am NEG-found atripla in boyfriends closet. FREAKING OUT!

[past]

I was cleaning our house and found a shoebox hidden in the back of the closet, inside were bottles of atripla, the oldest one dated back to about 6 months ago.
I am freaking out, I have not stopped sweating and my heart feels like its going to burst through my chest.
my boyfriend and I have been together over 2 years and I love him very much.
I know that this means he hasn't been faithful, as we both got tested when we became committed to one another..we were both negative and std free and so we never used condoms, as it was clear that this was supposed to be a monogamous relationship.
Im sure I am infected, we have sex almost every day, I both bottom and top, and yes we cum inside eachother all the time. In fact, he came inside me 2 nights ago.
I can't believe this is happening to me, Im in my early 20's and without health insurance...I don't know what is worse, having HIV or realizing the man I was sure I'd be with for the rest of my life not only was cheating, but out having unprotected sex, hiding the fact that he got HIV, and then continued having sex with me as if nothing had changed.
To say im shocked, hurt and wanting to jump off a bridge does not do justice to how i really feel.
anyone with any words, advice or experience with HIV, I'd appreciate it.
..I feel so alone right now.

[Ann]

past,

You need to do two things. You need to have a good long talk with your boyfriend and you also need to test. If your test is negative and your boyfriend does indeed turn out to be positive, you'll have to test again in three months past your last unprotected encounter.

Take some deep breaths and try to calm down until you can speak to your boyfriend. And good luck. You aren't hiv positive until the test says you are - and it's not a 100% certainty even if he is poz, that you will be too. Hang in there.

Ann

[past]

thanks for responding...
I couldnt wait for him to get home, I called him and in a sobbing rage asked what the medicine was for..
after a long silence on his part, he told me he is "sick." i asked what the hell that means and he told me some months ago he found out he was positive and he will talk to me about it when he gets home.
I hung up and turned my phone off.
I'm scared to get tested, ... we've had unprotected sex hundreds of times since he found out he was positive..and who knows how many times before he even knew.
 i feel so stupid for trusting him.

[Ann]

Past,

Sorry this is happening to you. I'd like to repeat something I said before, you're not hiv positive until the test says you are. While it is a possibility, there's no guarantee you've been infected.

The sooner you test, the sooner you'll know - and believe me, that's better than living in fear and not knowing. You'll be ok one way or the other - life continues with hiv.

Hang in there.

Ann