Main Forums > I Just Tested Poz

Fairly new diagnosis, like a dark cloud of isolation


When i was first diagnosed it was about 4 weeks after being infected. It was terrifying. I knew something was amiss. I was not just a normal kind of sick.
So when my answer came back, even though i had already knew what it would be based on my feelings and the abilittoto do research.
What i did not expect though is what it would feel like to hear it out of another persons mouth. I dont think there is a word to use that explains that
 feeling x emotion=
The best ive come up with is this. It was like i heard this mans voice for 30 seconds, at which the world around me stopped. I was stuck there. At that time it was like watching myself die. Like my soul was leaving my body. Maybe others can relate.
 Ive lived a harmful life. Im no stranger to degradation. Self-harm. Mental Health and drug addiction have enslaved me most lf my life. Ive had times of sobriety, some lasting a couple years. Yet there is always that little darkness waiting.
Ive struggled with CPTSD. Probably starting as a baby.
My health was never an issue. I know i was never safe. I get so bent up i domt care if i were to live or die. Now this, this was an eye opener. A new kind of lonely and helpless. Isolation and obsessive thoughts never ending sadness.
Wtf. Will i do.
I am a straight man. From the U.S.A. In New York.

We all have been through a feeling of despair, especially when we are newly diagnosed.

With time we  slowly get on with treating ourselves better, taking the pills and realising that life isn't dramatically different post diagnosis.  Don't be too hard on yourself if it doesn't all happen at once.  It's a process.

37 years poz here

Am kind of feeling the same right now.
Is as if the whole world has ended, I feel lonely, depressed despite everyone around me telling me is going to be alright I still feels that my life will never be the same ever again.

Jim Allen:

Welcome to the forums. As you are new here, could you please post an introduction thread either in the "Just tested positive" or the "Living with HIV forum" to let us know a bit more about you, such as how long you have been living with HIV,  how you are doing, how the treatment is going, etc.

It is standard for new forum members to introduce themselves. Thanks


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