Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
March 18, 2024, 10:49:15 pm

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 772781
  • Total Topics: 66296
  • Online Today: 328
  • Online Ever: 5484
  • (June 18, 2021, 11:15:29 pm)
Users Online
Users: 1
Guests: 235
Total: 236

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Do I Have HIV?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick  (Read 34030 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« on: February 27, 2008, 05:28:13 pm »
I gotta say I'm not too keen on this current policy of letting the "neggies" or "unknowns" (or rather, as the case increasingly seems to be, the "nah nah - I'm not saying and you can't make me" bunch).  There's already a policy in place regarding the Worried Wells confining to AMI, but there's a big loophole that some folks  (often with dubious intentions) are using to skirt around this.  Increasingly, we're seeing posts crop up in OT, Nutrition, Research & on and on. 

So what's my problem with this?  Well...it feels kinda invasive, to be honest. This site is theoretically supposed to be primarily a place by and for us - The HIV Positive.  There's already been a forum established where people who "are here for loved ones" can post...the Someone I Care About Has HIV forum.  I'm seriously struggling over this because I hate to come off totally exclusionary; however, it really seems that a certain unscrupulous few seem bent on abusing the leeway afforded to them.  We routinely open up about some of the most intimate aspects of our lives on here, and many of us go well above and beyond in that arena in the interest of perhaps furthering an air of empowerment and destigmatization amongst our peers.  How do I say this?  I guess I would say that allowing folks to just post all over the place and willfully skirt discussion of their own HIV status comes off as invasive in the same way as some of the women might feel about men posting in their forum, or perhaps the members posting in the LTS forum.

Given the intensely personal nature of a site such as this, I'm wondering what the perception of others is here. 

DISCUSS.


/edited for typos/
« Last Edit: February 27, 2008, 05:33:37 pm by thunter34 »
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline TicTicBang

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
  • ALL OVER YOU
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2008, 05:33:00 pm »
Jeez-us christ. ::)

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2008, 05:35:53 pm »
Jeez-us christ. ::)

Case in point.  This is a serious topic I've just tabled for the other HIV+ people of this forum, and the very first post is this.  Thank you for stepping in to illustrate exactly what I'm attempting to communicate.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline TicTicBang

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
  • ALL OVER YOU
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #3 on: February 27, 2008, 05:38:54 pm »
Xenophobia is a fear or contempt of that which is foreign or unknown, especially of strangers or foreign people.

[1] It comes from the Greek words ξένος (xenos), meaning "foreigner," "stranger," and φόβος (phobos), meaning "fear."

The term is typically used to describe fear or dislike of foreigners or in general of people different from one's self.

As with all phobias, a xenophobic person is aware of the fear, and therefore has to believe at some level that the target is in fact

a foreigner. This arguably separates xenophobia from racism and ordinary prejudice in that someone of a different race does not

necessarily have to be of a different nationality. In various contexts, the terms "xenophobia" and "racism" seem to be used

interchangeably, though they have wholly different meanings (xenophobia being based on place of birth, racism being based on

ancestry). For example: to dislike a black person from France because they are French is xenophobic, but to dislike them because

they are black is racist.

For xenophobia there are two main objects of the phobia. The first is a population group present within a society that is not

considered part of that society. Often they are recent immigrants, but xenophobia may be directed against a group which has

been present for centuries. This form of xenophobia can elicit or facilitate hostile and violent reactions, such as mass expulsion

of immigrants, or in the worst case, genocide.

The second form of xenophobia is primarily cultural, and the objects of the phobia are cultural elements which are considered

alien. All cultures are subject to external influences, but cultural xenophobia is often narrowly directed, for instance at foreign

loan words in a national language. It rarely leads to aggression against individual persons, but can result in political campaigns

for cultural or linguistic purification. Isolationism, a general aversion of foreign affairs, is not accurately described as xenophobia.

Additionally, in the world of science fiction, xenophobia may refer to a fear or hatred of extraterrestrial cultures or beings.

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,793
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2008, 05:41:19 pm »
I'd say it's most people's assumption that such posters are confined to "Someone I Know" or "Am I Infected" and that generally they don't know that's not the case. I have to add that, until lately, this was not a huge issue for me but lately I'm feeling less inclined to feel "safe" -- and if there's no safety zone here on a poz forum then what is the purpose?  That's ultimately the goal, isn't it?

