Cold sore? SHould I be worried? ft Emotional Exhaustion.

[StuckKidd]

Hey Guys,

I have been positive for a year and a couple of months now and it still feels like a constant wave of fear and sadness. Sometimes I forget and then I'm reminded.

Anyways, I just came out of a really bad cold which I am so grateful for. Today I felt so much better but now I see that I have a cold sore on my lip. Should I be worried/concern?

My Viral Load is Undetectable and my CD4 is just 228.

Also any advice on how to deal with this emotionally. I'm exhausted from feeling like this.

[Jim Allen]

Hiya

Look it's a cold sore, between 50 to 80% of the population has oral herpes virus meaning billions of people get cold scores regardless of HIV status.

Go to your local pharmacy and buy some over the counter cold sore cream to reduce the duration of the outbreak.

I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling under the weather, cold are common this time of year but they do suck, I am worried thought about your mental/emotional state.

Do you attend any therapy sessions or peer support groups?

Best, Jim

[StuckKidd]

I've been going to therapy for 6 months now but I don't think it's working right now.
I was doing so well but it takes things like this to remind me that my immune system is so fragile and so am I and that scares me so much. I feel emotionally suffocated.

I'm very afraid that I will not get to see everything I'm building. & that I'll unexpectedly just lose it.

I don't wanna do this anymore tbh. It's so exhausting.
That's just how I feel as of yesterday... or maybe more and I just been distracted.

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

I'm really sorry to hear that you are in distress of sorts. Feeling scared is a powerful one. 

I've been going to therapy for 6 months now but I don't think it's working right now

Okay well that's good but the road ahead is rarely a straight line so up's and down's are part of the journey. It's okay and you not alone either in the sense you can also talk to us whenever you want, we are here for you. Also have you considered some peer support face to face? I think it might help to talk to other people living with HIV face to face.

I'm very afraid that I will not get to see everything I'm building. & that I'll unexpectedly just lose it.

Your own personal future is just as certain or uncertain as it always was or has been. Perhaps just the illusion of clarity or invulnerability to a degree has been broken? See I think being confronted upfront and close with the reality of mortality at a young age certainly can play on ones anxiety levels.

The truth though no matter how good you immune system is it's not going to stop the common cold. Nothing will make you immune to normal and common life stuff that will and does happen to everyone at some stage including you.  So you can expect the yearly common colds, the odd cold sore when you are stressed, some tooth decay, bumps and bruises along the way, it does not make you or your body fragile it makes you fairly normal.

Best, Jim

[Jim Allen]

Does your HIV doctor know how you are feeling BTW? Also I presume you have told your therapist?

Best, Jim 

[StuckKidd]

Thank you for your kind words.

I haven't had an appointment in a while but it's coming up in November.

I've been looking for HIV+ peer groups but I can't really find any. I'm in NYC and IDK why it's hard to find them

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

I'm not from NY so I don't know how good this group is but did a quick search and maybe it will help you get started on your search for a peer group that suits you.

HIV: NYC Support Group for Gay Men (You need to join "meetup" and request to join this group) https://www.meetup.com/HIV-NYC-Support-Group-for-Gay-Men/

HIV isn't WHO we are, it's just something we have. It's become the new-norm to live a long and healthy life while being HIV positive. Although, HIV is considered a manageable condition, there are still challenges that we must face and there's no reason we have to do this on our own.