Bienvenido(a), Visitante. Por favor, ingresa o regístrate.
Noviembre 20, 2017, 11:03:40 am

Ingresar con nombre de usuario, contraseña y duración de la sesión


Usuarios
Stats
  • Total de Mensajes: 722508
  • Total de Temas: 58712
  • Online Today: 351
  • Online Ever: 1421
  • (Agosto 13, 2016, 05:18:44 am)
Usuarios en Línea

Bienvenido


Bienvenido a los Foros Comunitarios de POZ, un área de discusión contínua para personas con VIH/SIDA, sus amigos/familiares/personas que los cuidan, y otros a quienes les interese el tema del VIH/SIDA. Haz clic en los enlaces que siguen para visitar nuestros foros, o participa de la conversación al inscribirte en el sector izquierdo de esta página.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here(Members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí(Sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Advertencia sobre la privacidad: Ten en cuenta que estos foros están abiertos para todos y que se los puede encontrar haciendo búsquedas en Google u otros buscadores. Si eres VIH positivo y lo revelas en nuestros foros, es lo mismo que decírselo al mundo entero (o al menos al mundo entero en Internet). Si esto te preocupa, no uses un nombre de usuario o una imagen gráfica que pueda identificarte de alguna manera. No autorizamos borrar nada de los que escribas en los foros, por lo tanto piensa antes de hacerlo.

  • La información que los moderadores y miembros comparten en estos foros, está diseñada para complementar, y no para reemplazar la relación entre un individuo y su médico de cabecera.

  • Todos los miembros de estos foros, en consecuencia, no son considerados proveedores médicos con licencia. De lo contrario, los usuarios deben identificarse a sí mismos como tales.

  • Los miembros de los foros siempre deben comportarse con respeto y honestidad. La publicación de guías, incluyendo políticas de suspensiones y prohibiciones han sido establecidas por los moderadores de estos foros. Haga clic aquí para las guías de publicación de “¿Estoy infectado?” Haga clic aquí para leer las guías de publicación relacionadas con todos los otros foros comunitarios de POZ.

  • Solicitamos a todos los miembros de los foros que proporcionen referencias sobre la información relacionada con la salud/médica/científica que brinden, cuando no se trate de una experiencia personal que estén compartiendo. Por favor proporcionen enlaces con direcciones de Internet completas o citas completas de trabajos publicados que no estén disponibles en Internet. Además, todos los miembros de los foros deben publicar información que sea verdadera y correcta de acuerdo con su conocimiento.

  • Los anuncios de productos – incluyendo enlaces, banderas, contenido editorial y estudios clínicos, estudios o participación en encuestas – está estrictamente prohibido por los miembros de los foros a menos que POZ haya asegurado el permiso.

¿Has terminado de leer esta parte? Puedes cerrar esta o cualquier otra ventana en esta página haciendo click en el símbolo de cada ventana.

Autor Tema: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me  (Leído 2355 veces)

0 Usuarios y 1 Visitante están viendo este tema.

Desconectado ltorres

  • Member
  • Mensajes: 5
My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« en: Octubre 09, 2016, 02:41:18 pm »
Let me explain quickly what I mean and for the sake of keeping this as PG as possible I'll try to be as least descriptive as I can, so please bare with me:

My name is Leonardo, I just turned 29 years old and I am a fairly active guy. I work out 3-4 times a week and I eat clean most of the time. I stand shy of 6'4 inches and I would say I am a fairly attractive person, I have no problem attracting guys that I like but I do have a problem keeping them. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I am unable to be physical with other men and it's affecting potential relationships I could have and it is starting to cause serious anxiety.

I was diagnosed when I was 21 years old with a partner who at the time did not know was infected and it wasn't only until a year after that I found out I was infected as well. After that I held a serious 4 year relationship which even though it wasn't the most functional, this person did stand by me during my diagnosis and never hesitated to show and provide support. After this relationship was over (I broke up with him because I felt the relationship was too dysfunctional and also because he cheated) I told myself that I would take a break from getting in to a new relationship because I needed time to heal but mostly because I had no idea how I would carry the burden of being HIV+ and entering a new relationship.

Why am I telling you this? Because fast forward 3 years later, I am ready to connect with another person and explore them in every way possible but I can't. I can't because every time I meet someone and we connect, that connection then leads to getting physical and that's where my problem starts. I keep finding myself unable to get lost in the moment and I mostly stay in my head the entire time. To clear the air, what I am trying to say is that I am unable to get an erection. It is the weirdest feeling to explain, its as if my body is saying okay I want to do this, I am so into this person but my mind has a MENTAL BLOCK for some strange reason.

I know what you are thinking, 'oh take a pill it will solve that' but I just don't think my problem is physical. Mostly because I don't have a problem when I am "by myself". I 'take care' of myself on the regular with no issues and I always wake up with a raging ....you get the point. What I am trying to say is that I know my body is telling me 'dude what's going on, lets go get some but my mind has me hostage.

