Author Topic: My beautiful teenage son just tested positive... we are reeling! (Read 18741 times)

laurenpenny · « **on:** December 24, 2014, 04:39:55 pm »

My older son, who is only 18, gave blood at his school last week and 2 days ago the folks from Public Health called to say that he had tested HIV+. Further tests confirmed it. He doesn't know yet what his numbers are, but he thinks that he acquired it a few months ago from an assault when he was out late at night. He never told me about the assault... he never thought that he could be at risk. What are the odds??? I am just devastated and am trying to be there for him, but it is so hard. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't tell anyone and I keep having to tell everyone that everything is great, when I feel like I'm in a nightmare that won't end. My son and I are very close. I am just so terrified and heartbroken. I am jealous of all the happy people I see out Christmas shopping! I have been doing a lot of reading over the last 2 days and I am somewhat comforted by the fact that it seems like HIV is totally manageable as long as he is diligent about taking his drugs. We are trying to find a doctor for him now. Any words of encouragement and optimism would be so, so appreciated. He is my darling, darling son, and I just can't believe this has happened. Thank you. I just can't stop crying.

zach · « **Reply #1 on:** December 24, 2014, 05:05:58 pm »

I am so sorry about your son's diagnosis. Even living with this disease, I'm not sure how I would handle it if any of my own children tested positive.

I'm glad you found this place, I'm confidant that the members here will be able to put your mind at ease. Come here and ask anything you want, vent anything you need.

You're going to go through a whole range of emotions. It's a normal part of processing. It will pass.

Your son is going to be fine. In time, he will learn to live positive.

The odds of how he was infected don't matter. The only thing that matters is moving forward in a productive and healthy way.

Get him into medical care, get some lab work done to see where he is at, a resistance profile to see what sorts of med options he has to choose from. Those numbers are important benchmarks, but don't let them overwhelm you no matter how bad they. And moving forward, don't let them dominate your thinking.

Long journey ahead for him, pace yourselves for the marathon. This is not a sprint.

Take a deep breath. Relax. Be happy. Have a Merry Christmas.

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #2 on:** December 24, 2014, 05:13:05 pm »

I am so sorry to hear the news of your son's becoming HIV+. It's never good news to hear any time, but especially during the holidays, when good cheers is supposed to be the norm. My thoughts are with you over these difficult early days for you and your family.

You came to the right place, though, in visiting this forum. Everyone here is supportive and you will learn much about the decency of the people who participate in the forum, their humility, strength, and compassion.

The good news, of course, is that your son will be fine and it's very good that his status was detected early and that he is now in the medical system. This is not the disease it once was and your son has every probability of living a long and normal life, young enough, too, to be around for future treatment advances, which seem to advance considerably from year to year.

The important thing now is to follow medical instruction and learn how to eat right, exercise, and, most of all, take meds when advised and as advised. Give yourself time to grieve, of course, but be aware that it really does get better. Your son will be able to live a long life, start a family, whatever he wants. Adjustments will need to be made, of course, but one always needs to adjust to what life brings us. This is just a setback for the time being.

Take care of yourself, too, and get the support you need. You are a loving mother and that is what your son needs right now. Be strong for yourself and for him. I assure you, it does get better.

laurenpenny · « **Reply #3 on:** December 24, 2014, 05:14:31 pm »

Thanks very much for your kind words. As his mom, all I ever wanted to do is protect him, but I just can't take this on for him. If I could, I would in a second. His primary care doc likened HIV in this day and age to having diabetes or MS.... a challenge and a hassle, but totally manageable. Could that really be true?? He is applying to colleges now and getting acceptances back, but it all just tastes like ashes. I feel like I'll never be happy again.

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #4 on:** December 24, 2014, 05:25:44 pm »

You will be happy again, in time, of course, but it will happen, and so will your son. You have just experienced a great shock and some days will be better than others, but it does get better. Once you get a sense of CD4 count and Viral Load, you, your son, and your doctor will make a plan. There's no good reason to believe that modern medicine won't be able to stop the infection right in its tracks indefinitely. Thank goodness his infection was discovered so early.

