going through the motions

[lnghrn2008]

Hello All,

So I'm Mike,27,  I was notified that I was positive 8 Jul 13. I freaked out at first and went through different emotions so fast. Reading through this forum really calmed me down and helped me realize that its not so bad. I just need to keep living life the way I have been if not better. The thing that really is bothering me is trying to find out who had given it to me. The one that I highly suspect I had sex with back at the end of March. I now know him to be highly promiscuous and kick myself for thinking he was so innocent and probably clean just bc He's only 20. He even told me he had gotten checked recently and was neg. So then I get very sick the first week of June. Chills, Fever, diarhea, the works!. I had never felt so weak. I was in the hospital for the first time ever for a couple days. I had just tested neg the 1st of June so I did not expect to be getting a call that i was pos. I actually tested pos on the 6 of June but wasnt told till a month later after more tests were done. The w. blot came out neg but since my VL was at >5mil dr's were still sure that i was pos and am awaiting a 2nd w. blot test. My CD4 was initially 343 but found out last week its at over 600. Will find out my current VL in the next couple days. It took me a while to feel 100% after my sickness but got back to my routine of working full time and working out and partying on weekends. They started me on meds on the 22nd at my first appt.(Tenofovir, Darunavir, Ritonavir) while I wait for my genotype results to come back. Ive gotten used to taking meds now and had my first sexual encounter last weekend. I thought I would never have sex for a long time. But given the education i felt more comfortable as long as I had protection. Anyway back to the real problem. I find myself more worried for the person who probably gave it to me. We dated for a bit and I fell for him hard but then of course he lost interest pretty fast. I agreed to just be friends and had been doing good just hanging out and partying together. But now that he's prob the one that infected me I want to hate him and make his life miserable but I cant. My txts to him end up being "are u ok?.. is ther anything you need?". The worst thing is that since i told him he's been too scared to go get tested to confirm that he has it. Its driving me crazy! Im bout to go and drag him to a clinic! I keep telling him that the sooner he knows the sooner he can get treated and stay healthy. I dont know what else to do or say to him to get him to get tested. I really care for him and just want him to be ok and not get sick like I did. So yea, thats where I stand rt now.

[wolfter]

I now know him to be highly promiscuous and kick myself for thinking he was so innocent and probably clean just bc He's only 20.

You couldn't tell if he showered?   Sorry, but that description bothers most of us.

Other than that, welcome to the forums.  I'm sure some great advice will be coming your way soon.  I'm rushing at the moment or I'd offer some insight.

Wolfie

[Ann]

Hi lnghrn, welcome to the forums.

I agree with Wolfie - using the word "clean" to describe someone's sexual health or hiv status is very offensive to many (not all) of us, me included. I mean, do you now see yourself as "dirty"? You shouldn't. You have a virus that any human being can get, just like any human being can get the common cold.

If you really want to play the "blame game" regarding where your infection came from, then I can tell you it wasn't March. Going by your time-line, you were probably infected sometime in May or late April at the very earliest.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. The illness associated with seroconversion (if it happens at all, many don't experience it) usually happens within two to three weeks following the initial infection.

One thing to remember when pointing the finger of blame at anyone for your infection - three fingers are pointing back at you. Aside from cases of rape, we're all ultimately responsible for acquiring our infections and while this can be difficult to come to terms with, it's in your best interest to do so. Please don't think I'm being harsh - I'm not. I'm saying this with genuine concern for your well-being.

I'm on the same meds you are and I find them easy to take. I hope you do too.

Hang in there, it does get better.

Ann

[lnghrn2008]

Yup sorry for that term guys! I jus seen it used many times in social apps and w/ ppl my age. I should have been more careful in my terminology.  I now realize it is a stupid thing to call having this virus.

I dont mean to blame or point fingers. I just want to know who gave this to me to make sure they get treatment and don't infect others. Of course, I have some anger towards whoever did but  I do take most responsibility bc it was a stupid mistake that i made and now have to live with. 

I still think it may be him since I had sex with him more than once through april and may. Ive only had 4 partners since Jan 1st 13. 2 hav tested neg and one is MIA but that one was from an encounter in late may.

[wolfter]

 

[Ann]

I still think it may be him since I had sex with him more than once through april and may. Ive only had 4 partners since Jan 1st 13. 2 hav tested neg and one is MIA but that one was from an encounter in late may.

Ah. Thanks for the clarification. Your first post lead me to believe you'd only had sex with him in March. (It's difficult to wade through a wall of text....)

He could very well have tested negative at his last check up but became positive after that. A negative result is only as good as six weeks previous.

People with brand-new infections tend to have very high viral loads as you may find out first hand when you get your VL tests back. The higher the viral load, the more infectious a person's blood, semen, or anal or vaginal secretions will be.

He may not have even felt sick - many people don't. Ones that get as sick as you are relatively rare - I was one. It didn't mean I was a fast progressor or anything, I went for fifteen years without meds (on them now) and I'm doing just fine.

I hope you can persuade him to test, but at the end of the day, it's his call, his karma. You've done your bit by letting him know the situation.

[tednlou2]

Welcome to the forums.  Sorry you had to find us, though.  I was mad at the person, who I am fairly sure I acquired my infection.  But, that has longed passed, especially since learning he died.  You have told him, and that's basically all you can do.

You mentioned being with someone in late May, and then having seroconversion illness in early June.  If I am correct about the person I acquired my infection, then I began to have seroconversion illness very, very soon.  I know many say it takes at least a few weeks.  If I remember correctly, mine came on in less than a week.  Basically, you really cannot be sure the guy you suspect is really the one, who you acquired yours. 

Keep in touch,

Ted.

[mecch]

You notified these people - good for you. You make a effort to encourage the young man you suspect, to test.  There isn't anything else to do. Dont go worrying about other people infecting other people. As others have explained, people are responsible for themselves.  If you think the young guy is typhoid Mary, so be it, its not your problem and furthermore, you might be wrong. Also, the only way he would be infecting people is if he is positive and having unsafe sex.  And the person having unsafe sex has decided to do so.
 
Time to concentrate on yourself...

[lnghrn2008]

Thanks everyone!! I have since learned to concentrate more on myself and my own future. I have also met someone that I'm falling for very hard and was afraid of tellin my status after 3 months of talking to him. I told him the other day and he took it very well. It seems as though he is even more into me and tells me that it doesnt change anything. I'm so happy to have found someone like him and think that having him in my life will just make me forget about what i have and live life to the fullest!