The truth about Oral

[forcer397]

First off I just want to say Hi to everyone and who ever thought of or created this site to a very good thing. I discovered this site about three years ago, which ties into my story, but I just now decided to join up to post my words of encouragement to everyone and to talk about what’s been on my mind. I want to keep this story as short and simple as possible so here goes:

I am now 24 and about three years ago I was lonely, in college, and bi-curious; not a good combination. I like girls but they never seem to pay me any attention and the very few that did was not cute so this pushed me in the direction of experimenting with another male even more. I was toying with the idea of trying a sexual encounter with a guy for a while so I decided to join one of those adult friends hook up sites.

I was in ok physical shape and even though the girls didn’t seem to care too much, the men went ga-ga for my pictures; every other email was, “Oh your so fine, you have a killer body, your so sexy”. For someone who has low self-esteem or isn’t use to that kind of attention it can get to your head if your not careful. I grew up in the 90’s so thanks to the many STD/AIDS campaigns, I knew better than to hook up with every Tom, Dick, and Harry that showed me attention. Even though I wanted a casual encounter, I was looking for the right one.

Even though this was 2005 I couldn’t believe how ignorant so many people on that site was. Some got mad if you brought up the issue of condoms, I couldn’t believe the amount of people willing to either have me come over to their house or they come over to mine in the middle of the night after just saying Hi to me ONLINE, in everyone I talked to after a while of talking I WAS THE FIRST ONE TO BRING UP THE ISSUE OF SAFE SEX. One of the main things I took from safe sex campaigns is YOU have to be responsible for your own sexual health.

Anyway a few months go by and I meet this bi-guy and we got to talking and he seem to be the perfect fit. He told me he was a nurse in the Army, had a girl friend, only had one other same sex encounter, and wasn’t into anal (but who knows people can tell you anything) either way he was in hella good shape and a date for sex was on.

Even though I knew about safe sex and heard about it, before my “date” I was looking into it again online. In terms of oral sex (which is the main reason I decided to post on here) everything I read said there was little to no risk of contracting HIV/AIDS through oral sex (this was my main concern). The term little risk still made me want to use flavored condoms for oral, but I wasn’t absolutely resolved on this due to the little information, attention, and blasé attitude to oral sex safety and finally I thought to myself, “well in porno’s they don’t practice safe oral so I guess its ok.”

The day came and I was nervous of course and the guy was cool except I think he lied about his age. Anyway, we jacked off for a while and then decided to oral and right before I was going to go down on him, I thought should I break out the flavored condoms? Then I thought no don’t be stupid you went over all this, this dude gonna think your strange. So I goes down on him, he goes down on me. Then another moment of decision came (literally) he came in my mouth and I thought should I swallow it? Then I remembered the key to safe sex is TO NOT ALLOW THE OTHER PERSONS BODY FLUIDS INTO YOUR BODY so I spat it out and the dude was like, “what’s the matter with you?” I was like nothing and soon after the encounter was over.

Almost immediately I felt regret and guilt and went into a depression because I thought why did I let myself get into that situation? I mean its not cool to have any kind of sex with someone who you don’t even know their name or where they live, you don’t know who they are or where they came from. That man walked into my life and into my house for 30 minutes and I never saw or heard from him again, yet we did something so personal. IT WAS SIMPLY DUMB.

So a few days later I decided to look more into oral sex and discovered that my mistake was I was so focused on getting HIV through oral sex that I didn’t realize that although transmission of HIV through oral sex is LOW, transmission of other STD’s through oral sex is HIGH.

So I spend the next few weeks, months looking out for symptoms and because I was too scared to get tested unless I HAD TO for the next three years every cold was suspect (which was strange because I rarely get cold/flu, yet I got it three times in one year) and I even suffered two night sweat incidents, light/moderate diarrhea, and most recently last year a lump appeared in each side of my cheek inside my mouth.

For three years I was constantly thinking, “what if I caught something?” and I went through that mental anguish all one because I couldn’t go to my family and tell them what happened (as far as they are concerned I am a good boy virgin, so how would I explain a STD to them) I was too scared to get tested and besides I kept thinking I haven’t experience any significant symptoms of anything to warrant getting tested and the chance of me having something is small, and even if I wanted to get tested I was outside the usa in a small country and I had no idea where to go and get tested without it costing a lot or people finding out.