Once the plan forward is determine, you can continue to focus on his college plans and go on living your lives. He will be fine.

laurenpenny · « **Reply #5 on:** December 24, 2014, 08:39:32 pm »

My son just got his bloodwork back. His CD4 count is 490 and his viral load is 25,600. All of his other numbers are normal. He sees his doctor again after New Years. I assume that the doc will put hi on meds right away? How scary are those numbers? His doctor seemed to think that my son would have no trouble getting the virus stopped in his tracks. Is that realistic?? So scared...

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #6 on:** December 24, 2014, 08:54:34 pm »

Yes, it is realistic. Listen to the doctor. He is correct. Your son's CD4 numbers are solid. His viral load will be undetectable within weeks of starting meds, and his CD4's will climb fast, because he is young. All will be well. Take a deep breath, be grateful, and enjoy the holidays and some peace of mind.

zach · « **Reply #7 on:** December 24, 2014, 09:01:20 pm »

cd4 is outstanding, he is way ahead of the game.

viral load is really not that bad, that is an easily suppressed number

listen to the doctor, it is a very realistic expectation to see undetectable in short order

meds will be up to your son and the doctor at this point. both selection of regimen and when to begin. support his decision, don't make it for him. serious here. he is the one that needs to emotional able to make the commitment, a scared mother can be a curse at this stage

one piece of advice i'd pass on. once he has meds in hand, wait two weeks to begin. it will not adversely affect his health, and it will give him a small stockpile. that will benefit later, when for whatever reason a refill can't be made on time. far better to hold off for moment, than to miss multiple doses once he begun.

also, most insurance will let you refill a few days early each month (i am allowed to refill 6 days earlier each month) this will also accomplish the goal of building a stockpile.

laurenpenny · « **Reply #8 on:** December 24, 2014, 09:02:00 pm »

Thank you so much! You have really helped me!

laurenpenny · « **Reply #9 on:** December 24, 2014, 09:18:33 pm »

That's good advice about stockpiling meds and also about me not overwhelming him. I am taking steps to get some help for myself so I can be supportive without being overly terrified! His doctor says that the toughest part will probably be the 4 years he is at college... in a small liberal arts school, there are not likely to be a lot of other hiv+ kids. But looking at the counseling office website at his first-choice school, I see that they do offer hiv testing, so maybe there will be others in the same boat... I will suggest that he check out this site. It's helped me tremendously already.
Bless you and happy holidays.

laurenpenny · « **Reply #10 on:** December 25, 2014, 02:35:47 pm »

I have been reading around this forum and now I am terrified again! People who are on meds that stop working, people with intractable side effects, fatigue, depression, afraid to have relationships, loneliness... My heart is breaking for my son, who is smart and personable and wants to go to college and med school, of all things. Will that ever be possible?? And how will he ever find a girlfriend who is willing to take a chance with him? I feel like all my dreams are going up in smoke. I'm trying to be optimistic and his doctor seems to be, but it is so hard.

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #11 on:** December 25, 2014, 03:24:46 pm »

Meds won't stop working, not these days, when there are many different choices. As long as your son takes them each day (sort of like a vitamin or and aspirin), he will be fine. He will be monitored quarterly and then semiannually, so any resistance problems, which are highly unlikely, would be caught right away and another med selected.

It is important to read up things, but don't overdo it. Even information from two or three years ago is outmoded. Your doctor is right to be optimistic, so should you and your son. Neither his dreams, nor yours, should be up in smoke.

