One year after my diagnosis

[Carlos 32]

Hello everyone, I did not write on this platform since I was diagnosed, although I enter the forum and that helps me a lot, today I write a year after my diagnosis and treatment, it has been a roller coaster of emotions, many tears, a sea ​​of ​​anxiety that I have been managing with my psychiatrist, but I can also say that my personal struggle with this disease has made me stronger, although a little sadder, it becomes inevitable in many moments to think how many years of life will be left with this diagnosis, to remember I started with an AIDS diagnosis of 119 cd4 7% and 220,000 copies, without opportunistic diseases. I am in treatment Tivicay + Truvada. Yesterday I received the new results and I find myself undetectable (hurraaa), but I am very worried about my cd4 that came in constant ascent, like this: January 2018 - 230 cd4 10%, March 2018 - 340 cd4 12%, June 2018 - 470 cd4 14% , now I receive my new results, five months later and I find that my CD4 went down although its percentage went up, like this: October 2018 - 421 CD4 16%. This decrease in my CD4 count five months after continuing with my treatment makes me think: Am I doing something wrong? Could I have another disease that is causing me to lower my numbers? I know that I can seem very pessimistic or scary, but by God, this has not been easy for me and I am very worried about the descent of my CD4. I thank all your valuable contributions.
P.S. I thank Tonny, a member of this forum and a true angel, who has been with me throughout this year, without your help I might not be telling this story.

[Ptrk3]

Your CD4 number is fine and so is your percentage.  CD4 numbers fluctuate throughout the day (by as much as 100):  what matter is the longer term trend, and yours is excellent.

Continue to adhere to your regimen and you will continue to be fine.

[Jim Allen]

Yeah, I agree with Ptrk.

Your UD and that is the goal of the treatment to suppress the virus.

The CD4 count is rather irrelevant, can up and down, also its not a measurement of overall health and nothing you can do will change them or the rather irrelevant meaning of them. That said the % has increased though from 10 % steadily to 16 % .. cool.

From a HIV treatment point of view its time to keep taking the treatment and live your life.

Sorry to hear anxiety is something your struggling with, keep working with your psychiatrist on that. I'm not sure if its something for you but perhaps peer support groups might also be something to consider? Meeting more people face to face that are living their lives might help... Just a thought.

Take it easy

Jim

[MarkintheDark]

As already mentioned, your numbers sound great and a "blip" on the CD4 - already in a good range - is inconsequential.  Most importantly, you're UD.  Bravo!  You've maintained your treatment.

I'd like to reassure you psychologically, too.  It's pretty normal for many of us to laser focus on numbers at the outset.  And why wouldn't we?  Heck, seroconversion is a traumatic event for most of us.  With time and experience (i.e., getting back to the business of life) I'm willing to bet they'll become less a reason for anxiety.  A simple alternative to the numbers is simply asking yourself, "How do I feel?"

I'm all for the work you're doing with your psychiatrist, too.  I'm gonna go out on a limb a little bit and mention that, in my personal experience (it may not be yours), I've used a psychiatrist primarily to find/monitor the right psychiatric meds for me.  On day-to-day matters and coping strategies I've had a therapist in the mix upon whose experience I can rely weekly or even more often if the need arises.

Though you're still dealing with anxieties, perhaps you'll take one voice to heart who says you've definitely been walking the walk by taking responsibility for your own treatment in this past year.  You done good.

[harleymc]

As long as your viral load is supressed you'll be fine.

Everybody's cd4 count fluctuates, it not an upward trend for ever and ever, otherwise we'd explode from excess cd4 cells pressing out of our blood vessels. 

[Carlos 32]

Thank you very much everyone for your comments and your support, the truth if it has been very difficult to deal with the issue of anxiety, and any pain that I feel is slight I attribute it to the dx, but I am on the way to improve, I am very spiritual and I feel that God will not leave me alone, thank you very much for giving me such tranquility! A hug from Colombia!