Anyway fast forward to last month, the day of reckoning had come, I HAD TO GET NOT ONLY A HIV TEST BUT A FULL STD PANEL DONE (by the way since that incident I hadn’t had any other sexual encounters of any kind). Even though I was mostly sure I was ok, all of that surety was out the window when I had to put my money where my mouth was. I spent three sleepless days waiting on the results (I had a lot riding on those results and everyone says their life would be over but mine would literally be over, if those results came back with anything I couldn’t hide it from my family and I would have lost about 20 grand and my job I would have been screwed big time) during that time I saw more HIV awareness ADS than I can remember, magic Johnson was on the t.v. constantly selling crap, and to top it off ON THE WAY TO GET MY RESULTS I stop off to pay my car insurance and will am paying my bill I notice a sign that reads: HAVE YOU BEEN RECENTLY DIAGNOSED WITH THE HIV/AIDS VIRUS blah blah blah.

So I make my way to the doctor’s office and before I went in I prepared myself, I went in trembling but I had to get the results NO CHOICE, I didn’t have the option of not facing the music. So I walk in and I am fully prepared for a counselor, it’s a small office so they would remember me and everyone looked fine and not stressed or looked at me awkward. I get the results and to my relief I don’t have anything. I seriously felt like I was given another chance.

I know a lot to all of you on here reading this are thinking am just another paranoid person who was never in any danger but the real reason I am writing about my experience is to dispute this thought that oral sex is safe, an argument that is too common on this site and everywhere else and is even worse perpetuated by the porn industry.

The fact is THERE IS A RISK of contracting HIV through oral sex no matter how small there is a risk and a risk is a risk and it would suck for someone to contract it this way because of this blasé attitude towards oral sex especially on this site that I assume wants to keep people safe. To see someone post on here, “I had oral sex and I think I am at risk.” Followed by multiple post of, “you only had oral sex, your fine.” To me is irresponsible.

Also last night I was reading through the newly diagnosed post and I read two on the first page where the person claims they used condoms and they aren’t sure whether or not they got it through oral sex. One even thought they may have contracted it by getting cum in shot in their eye, which may be the result of them trying to do one of them face cum shots you see in the porno’s.

I am very familiar with the safe sex awareness and I wish there was the same amount of attention given to safe oral sex (flavored condoms and dental dams) as there is for vaginal and anal sex. Imagine growing up in the 90’s in a developed country being college educated and at 21 finding out for the first time its HIGHLY POSSIBLE you can get STI’s orally and even the fact that there is a low risk of HIV contraction during oral even this fact isn’t well high lighted or treated too seriously.

As for me I am happy to finally get that issue resolved and I finally know my status, I hope to keep my status as negative but it scares me because you never know what you will and wont do when the moment of decision comes. This can happen to anybody, I’ve had three cousins die from this and my 60-year-old aunt was diagnosed last year.

Finally to everyone on this website who had the unfortunate luck of testing positive, I want you to know whatever the reason or circumstance you find yourself in this situation NO ONE DESERVES THIS and without a doubt a permanent fix (cure/vaccine) will come. The human race has defeated other devastating deceases and this is no different WE WILL OVERCOME THIS.

[RapidRod]

The point is, Oral sex is NOT a risk of contracting HIV.

[Ann]

forcer,

You can believe what you want, but the fact of the matter is that getting a blowjob, and giving or receiveing cunnilungus are NOT risks for hiv infection. Giving a blowjob is only a theoretical  risk at best.

There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

As for what some people may say about how they got infected, sometimes people do things under the influence of drink or drugs that they don't remember. Sometimes people can't bring themselves to admit to having unprotected intercourse. Human nature is like that.

We're not going to debate this issue with you. Our risk assesments are based on knowing the scientific background to hiv transmission, coupled by years of experience of poz/neg sexual relations.

Other STI can infect a person through the oral route, but let me remind you this is an hiv website and we only concentrate on hiv.

Keep using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. Yes, it really is that simple!

Ann

[forcer397]

believe me, I didnt come here to start a uge debate with you guys. I am sure you guys know what your talking about. However the CDC recommends using barriers for oral sex, so I just feel as though that should be the attitude of gruops such as this and STD awareness programs. A risk is a risk and you people and everyone else simply ignored it.

in the end people have to make their own choices and I made mine. I just wanted to post the other side to this isue becuase there is not enough of this side of the argument out there for people to read, when i was googling around the internet I would have loved to find a post like the one I posted.