In terms of relationships, positive people with undetectable viral loads are highly unlikely to transmit the disease. There are many ways to be safe. There's no reason why, someday, you cant's have HIV negative grandchildren. Listen to your doctor and don't overdo the research. 10 years is a long time in HIV research, so who knows the advancements that will be there in 2014.

laurenpenny · « **Reply #12 on:** December 25, 2014, 03:56:52 pm »

But he wants to go to medical school... is that even a possibility now? I find conflicting info on this subject. But again, who knows what he will decide in 4 years. He may be motivated to do research, or, perhaps he could get into med school as long as he didn't choose an invasive specialty for residency.
This is just so hard! So many dreams put into question. I know I sound like I'm whining, but he and his brother are the things I love most in life.

zach · « **Reply #13 on:** December 25, 2014, 04:43:52 pm »

calm down mom

sure he can still become a doctor. my doc, and my nurse, are both positive.

hiv will not stop him doing anything, don't let anyone convince you or him differently.

stop the research, once it terrifies you, it's gone too far.

no dream is in question.

laurenpenny · « **Reply #14 on:** December 25, 2014, 05:14:07 pm »

Thank you... I think that your advice is spot-on. I need to stop reading. If I still have general questions, I can make an appointment with his doc.

mecch · « **Reply #15 on:** December 25, 2014, 05:19:00 pm »

Quote from: laurenba on December 25, 2014, 05:14:07 pm

If I still have general questions, I can make an appointment with his doc.

That sounds unlikely to me. That the doc would see you... You might be able to tag along one time, maybe if your son INVITES you with him, but otherwise this is all his to deal with.
If your son was sexually assaulted maybe you should be offering support and follow up about that and stop this rather irritating, frankly, obsession about his future career success. He's 18.

zach · « **Reply #16 on:** December 25, 2014, 05:29:00 pm »

lighten up meech...

but he is a little bit right lauren. this is his to live with now. this may not have been how you planned to cut the strings, but it is what it is. you have no business talking to his doctor. thats private, no moms allowed.

if you have questions, ask us, no matter what it is we've fielded it before.

now stop stressing, it's christmas, go drink eggnog and rum or something.

your son is going to be fine. not saying this is going to be easy for him, especially early on... but he will learn to live with it.

Buckmark · « **Reply #17 on:** December 25, 2014, 05:51:36 pm »

Lauren,

I can see how your son's diagnosis seems devastating to you, and what you hoped for his future. But rest assured that times have changed, and many advances have been made in the past 30+ years since HIV was identified. There are way more treatments often few side-effects from them. It is quite probable that your son can have the fabulous career and loving relationships he wants. At times it may pose challenges, but life throws each of us many challenges along the way. You and your son will need to rise to the occasion. A support group or counseling could be of benefit to both of you. There is no need for either of you to go through this alone -- I'm glad you reached out to us here on these forums. Have you checked to see if there is an ASO (AIDS services organization) in your area?

http://directory.poz.com

Regards,

Henry

laurenpenny · « **Reply #18 on:** December 25, 2014, 06:54:21 pm »

I would like to be clear that it is not that I am fixated on some stellar professional career for my son.... I want him to follow *his* dreams and right now his dreams are medical school. And a family. And children. I am trying to hold on to positive thoughts, but this has been such a shock... literally, the last thing I ever worried about. But I know that I'm not helping him by being such a basket case. I can only hope that it ill get better for both of us.

laurenpenny · « **Reply #19 on:** December 25, 2014, 06:59:32 pm »

And I do think that counseling would be a good thing. The difficult part for my son is that he's an upper middle class white hetero teen.... I think he feels like there aren't any others like him in the same boat. Although we live in a good-sized city--- I'm pretty sure that's not true. Again, I'm hoping that his doctor can point him in a few helpful directions.

mecch · « **Reply #20 on:** December 25, 2014, 07:02:37 pm »

Why is he getting acceptance/rejection letters already? Did he apply early admissions?

Maybe just take it a few months at a time. Things have a way of returning to normal. Your son is so young its hard to predict what living with HIV will be when he still a youngish man in his 30's. Its already ok enough these days and its probably unwise and inaccurate to project that far in the future.

