, the witness, did THEY said anything, did they know he was pos, did it never occur to you that the first time you are going to have sex with someone you would need to use a condom. i mean, damn...your whole thread makes me sick thinking about how stupidly you have acted...its bad enough for those of us who thought WE were neg or any other circumstance, but to honestly believe HE is the only responsible party to this is foolhearty at best and completely insane at worst. i mean, what about other STDs for heaven's sake. All the munching and what not, sucking and whatever...and my personally, i am NEVER gonna have anal without condom due to OTHER STDs and what not. I agree with other comments made in other threads, UNLESS you go together, test together and believe no one you are having sex with is lying or at risk, then having sex without a condom is your own damn fault...for those of us who were infected through means not of our doing (non consentual sex, non consentual unprotected sex, rape), then stop whining and get some counseling...Zan
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I give up. It seems that all you want to do is find fault with everyone.
Was just trying to give you some support.
I pitty you, you obviously don't really care about those who genuinely want to help.
Your in for a long, bitter life as it stands now.
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My ONE Dominant is negative after being tested twice
How do you know he is negative?..how do you know he isn't lying.
The other people involved besides the man who infected me have all tested negative.
Again how do you Know?.
I have seen all the results
What proof do you have?..unless you have the Lab reports or copies of the lab reports then you have no proof..so it is your word against his...he did wrong in not disclosing I'll give you that, but you are just as much to blame as he is for having unprotected sex with a man you knew nothing about.
Personally I think we are all wasting our precious time, from where I'm standing there is nothing more we can do.
You are hell bent on being a victim and refuse to take any responsibility..I think it's time for you to wake up and accept the fact you played a big part all this.
Jan
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FK, if you don't want anyone to assume, then perhaps you should first give a fuller account of what's happened instead of giving us bits of information so folks don't have to make assumptions. But I "assume" few of us are interested now.
I think what is clear is that the criminal charge is a go-ahead, whether you like it or not. As now I know more about the draconian laws in Florida, the state may indeed has a case against this man and from the few reported cases I have read, it does seem the courts there are very willing to be on the "victims'" side, which shouldn't be a surprise as this is the same place that would allow these unthinkably stupid laws to pass in the first place.
In any case, the same beyond reasonable doubt standard applies to all criminal charges. Be prepared for cross-examinations in which you will be asked a lot of questions that are based on assumptions. Since you seem to hate people making assumptions so much (which I believe is inevitable as anyone who thinks they're wronged hate people to think or even to doubt otherwise), you may want to also start preparing to appear composed and have all the facts straightened out now. The job of any defense lawyer is to antagonize you, dig out any hints of contradiction and magnify them in order to make you appear untrustworthy.
And at least for my part, I am sorry for questioning whether you knew he did infect you, as the legal issue at hand is only whether he told you. And I would suggest to my fellow friends here that there's little point of asking for more specific details. With this trend of bit-by-bit disclosing of details that involved fingernails and an "observer" during the sex act, I wonder what more surprises are in store. And they're beside the point, as the only issue is whether the man told FK he was HIV+.
So, good luck.. hence the end of the nice part of my reply. The not so nice part..
You're HIV+ now, just like the rest of us. If you think people will look at and treat "victims" differently, just read the laws in your own state. Unless you move you now need to disclose EVERY SINGLE TIME before sex, under whatever circumstances and whether protection is used. My guess is somewhere down the line you will encounter some reckless fools that just want to "stick it in" despite knowing all the risks, but somehow, you're the ONLY ONE that is responsible. I hope you won't be encountering any such dilemmas in the future.
But then, maybe I am again assuming that you're looking for some vindication and it's not your intention to use this case to identify yourself as a "victim". Alas, the laws stay and they will affect you. What more, by being part of the case laws, you're giving more ammunition to everyone who want nothing less than locking up all HIVers.