[RapidRod]

Yeah the CDC says a lot of things and if you get your information off the Internet it's best to look elsewhere where the information is accurate and up to date.

[forcer397]

so rapid,

this is my thread so i can type all day long in here right? what a bunch of....

anyway so your discrediting the CDC now? I cant believe you feel comfortable in broadcasting on the WORLD WIDE WEB that haing oral sex with a HIV pos person carries NO RISK!!!

simply incredible but hey this is your site and you can purport what ever bull you want

in this am i infected forum the majority of threads deal with oral sex, AT THE VERY LEAST use your soap box to let people know there is a low risk and oral can transmit other STI's but oh yeah i forgot you dont care if someone get gonareah in their throat.

ive said what i i had to say, get offended if you wish, ban me if you wish. it will only show your pettiness

[Andy Velez]

Forcer, you're very new here and you're quickly getting into arguments.

We're not here for that so I suggest that if you have questions, ask them. You don't have to agree with what is said here nor do you have to follow any of our suggestions.

But we're not going to tolerate belligerent behavior.

As for your comments and concerns about the risk of giving oral sex, Ann has already responded fully to that question. Although we do hear from time to time of a case of someone insisting they became infected through oral, under careful scientific scrutiny they never hold up. People either forget or report inaccurately or are reluctant to acknowledge other actions which took place. Of course common sense dictates that giving oral is a bad idea if you have fresh gaping wound in your mouth or have poor oral care. Otherwise the risk remains in the domain of theoretical.

[hotguyinTX]

While it remains a VERY LOW risk for HIV transmission, it is definitely NOT a zero risk. Most transmission occur when they have sores, gum infections, or other infections in their mouth and their partners having high viral load but even with those factors, it's still relatively a low risk.

I don't sweat over the risks of oral sex when it comes to accessing HIV. As a gay man, I do worry about precum up my bleeding ass although little is known on how infectious it can be and there's absolutely nothing I can do until I get tested for it. But I can assure you that I have had oral sex with ejaculate from a HIV+ person many times and never got infected despite having mild gingivitis and in the past 5 years after that last incident, I am still negative. Those are clear risk factors but the overall risk is still low. Those who claim to contract HIV through oral sex alone often have high risk factors - drug abuse (especially amphetamines since they cause dry mouth which makes it more likely for HIV transmission in my opinion), bleeding gums, repeated exposure to large amount of semen, and pre-existing STD's. 

After reading several postings, I find that many of the fears are totally overblown when there are NO risks for HIV transmission whatsoever and I can see how people can be tired of their irrational fears.

Remember, once you are infected with HIV, there's nothing you can do about it but to deal with it. There's no way to "undo" it. We only can hope for better treatments or cures for HIV/AIDS.

[RapidRod]

hotguyinTX, you were already told once about posting in other people's threads. 

[forcer397]

you people are over sensitive. how am i being baligerant. isnt this america, i respectfully responded to what ever i responded to. i get that this is not a place where member are alllowed to converse and i respect that. i am only responding to you becuase i hate being wrongfully accused of things and it upsets me that you dont see through your ego that i am common sense person not looking to cuase trouble.

this is your site and i wont be posting anymore. i only had to respond to your claims that i am being a trouble maker and being baligereant.

honeslty, am i being balegirant?

sorry if you think am i just now i mean no disrespect.

also i dont know why but as i type this reply i cant actually see what i am typing.

carry on

Forcer, you're very new here and you're quickly getting into arguments.

We're not here for that so I suggest that if you have questions, ask them. You don't have to agree with what is said here nor do you have to follow any of our suggestions.

But we're not going to tolerate belligerent behavior.

As for your comments and concerns about the risk of giving oral sex, Ann has already responded fully to that question. Although we do hear from time to time of a case of someone insisting they became infected through oral, under careful scientific scrutiny they never hold up. People either forget or report inaccurately or are reluctant to acknowledge other actions which took place. Of course common sense dictates that giving oral is a bad idea if you have fresh gaping wound in your mouth or have poor oral care. Otherwise the risk remains in the domain of theoretical.

[RapidRod]

Had you read the posting guideline like you should have before your first post you would have known. Now if you don't like how this forum is ran you are more than welcome to go somewhere else.