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Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

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Recent Posts

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 10
1
Living With HIV / Re: bad romance
« Last post by CalvinC on Today at 12:06:15 am »
Ah, yes, the possibilities; I had forgotten about those. Thanks for the reminder, Jim. I like "different expectations." That really says a good deal. As I reflect on what's happening, yeah, I see that now. But yes, too, the mature thing would be to have a talk, of sorts. It's kind of at that stage where you think: Does this have legs? .... But, well, different expectations, same planet but different worlds.

numbers, you say somewhat the same thing, with "different directions." I'm second guessing and I need to stop. I remember once someone telling me, in relation to my upset that someone had done or said something that I took exception to, that I didn't have to respond, that I could just do nothing. Responses aren't always required.

So, I thought I'd take a step back today and just do my own stuff. No calls or messages from him. And that's fine. I'm going away tomorrow to visit family, so there's a break.
2
Forums Gatherings / Re: Biweekly Peer Support Call
« Last post by Jim Allen on Yesterday at 09:08:02 pm »
Great call, very insightful.
3
Living With HIV / Re: vampires
« Last post by leatherman on Yesterday at 06:20:56 pm »
I had no idea that there are such complexities to taking hiv meds.
really since the advent of Atripla around 2005-2006, HIV treatment has radically changed for the good. It's not just that we got a pill a day regimens; but a lot of the "kinks" (ie negative side effects) of HIV treatment were finally getting worked out and more effective meds were developed.

Since then the people who have the most issues with meds are either people who have lived with HIV a long time (because they started out on earlier meds) or people who have resistance issues (from inadequate adherence).

Complexities? LOL Picture setting your alarm for every 4 hours every day and night to wake up and take 4 AZT pills. every day. forever. Or taking a huge tablet that had to be crushed up and tasted like chalk. Or trying to remember which pills (or liquid meds) you had to take 2 hrs before, or 4 hrs after, or with food. (I used to have a keep a chart just to get through a day.) The last 15 yrs of treatment have been so much better than the 15 yrs before.
4
Living With HIV / Re: bad romance
« Last post by numbersguy82 on Yesterday at 06:17:32 pm »
Phew I certainly had a few flashbacks to my own dating life while reading your post. I’m sorry this situation has you questioning things. It certainly doesn’t feel nice to be the only one making an effort in a dating situation.

My question would be is it out of the question for you both to continue as you are, at least for now? Sometimes we get pulled in different directions, and who knows your other half might just need some bandwidth freed up to better make the effort with you. On the flip side, would your current arrangement suit you better than being alone or starting over again with someone new? My experience has been that if things are meant to be then they will be… perhaps just not in the timetable we expected.

All the best to you, and I truly hope you get the result that you want and makes you happiest. Life is far too short not to be happy :)
5
Living With HIV / Re: vampires
« Last post by Jim Allen on Yesterday at 04:49:59 pm »
Quote
I must be fortunate, as I've never noticed a single thing. It's always been like taking a vitamin pill. I feel nothing, no reactions, life goes on.

The meds are generally great nowadays, I believe the vast majority of people who started treatment within the last 10 years +-  take their meds, get settled in, move on with their lives and might switch when and if something better comes along.
6
Living With HIV / Re: bad romance
« Last post by Jim Allen on Yesterday at 04:37:59 pm »
Quote
Oddly, he doesn't readily reply to messages; and I'm not talking about "right away." I know that some people aren't tethered to their phones. (My sounds are always off, unless I know there'll be a message/call coming.) Well, okay, that isn't my business.

So many possibilities jumps to mind..

  • He's not that interested
  • He's busy and forgots to respond
  • Different expectation
  • He doesn't want to seem too eager
  • He doesn't understand how a delayed reply makes you feel
  • “out of sight, out of mind” phenomenon more common with certain mental health challenges like ADHD
  • He does see your messages but forgot to respond

The list could go on and on... I normally don't reply to people who text, message or whatsapp me unless I must or have had time to think about things. This drives certain people nuts, but I secretly enjoy that.

Quote
But last night we were going to get together, and he had a party to attend. He went early (7pm), presumably so that we'd meet up around 10 or 11 or so. I waited. Sent a few texts around 10. Gave up. Went to bed around 1.

Just turned on my phone. Message from him at 2am. "Sorry, party is just ending. I'm at home now." And I'm thinking, huh, you are thinking that I'll come over at 2am? (He lives about a half hour away by car.) No.

But you know, he's right in his presumption, isn't he? I mean, we've established what this is. And it's evident that this isn't enough for me, though now I lack one iota of courage to simply call it a day and cut my losses.

You might be right and you might be wrong.  Prehaps before cutting your losses, talk to him and let him know what is bothering you and what you want. See what he says.

7



             ojo.         Hello there!… I’m glad that you’re still here, I also had 20 Cd4 when diagnosed, 29 years ago, and yes, is good to still be here. Question, how does it make you feel knowing the passing off your loved ones when we were expecting to die when diagnosed?.… Hugs
8
Living With HIV / Re: vampires
« Last post by CalvinC on Yesterday at 01:12:22 pm »
Reading over these recent entries for the first time....

I had no idea that there are such complexities to taking hiv meds. I started about eight or so years ago on Genvoya and just recently switched to Biktarvy, only because my GP said I should. I never questioned why or gave it a second thought. I must be fortunate, as I've never noticed a single thing. It's always been like taking a vitamin pill. I feel nothing, no reactions, life goes on.

I'm sorry to know that that isn't the case for everyone, when I thought that it was. Hope you all find what works.
9
Living With HIV / bad romance
« Last post by CalvinC on Yesterday at 01:03:58 pm »
Well, not even a romance, really.

I know what the responses (if any) to this will be, but I suppose I need to hear it anyway.

Had a few hookups (yes, that) with this guy who, when we're together, seems really smitten with me. I'm flattered. It's going well, as far as getting together goes.

Oddly, he doesn't readily reply to messages; and I'm not talking about "right away." I know that some people aren't tethered to their phones. (My sounds are always off, unless I know there'll be a message/call coming.) Well, okay, that isn't my business.

But last night we were going to get together, and he had a party to attend. He went early (7pm), presumably so that we'd meet up around 10 or 11 or so. I waited. Sent a few texts around 10. Gave up. Went to bed around 1.

Just turned on my phone. Message from him at 2am. "Sorry, party is just ending. I'm at home now." And I'm thinking, huh, you are thinking that I'll come over at 2am? (He lives about a half hour away by car.) No.

But you know, he's right in his presumption, isn't he? I mean, we've established what this is. And it's evident that this isn't enough for me, though now I lack one iota of courage to simply call it a day and cut my losses. This is painful and I don't know why. I thought I was bigger than all this, but I guess not. I'm not into pity-parties, for certain. But I feel stupid now.
10
Living With HIV / Re: not telling people
« Last post by CalvinC on Yesterday at 12:55:10 pm »
I suppose you're right, Jim; but part of my thinking arises from the fact that she has done nothing about finding out if indeed this is the case. She has seen therapists (not for autism), and so she knows how the system works. And here in Canada, there's no cost to seeing a specialist (other than there might be a bit of a wait). So I wonder.
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