I said it before and will say it again - all such laws are vicious attacks intended to marginalize HIVers thinly disguised as "attempts" to reduce infection rate. Resources have been mis-spent on enforcement while the focuses should be on education and better health care. Such laws make discrimination looks righteous. They reinforce social stigma. Is disclosing a moral obligation? Yes, maybe and no. Like a lot of moral issues, it depends on circumstances. Hence we think it's a bad idea to enforce (relative) moral obligations through criminal laws. It's an establish legislative principle in most Western countries, except it seems when it comes to HIV.
What more, when people "suddenly" start to realize that this law is "not working", which is inevitable, and once this mentality that responsibility should rest on us and only us is so ingrained (no small thanks to all those sensational cases that are so keen to portrait all of us as monsters), I can assure you that things will only get worse for you and me. Imagine what they will "logically" reach tp add on those existing laws - harsher punishment, at the least, less stricter rules on releasing personal data on us HIVers, etc.
They're already pushing in Singapore for a law that will make non-disclosure criminal ever for people who "suspect" they might already be HIV+ without being ever tested, as the government now "realizes" that just forcing HIVers who know their status is not enough to reduce infection rate. God knows what Florida are capable of coming up with.
And guess what, you'd have to live and deal with those laws like the rest of us. They won't look at you and say, oh, s/he was deliberately infected, we should treat her nicer. No, they won't, they will be as eager to prosecute a young woman who is born with HIV and has fallen in love for the first time with this boy but was too afraid to tell him her status because she feared she might lose him, and she didn't disclose before sex and despite all proper protections were used and the boy wasn't infected, she's committed a crime under the same laws in your state that you want to use to send this man to jail.
Oh, don't be so dramatic, you might say. Just take a look at this real case (http://criminalhivtransmission.blogspot.com/). This Canadian "victim" jumped this kid half his age and who was obviously mentally unstable on their first "date". He went bare willingly and he got infected. The kid got arrested. Well, something has to be done right, you might counter. I can see how criminal laws should be involved in cases where there's a lack of consent (rape, sexual assaults, etc), a breach of trust (in a marriage, legal or de facto, etc) and when there's no knowledge or apprehension of the risks of being infected. Otherwise, if there's consent, knowledge and/or lack of a presumed "trust", there's no excuse on the part of an affectee.
Some of us have urged you to also looking for counseling or other means to deal with the anger (again, "assumed" anger, so if you're not angry my apology for assuming that), and in one or two of your previous posts you mentioned that what we said have given you things to think about.. so I hope they will lead to some resolutions and no more destructive decisions/actions like giving up your computer to the police...
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It is not my word against his. I have proof, another human being in the room, when I had sex with him, the first time.
EUREKA!
So that is how the 91-year-old grandmother fits into this fairytale.
At last I can get some sleep .. untill next week's episode when fraidknot reveals how a dead 91-year-old grandmother gives evidence from beyond the grave and how we were wrong to assume that dead meant dead. Bobby Ewing, eat you heart out!!
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I'm all a bit confused.
Is there anyone who can a brief summary- main characters and events, motivation and where all of this is heading? I would find it helpful.
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I'm still not convinced that we're getting the truth here, but having had some time to consider FK's situation, my view of this remains the same: although the Florida statute, as written, is overbroad in that it requires disclosure under ALL circumstances, if the shooter engaged in unprotected high risk sex with FK without telling her that he was using live ammunition, and IF FK didn't constructively consent by cruising in a sex bar or the equivalent, then the shooter should be punished, IF it can be proven that he acted intentionally (and that's a very big if.)
On the other hand, FK, you were negligent in having unprotected high risk sex, which the law defines as "contributory negligence" in some jurisdictions (which bars any monetary recovery,) and "comparative negligence" (which apportions the damages.)
Having said that, welcome to planet H. As has been said above, like it or not, you are now one of us, and I hope you find support here.
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I fail to understand your repeated comments about the "sex bar or the equivalent" issue. Why is this different than another location like a bedroom?