I don't know if this is because I'm scared, guarded, preoccupied, concerned, or just anxious. And yes, I always tell the other person about my status usually right before things are getting heated or my favorite, I invite them out for a casual drink and bring it up. I even started opening up about my experience thinking that maybe if I got to connect with the other person, it would provide the closure I needed to be able to BONE for lack of a better term.

Anyway, I don't really even know why I'm sharing this with you guys, I think mostly because I feel hopeless. I recently was browsing the internet and came across this forum and after doing a quick scan I didn't see any topics relating to Sex & HIV and I know I can't be the only one that is going through this.

I just wish I could go back to being the sexual person I was before all of this.

Help?
« última modificación: Octubre 09, 2016, 04:27:59 pm por JimDublin »

Desconectado mecch

  • Member
  • Mensajes: 13,381
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #1 en: Octubre 09, 2016, 04:18:30 pm »
Welcome to the forum.

I wonder if you might want to take your name out of the thread.  Just a suggestion.

As for impotence. I can relate one experience. I was HIV negative.  My bf at the time got HIV and soon after I got impotent and not just with him but with fuck buddies (we had an open relationship).  Impotence is tricky.  I had a therapist at the time. In fact, finally the method to turn the situation around was the cialis, viagra. And a certain amount of time adjusting to the new reality.  Like you, I had no problem getting wood to masturbate.  I didn't "need" the cialis but it helped psychologically in addition to physically to overcome my inability to perform.  When i go through the impasse, then I didn't need the pill any more. 

So anyway. 1) Don't rule out the effectiveness of the pill in these situations. and 2) talk it out with a therapist if possible.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Desconectado JimDublin

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Mensajes: 6,459
  • Twitter @JimAllenDublin
    • HIV Lessons
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #2 en: Octubre 09, 2016, 04:27:05 pm »
Hi

Welcome to the forum.

There are a number of items you mentioned that would make me feel its not  as simple as just taking a pill. That said who knows don't dismiss it.

Have you by any chance spoken to someone like a counsellor or a therapist regarding the problem your experiencing?

Jim
« última modificación: Octubre 09, 2016, 04:31:43 pm por JimDublin »
HIV 101 - Index & everything you need to know
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Desconectado JimDublin

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Mensajes: 6,459
  • Twitter @JimAllenDublin
    • HIV Lessons
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #3 en: Octubre 09, 2016, 04:30:52 pm »
OP, I took the liberty and removed your last name from the post.

Jim

HIV 101 - Index & everything you need to know
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Desconectado ltorres

  • Member
  • Mensajes: 5
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #4 en: Octubre 09, 2016, 07:55:18 pm »
Thanks for the feedback guys.

Quick question, what's your reasoning for removing my name from the post? Just Curious.

Also, to answer your question...I did seek a therapist in the past and her conclusion was that she suggested I built trust with the person first and then slowly build up to that but I tried that and it still didn't work.

It's just frustrating because I don't know what the issue is, I just know how it's affecting me. I did talk to my primary physician and he said he has heard this numerous amounts of times in the past.

I have contacted a Therapist focusing on sexual dysfunction to see if we can link the issue with what the root cause. I know that I can take a pill, I just want to target where the cognitive issue is stemming from.

I just can't help but feel broken, all I want is to be normal again. Having to explain my problem to guys is just so frustrating and at times degrading.

Conectado Ptrk3

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Mensajes: 2,035
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #5 en: Octubre 09, 2016, 08:03:54 pm »
I'm presuming your last name was removed for your own protection of privacy.  This forum can be read by anyone anywhere in the world.  Per the above PRIVACY WARNING:

******
Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.
******

Good luck with your therapy.  I wish you the best in resolving your issues.

HIV 101 - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Desconectado ltorres

  • Member
  • Mensajes: 5
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #6 en: Octubre 09, 2016, 08:49:21 pm »
Ptrk3 thank you for the info.

I guess I have no issue with disclosing it, hence why I'm writing in this forum in the first place.

Thank you!, I hope I get to resolve it as soon as possible so I can move on with my life already.

Desconectado harleymc

  • Member
  • Mensajes: 930
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #7 en: Octubre 10, 2016, 02:50:04 am »
I've had long periods of time in this scenario. My first 4 boyfriends died during the epidemic.
Mostly I'm ok with my fckbuddy but sometimes there's a ghost or two crowding in on the action. My subconscious/ survivors guilt gets in the way of orgasm.

Sometimes a cuddle or a massage is enough but at other times it's just too frustrating.

Let us know if therapy sessions help.

Desconectado ltorres

  • Member
  • Mensajes: 5
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #8 en: Octubre 10, 2016, 10:10:07 pm »
UPDATE: So after researching for a therapist, I found one that deals with sexual dysfunction and after explaining to him my situation he said that I basically have anxiety, more specifically performance anxiety.

The good news is: he said he has treated patients in the past and he said this is something that one can over come, it just takes patience and therapy sessions.

