I'm lost - My BF is Pos: positive life in a negative logic

[simplecartoon]

Hi everyone, I'm new to all of this and I'm sorry for making this post here - I don't understand still how to use this Forums.

I'm not the only one with this story and I think that it will help me to share to people that has been through my shoes.

2 days ago I came back from an almost month trip abroad from my hometown and my BF told me he has just been detected poz 2 weeks ago (Elisa method 4th Gen. p.24 Comb).

We were in bed, after having a quick nap (was exhausted due to the plane) and when we woke up I wanted to play (had certain needs after a month without him). So when I tryed to up heat the situation he stopped and told me: "I don't want to have anything with you until you get tested". The idea of the test was always there and before my trip we made a promise that when I returned we were going to go to the Clinic (it's a short 5 months mono. relationship) and have it done. In my reply I told him "yeah, of course but, is there anything wrong?" Something in me knew what was happening. He told me once again "you have to get tested". A horrible sensation rushed into my chest as if a granade just exploted inside me leaving me in pieces. I tryed to search for those simple 3 words "are-you-positive?". Silence came and his bedroom was like a huge void of thoughts of feelings in which nothing could be done or understood. "Yes"

You know how in the movies you constantly hear phrases such as "I can't believe this is happening to me, why me?". I was furious, sad, beyond sad, lost, anxious, nervous, afraid (all of that you have to multiply it by a million). "2 weeks ago I went to my Clinic and had a full exam and it came HIV +".

Hard to believe that I knew that happend, I knew that day when he got the results that something was wrong even so I was in the other side of the world. During my trip we spoke only through what's up, no Skype, no Viber, just what's up. And in that particular day he told me didn't feel emotionaly well - at all. But I felt and knew that is wasn't a "he is just having a bad day". It was a horrible feeling as if something was to be totally out of place. I'm not a person that freaks out just like that and that day I did in such a scale that I had to call my closest friends and ask them for advice of what was happening. That something was totally wrong with him but he didn't want to share what was.

Going back to the "moment 0" as I like to call it, I lighted up a cig. after the other one. Never was a chain-smoker and I was a pro (not proud of that). Went to the kitchen, literally shacking in shock and asked him: "where you involved in any risk-expo-behaviour?" "No, always with a condom" "Sorry, but when you mean always is always, even with your ex-partner?" "Yes, even with him" "So if your whole life you have been safe (according to what you are saying), how can you be positive?". In my shock I totally forgot about how you may get HIV from unprotected oral sex.

I called my HMO and told them I had a pre-expo situation and needed a rapid test in any clinic. Went to one with my BF, waited in que in the ER as my triage was low (in my country procedurs are like that - not from US), entered all by myself in the doc's room and explained her my situation. She was cool, very open and gave my comfort on what was going on. She went to reception and then came back to her office. "No, rapid tests are not made in ER not even HIV test" she added "I'm gonna make you a presciption so tomorrow mor. you go to the lab and get your blood work done". I really needed to have my rapid test done, it was one of the only ways I felt that my anxiety could go down a bit. "Where can I go at this time of the night to have my RT done?" A public Hospital (that weas neraby) or a private lab. that had an emergency service. I tryed to called the lab service but it went constalty to voice-mail so we went to the Hospital. Problem was that ER was a mess with a 4 to 5 hours wait. I called once again my HMO explained that where they told me to go rapid test was not part of the procedure and needed to go to another place inmediatly. They told me to visit another Clinic, went there and was told that RT was only done only in cases were an employee has an exposure, else I had to go early in the morn. and wait to see a doctor to get a recipt and then go to the lab to get my work done.