I don't get it.
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I'm all a bit confused.
Is there anyone who can a brief summary- main characters and events, motivation and where all of this is heading? I would find it helpful.
Perhaps a Lifetime movie?
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I fail to understand your repeated comments about the "sex bar or the equivalent" issue. Why is this different than another location like a bedroom?
I don't get it.
It's different because when we engage in casual or paid sex in those kinds of circumstances, human beings have never historically had any reason to expect honesty between partners. That's how it has always been, and we can't and shouldn't expect it to change. It's coldly transactional, and STI's or STD's or whatever politically correct words we use to describe them are part of the human condition. If you walk onto a firing range you shouldn't be too surprised if a bullet hits you. If you know that you are strolling through a minefield and your leg gets blown off, it sucks, but you ignored the warning signs about the mines at your own risk.
It doesn't make it right, and in an ideal world we would all respect and refrain from hurting others just to satisfy our self-interests, but this is not an ideal world, and we have to behave accordingly. In an ideal world there wouldn't be minefields and there wouldn't be bullets, but that's just not how it is.
Got it?
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Oh, I get that you
Got it?
Not particularly, no
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I got it
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OMG! How did I miss this mess either? It took ME a week to read all the posts!
My two cents:
1) Pick your battles carefully
2) I went to a forum here in NJ a few years ago and a hypothetical 'law' was presented to us to pick apart. It read, "It is against the law to engage in sex without disclosing your HIV status if you are HIV+". The group tore a new asshole through the hypothetical law. Define 'sex', define ' disclose', what if you are poz and don't even know it?, and so on...you get the pic...well, guess what folks? THAT IS THE WAY THE LAW ACTAULLY READS IN the great State of New Jersey! So, ANY law in ANY state, unless it's fifty plus pages long, has so many loopholes and is so vague, prosecution is pointless.
3) I met a man at a session one time years ago who stated that for ELEVEN years, he went out and fucked every woman he could unprotected because he was so angry at being infected himself. After swallowing my own vomit, I wondered what I was even doing there!
4) Whatever the outcome, perhaps vengeance may be yours but at what cost? Educating others is great and fulfilling (I've done it with high school seniors) but in the end, what about YOU and your physical and mental health?
5) The debate about condoms continues...responsibility continues...ad nauseum. Fingernaills? Uhm. sorry, not familiar with that as a means of transmission. I only know about fingernails from watching THE WOMEN (1939). "I've had two years to grow nails, mother! JUNGLE RED!!!"
6) It appears to me things get pretty touchy on here...hence, my #5 and #7
7) Nosferatu? Hmmm. I had a date with him in 2000 just before I was diagnosed!
8) See #1 and #2 and good luck with it all!
Peace,
Paul
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The other people involved besides the man who infected me .........
That statement alone leaves enough meat for a few sequels.
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As for my mental health - I stated earlier but will state again for the benefit of those who appear to be concerned. I have a psychiatrist. I have a mental health counselor through the Ryan White Act who deals ONLY with HIV patients. Both have said I am sane, stable and handling things remarkably well. i am in frequent contact with the mental health counselor.
Far from being bitter, I am a positive upbeat person, in spite of others opinions.
I have found a very few supportive uplifting people here and I appreciate them greatly. Still recieving PM's from different ones who choose not to post and be caught in the crossfire of the radicals.
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"radicals"?
Barbara, please.
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I always find that a diet rich in antioxidants keeps my free radicals in check very effectively ;)
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When did they free the radicals? Oh, I get it. Levity is my middle name...
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As for my mental health - I stated earlier but will state again for the benefit of those who appear to be concerned. I have a psychiatrist. I have a mental health counselor through the Ryan White Act who deals ONLY with HIV patients. Both have said I am sane, stable and handling things remarkably well. i am in frequent contact with the mental health counselor.
Far from being bitter, I am a positive upbeat person, in spite of others opinions.