Let's think in real life situations.  If this was an actual HIV support group running you would not probably encounter this situation.  At least I have not in the four HIV support groups I've attended over the course of 15 years.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #5 on: February 27, 2008, 05:42:33 pm »
Tic, you are spamming my thread and utterly underlining the point I am making.

AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,793
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2008, 05:43:54 pm »
Safety zone: DENIED
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline TicTicBang

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
  • ALL OVER YOU
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #7 on: February 27, 2008, 05:48:36 pm »
Tic, you are spamming my thread and utterly underlining the point I am making.





thanks for reverting from you original avatar and quote that you started this thread with in a n obvious attempt to continue a witch hunt.

Offline TicTicBang

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
  • ALL OVER YOU
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #8 on: February 27, 2008, 05:54:33 pm »
To start on this subject, the number one thing I would consider, a stop to objectifying assuming.
Typically it gets persons off on the wrong foot.

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #9 on: February 27, 2008, 05:58:38 pm »


thanks for reverting from you original avatar and quote that you started this thread with in a n obvious attempt to continue a witch hunt.

Yes, dear.  You are indeed correct.  This situation reminds me very much of similar situations.  The avatar was promptly removed in the interest of not appearing to single out any one particular poster.  You, of course, swooped in on it immediately and have been working ever so diligently since to derail it. 

And my goodness, you certainly are quite adept at moving around these forums for someone so new. 

Why....one might almost think you've been here before.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline water duck

  • Member
  • Posts: 404
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #10 on: February 27, 2008, 06:09:50 pm »
i do think you are quite RIGHT, Tim.

NOW i am wondering TicTicBang who you might be, you have not wanted to admit to your status down at Nutrition, now , you are here !!

Your writing style remind me of someone who use the name of Suntropic or something;
everytime , hecame here, it is like the 'circle' had came to town !! WITH ONE  purpose to shoot down 'anything' that 'move' .

i shall wait for your next move, oh , don't worry , sweetheart, i do have time and patience !!

Wd

Offline TicTicBang

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
  • ALL OVER YOU
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2008, 06:10:13 pm »
nope never had an account on these board before.
Assuming again.
Forum boards are not much different from one another.
And I frequent many, and am much loved.
Thanks for you concern, but posting a thread about a supplement shouldn't cause  alarm.
Yes, dear.  You are indeed correct.  This situation reminds me very much of similar situations.  The avatar was promptly removed in the interest of not appearing to single out any one particular poster.  You, of course, swooped in on it immediately and have been working ever so diligently since to derail it. 

And my goodness, you certainly are quite adept at moving around these forums for someone so new. 

Why....one might almost think you've been here before.

Offline TicTicBang

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
  • ALL OVER YOU
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #12 on: February 27, 2008, 06:11:10 pm »
OMG you guys, queens whatever are quite the characters.

i do think you are quite RIGHT, Tim.

NOW i am wondering TicTicBang who you might be, you have not wanted to admit to your status down at Nutrition, now , you are here !!

Your writing style remind me of someone who use the name of Suntropic or something;
everytime , hecame here, it is like the 'circle' had came to town !! WITH ONE  purpose to shoot down 'anything' that 'move' .

i shall wait for your next move, oh , don't worry , sweetheart, i do have time and patience !!

Wd

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #13 on: February 27, 2008, 06:11:54 pm »
To start on this subject, the number one thing I would consider, a stop to objectifying assuming.
Typically it gets persons off on the wrong foot.

Not quite sure what "objectifying assuming" is, other than poorly constructed english.

Typically, what gets a person off on the wrong foot here is such an obvious attempt to be subversive.  It creates an air of suspicion and mistrust.  

