Hi all... feeling a bit lonely 🙁 no one know

[Smokiboy43]

Hello all , here more info about how my life is going since last year when u found out
January 2023.

Sorry for my English
I'm not English native.

So I was starting feeling small medical issue and after almost one year I ask the doctor to make full blood test

And the message come.
My hart was bump, I was sure life is finish.
I had very hard days and didn't sleep well 
I was started treatment and my body start to recovery..

So all my info is on my other posts.
Now after 1.5 year here my story.

So I started on VL 2 MILLION / CD4 48
Today my CD4 580 / VL 40
My body is very week I understand now why they suggested sport..
So when I'm doing sport j feel much better
So if you read that... make a lot of sport is very very important. 

Because of my current status I become more close I'm afraid always someone will know, the only one who know is my wife ,
We do leave together but she is unhappy to find out I got it and she assuming I cheat
And she is very update why I was un protected and put her on risk
She don't have nothing but this what happens

So we not in the vest place on our relation
We dont sleep anymore
I dont even feel her support in my feeling
Because I do have a lot of time self blaim and her attitude not help at all
Because I can't talk about my feeling with no one and very loanly ... ( is very hard ))

On my work I lost lots of options to make my business successful and I also face financial problems,  🙃
Not that j don't make money, just i don't have similar financial income and I start lost confidence...
So it make my life more harder

I dont have the availability option to make-up my self and buy some happiness
Like travelling or just enjoy ... in same level like you can with be worries.

So I start become closer and affried and start disconected from ppl around and spend my days only focus on working ...

I do become very stress with any small medical issues ,
I still affried from some side effects of the biktarvy 💊  , the Internet full of bulshit ...
Guys don't read it if will make you depressed

So from time to time I still think I fuc  ..my own life for just sex ..
And always affried to kiss,  sex I don't have
Even to try out is not an option I don't want to cheat my wife but it looks I donr here

I'm not sure how I can recover my life when my head keep thinking death is closer 😕

I dont have any support
I'm too embarrassed to share someone
I have big kids
Italy here napoli is hard place for ppl like me
If someone know my kids will be suffering.

I was growing with knowledge about being positive,  I don't think about my case most of the days, I live with the pill in peace and pry for some injection yo let me forget ..

Now my test lab is every 6 month and etc time I'm panic from bad news of pills side effect or other deasese...

Omg 😲 😱 😲
I fucket up my life in my head
My social life is dead
My wife become even not a friend just my kids mum and the woman who asking me financial support only.

Now next time going to check
Prostate,  dick skin for issues , langs, liver , and all others issues

I'm very stress like always it will be in 3 week and I start become stress again .

I dont know how to bring back my life back
I move out from our room to my guest house
I dont even go out I working online
I'm made on my current status

And the worse
I know what ever I will do...
 I can't get read of this shit 😒 😑 😫 😭 😪

Omg ..

Ok guys 👦
I'm sharing here I dont have other place

My ententionHello all , here more info about how my life is going since last year when u found out
January 2023.

Sorry for my English
I'm not English native.

So I was starting feeling small medical issue and after almost one year I ask the doctor to make full blood test

And the message come.
My hart was bump, I was sure life is finish.
I had very hard days and didn't sleep well 
I was started treatment and my body start to recovery..

So all my info is on my other posts.
Now after 1.5 year here my story.

So I started on VL 2 MILLION / CD4 48
Today my CD4 580 / VL 40
My body is very week I understand now why they suggested sport..
So when I'm doing sport j feel much better
So if you read that... make a lot of sport is very very important. 

Because of my current status I become more close I'm afraid always someone will know, the only one who know is my wife ,
We do leave together but she is unhappy to find out I got it and she assuming I cheat
And she is very update why I was un protected and put her on risk
She don't have nothing but this what happens

So we not in the vest place on our relation
We dont sleep anymore
I dont even feel her support in my feeling
Because I do have a lot of time self blaim and her attitude not help at all
Because I can't talk about my feeling with no one and very loanly ... ( is very hard ))

On my work I lost lots of options to make my business successful and I also face financial problems,  🙃
Not that j don't make money, just i don't have similar financial income and I start lost confidence...
So it make my life more harder

I dont have the availability option to make-up my self and buy some happiness
Like travelling or just enjoy ... in same level like you can with be worries.

So I start become closer and affried and start disconected from ppl around and spend my days only focus on working ...

I do become very stress with any small medical issues ,
I still affried from some side effects of the biktarvy 💊  , the Internet full of bulshit ...
Guys don't read it if will make you depressed

So from time to time I still think I fuc  ..my own life for just sex ..
And always affried to kiss,  sex I don't have
Even to try out is not an option I don't want to cheat my wife but it looks I donr here

I'm not sure how I can recover my life when my head keep thinking death is closer 😕

I dont have any support
I'm too embarrassed to share someone
I have big kids
Italy here napoli is hard place for ppl like me
If someone know my kids will be suffering.

I was growing with knowledge about being positive,  I don't think about my case most of the days, I live with the pill in peace and pry for some injection yo let me forget ..

Now my test lab is every 6 month and etc time I'm panic from bad news of pills side effect or other deasese...

Omg 😲 😱 😲
I fucket up my life in my head
My social life is dead
My wife become even not a friend just my kids mum and the woman who asking me financial support only.

Now next time going to check
Prostate,  dick skin for issues , langs, liver , and all others issues

I'm very stress like always it will be in 3 week and I start become stress again .

I dont know how to bring back my life back
I move out from our room to my guest house
I dont even go out I working online
I'm made on my current status

And the worse
I know what ever I will do...
 I can't get read of this shit 😒 😑 😫 😭 😪

Omg ..

Ok guys 👦
I'm sharing here I dont have other place

My extention is just talk and clean my hart a bit from my feelings .

For all newbies
Life is defently better after some time
But I think support around you is the key   🔑

Unfortunately I need to keep walking on that blank and white 😩 road

Thx  is just talk and clean my hart a bit from my feelings .

For all newbies
Life is defently better after some time
But I think support around you is the key   🔑

Unfortunately I need to keep walking on that blank and white 😩 road

Thx

[Tonny2]

             ojo.           Hi there… Forgive my English too, it is my second language, I speak Spanish. Where are you from?.It breaks my heart to read you, but I think that you are leaving in a toxic relationship, if your wife is not supporting you I will move out of the house And try to start all over again because there is life after an HIV diagnosis. Cannot change the past but you can start doing something now to try to have a better future either with someone else or alone so you can continue with your business and your life.  I was looking to try to send you a personal message, but I couldn’t find the way. We are here for you, hang in there and I hope somebody else chime is here to give you some moral support… Wishing you the best and if you find a way to send me 8 PM , feel free to do it. I’m not psychologist, but I am older than you and have some with them specially in how to deal with HIV… Ha hugs

[Jim Allen]

was looking to try to send you a personal message, but I couldn’t find the way.

That's my fault. I by mistake made you a "Do I have HIV" member yesterday, but fixed it now.

[Jim Allen]

@Smokiboy43

Sorry to hear about your struggles. I think part of this is still you coming to terms with the diagnosis. Have you talked to a therapist?