I have found a very few supportive uplifting people here and I appreciate them greatly. Still recieving PM's from different ones who choose not to post and be caught in the crossfire of the radicals.
Damn, I'm moving to Florida. Ryan White doesn't pay for shit when you go crazy in Tennessee.
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Holy crap....I just finished reading this interesting responses. Couple quick things...this was funny :D Donnie's sight made me so uncomfortable I left having been attacked by several members because of the situation I was in. I was even invited to spend more time here as a result of the postings when others read them...they were mean and viscous over there...would NEVER go back there for assistance or advice. I have received solid and good advice here ranging from mental health, personal life issues, meds issues, and even poo. I trust this site and its members to be open and honest...just as they have been here! On top of that, I was lied to about the guys HIV status when I was infected. I never once said it was his fault though..he may be doing this to lots of people, don't know. I know he did it to me, but I made the decisions to go bareback...it is my fault no matter what. PERIOD. You bang it raw you may get the claw...ok I made that claw thing up but still I got clawed with the virus. This thread is wild, I agree this chickadee is clawing her own clit with grannies gnawed off hand every single time someone admonishes her and that is a visual I could do without.
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Donnie's sight made me so uncomfortable I left having been attacked by several members because of the situation I was in. I was even invited to spend more time here as a result of the postings when others read them...they were mean and viscous over there...would NEVER go back there for assistance or advice.
First it is not my site, so that we are clear, I am a member there like I am here. We explained that it was ultimately your choice to take the advice that you were given or not. Mean and vicious, I think I could same the same about some folks here. I am really glad that you found your niche, and I had hoped that some of the members there could help you, as I am not qualified I do not suffer from the mental illness that plagues you. I tell everyone do what makes you happy, in fact I think I suggested that you come here. Things have a way of working themselves out.. D
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First it is not my site, so that we are clear, I am a member there like I am here. We explained that it was ultimately your choice to take the advice that you were given or not. Mean and vicious, I think I could same the same about some folks here. I am really glad that you found your niche, and I had hoped that some of the members there could help you, as I am not qualified I do not suffer from the mental illness that plagues you. I tell everyone do what makes you happy, in fact I think I suggested that you come here. Things have a way of working themselves out.. D
I know you have me on ignore so you won't read this, but you sir are beyond the pale. Accusing someone who came to your HIV site for help of mental illness is quite telling and indicative of your true character. Funny how the "other place" is yours when the mood strikes you. You are the other site.
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I know you have me on ignore so you won't read this, but you sir are beyond the pale.
Puh-leeze.
$50 says there is a reply within moments.
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At last I can get some sleep .. untill next week's episode when fraidknot reveals how a dead 91-year-old grandmother gives evidence from beyond the grave and how we were wrong to assume that dead meant dead. Bobby Ewing, eat you heart out
HOw rude and insensitive was that???
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I learn something new everyday. I always thought the "Free Radicals",were a jazz-funk group from Houston, Texas.
It's been a while since I left school, and I never was very good a maths, so I need a bit of help here.
I remember a teacher telling me that not every Radical is a *square root, so does that mean that it's just a *root..if that's the case then FK has been with a hell of a lot of Radicals without doing her sums first..sorry FK you failed your maths test.
*Definiton of square...Fair and honest
*Aussie definition of Root..leg over
Jan
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EUREKA!
So that is how the 91-year-old grandmother fits into this fairytale.
At last I can get some sleep .. untill next week's episode when fraidknot reveals how a dead 91-year-old grandmother gives evidence from beyond the grave and how we were wrong to assume that dead meant dead. Bobby Ewing, eat you heart out!!
Vokz
That was totally disrespectful, and uncalled for, in fact I found it quite disgusting...regardless of what we think about FK's story or "fairytale" as you put it, it has nothing to do with her Grandmother's passing...I'm giving you a warning
Jan
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I agree this chickadee is clawing her own clit with grannies gnawed off hand every single time someone admonishes her and that is a visual I could do without.