Look:  I am attempting to table a reasonable discussion here about something that I feel is a legitimate issue.  I am NOT interested in participating in any flamewars or "witch hunts" with you.  As said before, this thread is not about YOU.  It is a discussion of the issue in a broader sense among my peers.  I'm stepping away from discussion with you because I have no intention of allowing you to get me dragged down or to invalidate this thread.  I will reserve my replies to my peers...the upfront ones.  You, of course, can freely post here - as is your right.  However, it would be one small step toward showing some form of class and respect if you would bow out and let us discuss it.  

kthx
« Last Edit: February 27, 2008, 06:13:53 pm by thunter34 »
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #14 on: February 27, 2008, 06:15:21 pm »
Well I'm one of those neggies. When I first came here there weren't all these different forums like Someone I care about, positive women, Long-term, and I just tested poz. Since I was married to a poz guy who had no interest of learning anything about HIV, I posted any questions, concerns, and if i needed to vent I did it in the Living With. Everyone was so nice, kind, and caring. I truly don't know how I would have made it without the help of everyone here.

If I have a question about hubby i do post it in the someone I care about. Just seems like not many read that so I don't get as much information as I did before when it wasn't here. I only post replies in the Living with and those are mostly birthday threads or if someone is ill and the hospital. I don't post in the positive women because I'm not positive, but if I want to say something to someone about a thread I will pm them.

I'm sorry you aren't feeling as safe here.

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,122
  • HIV+ since 1993. Relentlessly gay.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #15 on: February 27, 2008, 06:22:33 pm »
Why would someone who is not HIV+, or very close to someone who is HIV+, want to hang out in AIDSmeds forums?

Offline water duck

  • Member
  • Posts: 404
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #16 on: February 27, 2008, 06:25:52 pm »
Teresa Dear,

There is no need for you to feel that way as you came here with a pure heart , to share and help;  we will certainly feel safe in your presence.

david's remarks were not meant for  you.

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #17 on: February 27, 2008, 06:28:41 pm »
Well I'm one of those neggies. When I first came here there weren't all these different forums like Someone I care about, positive women, Long-term, and I just tested poz. Since I was married to a poz guy who had no interest of learning anything about HIV, I posted any questions, concerns, and if i needed to vent I did it in the Living With. Everyone was so nice, kind, and caring. I truly don't know how I would have made it without the help of everyone here.

If I have a question about hubby i do post it in the someone I care about. Just seems like not many read that so I don't get as much information as I did before when it wasn't here. I only post replies in the Living with and those are mostly birthday threads or if someone is ill and the hospital. I don't post in the positive women because I'm not positive, but if I want to say something to someone about a thread I will pm them.

I'm sorry you aren't feeling as safe here.

Hugs
Teresa

And see...there again:  Teresa.  A fine example to me of someone that I'm happy to share the forums with.  

Listen, I'm tabling this for discussion of the broader issue of forum boundaries and how safe do people feel.  I have nothing but good things to say of you, Teresa.  

And you raise a good point about traffic and volume of responses in Someone vs. Living With.

Though it has started roughly, I'm hoping this thread might veer back into a civil and honest discourse.

And I appreciate your contribution to this thread.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,353
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #18 on: February 27, 2008, 06:30:04 pm »
OMG you guys, queens whatever are quite the characters.


interesting comment

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #19 on: February 27, 2008, 06:31:29 pm »
In respect to Teresa's post, I think this portion of the OP bears repeating.

I'm seriously struggling over this because I hate to come off totally exclusionary; however, it really seems that a certain unscrupulous few seem bent on abusing the leeway afforded to them. 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #20 on: February 27, 2008, 06:32:59 pm »
Back to the original question...


I honestly had not thought too much about the status of those who where posting on the site. I understand and validate your concern. It seems very legitimate to me.

To be honest I was naive enough to think that the vast majority of posters where people who where either HIV positive or very close to someone who was. It never occured to me that someone out there who is not positive or in some relation to someone who is would want to spend time on a site for persons with HIV.

Makes no sense to me.
I wouldn't want to spend time on a forum devoted to the love of pig intestines or amature toe poppers or ebola virus aficionados.

If I where to ask a question about a HIV related problem I was having how would I know if the persons responding to my post where people responding with the intent to help not hinder?

I guess the only reasons I can think of for a person who would linger on a site that has nothing to do with their life is either they get a kick out of being a pain in someones ass or they have a strange, possibly sick attraction to the subject.


I donno...