Hope for an acceptance to a school that pleases him and figure out how to sensibly pay for college.

It may not sit right with you but in my distant observation the violence you describe is what needs as much attention as the HIV seroconversion. Again, like HIV, processing assault, with to me sounds like rape, is his to do on his terms but to me it sounds like it might be the pressing item on the list... Not career planning.

mecch · « **Reply #21 on:** December 25, 2014, 07:06:24 pm »

Quote from: laurenba on December 25, 2014, 06:59:32 pm

The difficult part for my son is that he's an upper middle class white hetero teen.... I think he feels like there aren't any others like him in the same boat.

huh? come again? did you really write that description.
I am now flummoxed and stumped.
I bow out.

Jeff G · « **Reply #22 on:** December 25, 2014, 07:24:39 pm »

I am asking for people to remain civil in this thread, if you can’t then simply refrain from posting .

Welcome to the forums . HIV does not discriminate and effects every demographic in our society . I see a many people who fit your sons description testing positive at the clinic I attend . I also see older woman driving new Lexus’s coming in and testing positive the same day as I see the homeless or people who have been stereotyped as the ones who get aids… all of them have at least one thing in common and thats is they are now living with HIV .

Almost2late · « **Reply #23 on:** December 25, 2014, 10:17:05 pm »

Hi Lauren, sorry to hear about your sons diagnoses, its always hard when first diagnosed but I assure you it will get better.. On the bright side your son is young and caught it early enough to stop it from doing much damage to his immune system.. The meds nowadays are so good, people with hiv can live NORMAL lives.. The worst thing you can do is to play into the stigma, IMO there's much worst illnesses that can happen to people.. But I do understand your concern, your a mom and in your eyes he's always your baby no matter how old he is.. So please try and keep a positive attitude for his sake and your own.

Wishing you and your son the very best.. Merry Christmas

Tonny2 · « **Reply #24 on:** December 25, 2014, 11:49:47 pm »

ojo Hi lauren, so sorry about the news...hugs your way, you two are going to be ok...from someone who is living for 20 years with HIV.....hugs ojo

laurenpenny · « **Reply #25 on:** December 26, 2014, 12:02:38 am »

Yes, he applied to 3 schools early admission... 2 acceptances and 1 hasn't yet responded.

I've tried to talk to him about the assault, but he keeps saying that it wasn't a big deal at the time. Of course, he probably thinks it's a much bigger deal now and I'm sure that he has all kinds of anger and regrets that he needs to talk about. So I am trying to find him a counselor. He is somewhat resistant. But I know that he won't talk to me about it (oh, how much I wish that he has told me when it happened!)

xrel0aded · « **Reply #26 on:** December 26, 2014, 01:30:41 am »

Hi Lauren. Everything will be okay. I tested positive upon turning 20 years old (I'm now 22) and thought my life would be over. But other than some elevated anxiety levels and taking 1 pill each day, my life has only improved. I'm more active than ever and have a better appreciation for life. Everything will turn out just fine.

zach · « **Reply #27 on:** December 26, 2014, 04:44:15 am »

OK Lauren, reel it in, and put a lid on your own fears and anxieties.

Quote from: laurenba on December 25, 2014, 06:59:32 pm

The difficult part for my son is that he's an upper middle class white hetero teen.... I think he feels like there aren't any others like him in the same boat.

Sorry, but it really sounds to me like this is more your difficulty than his. Also, for just a moment, think how that sounds to us. You infer that we cannot be those things. Comes off insensitive, intended or not.

Quote from: laurenba on December 26, 2014, 12:02:38 am

So I am trying to find him a counselor. He is somewhat resistant. But I know that he won't talk to me about it (oh, how much I wish that he has told me when it happened!)

