Just tested postive

[midwestdad2020]

I just found out I am positive after 2 tests yesterday. I have an appointment with a doctor in a couple of days. I want to start ART as soon as possible. I am struggling with a lot of emotions like fear, sadness, uncertainty, disbelief. I feel like my life is over, though I work in healthcare and I know how effective the treatment is. Its just different going through it myself. I haven't eaten much since yesterday, and I woke up through the night feeling like I was panicking. I feel like I can't tell my family or friends and I'm living a lie. I found this website so I have someone to talk to about this 

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

Welcome to the forum and sorry to hear about the diagnosis.i understand the news can be a lot to digest and will take time. You're not alone though and we are here for you.

About not telling the family, you only just found out yourself, so I don't see how it's living a lie within a day 😉 ultimately telling people is a personal thing and choice, personally i have plenty of medical conditions I don't tell everyone about including my family, I am sure the same goes for them.

Do try to eat something as not eating much isn't doing you any good.

You tested twice yesterday and have results today, that's fast. Can you share what the test were and results?

[midwestdad2020]

I had a high risk encounter on August 15th. 2 weeks later I had flu like symptoms, fever, diarrhea, chills, sore throat. I had an HIV RNA test drawn which took a week to come back. It came back with a qualitative result of positive, so I went to another clinic and had a rapid finger-prick antibody test, which was also positive.

I know its only been a day and my feelings and emotions are getting the best of me, its like a feeling of shock. After I got the first result I had to take off work and make an excuse. I'm so glad I found this forum, reading through posts on here has helped me feel better.

I'm going to try and eat something, it helps just having someone to talk to about this

[Jim Allen]

Hiya.

Understand it's a bit of an emotional rollercoaster at the moment. Hopefully, within a few days/weeks you will have digested this a bit.

The good thing is that if this was acquired recently you will be starting treatment early. Did you or the clinic already arrange a follow-up appointment?

I'm so glad I found this forum, reading through posts on here has helped me feel better.

Glad to hear the posts have given some comfort and, please feel free to ask any questions, vent or seek support here. Prehaps down the line (COVID depending) you can check and join some local face to face peer support groups as well.

For the moment I am going to ask you to post only in this one thread, just until you have an initial viral load from your next doctor's appointment.

Best, Jim

[midwestdad2020]

They scheduled a follow-up appointment for me on Tuesday. The anxiety and sad feelings come in waves. At times I feel like I'm ok and I'm ready to deal with this head on, then I start thinking what-ifs. I really appreciate you writing me, I will update here after my appointment.

[kentfrat1783]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum.  This forum has sure helped me over the years. 

Just remember to ask your doctor questions as there are no silly questions.  Also, make sure that you trust your doctor.  I needed to swtich doctors because I didn't feel like my prior one listened to me. 

I also haen't told many about my diagnosis.  I have told a few close friends and very limited family members. 

Also, as Jim menioned, make sure to eat.  It takes time to get used to your new condition (just be thankful you caught it early).

Take care,
Kenneth

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

How did the appointment go?

Best, Jim

[ajay1980]

Welcome to the forum!!  I swear this place has answered so many of my questions and has been a light of support, so I am sure you will find that too!!
I went through those emotions as well and literally woke up every day feeling the air smelled different and I was in some sort of body snatcher movie where I wasn't myself.   It didn't last too long for me, but was still shocking!!  We are all here for you!!

[midwestdad2020]

The appointment went ok. I was a mess but I met with a clinical educator that has been helpful and I liked the doctor. I was going to ask for a referral to someone closer but this doctor spent quite a bit of time with me, and I feel like he's someone I can trust and is knowledgeable about this. He gave me a sample of Biktarvy so I could start that right away while I waited on picking up my prescription. They drew a lot of labs which I'm just starting to get results on. My viral load was 1610000 copies/mL, and my CD4 was 536.

I have a follow-up on October 13th, I'm hoping I'm responding to the medication well. I'm doing better mentally, I still have my moments where its hard to believe. I downloaded an app on my phone to track when I take my pill each morning, I've been eating normal again, and exercising again.

[Jim Allen]

Well, I'm certainly glad to hear your eating again and, doing somewhat better. Also, sounds like the clinic staff you have are nice, that's helpful 

I still have my moments where its hard to believe.

It's a journey you are on that take times to wrap your head around. I know early on in the diagnosis of HIV it's something prominent on most peoples minds, some thinking about hourly. Prehaps at some stage these thoughts or moments will become less frequent. I'll share that I no longer have any thoughts or moments about my own HIV unless I'm going to a clinic appointment.

He gave me a sample of Biktarvy so I could start that right away while I waited on picking up my prescription.

I have a follow-up on October 13th, I'm hoping I'm responding to the medication well.

Glad to hear you started treatment, with what some would consider one of the VIP treatment options as well, I'm sure things will be fine and if this treatment does not suit don't worry, as there are plenty of other solid combinations.

Take it easy and keep in mind, you are not alone in this. Were here to support you, so feel free to let us know if you have anything on your mind or questions.

[midwestdad2020]

I had a follow up appointment and labs drawn again. After 3 and a half weeks of taking Biktarvy my viral load is 680 copies/mL. I haven't had any side effects luckily from the medication, and I have been using the app on my phone to track that I take it every day. The doctor was happy with that result and I have another appointment in 3 months. I have put the weight I initially lost back on as well after trying to eat better. I'm feeling a lot better mentally, still have a few tough moments but its far less often.