hiv from spit in eye and ocd

[Spectra]

Hello there,

so, to say whats going on, i guess i giving up slowly on my life, because i am too tired from struggle i have been through for last 8 years.

I have OCD and it is mostly about hiv. I was okay at the start of the year, but then two things happened, and since then, my life sarted to be struggle.

To state, i am visiting a psychiatrist and i have a psychotherapeutist, and somewhere deep in my brain, somewhere where i dont have any access i believe i am hiv negative , but my brain doesnt give a fuck about what i believe in so my life looks pretty messy.

To the two things that happened, and whats concerns my mind:

1) At the end of January i switched my meds for OCD, and from the start it seemed pretty okay but then came headaches and dizzines, and then dry mouth and feeling of thirst, also my obssessions went worse, which i thought i could handle, so i continued with new meds for few days unless i gave up, changed doctor and switched back to sertivan which i use now.

2) Thing happened in a pub, it was at the start of February. I was there on a beer with a friend, and we met two random guys there who asked us if we want to play darts. We went play with them, then we sat at their table. During the conversation one of them took a drink from beer and my friend śtarted to laugh and he started to laugh and spitted some of the beer on me and i my eye. I freaked out instantly and since then i wasnt thinking about anything else. I dont know that guy but he was in prison (for one bullshit thing he has done in youth) and he used to take drugs (dont know how), but so far he seemed okay, like grown up, he also had wife but it didnt work out from what he was saying etc.

After this incident i really tried to keep calm but one month later i broke down, then i quit work and now it isnt better.

I google all the things about hiv in saliva and spitting and i know there is no documented case etc. but what fucked my mind are the symptoms. A week after that thing i noticed i have white tongue. I was saying to myself it is because of change of meds and my constant thirst, but still my brain refused to care, and day before brek down i noticed i had small swollen lymph under my ear, which could be because i scratch in my ears pretty oftten and now i scratched it somehow more and the ear hurt and was irritated and there was lymph liquid going from it for few days so maybe it could be because of this but still my ocd doesnt gave a fuck.

During that breakdown which last form 15th of March to the end of Martch i didnt eat somehow much, i eat something but from the start of the breakdown i didnt really eat for 2-3 days, i was under calming meds also, i really didnt have apetite so few guys told me i lost some weight, which didnt helped at all (btw i am not skin i am more "fullskinned" got around 78 kg with my 164 cm) so i dont know if i lost weight or how much we dont have weight machine at home:) but again i have connected this with hiv symptoims so my ocd again started to fuck me even more.

Now after more than three months i have bronchitis, or cold with this things:

slightly higher temprature - around 37,5
productive cough - from chest and then throat but started in chest - bronchitis
rubby nose - also productive, sneezing all the day
headache - only two days then nope
muscle pain - everytime i have higher temperature i have this like doh

I have this for 5 days, now after three days it started to be better but still i cough all the slim things from throat and nose. Of course i eat a lot now, all the sweet things and i have huge taste for steak and so on:)

Now as u can imagine my ocd is killing me and what i am sking you guys:

1) your opinion on that spit thing
2) what do you think about the symptoms, do they look like ars

after one week white tongue, after month swollen lymph node, maybe weight loss (but i dont know because people who told me this havent seen me for some time especially during that breakdown i didnt wanted to see anybody and i started to walk alot and now i have dog so i walk even more)

3) that bronchitis now, after more than 3 months?

4) is there a need for testing?

5) what i am supposed to do when my brain refuse to care about what i believe in or want

Now what i ahve to say, i have been on test once when i was 19 (after unprotected oral sex with my boyfriend) basically everyone told me i am insane bhut my ocd strarted that time and i couldnt handle it so i went for test after 10 weeks and it came out negative, which everyone around me expected from what i ahve seen only i couldnt find any rest. But that time when i did it was horrible, like really i was unable to exist i was under heavy meds to calm me down and so i said, that this testing thing doesnt help at all because it actually calmed me for few months but then for some reason i started to think up different scenarios i even dont know how i am really stupid.

I really want to move on, i want to find KBT therapist which i have been avoiding for whole the time, i want to move on, and i guess this is the last forum where i am trying to find help and opinion. I wrote on two different forums where both experts told me there is nothing to worry about etc.

.I have to say i was so good with my ocd that i even met with one hiv positive guy on a summer lake beach during my birthday, we chilled with others, we were talking and playing cards and so on and i was completely okay after this meeting, nothing came up on my mind or if something i just pushed it back and it was okay.

Guys thank you a lot for your help i wish you good luck and great health. Take care.

[Jim Allen]

Spit is not a risk for HIV transmission. If it was the entire population would have HIV and they don't.

Spit does not spread HIV and sexually HIV is transmitted inside the body as in never leaving the confides if the body.

You are focused on a "what if" that belongs to the paranoia of the 1980's .
Please do not post about this again and work with you therapist about this irrational fears and the grips/impact that irrational fear has over your life.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions.

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as ‘safe’ in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature to our POZ pages, this includes information on HIV Testing

Kind regards

Jim

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[Spectra]

Thank you Jim. I wish you good health and stay strong (from what i have heard there are some breakouts in hiv treatment which leads to getting closer to cure).

Take care.

[Jim Allen]

You're welcome