Wendy

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,793
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #21 on: February 27, 2008, 06:35:17 pm »


I guess the only reasons I can think of for a person who would linger on a site that has nothing to do with their life is either they get a kick out of being a pain in someones ass or they have a strange, possibly sick attraction to the subject.


Oh, I can think of reasons.  All it takes is one HIV-positive person to do someone wrong (for whatever reason) and if the other person is mentally stunted they can easily take this out on all positive people -- especially on the internet.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #22 on: February 27, 2008, 06:37:06 pm »
So if I went on a murderous rampage it would be your fault too ? LOL

 ;D

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #23 on: February 27, 2008, 06:38:49 pm »
Jeez-us christ. ::)

OMG you guys, queens whatever are quite the characters.


I'm suspending your account until this can be discussed with the other moderators.

Ann
« Last Edit: February 27, 2008, 06:40:35 pm by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #24 on: February 27, 2008, 06:48:05 pm »
Temporary thread Amtrak:  Winnie, you look MARVELOUS in your latest avatar.

OK.

Resume.

Seriously...this is a tricky issue.  For one, just as with the Positive Women's Forum, it's somewhat illusory to think of it as a "private" space for women since anything posted is freely viewable on the whole of the web.  That said, there is some merit to the notion of having a reserved space for discussion solely among one's peers.  Whatever it takes to promote as much of an honest, free flowing dialogue as possible.  

What I'm hearing from some (and feeling on occasion myself) is a diminished sense of this on the forums as a whole, and I'm not quite sure what (if anything) can or should be done about that.  Is it a situation where posting policies might need to be reevaluated?  Would that really help?  Is it really so much an imposition brought by difference in HIV status, or is it more to do with a sense of invasion brought on by the perceived abuse of this freedom by a certain few?
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,786
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #25 on: February 27, 2008, 07:06:57 pm »
Well Timmy, that is one of the reasons why I don't post often about physical things that happen to me.  I don't want information with someone who doesn't have first-hand experience.  I also don't like the idea of having non-HIV+ people doling into threads where those of us with HIV are. 

It's the same in my going to NA meetings.  There are some meetings that are open-where anyone can attend.  Then there are closed meetings-open only to addicts.  I would feel extremely unsafe putting out details that I wouldn't think someone would respond to with genuine interest of heart. 

I don't know what's going to be done about this-if anything.  I'm not going to say much else.  I guess I've gone a tad overboard already today.   I know I would feel much safer if the discussion was felt to be genuine, rather than fishing for something, putting out useless information, etc. 

Teresa, I've never felt anything but respect for you, just for the record.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Condom and Lube Info https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/safer-sex
Please check out our lessons on PEP and PrEP. https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/pep-prep

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/treatmentasprevention-tasp

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #26 on: February 27, 2008, 07:26:12 pm »
Temporary thread Amtrak:  Winnie, you look MARVELOUS in your latest avatar.



Thank you, we try...On occasion.

Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,353
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #27 on: February 27, 2008, 08:20:07 pm »
I'm sorry to hear you have a little bone. And why are you picking at it?


Offline minismom

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,660
  • Quocumque jeceris stabit
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #28 on: February 27, 2008, 08:34:19 pm »
Ok, small hijack.  Sharkie, poor timitation has to pick his own bone because Betty and Queen have abandon him.

Back on track:

Wow, I'm not sure what to say.  I'm negative and have never pretended otherwise.  And, I do post in a lot of different forums. I was only trying to get information to help my jr. pozzie and, in turn, found friends. Honestly, I've never thought about it being an issue.  Maybe I need to rethink things.  When I first started posting, I did PM Ann or Jan, sorry, I can't remember which, and asked where I could and couldn't go.  I was told and have stuck to it (except for posting in the women's forum - shame on me!).  I certainly never meant to upset anyone or make anyone feel uncomfortable. 

I do understand where you are coming from, hun.  There are folks that go lurking and posting (and PM-ing) where they shouldn't.  But, from what I've noticed, the moderators have done a good job herding them back to their proper places.