Foul
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I think this thread is beyond useless at this point...actually let me restate that....I think this thread is detrimental to this forum at this point.
If I was a newbie who came into a section for the newly poz and found this back and forth on both sides....I might think twice about what this site had to offer.
Let's lock it up!
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I second that motion. Basta!
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sad....we are allowing FK to fuel all of our feelings, frustrations, fantasies, that as adults we would never bring out.
In her "graciousness" as her evaluating psychologists have analyzed her as, she is obviously fueling this site now and then with just enough cutting words to keep the fire going.
Lets show her we are the adults here, not her. Lets just stop, and not fuel this anymore.
She, obviously needs support and compassion, but alas only the self centered kind that in her mentality, based on the web site, she supports, we cannot help.
I am done with her, she isn't here for support, she is, is at the present time just using us for her own, demented, psychological, reasons.
Again, I pity her, but let her go this alone, or with those that she thinks are supporting her.
Again, unfortunately, her day will come.
Come on guys, lets just stop writing,
She is obviously just making us the fool.
My lips are sealed on this one.
May she move on in her bitterness. There is nothing she really wants from this site for healing.
There are others who genuinely are in need and hurting, lets focus on them.
Good by FK.
We honestly and genuinely tried to support and consul you.
But it is obvious, in your first cutting child like retort, your not here as one of us.
In my 60 years I have never met anyone so callused, bitter, and biased as you.
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Time to move on..... :)
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Lock it...ok....but Donnie, you recruited me from this site to go there where they proceeded to be mean and rude. You then went on to tell me that I was one of your "biggest disappointments" which I laughed at. I was one that site for 2 weeks and dumbfounded that anyone would deal with that place. No, I was invited to spend more time here by someone else, and I am glad I am here.
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I'm going to start secretly recruiting members here to join my www.poppers4thelulz.com forum
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I'm going to start secretly recruiting members here to join my www.poppers4thelulz.com forum
Im so there!
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I'm going to start secretly recruiting members here to join my www.poppers4thelulz.com forum
I wonder what the discussion topics would be... ;D But you don't have to "secretly recruit" me, I would have found it myself eventually if it was there... ;D
In any case I don't even know what's the "other site" and frankly I couldn't care less. While there are some cruel punches, we also have tried to be helpful and earnest and obviously the efforts were not appreciated. Instead we have the mean people vs the alleged supports from unidentified members through PMs and the more I reread posts from FK the more I realize that as Lonewolf has said some of them are rather clearly intended to add more fuel to keep this argument going.
Whether FK is really looking for advises or supports is now beside the point - his/her attitude toward invoking the draconian laws in Florida reflects a much bigger problem that has affected and will continue to affect all of us in the HIV community in a very negative way, and I want to remind everyone that at one point s/he suggested that everyone who disagreed with or protested against her action on invoking the laws might probably be also "doing the same thing as he is" (Post #73). And this to me is the really really sad part as it really sums up how s/he really feels about him/herself and the rest of other HIVers.
In my opinion his/her decision to use the laws for the "public good" justification s/he has in her mind is a reminder that how these twisted legal logic will continue to haunt us HIVers - it's a no win for everyone as it's as tragic to accuse as being accued under these laws... they give the "victims" a false promise for a resolution and a false sense of righteousness that one is doing the right thing to stop other people from being infected, plus the false expectation that justice, hence the public, will be on their side; and to the public, the laws give them a false sense of security that has led and will continue to lead to more discrimination against us. And not to be mention those being put behind bars..
Sigh...
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Vokz
That was totally disrespectful, and uncalled for, in fact I found it quite disgusting...regardless of what we think about FK's story or "fairytale" as you put it, it has nothing to do with her Grandmother's passing...I'm giving you a warning
Jan
Jan,
You had better exclude me permanently then, because I haven’t even started yet.
As for it being either rude, uncalled for, disgusting or disrespectful: BULLSHIT!