After feeling that we did everything that we could we went back to his place. Had something to eat and I started to encourage him. Telling him that everything was going to be ok. That in case his WB came back pos. and I was pos. too we wouldn't have to change dramaticaly our lifestyle. We almost don't drink alcohol, don't party, don't use drugs (any), go to the gym, watch what we eat, have a general lifestyle which is very healthy. That his family would support him no matter what, that they would annoy him at first by calling him everyday to ask him if he take his meds, that he friend-circle is very close and he has always chosen people to trust. I was trying to see things in a positive way (how ironic that word may be in cases like this...). Above all things I tryed to make him feel and understand that he wasn't alone in this and that it was very noble of him to share his status.

We went to bed and in some point of my dream I woke up thinking that I was dreaming. Thinking that I was in a nightmare but I was actually awake. When I knew that I wasn't in a bad horrific dream I flooded into tears. Desesperation crumbled and I just wanted to run. Run from everything. Run from him, from the room, from his apartment, from my streets, from my own skin. I wanted to close my eyes and disapeare. He hold me, trying to give his best in a situation like this. His arms felt weired, like if there were protecting me but not at the same time. That feeling that I was off-place again came in and the worst part is that I couldn't do anything about it - just let go and live what was happening.

Went to the kitchen, lighted up another cig. and I started to find some logics to all. Logics has been always my refuge. Went back to the room and told him I needed to be back home. Needed to be in my refuge and be there for a while by myself to process what was happeing. He understood me, gave me the key to his house and I walked away into my car. 

It was 5 in the morning driving back home. I called my best friend and in tears shouted "HE IS POSITIVE! HE IS POSITIVE! I AM AFRAID! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!". She was in shock, we started crying, she started to say "you are going to be ok" "we are going to do something about this" "if you're results are pos I'm not leaving you we are going to do something about it". The fact that she has been a cancer survivor helps me in many ways.

When I entered home, my dad opened the door and I just went into his arms. In tears, devastated, afraid. "What happend?" "He broke up with you?" "What's wrong?" And those 3 words came again: HE IS POSITIVE. "WHAT?!?!" "You are going to be okay" "everything is going to be ok" "you're going to be tested in the morning and it's going to be one step at the time, don't rush things up even so it's a hard situation not do so. I love you and you are my son" Never had I such a conection with my dad - we usually don't match in anything in life and have a terrible relationship. But in this case he was there for me, he was being a dad like I neved had in my life.

He explained that thins were not as they used to be years ago, that people can have a healthy and almost full life. We was there, listened to me and calmed me down as no one did.

2 hours later I was in my clinic having my blood taken for an Elisa 4th p.24 Comb as well as other blood work. I explained the tech. about my situation and asked about a RT and if results of Elisa could be delivered as fast as posible. She told me that Elisa in my situation could be handed by the same afternoon (instead of next day) and told me to go to the ER and ask for a RT. Went there, saw the doctor and went down again with the authorization. Got the RT, waited hour and a half and then went back to see the doctor. Result of RT: Negative. He told me to cool down that my exposure (oral sex) was done early in June and since then I haven't had sex. That w/ Elisa 4th gen. the window period reduces at 21 days and that I already went more than that. Had to wait for those results but that I needed to cool down. Also he told me that I needed to see an infectologist that same day to see and follow protocol.

A phew hours later I had my first interview with the Clinic's infectologist. Explained him the situation and he told me that if Elisa came negative I should really relax as my time frame is ok regarding the window period. That according protocol I needed to repeat the test in 2 weeks but that I was going to be ok. I don't like or need false hopes as you never know.

5.30 pm came, was seated next to the door of lab results. The tech. came, asked for my ID, came back with an envelope. Result of Elisa: Negative

Called my BF and updated him on what was happening. He was kind of reliefe and with a weight off.

Tomorrow he is getting his WB results and I'm scared for him and still for me (even so I came double neg.).

I don't know what to do now and how to handle a situation that I thought that I would never have to live.

