POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: thankyoulilmijo on August 14, 2010, 09:36:49 am
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On July 23rd 2010 my confirmatory results came back from my doctor stating that I was HIV+.... Not only devastated and recently single out of a horrible breakup with a small support group of friends to talk to but I suddenly became very mentally unstable. I felt at this point that there was no need for life anymore. (which is about as far from who I am and what I stand for as a person as it could get)
I immediately stopped to a local bar in Long Beach, CA and began to drink assuming that after a few drinks my pain would dissipate enough for me to down the 90 pills of zanax I'd just been prescribed to relax. While drinking I was on an application for locating local gay men. I started to talk to someone I found to be attractive and invited him to the bar. He showed up and at the last moment told me he was not interested in going into the bar. I KNEW (I don't know how) I needed to talk so I finished my drink and walked out. Stepping out the door of the bar I found this extraordinarily attractive Latin man whom I asked to go for a ride with me just to talk.
He told me his name and we went to a local fast food place. I was so sick to my stomach that I didn't eat but just sat there and talked about each other. Our likes and dislikes, interests and favorite things to do/places to go so I then popped the question, "tell me how someone so beautiful like you can be single" his reply was simple saying because "I'm afraid of rejection" I laughed outloud in utter shock thinking how can someone so great looking be afraid of rejection. I then asked him rejection of what. What he said next changed my entire outlook on life...
He said "I am afraid of being rejected because I am POSITIVE, I have full blown AIDS"... it was like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. A huge smile came to my face and I said for the first time ever openly admitting that I too was POSITIVE but with HIV. We clicked and talked for hours on end spending almost everyday for the next few weeks together.
He's gone with me to all of my doctor appointments, explained everything to me in complete detail, and has lived this life with me I thought wasn't worth living every step of the way since the day we met. I believe we met for a reason. He has issues too aside from being full blown but I strongly believe I was placed onto his path to save his life just as he saved mine. (in my eyes)
Now, I write here today to also say how my outlook towards other people has changed so much. I've always considered myself to be a genuine mid-western boy, your all american boy next door. This guy has really opened my eyes that's for sure. I've found myself valuing life more now than I ever have.
Without you my dear, I don't know where I'd be. Taking your suggestion, this is my "Family letter" you read to me and your inspiration has honestly kept me alive. Thank you so much for coming into my life and being who you are, the beautiful person you are. Thank you for loving me for me and being a great person despite our personal problems and barriers.
I just can't believe I'm now Positive. I got it from my unfaithful boyfriend of a year. I never should have let him cheat on my once let alone 3 times without us both being tested after. But hey, we can't go back in the past so it is what it is. Love is blind sometimes.
I just want to say thank you so much for being you and being there for me... You saved my life.. :)
What do I do next in life. I'm a 23yo attractive white guy living in sunny Southern California!! I guess I could smile.. :)
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Hi Mijo, welcome to the forums. What a sweet story! You nearly had me in tears there. Yes, sometimes things do happen for a reason. I hope you and your new sweetheart are very happy together for a long, long time. He sounds like a gem and so do you.
Ann
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Yes, that's an amazing story :)
and welcome to the Forums.
-Will
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Thank you guys as this is my new home for solid support from like minded people.. :-)
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Wow, it is a wonderful story, welcome to the forums. All the best for you guys, u have each other to lean on and everyone in this community will support you.