philemon23:
So I went in for a routine STI panel and got the results no one wants to hear. The lab tests confirmed the positive result I got on the rapid test so its official. I'll likely have my CD4 and VL results by Monday.
I'm on medication already, and based on everything I've read I'm not terribly worried about my physical health. I haven't been getting sick and since I test regularly I'm confident it was found very early. For that I am grateful.
But I'm also absolutely devastated. I felt like I was destroyed when the NP told me the results. I still feel that way. I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know how to stitch myself back together. This happened during a period of my life, maybe the first ever, where I felt I was in control and everything was finally going to work out. Now that feeling is gone. I guess it was only ever an illusion anyway.
I have so many feelings I can't articulate them all. I guess my question is does life ever start to feel normal again? Or do you just carry the weight around forever?
Jim Allen:
Hiya
Sorry to hear about the results, but what test was used to confirm the rapid test results?
I'm on a day trip so will post a longer reply later, however, wanted to say hi.
Best, Jim
philemon23:
I don't know the specific test but I will ask when they call me back with the rest.
Jim Allen:
Hiya,
Just got back from my day trip, monthly cross-border shopping.
Glad to hear you have access to treatment and have started. What medication did they start you on?
--- Quote ---But I'm also absolutely devastated. I felt like I was destroyed when the NP told me the results. I still feel that way. I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know how to stitch myself back together. This happened during a period of my life, maybe the first ever, where I felt I was in control and everything was finally going to work out. Now that feeling is gone. I guess it was only ever an illusion anyway.
I have so many feelings I can't articulate them all. --- End quote ---
Sorry to hear you had a rough time I presume and felt finally in control when this happened.
Look, it's only been a few days, and at first, hearing about a possible HIV diagnosis can be overwhelming, I think some people go through a type of grieving process. I would say it's pretty common for people to feel overwhelmed for a while until they get their heads around it and digest it.
Give yourself time. Also, what does your support network look like? Family, friends, peer support or counselling/therapy?
--- Quote ---I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know how to stitch myself back together. --- End quote ---
Well, HIV didn't change who you are. Essentially you are the same person you were yesterday, we all change every day as to how to get back on track, well, one day at a time, seeking additional support if you need it and learning to accept you have a manageable health condition and that it probably will not be your last in life.
--- Quote ---I guess my question is does life ever start to feel normal again? Or do you just carry the weight around forever? --- End quote ---
I can tell you that my life feels relatively normal for me, I have a bit of AIDS, and it's not the end of the world, I pop a pill a day, and I get on with my life, so I just don't think about it.
Overall I have other issues in life not related to HIV that cause me far more thought, problems or issues than HIV ever has.
--- Quote ---I don't know the specific test but I will ask when they call me back with the rest. --- End quote ---
No prob. For now, ill ask you to only post in this thread until you have some results. Ask any questions, thoughts or concerns you might have and people can reply to you here.
Take it easy, best Jim.
Tonny2:
ojo. Hello there!
Welcome to the forum. We all here, understand how you are feeling right now and it’s ok, it takes time to learn how to live with hiv. It’s good that you are on treatment now, usually when we get to undetectable, we start to feel more relax and see things different…you will be able to continue making plans tor the future, teyst me, you will be around for a long time all you have to do is being disciplined in taking your med/s as prescribed and have a positive Ttitude…now that you are positive you got to be more positive with your life….hugs and here we are four you!!