Like everything else fraidknot has told us, the grandmother's recent death is a complete fabrication. She is simply introduced for the sympathy factor and to sucker the fuckwits of the world into believing this inconsistent and contradictory crap we are being fed by a cowardly (and not very skilled) trolling sockpuppet.
PS: Don’t bother asking me to delete this post, because there is bugger all chance of me ever doing that. If you want me to shut up, then permanent exclusion is the only way you will achieve that.
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Puh-leeze.
$50 says there is a reply within moments.
But who will Donnie reply as?
He probably has as many 'Florida' personalities here as he does over at The Body (where he also recruits vigorously for that other place).
Oh? Is fraidknot in Florida too? What a coincidence, so is Donnie and so are most of his transparent web of sockpuppets.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Florida69 aka fraidknot, chrisbadmushrooms, morebadmushrooms, DRLOVE etc etc etc (along with half of the more bizarre won’t take no for an answer questioners in the ‘AII?’ forums of various HIV sites).
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But who will Donnie reply as?
He probably has as many 'Florida' personalities here as he does over at The Body (where he also recruits vigorously for that other place).
Oh? Is fraidknot in Florida too? What a coincidence, so is Donnie and so are most of his transparent web of sockpuppets.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Florida69 aka fraidknot, chrisbadmushrooms, morebadmushrooms, DRLOVE etc etc etc (along with half of the more bizarre won’t take no for an answer questioners in the ‘AII?’ forums of various HIV sites).
An easy enough problem to solve. Don't go into any of the "Am I Infected?" sites.
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I think this thread is beyond useless at this point...actually let me restate that....I think this thread is detrimental to this forum at this point.
If I was a newbie who came into a section for the newly poz and found this back and forth on both sides....I might think twice about what this site had to offer.
Let's lock it up!
hear, hear
I think this thread is detrimental to this forum at this point.
completely agree
please moderators lets lock it
(or even better delete the entire thread)
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Vokz
First of all, I have no intention of excluding you permanently, and I have no intentions of asking you to delete your post.
You responded to her post about her grandmother in your fashion and I responded to yours in mine, it's as simple as that, and although I agree with you in as much as FK's story is full of potholes filled with Sh*t I still found you comment about her grandmother (I'm assuming she had one at some point in her life) to be disrespectful, you disagreed with the words I used and called it bullsh*t...that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion but I won't apologise for my choice of words.
BTW..in the 5 years I have been here I have never once told anyone to "Shut up" or Banned them simply because they wrote something I found offensive...and I'm not about to start now.
hugs
Jan
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Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Florida69 aka fraidknot, chrisbadmushrooms, morebadmushrooms, DRLOVE etc etc etc (along with half of the more bizarre won’t take no for an answer questioners in the ‘AII?’ forums of various HIV sites).
Vokz,
There is no hard evidence to support your claim that Donnie and Fraid are the same person. In fact, they are not the same person and I can say that with complete confidence. Remember, as a moderator, I'm privileged to information you are not.
If you have suspicions about the identity of certain posters in relation to sock-puppetry, the correct procedure is to inform the moderators, not make unfounded accusations in the public forum. To make such accusations in the forum is tantamount to flamebait. I'll thank you to not do this again in future. People have been timed-out for doing this repeatedly in the past and you will also be held accountable for this behaviour if it happens again.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Ann
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Fraid,
I'm locking this thread.
You stated in this thread that you have gained support from a few individuals in the form of PMs - and so I do not expect you to attempt to resurrect this subject in a new thread. You can continue to access that support via PM.
You have already discovered that many of us here take a dim view of positive people using draconian laws against other positive people. You've had your say, we've had our say. I see this thread going no-where but a continuous, downward spiral that can only end in time-outs and bans. I don't want to see that happen.
Ann
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This has gone on quite long enough and all to no good purpose. It's locked down now.
Clearly we are 'n sync, Ms. Ann. Scareeee that.