He said that I would have a series of sessions with assignments in each one and after each session I would have some sort of 'homework' that I would need to do in order to practice leading up to the moment. Sort of like someone who is preparing to give a speech, he explained.

The only challenge is, he said I can't do this alone. I basically need to have someone who is willing to mess around with me once a week for give or take a month with the end result being full on wild sex  ::). I still don't know how I would ask someone this, especially someone I can trust which is the part where I am currently stuck at.

So hopefully once I have an answer on who, I can move forward with these sessions.

Conectado Ptrk3

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Mensajes: 2,035
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #9 en: Octubre 10, 2016, 11:31:12 pm »
Well, good luck with your first assignment!  :o   I'm sure you'll get an A+  ;D
HIV 101 - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Desconectado mecch

  • Member
  • Mensajes: 13,381
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #10 en: Octubre 11, 2016, 10:40:59 am »
itorries - does this therapist know you don't have a partner, lover, etc?

I mean, what you report the therapist says, sounds reasonable enough, but if someone doesn't have a willing partner it's moot.

I told you my experience with the ED pills.  If I could imagine the function - it was like this - if I had performance anxiety, just taking the pill was a way to dissipate the anxiety a bit - project it away, with the rationale "the pill will do the hard work" (so to speak, cough....)

Plus they really do support raging boners.

But anyway, I hope you find a partner if you are willing to give this therapist's suggestion a try.

Otherwise, find a therapist who doesn't have something impossible built-into the therapy.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Desconectado ltorres

  • Member
  • Mensajes: 5
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #11 en: Octubre 11, 2016, 10:54:38 pm »
Thanks for the feedback guys!!

Mecch - did you take the pill just to get you over the anxious part? are you still taking it? I would not want to be dependent on a pill when I know it's just anxiety what I have.

The therapist knows and he says by having someone else to practice with I can see real time if the therapy sessions are working because I will be putting them to practice. I just don't know how I would approach someone with this without it being awkward.

I don't know, maybe I shouldn't think much of it and just give it a try with someone who I feel comfortable/attracted to.

Desconectado mecch

  • Member
  • Mensajes: 13,381
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #12 en: Octubre 12, 2016, 05:49:12 am »
ltorres yes, I have said 2 times, i took the pill because i was having anxiety, and no, I didnt need it after a few times when I realised I could have sex. I am not dependent on the pill.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Desconectado harleymc

  • Member
  • Mensajes: 930
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #13 en: Octubre 13, 2016, 09:19:50 pm »
Does your therapist give feedback on your assignments...
 'plays well with others', 'must try harder', 'does not pay attention in class', ' most improved'...?

Desconectado CaveyUK

  • Member
  • Mensajes: 1,104
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #14 en: Octubre 14, 2016, 07:10:46 am »
I've been here before (not HIV related) and I agree with mecch. Taking a pill may not be needed, but it provides a degree of confidence and assurance which may help. I've found the moment your mind questions whether you might not perform then it's game over. If your mind is not telling you that because you have some chemical assistance to fall back on, then it may help resolve the situation.

Once you have had a few times without problems, you probably wouldn't need the pill again.

Thats been my experience anyway.

It's all about getting that gremlin out of your head that questions your ability to perform. Whether that is achieved through counselling, self-hypnosis or by having a fallback of viagra/cialis, it doesn't matter.
Diagnosed 29th Dec, after Home test 27th Dec 2015
29th Dec 2015 - CD4 160, VL 70,363, CD4% 16
Started Septrin 31st Dec & Tivicay/Truvada 12th Jan 2016
9th February 2016 - CD4 245, VL 96, CD4% 19
8th March 2016 - VL 61 (no CD4 taken)
5th April 2016 - CD4 354, VL  - UD (<40), CD4% 22
5th July 2016 - VL - UD (<40) (no CD4 taken)
13th September 2016 - CD4 432, VL - UD (<40), CD4% 28
13th December 2016 - VL - UD (<40) (no CD4 taken)
18th April 2017 - VL - UD (<40) (no CD4 taken)
18th July 2017 - CD4 552, VL - UD (<40)

Desconectado Tony_Wanch

  • New Member
  • Mensajes: 1
Re: My BODY wants Sex BUT my MIND won't let me
« Respuesta #15 en: Octubre 31, 2017, 01:35:31 pm »
Leonardo.   I am afraid your situation iis not unusual   . Viagra may work for some ( if not contraindicated ) but from what you mention it may not be the andwer for you   . I am visiting Bangkok , am UD and felt unable to do anything   except with my hand !! However here a massage is cheap and can have a ' happy ending'.. Initially I tried to force my self but it did not work   I concentrated on the massage and did not make getting a wood a challenge !!
Since I did not 'have to' and relaxed it happened on thev2nd and 2rd time that it happened naturally  . Being so handsome and sexy it may be a bit more difficult !! But  works for me  . So far  !!

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2017 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.