If and when he feels he needs counseling, he needs to be the one to seek that out, not you. What difference would it have made if he told you at the time? Lauren, I have sons his age, and I'm speaking to you as a father. Let him be his own man now.

I can tell you from personal experience. Looking back on my own diagnosis, my single biggest regret was disclosing to family. They lost their composure, they got way out in front of me making decisions for me that I did not agree with. Maybe I am projecting my own experience into what I am reading in your posts, but I don't think so.

I truly believe you need to relax and slow down.

laurenpenny · « **Reply #28 on:** December 28, 2014, 05:35:56 pm »

Zach
You are right, of course. I sincerely apologize for my careless insensitivity. I have no excuse except that I have been truly knocked off balance by this news. Forgive me.

Cinnamon Dalia · « **Reply #29 on:** December 28, 2014, 07:23:16 pm »

Lauren,

At this point, I can only repeat what everyone else on this thread has said: your son is going to be fine. My husband and I have been positive for a few months now and just like you, at first, we did tons of research, some of which only managed to make me anxious. It's just too much information and, often enough, too many personal experiences, which may only succeed in making you feel confused. But, in time, you will see that, as long as your son takes care of himself, he's going to be just fine.

He's so young and this was detected very early on from what you said, his viral load will decrease once he starts with the meds, his cd4 count will go up, he will be able to go to college and accomplish anything he wants to do. There's absolutely no reason to think all of his dreams (and yours) are shattered.

You will both see, once the adjustment period passes

ImisstheOldTimes · « **Reply #30 on:** December 31, 2014, 03:23:55 pm »

Hi Lauren,

First off, I am sorry your son wound up with this, and I'm sorry that it is hitting so close to home for you and your family. I, like you, was taken a bit back when I found out my father had HIV/AIDS, except instead of a random blood test or donation like your son, he was in the hospital riddled with many Opportunistic Infections (OIs). Your son, as Zach has stated is already ahead of the game, by knowing he has it, and his numbers are still very good. As Leatherman would say normal CD4s rate between 400 and 1200, so there isn't a real threat of him getting any OIs, he's still very healthy.

I think our biggest fear being the family members or loved ones of someone who was diagnosed is we unfortunately revert back to how things were in the late 80's and 90's and the foolishness that was taught that HIV is sooooo easy to catch, someone could look at you the wrong way, and you've got it. This is just a bunch of people who were scared back then who basically wanted to instill that fear into the rest of us. I was fearful about HIV/AIDS before I came here. I would encourage you to read/ask your questions/and do your research here. Jeff/Zach/Ann/Joe K./Mecch/Leatherman/etc... have walked the walk and now talk the talk. They make sure people are up to date with information, and not just wishful thinking.

The truth is, this is harder on him then you'll ever know, only someone who is infected can truly understand the plight of someone who has been diagnosed with the same virus. Keep in mind that he probably is "carrying a monkey on his shoulder" <- that's what my father used to say when an individual had a heavy weight on them. Not just because of the infection, but perhaps how he got it, the stigmatizing ways of the world, etc... If I could say one thing that I've read here time and time again..."Be his normal," the mom you were before this happened. Cause soon enough, it will be "normal" again.

All my best to you both in 2015,

Heidi

Maria81 · « **Reply #31 on:** January 01, 2015, 05:38:58 pm »

Dear Lauren,

First of all, I’m also sorry to hear that your son tested positively for HIV. Don’t worry, it’s hard in the beginning but you all will soon recover. Just a traumatising shock, but with the medication of today everything will be fine.

