Fiancé tested positive and I didn’t know

[Peachy21]

My fiancé tested positive. I thought we were monagomous. I’m trying to be supportive at the same time dealing with feelings of betrayal. I’m so lost

[leatherman]

My fiancé tested positive. I thought we were monagomous. I’m trying to be supportive at the same time dealing with feelings of betrayal. I’m so lost

a couple things to consider:
Were you two tested together before you started your relationship? (it can take years to manifest enough symptoms for some people to consider testing.) Have you been tested since this positive result?

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

Sorry to hear that your fiancé has tested positive.
How is he doing and has he started treatment already?

As Leatherman mentioned could be he has been living with HIV for some time already, hard to tell from your post what the situation is.

If he did cheat then it's something you will have to think about, if you do decide to stay together perhaps some joint counselling sessions might help.

Anyhow do work with your own healthcare provider to test for HIV & STI's.

[Peachy21]

Hi. Yes when we got together I asked for a test before taking away protection. And he was recently tested in June of this year due to considering a life insurance policy. I also test every year for everything at my obgyn.  He goes to a doctor on Tuesday to get a referral to a different doctor to start. He’s very emotional and has been more attached to me lately and wanting me around more. He’s been having panic attacks so if I’m there I can calm him down. I hate seeing him upset but at the same time it’s hard because I feel like I want rage one second or cry the next. And he’s so overwhelmed I try not to say a lot to him about it. Counseling is definitely something we will be looking into. Unfortunately covid has made in person things hard to find

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

Well, hopefully, after the appointment, he will feel slightly less overwhelmed but these things do take time. It might be useful for him to write down any questions so he will remember to ask the doctor.

I suspect sex is not something on your mind right now, but if you do stay together it's important to know with HIV treatment once it's has been suppressed for 6+ months he sexually can no longer pass it onto you. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71864.0

Finally, look after yourself, and take time for yourself as needed. Perhaps there is no face to face couples therapy sessions at the moment but there might be phone or facetime sessions, it's something you might want to ask your doctor about.

[Peachy21]

 It’s not on my mind but then is. It’s always been a source of comfort with him for me and I enjoy the closeness. But that’s not something that is plausible right now.  I’ve been looking into things. I was tested as well with the HIV RNA test but have heard nothing back yet. I’m worried But trying to not think about it. I think he will feel better with going to the doctor and gettting his medication regimen started

[Jim Allen]

Well keep us posted how he gets on.

Best, Jim