Really sad over my recent diagnosis

[Jose0205]

 I recently found out this week I was HIV positive,and its been hard. In an instant my life has changed. Even though i'm depressed,I do accept what is happening to me. I caused this for myself, I wasn't safe when I should have been   I feel like its one of those thing were I made my bed and know I have to lie in it. What makes me the most sad is the fact that my life would never be the same. I'm probably going to end up alone. I can never have a normal dating life after this. I will also have to rely on medicines my whole life. This whole ordeal has just been really scary and sad.

[curious1here]

Jose, sorry  to hear you are in a difficult place. I think it is a very important you have accepted your situation. Remember the reason you feel broken, is due to the stigma that surrounds it. Choose to see HIV as just another disease, doesn't make you different, any less special. There many diseases out there people need life long monitoring to keep it in check. It's no different.

In the general population 1 in 3 will get cancer, or  strokes, heart attacks, no one is immue to disease. So somehow everyone is effected at some stage by disease. The only difference is they choose to demonise people with this disease... Don't let yourself conform to other peoples thinking.

Think outside the box!. You will find someone special, there many couples out there with one or both poz. You just need to be more creative with your dating. And don't be scared of something you CAN control.... Remember YOU are in control, it doesn't control you!

Yes, cry take the time you need for yourself but during that time change you mind set. You have whole life a head of you. Taking your meds will become second nature and in time you will feel better about yourself. You are still the same person you were before being diagnosed, show your self and the world this.

I believe there will soon be a functional cure (keeps disease in check so no meds).  Even a cure, maybe in 10 to 15 years. There is hope

 xoxo

[NewPerspective]

Hi Jose,

I saw your post and wanted to respond to give you words of encouragement. I'm 28, male, gay, and was diagnosed in July 2013 ... so pretty recent and still fresh for me.

I went through ups and downs and have been more up than down lately. Yes, it is a big adjustment in so many ways. I've learned the biggest adjustment has been internal. A lot of people talk about acceptance - that is accepting what is now an aspect of your life. It's tough but not impossible as long as you take deep breaths along the way, find support where you can, and keep on living!

I'm fortunate to have a really supportive Aids Service Organization close to where I reside. I actually received my diagnosis there and, through them, went through my blood work and found a specialist, who I now see. After a month from diagnosis I started medication (Complera 1 pill/day). I've never taken vitamins regularly so taking a pill and remembering to do it has been a responsibility that I've had to learn. It's all about taking deep breaths and telling yourself that it's okay ... BECAUSE it is OKAY!

In terms of finding love, my best friend told me that you always find love when you least expect it. So true. In which case, I've found it helpful just to live my life and keep friends close. If/When a relationship arises, I'll take it step by step at that time. I'm still dealing with the "When do I disclose?" situation and haven't really figured that one out yet for myself. I live in a small town and haven't told my parents. I don't intend to, actually. Not anytime soon that is. Luckily, I have a job with good health insurance and have managed on my own just fine. Since I have been able to draw a select number of friends closer for support, I've found that I've been able to do okay. I also meet regularly with a Psychologist, which has helped me as well. Sometimes, it just helps to "talk it out" or to just "get it out." Forums like this is good for that purpose.

Sorry this is turning out to be long. I just read your message and it reminded me of how I felt. I'm not that far along from you, in terms of getting this diagnosis. Yeah, it sucks. BUT, it's definitely not the end. Strength needs to be found from within and even though I don't know you, I'm sure you can do it! It's not how we fall that defines us but how we pick ourselves back up again. Live strong.

[curious1here]

What  NewPerspective said!! Hope you okay Jose xoxo

[mecch]

1 I'm probably going to end up alone.
2 I can never have a normal dating life after this.
3 I will also have to rely on medicines my whole life.
4 This whole ordeal has just been really scary and sad.

You're doing OK, with your mixed reactions, which as you say already includes acceptance.

With time most things about being HIV+ will be "normal" to you again.

I'm going to tell you some things in hopes of changing your perspective and/or reminding you of a wider reality that already exists, that you just can't see yet.

2) In my sex life I was HIV- for decades before I was HIV+.  In my dating life, I dated HIV+ guys sometimes from 1986.  Fell in love with some HIV+ guys.. 

HIV+ people have been part of everyone's reality since the disease started and therefore are part of what is "normal".   

I know what you mean, when you say wrote 2).     You lost some potential partners in the big pool out there, OK.
But consider that nobody's dating life is "normal" -- its very individual.  Everyone brings their own desires and limits and baggage to dating...

so 1)

No, HIV does not mean someone cannot have love.

3)  Yes sooner or later you will have to take meds.  They are pretty good now you know. Dont get worried about old news about poisonous HAART.  BUt do get smart - making sure you see a doc and being prepared and able to start medicine when it is best for your immune system and health.

4) Yes and Yes.  So the way forward is learning the truth about how you will live well with HIV.  Also you need time to recuperate and let your psyche adjust to the diagnosis.

[Michelle25]

hey sorry you are feeling the way u are. i understand and finding out is a shock, you worry about the future, ur health and many more things. i was there in january this year. it will take time, im still getting used to it but u will get there slowly but surely.

life will not be exactly the same again but try to look at it as a second change in ur life, its not a death sentence. i know u are probably reading this message and not wanting to hear what im saying because i didnt want to know or hear this too. ur entitled to feel bad but try not to feel low for to long.

when i found out i was 6 weeks away from getting married. i thought my husband who turned out to be negative thankfully would leave me but he did not. you will find someone but just worry about getting better and making sure u are ok first and the other things will come.

i am taking 3 different tablets once a day. in the beginning the tablets would upset me at the sight of them i would look at them in my hand shake my head and think its the only thing that will keep me alive. i have accepted what has happened me not that i dont get upset still over it but now i look at the tablets and i know that these tablets are going to make me better. and i have a second chance because of them. it is an illness like any other. some people get diagnosis with no survival hope. it is not a life sentence and it will get better. xxxxx

 

[Jose0205]

Wow thank you guys so much. I'm late replying back but I'm just now seeing these. You guys are amazing. Thank you sooo much. For these words. Its nice to know other people understand what you're going through. Thank you again

[Houskypoz]

Step back and take a deep breath.  do some research.  Talk to some people that are HIV +   
You'll be fine.  Just make sure you take care of yourself.  Go see your dr.  Get a good dr.   Date, have fun, work, vacation, dance....do everything you used to do.  You're life has changed but you need be positive and happy and accept what has happened.  I have been with a poz boyfriend for 11 years now and you would really never ever know he was poz unless you were with him every evening when he took his meds.  We just got back from an amazing vacation, we bike, we travel, we do everything we would have done if he was not poz.  I have just recently become poz (not from him)  it's only been a few months for me but honestly I have not seen a difference.  I found out soon and went on meds right away.  My numbers are great and I feel great!!!  YOU will too!!!!