As much as I would like to contest ideas about the potentiality of your son’s feeling of loneliness and the absence of career opportunities, I also very much understand what comes across your mind. Similar thoughts were mine, but soon I realised that - and this is crucial – you might be not so much worried about the disease alone but about its social implications. This is because HIV is much more mentally harsh than physically torturing nowadays for those who get the right treatment. On loneliness, I here wish to specify my “identity markersˮ and what my doctors told me after my diagnosis. As a white girl, I was diagnosed a few months ago. Ravaged, I went to the clinic with my sister, who asked the nurse to bring me in contact with similar situations – leaving it up to the nurse to interpret what a “similar situationˮ could mean. She told us that it was impossible: female patients were from African countries, and the men were mostly gay - as if she thought that I would not be able to identify with them. Looking back, this bullshit caught me hard: only strengthening the stigmatisation surrounding the virus, she made me feel scared and alone. However, when talking to people I realised that HIV does not discriminate - as is commented above too. It simply does not. It is not for people from a certain ethnic group, religion, gender or sexual orientation. It is just something that happens to somebody.

On career opportunities, I understand your feelings as well. Many things come across your mind after a diagnosis, and the only thing I thought was that I would never be able to travel everywhere for work. The point, in the end, is to focus, not so much on restrictions but on possibilities. And there are still mainly possibilities. You will soon find out! What I noticed while living a few months with the disease, was that I was always too busy with the future – career, education etc. In fact, maybe I was never really happy because I worked way too much towards a certain “future luckˮ but forgot that I could be happy now as well. The initial days after diagnosis worked in a same direction: Can I still work? Will I ever find love? I then realised that this was not going to work; going on with these thoughts would make me feel unhappy for the rest of my life. I decided to plan new things, apply for new programmes. All on the short-term, and we will see when and how HIV comes across. I start to feel useful and happy again, and I begin to see that this short-term thinking was something that I maybe should have done even prior to the HIV diagnosis. In a way, it might have opened my eyes, and maybe it will do so for your son too.

I am not sure whether this might be the right information for you, and please just see the following comment as never posted if it does not make sense. But please note that you are not helping your son if you turn him into the person that you want him to become. After my diagnosis, the only thing my family worried about was that “I would never be able to have children, have a normal family life and make them proud in that way.ˮ Such thoughts are essentially wrong and stemming from a focus on restrictions and bad information. (I can have children, a normal family life and whatsoever.) But much more of importance here, is that I learned that their worries were not reflecting mine. I do not necessarily feel the urge to have children now, because my dreams lay elsewhere. My life does not, and will probably never, fall in the pattern that they wish to see me in. Taking HIV into account, I do not want help now with overcoming the barriers that HIV poses with regard to the dreams that my family has set for me – I want help in overcoming the obstacles imposed by HIV on the pace I aspire. The point here is to see that it is up to your son to decide on what he wants in life. Help him in case of those issues he wants and needs your help in. Again, please note that this comment might not be relevant to you, and as I read from your replies to other forum members, I know that a good mother like you will do so.

Stay blessed in 2015, dear Lauren! Everything will be fine!

laurenpenny · « **Reply #32 on:** January 03, 2015, 06:24:30 pm »

Thank you so much, everyone, for your kind and encouraging messages.

We have found a doctor that seems to have a good rapport with my son and they have started resistance testing. I am keeping my fingers crossed!

I am also getting some counseling help for myself so that I can be the happy and supportive mom that I have always been to him, and not get carried away by my fears.

And I hear you about not letting *my* hopes for my son overshadow his hopes for his own life. Yes, it is hard to "cut the strings" as Zach put it, but I know that it is what I have to do.

Thanks again.

Kmg1947 · « **Reply #33 on:** January 05, 2015, 05:36:06 pm »

I have been down the same road. I am a mother as well with a son HIV positive. It can be overwhelming I know, with tons of questions and thoughts. This website and the members are most knowledgeable information. This site is very informative. Praying for you and your son's journey through all of this. It is allot to take in as a mother, so please just take one day at a time.

