thirty years ago

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I found an HIV support group thirty years ago.

there was this young women there who said " my husband gave me HIV "

I thought ya she would never forgive him . must have dumped him after she found out

every one there asked me point blank as an introductory statement " are you gay?

I thought to myself . why start a conversation like that ?   

my answer was NO ?  personally I like women .

they would answer with HIV experiences . the first guy I met said his boyfriend died a few years earlier from AIDS.

back to the women there . that I had thought O ya she dumped him after finding out she had the virus. I asked was he gay ? because everyone else asked me ? 

she got quite ?  then I asked her after the meeting if she wanted to get a pizza after the group?   she agreed to have a pizza . I had taken her to her home and I thought . she is very nice women .  at the next group she said she asked her husband if he was gay ? He said yes. then I gave her a ride home after the group. She said come inside I want you to meet my husband .  I thought she is still with him ?  when I got inside there was this skinny sickly man who looked like had had booth feet in the grave. I got scared and left thinking that is my near future .   I left scared out of my mind while thinking how wrong I was about her and her husband .   anyway that is life with HIV thirty years ago

people sometimes do not do what you think they might do.  at least that has been my experience.    then again people have done far worse than I could have imagined and far better as well ?   duality of life I guess ?

something I read recently some place.  I will give a short version.  people are the only creatures that are capable of imagining what the future might have instore ? 

sorry the internet so I have been told is no place to post epic novels ? just short blurbs and pictures ( memes )  other people make ? not the internet I thought it would be when I first heard about it around thirty years ago .

all the best to you

EM

[em]

wow the old poz.com forum from way back when was busy all the time . now this place is a ghost town in comparison.

anyone else recall while using AZT the anemia. low red blood cells . I was told healthy was 20 . I would go in and mine was at 5 ?  they would say why did you wait so long?

the key to me surviving this long I guess now looking back is stubbornness.

thirty years ago another support group. I tried to post this yesterday but my computer glitched and it disappeared ? but this is a piece of HIV history that I feel should not be lost .


A social worker with HIV ,   had a HIV support group that met at his home. one day I was there and this guy was sitting on the floor. the guy simply said to the social worker it is time . then got up and left . 

I asked the social worker what was that about . the social worker said it is against the rules to discuss other patients views and conditions with other patients ?

BUt he said there is no reason I could not give a hypothetical situation for why someone might say such a thing ? this way as long as you do not tell my bosses there will be no repercussions. by the way I asked about this social worker and was told he moved to someplace far away to become a piano player  ? in other words he passed away from HIV  . 

the story he told to me. lets way someone with HIV hears that in some place far away like England or something they have a policy to allow sick people the opportunity to be euthanized so they do not have to suffer through what AIDS has in their future ?  the version I wrote yesterday was a lot smoother but like I said my computer glitched and i lost what I had written ?

the movie from 1996 its my party .      so anyway trying to rap my mind around this development in 1990 .  I left this guys home thinking this is a bad as life gets .


I noticed across the street from his home a school with children playing outside for recess. I thought life goes on . the children are playing things are going to keep going even while AIDS was destroying lives .


this child from the playground yells out loud and proud. " that guy just left the fag house!"  then follows the statement  with " My daddy said that house is a fag house  so that guy is a FAG ! "  loud and proud to all the other children playing in the school  yard.  At that moment with   all the kids playing and running around the thought came to me just how cruel people are. even small ones following what their parents teach and say .



I am sure I am not alone in this way of thinking . just some HIV AIDS related moments that unfolded in my life thirty years ago .


the upside. I lived through this. the down side I lived through this ?

with a foundation like this . life from here on out . is a blessing few can understand.

unless you are one like me who lived through this and tells you a story like this .

all the best to you

EM   



 




     

[em]

AZT and anemia.

while taking AZT my red blood cells where low

I went in for a blood infusion . like a transfusion without the loss of blood there just was no blood in my body to lose. it just was not there .

My blood red cell count was at five and healthy was twenty .

one time while getting some blood . there was this guy in the next room that i walked by. He could have been there for any reason ?

He was soaked with sweat his body fighting off some illness. He had a women sitting next to him crying continuously. they were both young and should have had the rest of their lives ahead of them . but here they were in the hospital.

what I think he might have been there for?  purley conjecture I have no idea who or what  they were going through .  might have been anything might have been nothing.  He might have had HIV that may have been why he was  sick  and his loving wife was by his side . Only they knew what they were going through .

it happens .  a young man a young women fall in love . then HIV becomes part of their story .. tragedy form thirty years ago .

fast forword to now  . U=U love can bloom blosum and have children new life built on what once was. 

just thought someone should tell their story the young couple and what they might have had to go through .

 all the best to you

EM


 

[em]

the here and now ?

My wife wants me to keep my HIV a secret ?

She wants?   and wants ?

her parents stayed with me and her mother being a nurse asked what pills are you taking?

after years of being on psych drugs. I told her Navain Thorazine and  Haldol. She being a psych nurse for while just scrunched up her face . she went you are lying ?

but what could I say her daughter wants it to be a secret and does not want her parents to know ? We have been together for thirty years. They have been in my home my meds are here . they are not stupid . whatever what she wants she gets her way.

Me I told her our lives are the modern version of all in the family . I told her we can call it the family all in .  I am Edith and she is Archie.   instead of get me a beer why don't cha. when she sits in her chair it is get me a wine .   similar story just different  .I gave her examples of her behavior and told her this would be entertaining . she said it is just the story of our lives. I said ya and it is funny . parallels in life. art imitating life . life imitating art . 

MY HIV a secret ?  I told everyone who would listen. then I met her . at work I told everyone . this older guy at work said it is better to keep it a secret ?    At that time I was enrolled in college . I thought they might not understand . I regret not telling everyone there. One of my classmates got maried and somehow I was invited. I went I had a fever and almost passed out . I was hospitalized for week or so from it .   

sorry i know the internet not the place to share an epic novel ?

but this information a secret ? if a secret it be it dies with me ?

so many things this secret has kept me from doing ?

well all the best to you

EM   

Her latest demands , do not use the internet . do not post on facebook . to much stimulus and that is bad for your mental health ?

so I am just supposed to pick up after her . feed her and be attentive.  not talk unless spoken to ?   other people in our lives not allowed ?


what is it ? that is my lot in life. it may not be alot but it is my life ?

sorry to burden you with this . you are the only ones I can sneak out to to contact

it is the best of times and the worst of times /

that is life anywhere anytime

all the best to you

EM