The waiting game...

[Theinbetween]

I am looking for a bit of support, hope this post is going in the correct place.  My husband is + and I am - as of my last test.

This is the story of a girl who fell in love with an amazing man. He told me his status the night we met and it mattered to me about as much as his hair color because we were compatible in the ways that truly mattered. I went on PrEP and we had a beautiful daughter together and we decided that we had thus far beaten all the odds, so I came off PrEP to breastfeed with our Dr's support.

Fast forward seven months. I came down with a horrible flu that I can't shake (still down today on day 13). Everyone was kind of ill, but recouped in less than a week and here I am still waiting to break my fever. So, a call into the Dr had us in the same day. He suspected that I was seroconverting (fatigue, low-grade fever with night sweats, enlarged lymph nodes in neck, groin, and armpits, sore throat with herpes like sores on tongue/throat area, headache not relieved by OTC analgesics, and GI upset). I had mono when I was 16 and this felt similar. He advised me to stop nursing while we ran the tests.

As of 1/15, I am testing -, though my EBV came back positive for infectious mono (which has the Dr concerned because it is rare to have a subsequent infection w/o a compromised immune system) and my platelet levels are falling (usually in the 300s, on 1/15 they were 56). So, he advised to keep bottle feeding and we'll retest 3/07.

I won't lie and say I'm not worried, but honestly moreso for our daughter. The waiting is torture, but we're hopeful and trying to stay positive that if I've seroconverted, we caught it soon enough that our daughter will stay -. We have decided that I will not breastfeed any longer, even if I'm - and I will go back on PrEP.

I don't really need any advice, at this point I don't believe there is any to gain other than try not to worry. Ha! Right? Just wanted to share my story and hopefully receive support as I don't have much family.

[mecch]

Is your partner undetectable and for a long time?

It sounds to me like you DID GET an HIV- test.  So sounds to me like you are HIV-.

Also, at least in Switzerland, don't know about where you are - there are tests to find the virus even when someone is NOT HIV+ yet, but infected.  So that test could be run.

But it would appear you are HIV- and your anxiety is up about baby + husband so maybe you need to see a therapist to get a handle on that.

It also occurs to me that your doc should be more affirmative with you about your sex life and your actions vis-a-vis serodiscordant relation. 

I thought the swiss study pretty much affirmed that there is no risk in monogamous hetero couple when the partner is long-term undetectable.  And this was several years ago.

If you want to keep your anxiety lower - why not use a condom for the sex, too. That plus undetectable partner, monogamous, should pretty much placate all your anxiety about seroconverting.

[Jim Allen]

Welcome to the boards.

Congratulation to you both on your daughter :-)
When my daughter was born I left my job and stayed at home, most wonderful time of my life. I went back to work when she stated talking. But that's a different story.

Sorry to hear that your not feeling well and I hope you feel better soon.

As for the test results, you were off PrEP for 7 months following the birth and then had a negative result Jan 15th, than that's a really good sign. I'm not sure if you had any risks to lead you to worry about the results. If you had no risks then I think you are perhaps stressing a bit too much about it.
 
Kind regards

Jim

[skeebo1969]

I am looking for a bit of support, hope this post is going in the correct place.  My husband is + and I am - as of my last test.

This is the story of a girl who fell in love with an amazing man. He told me his status the night we met and it mattered to me about as much as his hair color because we were compatible in the ways that truly mattered. I went on PrEP and we had a beautiful daughter together and we decided that we had thus far beaten all the odds, so I came off PrEP to breastfeed with our Dr's support.

Fast forward seven months. I came down with a horrible flu that I can't shake (still down today on day 13). Everyone was kind of ill, but recouped in less than a week and here I am still waiting to break my fever. So, a call into the Dr had us in the same day. He suspected that I was seroconverting (fatigue, low-grade fever with night sweats, enlarged lymph nodes in neck, groin, and armpits, sore throat with herpes like sores on tongue/throat area, headache not relieved by OTC analgesics, and GI upset). I had mono when I was 16 and this felt similar. He advised me to stop nursing while we ran the tests.

As of 1/15, I am testing -, though my EBV came back positive for infectious mono (which has the Dr concerned because it is rare to have a subsequent infection w/o a compromised immune system) and my platelet levels are falling (usually in the 300s, on 1/15 they were 56). So, he advised to keep bottle feeding and we'll retest 3/07.

I won't lie and say I'm not worried, but honestly moreso for our daughter. The waiting is torture, but we're hopeful and trying to stay positive that if I've seroconverted, we caught it soon enough that our daughter will stay -. We have decided that I will not breastfeed any longer, even if I'm - and I will go back on PrEP.

I don't really need any advice, at this point I don't believe there is any to gain other than try not to worry. Ha! Right? Just wanted to share my story and hopefully receive support as I don't have much family.

I agree with Jim, if there was no risk(unprotected intercourse) between 1/15 and now then you should be fine.

Regardless, I know it's stressful.   

Welcome to the boards and congrats on the birth of your daughter!

Skeebo

[BT65]

Hi, As a fellow woman I totally understand your fears.  But, as the others have said, if there was no risk then I wouldn't worry too much.  Your daughter should be negative, as should you (as long as there was no risk).  it sounds like you're using all the protections you need to be.  I can't add more, other than if your husband has been consistent on taking his meds, and he has remained undetectable, then you had no risk.

Congrats on your daughter, and also on what seems to be a good relationship with your hubby!

Betty

[Theinbetween]

Thank you all for your kind words. There was a high risk incident where the condom broke during anal sex. My husband has a low VL but not undetectable like he was when we went through conception.
Saw my Dr today and I have thrush and a yeast infection, my first ever! We all talked with a therapist and our daughter had a rapid test done which was - and blood drawn for a 4th gen test.

It's hard watching my husband blame himself. I told him that we equally share in this burden, it takes two to tango, but I know he only sees himself at fault. I just don't know what to say other than to keep telling him that I don't blame him and I still love him the same, if not more. Any words of wisdom, here?

[mecch]

May I ask why your couple did not seek medical attention after the condom break to see if PEP was warranted? 

Did you know he was no longer undetectable?

Do you 2 have a game plan about how to deal with such a situation if it should happen again?

Having a pre decided game plan when I was HIV- and with an HIV+ partner helped to contain anxiety about transmission.

[Theinbetween]

I could not take PEP (or PrEP) because I was nursing. Dr felt nothing would come of it because it was once. The odds were in our favor, but the numbers aren't 100% for a reason.

Game plan forward is I've discontinued breastfeeding and will reestablish PrEP if negative or start treatment if positive.

I was just reaching out for moral support, we have a great team of Drs that are guiding us medically.

[Jeff G]

Welcome to the forums … I am happy you found us .