New Poz guy on Rollarcoaster (please slow down)

[thelovedones]

Hi Everybody,

This is my first post to the forum. My stats should appear in my autosignature but not sure if those are showing up so I'll post here below:

2/26/11 – Diagnosis at State Dept of Health (anonymous testing center)
2/28/11 – Oral Swab Positive diagnosis and confirmatory blood test taken
3/4/11 – Confirmed HIV Positive diagnosis; blood drawn for T-cell count, VL, and medical profile
3/11/11 – VL: 192765, T-cell: 195
3/16/11 – Prescribed Atripla and take pill 1 at bedtime
3/17/11 – Groggy, sad morning, no other noticeable side effects

I guess I'm a better responder to posts than poster of posts, but here goes:

I'm 40, I had not been tested in many years until I got an email from a buddy that he tested poz in January so I ran out somewhat impulsively and got tested and since it's been the most excruciating 3 weeks of my life. Even though my numbers are pretty bad (AIDS diagnosis), I had not had any of the symptoms that come along with infection; I look and feel like I always have. I have been sick maybe 2 times a year at most, but it was usually sinusitis or bronchitis and went away with antibiotics.  I also have a partner who is negative (at least so far he is negative). I'm hoping, praying that never, ever putting my dick in either his mouth or butt has meant that this is still the case for him, but we're taking everything one day at a time.

Aside from the initial shock and waves of sadness and worry, I've tried to remain active and not live entirely in my feelings: I joined GMHC, meeting with a therapist on Tuesday AND most of all I started Atripla last night and I will be documenting that in another post for what it's worth to people.

So, that's me. Not sure if I went on too long or not.

[brenner]

hi.  sorry you have to be here, but glad that you are.  it will be ok.  i just got diagnosed myself last month, and i am also on atripla.  so far, so good.  my numbers are pretty bad, but i am really focusing on how they will turn out in a month from meds. 

there is nothing you can do to turn back time, so you have to just accept the fact and be thankful that you caught it before you got really really sick.  you will be fine...and there are amazing resources and people here who will be only happy to tell you their stories.  you found the right place here.

good luck...not that you are going to need it....

[thelovedones]

So while you were writing to me, I was writing to you in another post. How sweet!

This forum has been a godsend because everytime the tears well up and my throat and jaw begin to tighten, I remind myself of a few things that I haven't yet written down:

1. I am going to be better than I was before my diagnosis
2. I could have found out about my disease by becoming terribly sick
3. I am living in a time where HIV is truly managable; that isn't just lip service; it's true
4. I have people who love me and whom I love and whom only wish me the best

I'm sure there's other stuff I have to remind myself of, but I can't think of it right now.

Is you're signature a Jerri Blank quote?

[brenner]

not sure about the quote, i heard it from someone a while ago, and it just seemed appropriate.  You are going to be just fine.  my doctor told me that any oi's (opportunic infections) like ks will likely dissipate once you start treatment.  and yes...its going to be hard at the moment, but i have to tell you, after time, it gets better.  i dont think about as often as i did when i first found out.  i am just trying to just move along and be thankful that i am undergoing treatment.  you are going to turn out just fine.

[TakingAChance]

Hi and welcome to the Ride. Roller Coaster pretty much say's it all. I have been positive for about the same length of time you have been. I'm glad you found out before landing in the Hospital. 20 yrs. ago. My partner had the same experience. Through another medical condition he found out he had AIDS not just positive. We were in a relationship where we didn't practice any safe sex. he was worried he infected me...He didn't. It's harder to get then people realize, but it is also easier to get the less you prevent it? I spent 30 yrs. dodging the bullit. I had 3 partners with AIDS, 2 of them I had been with in a full relationship before we found out. I tested negative every year until this year. One of my partners left the relationship because of the difference Neg/Poz, but he realized later that never had to happen. It's a personal decision huh? I practiced safe sex measures as much as I know how, but some how it became my turn to have the bullet hit me in the eyes. Anyway, I am glad to read about your experience with Atripla(other post of yours). I will be going on it soon enough. You must be in NY? I'm guessing from the GMHC. A Great place to get all the help you need. And you found this forum and web site. It has been a God send to me in many ways. Thanks for sharing. I'm here for you. Justin

[thelovedones]

Best of luck to you with getting by and with starting on Atripla, Justin. You sound like you have your head on straight. Making it normal and talking about it are key. Don't isolate. That's my advice. Not that you asked for it. LOL

GMHC is a great resource and much of what they offer is free. A lot of very helpful and kind people there.

Good luck
P