Blessings to you.
K

absopozilutely · « **Reply #34 on:** January 06, 2015, 01:05:34 am »

I come from a pretty upper class family and I tested positive, like Jeff said HIV does not discriminate. If I was you I'd do some more digging into the assault, there is a statute of limitations, and if your son was 17 at the time, you may have some legal ground to help him extend that deadline since you just found out about it. He's 18 quit worrying about kids, people that are poz are having kids all the time now, the al natural way too, thank you technology. If you're reading something greater then like, 10 months old, it's outdated and we've advanced even more, hello Triumeq. Tell your son to come visit us and get the support he needs too.

laurenpenny · « **Reply #35 on:** January 16, 2015, 05:41:42 pm »

Update...

My son went to his doctor and all his genotype results came back. His CD4 and viral load numbers are basically the same as they were 2 weeks prior and the dr. said that the genotype test ruled nothing out. He decided to put my son on truvada/trivicay because there are very few side effects and it has no food requirement. Even though it's 2 pills, he and my son decided that it would be easier to do than Stribald because my son could take it in the morning when he brushes his teeth (and he doesn't usually eat breakfast.) I stayed completely out of it. It was hard, but I am doing better and feeling more hopeful.

Thanks so much to all the people on this forum who have been so kind and encouraging to me. It has helped me so much and I really, really appreciate you.

zach · « **Reply #36 on:** January 16, 2015, 07:16:56 pm »

sounds like great news lauren, and you sound much more at peace with whats going on... happy for both of you

Tonny2 · « **Reply #37 on:** January 16, 2015, 08:04:32 pm »

ojo happy for you and your son...I hope your son join us later on----hugs for you and your beatiful son ojo

Rachael_1 · « **Reply #38 on:** February 03, 2015, 12:58:18 pm »

Hi Laurenpenny

Although it may be harder for your son to date, his status doesnt mean he will not find a girlfriend and one day get married, have children.
I am HIV negative and married to a HIV positive man, we plan on having children and living a normal happy life. When I found out he was positive I was in shock but never once was I affraid of being infected (using condoms and undetectable viral load makes it almost impossible to catch). I love him because he is a good man, a sweet man, an inteligent man, he happends to have a virus that yes may make him sick, may one day kill him. I strugle with the thought of losing him but then i think, how lucky I am to have him now. I could have a husband with diabetes, or heart deasease or something else. I could have a healthy husband that has a terible accident. Who knows?
My advice to your son would be to be responsible, always use condoms, and in my opionion (personal opinion) he should protect himself and be careful hwo he tells at school, some people can be mean and there are a lot of uneducated. If he meets a girl and they fall in love I can't see it being a dealbreaker, if it is true love it shouldnt be.

X X X X

Tonny2 · « **Reply #39 on:** February 03, 2015, 02:00:34 pm »

Quote from: Rachael_1 on February 03, 2015, 12:58:18 pm

Hi Laurenpenny

Although it may be harder for your son to date, his status doesnt mean he will not find a girlfriend and one day get married, have children.
I am HIV negative and married to a HIV positive man, we plan on having children and living a normal happy life. When I found out he was positive I was in shock but never once was I affraid of being infected (using condoms and undetectable viral load makes it almost impossible to catch). I love him because he is a good man, a sweet man, an inteligent man, he happends to have a virus that yes may make him sick, may one day kill him. I strugle with the thought of losing him but then i think, how lucky I am to have him now. I could have a husband with diabetes, or heart deasease or something else. I could have a healthy husband that has a terible accident. Who knows?
My advice to your son would be to be responsible, always use condoms, and in my opionion (personal opinion) he should protect himself and be careful hwo he tells at school, some people can be mean and there are a lot of uneducated. If he meets a girl and they fall in love I can't see it being a dealbreaker, if it is true love it shouldnt be.

