POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Someone I Care About Has HIV => Topic started by: milker on May 03, 2010, 03:53:54 am
-
He's like "look at me, I'm not skinny, i look great, why the fuck would I take meds?"
I tried to explain to him that not only he might be suddenly be very ill and spend time in the hospital and that is not going to be pretty, but also he is putting people at risk by barebacking all the time (top and bottom) and not being undetectable.
I'm out of ideas, I think this dude needs a big scare, but until then, what are your suggestions? He said to me "I don't have insurance". I know for a fact, because i've helped 3 other people in the last year get medication, that not having insurance is not a problem.
-
What kind of numbers (t-cells etc.) does your friend have?
-
no idea, he won't make his tests. I should have said "my friend doesn't care about being poz" in the title. I know that at least 2 other people have tried to convince him.
-
no idea, he won't make his tests. I should have said "my friend doesn't care about being poz" in the title. I know that at least 2 other people have tried to convince him.
I have a friend pulling the same shit. Tested poz from a home test 3 years ago, refuses to go see a doctor. I found out about 5 days ago and I'm all torn up over it. He's also recently admitted that he's now using heroin. He made an overt attempt on his life last year and I think now he's going for a more subtle approach. Not really sure what I can do however.
-
I think you drop the argument about meds, since that would be a second step and under the advice of his doctor. The only argument you can have with him is to teach the basics of disease progressing and cause some cognitive dissonance. Since he enjoys life so much, and his carefree, persuade him that monitoring his health is the way to garantee that will continue to a ripe old age.
-
I think you drop the argument about meds, since that would be a second step and under the advice of his doctor. The only argument you can have with him is to teach the basics of disease progressing and cause some cognitive dissonance. Since he enjoys life so much, and his carefree, persuade him that monitoring his health is the way to garantee that will continue to a ripe old age.
I think that's hopeless. People of this type--I know one too--equate "life" with the thrills of sex and other stimulation. To them "ripe old age" probably sounds like death. The guy I know who is barebacking all the time said "I care more about the quality than about the length of life." I said, I actually do too. But a host of venereal diseases would do a great deal to impair the quality of my life, so I try to avoid them.
By the way, I avoided the whole issue the first time I replied--it all sounded so outrageous I didn't want to go near it--but do the people he's barebacking with know that he has HIV?
-
yes mecch, I totally agree, he should get his blood test done and then speak to a doctor. That first step hasn't been done for more than a year when he discovered he was positive, this is what i'm trying to convince him to do.
Nestor, I don't like to qualify people as hopeless, although sometimes it seems like they are >:( but there has to be a way to convince them to do the right thing, for themselves and for their partners. As for disclosure, he says he does, but who knows.
Hellraiser, sorry about your friend. My friend does do drugs from time to time but doesn't seem to be a main block so far. He's just young full of life and wants to get fucked by everything that moves, basically.
-
You cannot make another person do something they do not want to do. If your friend doesn't wish to take medications, that's his sovereign right.
MtD
-
True, but helping him understand the consequences and make better decisions is what friends can do. I was looking for some guidance and new ideas by making this post, as I am sure i'm not the only one that has been in this situation. I have seen many refusals to act for their own good from posters in those forums, and many have been reversed with the help of the community. It can happen!
Milker.
-
Sometimes leaving a person to make his own decisions is the best thing we can do. If your friend is not ready to take medications or unwilling to deal with his HIV at this time in his life then it's possible that your well intentioned interventions might only make things worse.
He's a grownup and once you've offered him the benefit of your wisdom you should let him decide these things on his own and potentially suffer the consequences. Difficult to do, I know, but that's the way of these things.
MtD
-
That's reasonable.
-
Also dont be school marmy about suggesting he take stock of his health. What you could do is say that YOU are concerned, even if he isnt, and YOU would like to know everthing is going well enough. You could be rather positive and say that YOU know an HIV+ person can lead a normal life if medical care is part of it.