Newbie Here

[Positivelyfun]

Hi Everyone,

I'm 25 years old and i have tested positive for HIV.

I got the results last week when i started getting sick.

I know i was living a high risk lifestyle especially when i got myself into the PnP scene here in Manila.

before that, i had multiple partners, i was single and was having problems with many things and hooking up with guys, along with smoking was my way of releasing stress, but i made sure that i use protection that time.

but then i started PnP sessions, im not really vanilla that's why i got attracted to the idea that PnP sessions are more aggressive and can fulfill my slightly masochistic tendencies... I still feared getting sick back then and i know that we usually do which is shooting up, is the most dangerous and route of administration of drugs, so i read and made sure i don't reuse and share needles and stuff,i even break off the needles and throw it away so it cant be used again. but i overlooked one thing, when i get high, i sometimes forget to ask the guys i did it with to use condoms and i remember it in the middle of us doing it or after we did it.

i'm expecting this to happen...i deserved this for being careless.

but it did not expect that getting that test result will still leave me shocked and honestly still afraid of what will happen to me.

I was still well before I resigned at my job almost half a year ago as a Customer Support Representative for a company based in SF due to problems involving the family business and i have to at least help out and concentrate there since it earns more than what i earn from working in a call center which i do so i dont have to ask money from my parents. After that was sorted out, i applied again in a different call center that sells flowers. im used to taking calls but have a problem with the workload and the way they handle employees which i find really toxic. I got in during late january which is the period when they train folks for a major flower holiday, Valentines day, Training was ok but when the season came we were asked to work for 12 hours a day for 10 straight days, that's when i started to get sick because since we are working for an american company, my Biological Clock is in reverse and because the Philippines is a tropical country, its hard to sleep especially when you get home almost noon when it is hottest.

Along with that since i try to stay awake especially on the latter part of the valentines season, instead of keeping the stims exclusively for sex, i did go to work after i shot up a bit just to keep me awake and to be able to go to work for the last 2 days of the season.

I started getting sick on the last day of the valentines season. i ignored it for a week but stopped the drugs and the PnP. after that week, i had trouble breathing and when i try to breathe in deep, i feel pain like my windpipe feels clogged and is trying to open up.i also feel sick and have fevers in the afternoon which continues in the evening. I ended up resigning since i had to be absent for work for quite some time while im still new. i had to resign instead of them having to fire me from not able to perform.

i consulted a doctor which saw in my chest x-ray that there's a cloudy part in my x-ray that could be either Tuberculosis or pneumonia. my doctor and i couldn't manage to get a sputum sample from me since i don't cough much and there's no phlegm when i did so. he made me take meds for pneumonia since he said it's more deadly than PTB and it needs immediate attention. i took levofloxacin and some B Complex supplements as he prescribed, i felt better but the cloudiness on my x-ray got bigger and my weigh kept on dropping,the infection wasn't responding to the medication so he told me we are going to switch medications to PTB meds. after that my mom told my aunt who is a head nurse in one of the biggest hospitals here in Manila and she referred me to a friend of hers who is an Infectious Disease Specialist. She asked me to take many different tests and she was the one who convinced me to take the hiv test. I switched to her instead since she specialized in my PTB and is currently taking medication for it under her supervision and she actually follows up on my results and she knew it was positive on the initial test and informed me of that. she even discussed it between me and my mom and she insisted that i should have at least one in the family that knows about it.

since we were informed of the initial test result,i got scared, not because i have a potentially deadly disease, but because im afraid that i might not be able to get a job again which is my proudest achievement, not to brag but compared to other common Filipino family, we were a bit well off compared to others, that's why im proud that even if they told me that i don't really need to get a job, i do so because it is my proof that i can be independent and so i dont have to rely on the family business for my vices and luxuries. i also want to ease pressure on my parents since 6 of my siblings are all attending college and i know it's really a big expense.when i told her and the HIV councilor about that, she assured me that as long as im healthy, HIV will not be a reason for me not to get a job since its not required that i disclose my status and that they are not allowed by law to discriminate based on HIV status. i also realized that she already knew i was positive from the first visit since that whole lot of tests were something that the hospital's HIV treatment hub needs for me to be enrolled there quickly and to be able to start treatment.

i am clean from drugs for 2 months now and haven't been smoking for 4 months, i am also almost done with my 2nd month of PTB medication. Got my CD4 count which is just 6 /0.34% and it got me a bit scared but still i feel fine and much better compared when i first started my PTB Medication.

i just got the written copy of the confirmatory a few days ago, even if i know already, seeing it in a written document, in a concrete form still makes me a bit scared about my future. but that wont keep me from hoping for the best.

***Sorry for the long post, Got carried away with my storytelling, always been like this even in person.***

Hope to meet and make friends here and hopefully, learn to live my life like anyone else.

[Jim Allen]

***Sorry for the long post, Got carried away with my storytelling, always been like this even in person.***

Welcome to the forum.
No need to apologize for the length of your post, post and rant away as needed.

Sorry to hear the about the rough time you have been going through but glad to hear you are responding well to treatment and starting to feel better.  Keep us posted on how you get on and don't blame yourself. Instead just try to focus on getting well.

Take it easy.

Jim

[Positivelyfun]

thanks for the welcome jim, hopefully i will be able to start HIV medication tomorrow after my appointment with the doctors in the Treatment Hub. i just need to submit my cd4 test result and the result of the checkup with an ophthalmologist. apparently they need to test me first for CMV retinitis and see my Cd4 Count before i can start the treatment.

hopefully i respond well to the medications.

[Jim Allen]

Good to hear you are having everything checked and seeing the Doc tomorrow, and do keep us posted on how you get on and what meds you get started on.

Jim

[virgo313]

Hmm... "PnP sessions / single digit CD4".. Hmmm.. sounds like my past.
Glad to know you are heading to the right place for treatment.
Now that you know ur CD4 count, try not to think of that too much.
Like a Dr said to me, "it can never go further down & has only one direction up"

Here just to give assurance that you will be fine..
Be like me, still do "PnP sessions" once in a while..
"Pants-up & Prepare" to go to clinic when times comes..

Cheers

[Tonny2]

thanks for the welcome jim, hopefully i will be able to start HIV medication tomorrow after my appointment with the doctors in the Treatment Hub. i just need to submit my cd4 test result and the result of the checkup with an ophthalmologist. apparently they need to test me first for CMV retinitis and see my Cd4 Count before i can start the treatment.

hopefully i respond well to the medications.

        ojo      Hello there...welcome...I didn't get to finish your long post, eye problems, but I read you are being tsted for CMV, I asumed your cd4 are very low, good for you getting your eyes checked, if you see floaters, let your doctor know right away, CMV is a bitch, hopefully you will start treatment soon and start recovering your soldiers (cd4)...I did have lots of problems with cmv retinitis, I hope your test comes back negative...I don't know if your country/doctor will give you a med to prevent CMV retinitis (VALCYTE), just in case you want to ask about it, ok...best of luck, keep us posted and you can consider me a friend...hugs  0jo

[Positivelyfun]

Just got home from the hospital, i got my meds and it's a 3 in one tablet containing efavirenz 600mg, lamivudine 300mg and tenofovir 300mg. Gonna come see my doctor again after a week to check on how my body is responding to the meds.