Mum
www.watoto.com
www.MotherBearProject.org
"Whichever way you throw me, i will stand"
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today...it's already tomorrow in Australia"  Charles Schultz

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #29 on: February 27, 2008, 08:35:13 pm »
We have quite a few well-loved and well-respected hiv negative members of these forums who are welcome to post where they want.

I for one, do not think it unreasonable to expect hiv negative members to declare their reasons for being here. Many have perfectly good reason. Blathering on about privacy issues doesn't cut it with me either. Respect is the order of the day and we have many members who achieve this aim.

However, if you have doubts about a member, please don't start calling them out in a thread yourself. That's one of the reasons why these forums have moderators. It's our job to do that, not yours.

Eh. I just had to get that off my chest. It is what it is.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #30 on: February 27, 2008, 08:39:24 pm »
I need to clarify what I meant by "privacy issues"... I was speaking of when member declines to reveal their hiv status.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Assurbanipal

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,177
  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #31 on: February 27, 2008, 08:53:12 pm »
I gotta say I'm not too keen on this current policy of letting the "neggies" or "unknowns" (or rather, as the case increasingly seems to be, the "nah nah - I'm not saying and you can't make me" bunch).  . . .So what's my problem with this?  Well...it feels kinda invasive, to be honest. . .
.
We have quite a few well-loved and well-respected hiv negative members of these forums who are welcome to post where they want.


Going back to the original post, I wonder if the issue us really about negative people posting, or about people who are unknown to the group posting? As a relatively recent poster myself I have to say this feels a bit personally endangering to say -- one of the problems is that we new folks feel we get to know you old timers because we read the forums before we joined -- but you don't know us from Adam. 

But if it is really about unknown people rather than negative people posting it seems like that could be addressed by having a discussion on how to make an entrance, and maybe by adding a discussion of etiquette for joining (introduce yourself in a thread, etc. . .) to the registration process, or barring that, adding it to a welcome thread.
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%
2014 VL UD - 48
2015 VL 130 Moved to Triumeq

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,918
  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #32 on: February 27, 2008, 08:54:45 pm »
I have run into this situation as well, Timtation.  What has happened with me is that a so-called "pozzie" aka "oh, I'm waiting for results" started PMing me a while backl.  I basically ignored the person, but often wondered why they didn't EVER tell us what was going on with labs, status, etc.

Its after they withheld this info (that we all tend to share so freely here) that I became a little concerned, and somewhat irritated.  I don't answer those PMs anymore, but I also haven't received one in a little while.

I guess the only thing we can really do is just take Ann's advice and report anyone who becomes a problem.

I wanted you to know that you're not alone, I feel ya.  Usually it just comes down to someone being disrespectful to others in the threads, but I won't mention any names.  ;D  Those people have enough baggage of their own to deal with, lol.  :)

*Assurbanipal~  You posted while I did.  Yes, I believe it IS this "unknown" that makes us somewhat uncomfortable.  At least that's how I feel.  :)

~ Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Snowangel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,429
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #33 on: February 27, 2008, 09:06:40 pm »
I know what they say about assuming- but I think Minismom and Teresa , for example, can assume they are welcome in the different forums of this site.  They deal with HIV and its issues or non-issues on a daily basis and can benefit and provide support for whatever is being discussed. I see what Thunter is saying as far as the people who are negative and have no positive associations.  I am relatively new here but I thought like Win why would you be here, if you weren't positive or living with someone who is?
 ???
Snow
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #34 on: February 27, 2008, 09:10:16 pm »
.
Going back to the original post, I wonder if the issue us really about negative people posting, or about people who are unknown to the group posting? As a relatively recent poster myself I have to say this feels a bit personally endangering to say -- one of the problems is that we new folks feel we get to know you old timers because we read the forums before we joined -- but you don't know us from Adam. 

But if it is really about unknown people rather than negative people posting it seems like that could be addressed by having a discussion on how to make an entrance, and maybe by adding a discussion of etiquette for joining (introduce yourself in a thread, etc. . .) to the registration process, or barring that, adding it to a welcome thread.

My take on it is that it is the people of unknown STATUS who tend to rankle. When a new person comes in and says "hey, I was diagnosed in XXXX and here I am" - everyone can relate to one extent or another. It's when people turn up and start posting without revealing if they're neg or poz that tends to bring out the wary-radar in established members - especially when they seem to be HIDING their status.

