Miscarriage and Hiv+

[Dealing]

Hi
I was recently diagnosed with HIV, , actually I got diagnosed the day I lost my baby. My placenta raptured at 18 weeks so I went into labour. I was just wondering if any of you ladies have been through something familiar and if this was caused by me being + .I just feel like this was my fault that is why I lost my baby.

[Ann]

Dealing, please don't blame yourself. Hiv isn't one of the risk factors for having this happen. Studies have found that hiv does not increase the risk of placental abruption. (There have been quite a few studies into the effects of hiv on pregnancy.)

Abdominal trauma is one of the leading causes - did you fall or sustain a blow to your belly? Sometimes these things just happen. Whatever the cause, DO NOT blame yourself!

I've been pregnant three times, and two of those ended in miscarriage. I know how easy it is to blame yourself, but I also know how futile and damaging it is to do this.

Both of my miscarriages happened about 10/12 weeks earlier than yours and I'll never know why I miscarried. They both pre-dated my hiv infection - I've been poz for seventeen years. The first one I lost would have been 35 this year, and the second would have been sixteen, turning seventeen most likely in late October or early November. I acquired my hiv about two months after that miscarriage.

The one baby I carried to term - my daughter - turned 27 at the end of April. In all honesty, she was the only one I was in a position to have (married and financially stable, with health insurance). The other two were unintentional pregnancies.

I wouldn't have had terminations, but there is a strong possibility that I would have given at least the first one up for adoption due to not having the means to raise a child (I was seventeen). It's easy to say that though before you've carried for nine months and given birth, so I may not have gone the adoption route after all.

And I did - most definitely - experience grief even though I lost them at only six/eight weeks and even though I was already considering adoption.  I think of them now and then, particularly around the time of year they would have been born, and wonder (and dream about) who they would have been. It gets easier as the years go by, but they'll always be in my heart.

I can empathise with what you're going through. Hang in there hun.

((((((((Dealing))))))))

More hugs,
Ann
xxx

[karry]

Hi Dealing, sorry you are dealing with a miscarriage and an HIV diagnosis.
I understand you...because I just miscarried yesterday myself. My partner and I wanted the baby so much its devastating for us. I was 9 weeks.
20-25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. HIV is not a contributing factor.
Sorry for your loss. May we both heal and come to have more babies...
Hugs to you.
Karry