A bit of my insight: always had protective sex (not in oral though), not into drugs, last test Elisa 4th Combi was done last March (I get my tests done 3 to 4 times a year), not into party / gangs stuff for a very long time (donde that years ago and wasn't my thing), always tested neg. With my current BF we always had safe sex (not oral though - again), never shared toys, never done fisting or those sort of things and the only accident that we had was aprox. 2 months ago that his condom slipped inside and noticed it inmediatly. Removed it, cleaned the area with cold water and soap and stopped what we were doing.

Sorry for telling my story in someone else's forum but don't know how to make mine and for my spelling / grammer mistakes

[zach]

first, welcome, to you and your boyfriend...

next thing i'm gonna say... stop disclosing his status, very early in this for him to have go through what may come of that. i know it's a burden on you.

please give this considerable thought, it's not yours to tell, and not your choice to have to make or live with

he hasn't even gotten his confirmatory tests yet

just slow down ok, many mistakes are made by newly diagnosed and those surrounding them in the confusion of the moment

he's gonna be fine, life will take some getting used to, but it goes on

edit: and hey, no harm no foul on cross posting this, looks like you figured out how to start your own thread now. just keep things on this thread, moderators may remove the other post... no big deal

[leatherman]

In my shock I totally forgot about how you may get HIV from unprotected oral sex.

sorry I quit reading after you began to tell people about HIS diagnosis; but I will say this, oral sex is not a risk for HIV.

so while all that was about you, how about that boyfriend? Does he have access to health care? Is he receiving meds yet? With proper treatment HIV+ people can easily have a healthy and almost completely full life.

[simplecartoon]

From where I am meds are for free in any Public Hospital. Burocracy is not complicated (at all) to get them. For now no meds. We both have acces to health care: private one and public one. The public is totally covered and for free of all expenses.

Sorry if I made a mistake in something that I don't know how to handle and thank you for your advice.

[simplecartoon]

In one point of the day I asked my BF if I could disclosure his stats to my dad and my closest friend and he told me it was ok. Even so he gave me his acceptance from your experience. Did I still do wrong?

[mecch]

Sounds like you don't have HIV.
Sorry for your BF.
Why don't you tell him to join here. 


What are you looking for from us?  Is there a specific issue or question?

[simplecartoon]

Questions:

 1) Some say that Elisa 4th. gen has a window period of 20 days, others 30 and I read that it has even a 35. What's the actual estimated window period for it?

2) In the HIV hotline of my country they told me that oral sex without a condom equals to unprotected sex. Even so chances are slim to none chances are still there.

3) WB has no false positive? Like, never?

4) Prep. I was told by the infectologist and hotline that they consider NOT to take it as it reduces the effects of PEp and in case of being pos. in some cases retrov. medication doesn't work as it should due to the fact that the body is already used to it. True or false?

They may sound like basic questions but they would help in this case.

[Jeff G]

You can read about testing here …
http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/HIVtests_5029.shtml

You can read about PEP here … http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Transmission_17146.shtml

You can read about PrEP here …
http://www.poz.com/factsheets/fs_2014_09_prep.pdf

[mecch]

4) Prep. I was told by the infectologist and hotline that they consider NOT to take it as it reduces the effects of PEp and in case of being pos. in some cases retrov. medication doesn't work as it should due to the fact that the body is already used to it. True or false?

I think something is lost in translation here. Not sure I understand your question, at least.

You would take PREP if you are not HIV+ and your partner is, and you want some extra assurance. However, I can imagine your BF will go on treatment and be undetectable AND that you will continue to use condoms. It seems what I read about you are a fan of condoms so really - undetectable and condoms is enough. You do NOT need Prep, in my opinion.   Condoms alone are enough, in my opinion.

I suppose you can get the details on PEP - post-exposure, should you have an accident, its comforting to know where to go quickly for an evaluation of the risk and getting PEP.

All this stuff about something cancelling something else out, doesn't make much sense, seems to be about very special, rare, situations, and best to leave to the experts.

[Jeff G]

simple cartoon will be posting in the spanish forum from now on … this thread is now locked .