POZ Community Forums
Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: wolfter on October 01, 2014, 09:01:00 am
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I've just wanted to share some exciting news that might give hope to others who think they'll never find that special someone again. I initially wasn't about to make a separate thread about this but am as excited as can be.
Sharing the news requires some gun wrenching truisms and honesty that was never my strong suit in my youth. The most difficult aspect of this all is being realistic about the decisions I made way back then. I was dating 2 incredible guys and they both filled and complimented different aspects. I would have been intent to date them both for a while to determine whom I should make a permanent commitment to.
I absolutely adored and cherished Bill and he was the safe choice. Testing positive during this period absolutely played havoc and added even more difficult decisions. Greg tested and remains negative while Bill and I both were poz. That was the greatest determiner in my decision. Had that not been part of the equation, I am certain that the other Greg and I would have ended up together.
I feel horrible even stating that as I have a sense of feeling like a fraud for choosing Bill due to the situation. Even back then, Greg was willing to accept my status but my greatest fear was possibly infecting him. We didn’t know a lot back then and my fears were huge. Hell, the message in those days was that even oral sex required condoms.
Fast forward; a few weeks ago I rec’d a message from Greg and my heart literally quivered. He had recently left a long term relationship and he needed to reach out to me. I was shocked when he said I had constantly been on his mind and that he held that torch all these years. It was so overwhelming as I’ve done the same thing. In many ways, I regretted the choice which is why I’m struggling a little feeling like Bill didn’t get the entire me.
And now, things couldn’t be more incredible. The greatest difference now is that we communicate in an honest and open manner. Something that youthful bliss doesn’t usually encompass. We agreed to see each other and to take it slow. Well, that lasted for less than a day. It’s like we are right where we left off with the passion being even greater.
I laughed when family members said I needed to take it slow. 20+ years in the making is long enough. We’re already discussing long terms plans and I’m the most excited about life than I have been in a long time. I’m sure we’re both in a guarded state of mind but it’s quickly disappearing. I have finally been given the opportunity to correct a great mistake.
I know this is long so I’ll stop as I could go on for pages. I just wanted to share some happy news with my forums buddies.
Wolfie
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That's great news Wolfie!
don't beat yourself up on how you have loved your two men differently. ;) I put Jim off for a long time and know he was short-changed because of my AIDS. Years went by that could have been better; but I kept holding back saying I didn't want to leave someone crying by my grave the way I had cried at Randy's grave. That sentiment kept me from starting our relationship and from really being a full partner in our relationship for a long time.
So AIDS has screwed up both of our love lives; but what part of our lives hasn't been screwed up because of teh aids?? ::) But it didn't screw up everything, because we still had love. Now that stuff is part of our histories - and you're seeing that as long as there's life, there's always a chance for love. :-*
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Thanks Mikie. A sad reality back then was that we were anticipating death.
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it's a lot better getting laid rather than being laid out. LOL
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I'm happy for you, Wolfie. Life is full of interesting twists and turns, isn't it?
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Greg, what an incredible journey. I am so happy for you and I hope the two of you will have many, many years of enjoyment.
Sometimes, those things that we don't realize we are looking for, are worth the wait. Then when it happens, it alters our world in ways that we never could imagine.
Joe
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Wolfie!
(http://i59.tinypic.com/2lw6fb8.jpg)
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Thanks all. I also noticed I meant to type "gut wrenching" and not gun wrenching. :)
And, I've already made the decision that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
To top it off, I rec'd a friend request from his dearest sister. She sent me the longest, sweetest PM imaginable. She's not sure what I'm doing to her brother, but she hasn't witnessed this kind of happiness in a long time. And to read that she thought we should have always been together was heart warming.
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Great news for a great guy! :)
Hugs,
Jody :) :) :)
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When we broke up (shortly after this picture was taken), he took this picture with him and i forgot it even existed. I took it back and have it on my night stand now. To think this was half my life ago. AIDS hadn't quite ravished me yet but did shortly afterwards. Robby Benson was my boyhood crush and Greg actually resembles him quite a bit althought this picture doesn't portray that.
(http://i940.photobucket.com/albums/ad246/wolfter/Scan_Pic0008_zps2f032b52.jpg)
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We're progressingly at an incredibly WOW speed. I've made some selfless decisions and am moving forward. I've been tormented by the decisions that he was willing to make and that shows the level of sacrifice he's willing to make.
The way it stands now, we don't spend Mondays and Tuesdays together. That's not acceptable. :)
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Sounds very exciting. I'm glad you both have reconnected.
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Things still couldn't be greater. The only issue we've not resolved is how to refer to each other. Partner, boyfriend, significant other? Those terms all seem archaic or too youthful now.
I suggested husband-in-waiting and he liked the sound of that. I made up a term. I've considered settling in recent times just to have someone in my life. I'm beyond grateful that didn't happen. This is the most incredible journey and we're both excited about our futures and our lives together.
I told my brother a couple of weeks ago that I was considering quitting the post and possibly listing the house for sale. Working every weekend didn't allow for quality time together. He quickly changed my schedule to allow me weekends off. It was great to have the entire weekend together uninterrupted so I guess I'll see how this goes. But we're both so ready to be together permanently.
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Hey Wolfie
I love this post, I could feel your happiness when reading it.
Very happy for you, you deserve a good man in your life.
Aroha
Jan
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Hey Wolfie
I love this post, I could feel your happiness when reading it.
Very happy for you, you deserve a good man in your life.
Aroha
Jan
Thanks darlin. It kinda scares me to be this happy. That's an opportunity for disappointment and hurt but I'm also certain this be the ultimate path to happiness. Seldom in life do we get the true chance to correct a wrong of this magnitude. The passion survived all these years in spite of absence is very telling.
My main goal now is figuring out how to not perform a true wolfism and ruin the best thing ever. :)
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I am so happy for you. This is really a great story about your history, that has come full circle.
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As the saying goes; the honeymoon stage is over but all is still going well. The true reality that I've learned is that relationships take work and effort.
We've had pert near a life time apart and have grown differently. Rediscovering each other is awesome but takes great compromise. When 2 people are recognize these truisms, anything is possible.
It's cute when we discuss how different things would be if we were celebrating a long term milestone but I'm always brought back to the reality that we might not have lasted together for a multitude of reasons.
The way it worked out, the passion and love survived because of, or in spite of the absence. There have been a couple of instances where I almost settled just to have someone in my life. But I always knew deep down that it wasn't a good option. And now to have this level of committment and love is just beyond my wildest imagination.
OH, and I'm also a bad influence on the other non-drinking Greggy. We had our employee Christmas party last night and I kept his wine glass full. Is it wrong that I actually enjoyed the buzzed him? He is such an adorable drinker.
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The true reality that I've learned is that relationships take work and effort.
a bazillion hours together in a car with do that. LOL Especially when one person is asleep the whole time. ROFL
I bet he is a hoot all drunk and stuff. LOL
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What I hope others take away from this is that HIV does not need define every aspect of our lives. It's obviously a common thought about how this virus defines our dating and love life, but that's such a small part of our relationship.
Even without a stigmatized virus, relationships require so much work. And that's a good thing. I'm still overwhelmed at my youthful fears of this virus but we know so much now. I let the other Greg go because of my fears, not his. I've managed to release the "damaged goods" lable that I self imposed.
It is so sweet to be on the level of delving through life. What we are left with is dealing with what all couples do and I LOVE it. In one of our little spatty disagreements, it dawned on me that I'd still be an asshole sometimes even without this virus.
The only odd thing is how close he and my brother get on.