This IS a forum primarily for people who live with hiv on a daily basis, whether they are hiv positive themselves or if they have a loved one who is hiv positive. People who don't fit this criteria come off as people who might be here for the side-show guffaws. That's how I feel about it anyway. Just because I'm a moderator here doesn't mean I don't have feelings too.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,031
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #35 on: February 27, 2008, 09:42:48 pm »
Thunter Bunny--

I can definitely feel where you are coming from. But like you and the others, I have no issue with Theresa or Mum, I feel like they are the exception to the rule. As for others who are neg, well, I never look much into it other than maybe they are trying to educate themselves on HIV and what better place to come than here?

I agree with you on the part about them starting threads that may make no sense or their question has been answered and they insist on finding another way to ask the same damn question. That really irritates me to no end and where I say that, the moderators have the patience of saints. Being the smart ass that I know I can be, there is no telling what I would say.

On the being safe on what to share, well, since I am blogging, anyone can what I share so it is up to me to be selective on what I choose to discuss. I know being here maybe you feel you shouldn't have to be selective but then like someone said, it is open to the world web but then sometimes you just come across some asses.

*minor hijack*---Mum, Thunter Bunny deserted me way before I deserted him. Please refer to my post in the NOT DEXTER thread... ;D I still loves me some Thunter Bunny even if he won't let me live out my freaky fantasy. ;)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #36 on: February 27, 2008, 09:52:06 pm »
Well, I have to say a tremendous THANK YOU to everyone who has posted in this thread since my last post.  You have brought it around to what I was trying to get at so, so much better than I was doing.  Cuz see...there's another one:  Mum.  I love Mum and completely embrace her posting and taking full advantage of everything these boards have to offer.  And knowing her background, I would absolutely support her use of these forums. 

I said earlier this was a tricky thread to initiate.  Boy howdy.  I'm afraid some have been unintentionally caught up in the wheels of it.  To those, I whole heartedly apologize if this thread has made you feel unwelcome.  (Namely Mum and Teresa, but I imagine others will surely come to light.)  I do not apologize for the thread on the whole, however, because I think it's pretty clear I wasn't alone in this perspective & there really was something to be thought over and discussed.  I think the true area of unease centers, as has now been better clarified, more on those who are not forthcoming with their status or what draws them here. 

So to everyone who has posted just above, I offer thanks.

Except to Sharkie...who is evil and must be destroyed.   ;)

I'm sorry to hear you have a little bone. And why are you picking at it?
« Last Edit: February 27, 2008, 09:53:41 pm by thunter34 »
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #37 on: February 27, 2008, 10:02:56 pm »
(Namely Mum and Teresa, but I imagine others will surely come to light.)

Nadine... and I'm sure there's others.

Except to Sharkie...who is evil and must be destroyed.   ;)

Um, nope. No way. He's the bi-pretzel fantasy-god of some of us here. Don't you dare harm a hair on his head! :P

Ann
(who should be in bed, dreaming of salty things...)
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,031
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #38 on: February 27, 2008, 10:04:44 pm »
Now when you gonna let me live out my Thunter Bunny fantasy? See you come back and still ignore me. Now it's time for an avatar switch.... ;)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,353
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #39 on: February 27, 2008, 10:06:39 pm »

So to everyone who has posted just above, I offer thanks.

Except to Sharkie...who is evil and must be destroyed.   ;)


You know I love you  :-*
 (and really wants to watch The Queen's Thunter Bunny fantasy come true)
Sharkie
(who only teases if he really likes you)

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #40 on: February 27, 2008, 10:10:10 pm »
Now when you gonna let me live out my Thunter Bunny fantasy? See you come back and still ignore me. Now it's time for an avatar switch.... ;)


Cookies?


AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #41 on: February 27, 2008, 10:11:09 pm »
OMG.  Project Runway is on.  Be back later.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,031
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #42 on: February 27, 2008, 10:25:28 pm »
Well, I got to start with something sweet, Thunter Bunny. I could be the Girl Scout from Hell and you the neighbor I'm trying to sell my cookies to. Damn, work with me, man. But then I got left hanging in a thread for Project Runway...*pouts and sighs*...See, it moments like this when I need Sharkie. *carefully puts out some Sharkie Treats*
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,786
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #43 on: February 27, 2008, 10:32:06 pm »
Oh, by all means, Mum and Nadine don't offend at all (and of course, Teresa...probably others not coming to mind).  I guess it's those who come on here for unknown reasons I tend to be leary of.  People who don't disclose their own reason for being here. 

Queen, it looks like we've got some work to do! ;)
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Condom and Lube Info https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/safer-sex
Please check out our lessons on PEP and PrEP. https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/pep-prep

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/treatmentasprevention-tasp

Offline minismom

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,660
  • Quocumque jeceris stabit
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #44 on: February 27, 2008, 10:45:11 pm »
Came in strickly to hijack for a brief moment.  Betty, congrats on over 3000 posts ;D :-*


Mum
www.watoto.com
www.MotherBearProject.org
"Whichever way you throw me, i will stand"
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today...it's already tomorrow in Australia"  Charles Schultz

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #45 on: February 27, 2008, 10:49:11 pm »
Ok, small hijack.  Sharkie, poor timitation has to pick his own bone because Betty and Queen have abandon him.

Back on track:

Wow, I'm not sure what to say.  I'm negative and have never pretended otherwise.  And, I do post in a lot of different forums. I was only trying to get information to help my jr. pozzie and, in turn, found friends. Honestly, I've never thought about it being an issue.  Maybe I need to rethink things.  When I first started posting, I did PM Ann or Jan, sorry, I can't remember which, and asked where I could and couldn't go.  I was told and have stuck to it (except for posting in the women's forum - shame on me!).  I certainly never meant to upset anyone or make anyone feel uncomfortable. 

I do understand where you are coming from, hun.  There are folks that go lurking and posting (and PM-ing) where they shouldn't.  But, from what I've noticed, the moderators have done a good job herding them back to their proper places.

Mum

You are always welcome in my book Mum. I think you and your beautifully sweet daughter are a wonderful addition to our forum.  ;D

Offline ademas

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,152
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #46 on: February 27, 2008, 10:56:04 pm »
Oh, by all means, Mum and Nadine don't offend at all (and of course, Teresa...probably others not coming to mind).  I guess it's those who come on here for unknown reasons I tend to be leary of.  People who don't disclose their own reason for being here. 


I agree--"unknown reasons" raises red flags for me--as does immediate over-familiarity--or posting binges right out of the gate--or bringing up highly controversial topics at every turn. 

It's not that difficult to spot someone who has been here before under a different moniker, in spite of their pleas of innocence.  The members of these forums have uncovered them on many occasions, and they've been right far more than they've been wrong.


Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #47 on: February 27, 2008, 10:57:42 pm »
I agree--"unknown reasons" raises red flags for me--as does immediate over-familiarity--or posting binges right out of the gate--or bringing up highly controversial topics at every turn. 

It's not that difficult to spot someone who has been here before under a different moniker, in spite of their pleas of innocence.  The members of these forums have uncovered them on many occasions, and they've been right far more than they've been wrong.



It never ceases to amaze me how many brilliantly strange people there are online.

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #48 on: February 27, 2008, 11:51:59 pm »
*carefully puts out some Sharkie Treats*

I'm barely out the door and she's already getting chummy with Sharkie again. 

Hmmm...I see how this game is played.  I gotta keep my ladies happy or they're gonna roam.

Hell, I don't blame you.  I can't bend like that. 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,058
Re: I've Got A Little Bone To Pick
« Reply #49 on: February 28, 2008, 12:23:53 am »
I agree--"unknown reasons" raises red flags for me--as does immediate over-familiarity--or posting binges right out of the gate--or bringing up highly controversial topics at every turn. 

It's not that difficult to spot someone who has been here before under a different moniker, in spite of their pleas of innocence.  The members of these forums have uncovered them on many occasions, and they've been right far more than they've been wrong.



Amen to that brother. I see no reason why someone can't be politely asked their status. Usually all it takes is a "why don't you introduce yourself." Refusing to answer is just one big fat red flag. Believe me we can't be fooled.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2024 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.