Just Found HIV Meds in my mother's room

[friendlygal2009]

Hello,

I recently came across some medications in my mother's room.    She usually does not display her medications and I became curious as to what her health issues were.  I found the following medications:  Intelence, Epizicom, and Lexiva.  I looked them up and it was apparent that these medications are used for HIV treatment. 

The other day she happened to come home from the pharmacy with a new bottle of Epizicom which was on the kitchen table.  This gave me the opportunity to confront her about this.  She asked me if I knew what this medication was for and was quite surprised when I told her it was for HIV.  She became irate claiming that the Epzicom was for her stomach and wanted to know if I thought that she went around sleeping with men.  She was very convincing that the Epizicom was for her stomach problems.  She doesn't know that I found the other medications Intelence and Lexiva but I need to know if it is possible that these medications could be also for her "stomach" problems before confronting her again. 

I have no idea how I am going to confront her so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!

[Peter Staley]

Nope, they are ONLY used as anti-HIV meds.  Please be kind to your mother -- there can be a lot of shame associated with HIV, which explains why she's kept this news from you.  She'll need your support.

Become as educated as you can -- an easy way to do this is to read some of our lessons here:

http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Introduction_4702.shtml

[Ann]

Hi Friendly, welcome to the forum.

The only thing that worries me about your post is your use of the word "confront". Please don't be confrontational with her! As Peter mentioned, there can be a lot of shame and embarrassment surrounding hiv infection and is the likely reason she has hidden this from you.

You might start out by saying that it doesn't matter how she became infected. (Because it really doesn't  matter and frankly, it's none of your business how she became infected. She'll tell you if she wants you to know.)

Please put the emphasis on your concern and love for her and please be gentle!

Good luck with your discussion with your mom. And please feel free to come back here to ask questions or vent. You may also want to let your mom know about this site so she can become a member too and gain knowledge and support.

Ann

[Miss Philicia]

Dearest Friendly,

I know that on your side there are a lot of emotions right now, but as Peter and Ann kindly say, you have to consider the perspective, no matter how warped you may consider it, of your mother -- and not just the perspective but the DURATION of this perception.  If she's been carrying this heavy burden all on her own for, say, a decade, then it's very ingrained behavior by now and will be an adjustment for her to discuss it all with you.  I'm sure she will in time however as she slowly digests that you know. 

On your end there will probably be feelings of a lack of trust in why she didn't tell you earlier, though you don't disclose your age.  There IS an upside to all of this -- it can be an opportunity for the two of you to grow even closer.  We're all here to be supportive to you both.

[a2z]

Hi, you don't say how old you are or anything, but one of the best things you can do for your mom, besides being there when she needs you and in a non-judgmental manner, is to take care of yourself, so she doesn't have the added stress of worry about you.  Mothers do that, it's part of their instinct.

Know that you can come here and ask questions and vent.