X X X X

ojo Hi Rachael, I'm glad you are happy with your husband positive, and I'm glad you want to share your story here...one thing tho, don't be worry about your husband dying, nobody knows when people pos or neg are going to die, my doctor told me twenty years ago that I just had two years to live, I'm still here and lots of friends and family member, negative, young and old, have died since then, so, please, live your life with worrying about your husband health, ok?....hugs ojo

Rachael_1 · « **Reply #40 on:** February 03, 2015, 02:04:23 pm »

Thank you Tony

I am getting more and more confident about our future as time goes by, we are in this together all the way

.
He is responding very well to his meds and I am getting used to the diagnosis (known since September).
X X X

AT · « **Reply #41 on:** February 03, 2015, 08:08:02 pm »

Quote from: laurenpenny on December 25, 2014, 03:56:52 pm

But he wants to go to medical school... is that even a possibility now?

Yes, he can go to medical school. I have a poz friend who just completed his round of interviews at medical schools. My friend is 35 years old and positive for 12 years. His professional goal is research telling me he wants to "find a cure and kick this virus's ass"!

Tonny2 · « **Reply #42 on:** February 03, 2015, 09:32:44 pm »

Quote from: Rachael_1 on February 03, 2015, 02:04:23 pm

Thank you Tony
I am getting more and more confident about our future as time goes by, we are in this together all the way .
He is responding very well to his meds and I am getting used to the diagnosis (known since September).
X X X

ojo Yes Rachel, it takes time to get adjust to your new life, but trust me, it will get better as long as he takes his meds as prescribed...I've been doing for twenty years, so, you two will have kids and will be grandparents one day, cross your fingers and toes...hugs ojo

Rachael_1 · « **Reply #43 on:** February 04, 2015, 03:38:29 am »

Thank you Tonny for your positive outlook!
Hugs!

xman · « **Reply #44 on:** March 18, 2015, 08:29:20 pm »

Quote from: Rachael_1 on February 03, 2015, 12:58:18 pm

Hi Laurenpenny

Although it may be harder for your son to date, his status doesnt mean he will not find a girlfriend and one day get married, have children.
I am HIV negative and married to a HIV positive man, we plan on having children and living a normal happy life. When I found out he was positive I was in shock but never once was I affraid of being infected (using condoms and undetectable viral load makes it almost impossible to catch).

well, it is ok using condoms when the viral load is undetectable but a bit like wearing a helmet when driving a car. recent studies demonstrated that in a monogamous relationship it is quite possible to not use a physical protection at all . to the concerned mom: your son will be able to have children even in the old fashioned way and without artificial insemination or things like that as a long as he remains undetectable and takes meds as prescribed. but this is not an imminent concern. there's time to think about it.

laurenpenny · « **Reply #45 on:** April 11, 2015, 03:08:56 am »

Update...

My son has been on truvada and tivicay since Feb. 1st. He started out with a viral load of around 25,000 and 6 weeks after starting the meds, his VL had dropped to 64! He feels great -- no side effects at all and he has seemed to have no trouble taking his pills every day. His social worker helped us get signed up with our state's Early Intervention program, so all of his bills after insurance are being picked up!

He seems ok with everything, although I'm sure when he meets someone that he wants to get close to, that will be a tricky conversation. But I am just so very grateful that the science has advanced to this stage.

Again, thanks to everyone here who has been so supportive.

zach · « **Reply #46 on:** April 11, 2015, 07:03:14 am »

thats great news to hear lauren, happy for your son

he stays adherent, he stays healthy

Tonny2 · « **Reply #47 on:** April 11, 2015, 10:20:07 am »

ojo Hello...good for you and your son, next blood work, will show an UD result....yes, you are right, it will be a tricky thing when he wants to get close to someone, and he has to be careful to whom disclose his status, but, he will find the way to find a good person, whom he will spend his life with...good luck ojo

Rachael_1 · « **Reply #48 on:** May 06, 2015, 04:05:54 am »

Great news! I am happy for him and happy for you as you can now relax!
Time heals all things, it gets easier and easier.
As to disclosing to a future partner, it will be hard, it is a vulnerable position BUT if it's true love then how can they not be supportive and love him just the same, if not more for his strength and resilience and honesty?

All the best!!

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