The first couple of months..

[ack55]

I am a 24 year old heterosexual female and I was diagnosed about two and a half months ago. I got herpes when I was 19 and struggled with the stigma and the negative implications it had on my self-esteem. I got tested for the first time in about a year in a half when I began my first semester of graduate school. Receiving a call from the health center that I needed to come in immediately stopped me dead in my tracks. She initially wouldn't tell me why, but knowing I already had herpes, there is no way they would make such a big deal out of any other STD. I was shaken and afraid. I was trying to hold back tears as I waited to take a second test. The doctor told me that because of my demographics, they believed it was a false positive. I knew better than to believe this. I had to wait 8 days to get the second test results that were confirmed positive. When I went back in, the practitioner told me that she was going to refer me to the nearby medical clinic. She also told me that I would be spending a lot of time in hospitals over the years and that my health was going to be very difficult to manage. When I saw the specialists I felt a million times better hearing about the advancements in treatment and hearing that I wasn't going to be constantly sick. It boils my blood thinking about 1) the false information I was given and 2) the fact that these practitioners made any inferences about my status based on demographics. HIV/AIDS does not have a face. Anyone can be affected. The stereotype of who has HIV is perpetuated by the ill informed. Anyways, rant over. I found out that I probably had contracted HIV about a year prior to my diagnosis. My CD4 count was in the 600s and my VL was 1500. It only took a couple of weeks to be undetectable. Triumeq made me sick to my stomach for the first 3 weeks, but I am just grateful to have access to treatment.

Life hasn't been easy. Some days are better than others. Constantly reminding myself how incredible it is that the medications allow us to be undetectable. I have a great support system. But it can be difficult not really having anyone in my age group to relate to. I have gone to support groups and it is really nice to be around caring, understanding people, but I have yet to come across anyone younger than 40. Thinking about a relationship in the future is a whole other story. Because of the herpes, I know what it's like to be rejected for a reason that is completely separate from who you are as a person. And sometimes I feel hopeless in thinking I will never find someone to accept my baggage. I have a good personality and a good heart. But that just doesn't seem like enough. I know this is irrational thinking and I know it is more than possible to meet someone who can love and accept the diagnosis, but it is absolutely fucking terrifying. I usually write things like this in a journal to keep me sane, but today I was on the website reading articles and decided to take a look at the forum. Reading other people's stories and seeing the kind and supportive comments is a really helpful reminder that we're not alone. Although we didn't sign up for or ask for HIV, we belong to a community. A community of extremely strong and brave people. I know this can seem like corny bullshit, especially when you're at a low point and could care less about trying to shed light on a new diagnosis. And some days I sit on my couch, watching Netflix and eating ice cream all day thinking about how life sucks. But then suddenly you remember, I'm alive and this is all going to be okay. Being given the gift to wake up another day is something we all take for granted at some point, but it's enough. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this today.

[Jim Allen]

Hi

Sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis but glad to hear you are on treatment and doing well in that respect.

When i switched to Triumeq I found taking it with food and a probiotic yogurt really helped me in the first month or so until my body had adjusted.  Sometimes the mild adjustment time on meds can be a bit inconvenience but it settles. From what I gather you have settled in now through this now?.

When I went back in, the practitioner told me that she was going to refer me to the nearby medical clinic. She also told me that I would be spending a lot of time in hospitals over the years and that my health was going to be very difficult to manage.

Yeah its not a good thing, unfortunately the world of HIV changes fast and front line doctors can often be out of date, mine admitted the last round of training she had on the subject was in 1993.   But in general the specialists tend to be much better and more informed and I am really glad that your follow up went well and that you found a good specialist that you can move on with.

As for the future well its sounds like you are still digesting the diagnosis and have been left a bit rough from it, however life with HIV does settles in and it goes on as normal like many manageable conditions a pill a day and the odd clinic visit does not change anything.

Take it easy

Jim

[harleymc]

You sound totally fabulous.

Your first doctor really needs to do a bit of training. HIV can hit any demographic.

I know a few women living with HIV and they all faced the same battles as you to convince a doctor they should be tested for HIV.

One of them is about your age, she had advanced HIV disease by the time she was diagnosed. She's gone on to be a public speaker educating school kids about HIV as well as her 'day job'.

You will encounter stigma, I won't sugar coat that. It is surprising how much stigma we expect (internalised stigma), that happens only part of the time.

It's a great confidence strategy to remember all the nice and neutral interactions we will have in our lives. Don't let other people's ignorance define us.

Hugs from OZ

[ack55]

Your kind words are much appreciated! What your friend is doing, educating in schools, is amazing and something I definitely aspire to do one day. I believe it can really have a positive impact on youth. The stigma often times seems like the hardest part to deal with, but overcoming the fear is just another way to become stronger.

Thank you for reaching out.

[Tonny2]

       OJO       HELO  WELCOME...I'M SORRY FOR YOUR DX AS SUCH YOUNG AGE, BUT I TALK TO MANY YOUNG PEOPLE ON THE SPANISH FORUM, ALL ARE DOING GREAT, EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE NOT VIP MEMBERS OF THIS HIV CLUB (THEY TAKE OLD MEDS AND MULTIPLE PILLS)...I THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT ATTITUDE, PLEASE CONCENTRATE IN DIGESTING THE DX, THEN, WORRY ABOUT FINDING A SOULMATE. YOU WILL FIND HIM, I'M SURE OF IT...WELL, I'M OLD AND TIRED, SO I HAVE TO STOP HERE...WISHING YOU THE BEST, PLEASE KEEP US POSTED AND A BIG CYBER HUG ON YOUR WAY, AH!, STOP EATING TOO MUCH ICE CREAM, IT WILL BE MORE DIFFICULT TO FIND LOVE, LOL                                                                                    OJO

[JosephP]

Hello!
Yes, some practitioners and even physicians are way behind the a-ball. Fortunately I received nothing but extraordinary support and understanding from the beginning and was refereed to an ID doctor that is short of spectacular.. Hang in there... We are all on this bus and somehow somewhere someday we will get off of it!!