POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Positive Women => Topic started by: mesu on September 11, 2007, 10:41:50 am
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Hi ladies
I was recently diagnosed in august and I have been getting a lot support and encouragement in this forum. I am getting myself back together and have become more confident in dealing with this disease. Yesterday, I was reading messages posted in this website...and I think I saw the message posted by the guy who infected me...i can tell from his story (description of himself and location) that it was him. (he also recently found out he is +ve)...
i feel a little weird about this situation. We dated briefly in January and February this year and broke up in Feb. Last month I got an email from him and said he is +ve. I replied to him and told him I am +ve (i know i was -ve before dating him). I didn't hear back from him...I am not very mad at him because i know he didn't know he was +ve....but i am upset because I realized he has lied to me when i was dating him..he actually had a fiance the whole time and he has just got married 2.5 months ago....i am a little hurt as I have trusted him....i feel he owes me an apology. however, i am afraid of contacting and confronting him.......
also what if i run into him in the same support group in my city? ....anyone here has similar situation before?
mesu
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Hi Mesu,
It's possible that the person you think was the guy you dated actually isn't. So many of our stories are very, very similar. There are people from all over the world here and it's quite possible this is just a case of mistaken identity.
Ann
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Mesu
If he lied to you about having a fiance, why wouldn't he lie to you about HIV. You're "not very mad" because you believe he didn't know his status. You don't really know, do you? People who lie tend to lie across the board, not just special little categories.
I want you to get a view way above this situation. Open your mind to the notion that there are people whose intent is to satisfy their needs ONLY and they will lie without any feelings to accomplish that.
The similarity Ann referred to between this person's "story" and the man you knew can cause your imagination to go to work.
Try to let it go as much as possible. Get the support you need. If you run into him, let your most protective instincts be your guide.
And, never trust that you know someone's status again unless you're tested together, repeatedly, or that what they're saying is the truth.
Em
edited to make this a little easier to read...I understand after seeing your posts you are in Asia. Good luck.
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Hi Em
Thanks. I appreciate your kind advice. And that also reminds me of trust issues...I have been very trusting in the past, and after this big lesson i learned from getting infected, I have been worried about whether I can ever trust anybody (especially men) anymore....
Right now, my priority is to get the result of my cd4 and vl counts, meet my doctor next week and to take care of myself....as much as I want to meet my Mr. right and start a family, i dont see myself dating anyone in the near future. it is kind of sad when i think about it...and a lot of times tears come out from my eyes when I think about it.
mesu
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Hi Mesu,
I sent you a PM and know that you are not alone... you have people in Europe and America thinking of you and wishing well ;)
As for never getting together with anyone, I thought it was the end of the road for me too, but life can be very surprising. For bad, but also for good.
Big hug,
PS Modified to add that I wish all lying, cheating two-timing bastards long and miserable lives. I have seen a lot of them when I worked in Asiia. I do beleive in karma and what goes around comes around. He will meet his fate.
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Hi Mesu
A quick note to add that I agree with Drag's comments...life is not over for you, not by a long shot. And, you'll find someone to trust again---but a wiser you will be doing the choosing.
And, karma...I agree with that, too, only sometimes it seems as if the karma wheel never turns quickly enough. But, oh, when it does it's far more "kreative" than is typically conceivable.
Your crying is natural. This is a time of grief for you, possibly depression, too. I love reading that the hope in you is strong...you envision marrying and having children. How great is that?
Em
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Hi Mesu:
Welcome to the forums! The women on here are the greatest.
I'm so sorry about the guy who infected you. I agree with Ann, though. The stories on here are very similar. You know, the only thing you can do is to be angry, get angry, and let it go. There's nothing you can do to change the man who infected you. Don't give up hope in all men, however. I believe there are inherently good people just like there are inherently bad people. And I most definitely believe in karma, that what someone gives out comes back. I've seen it happen time and again.
Hope to hear more from you in the future. Peace-
Betty
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I cant even imagine how you feel thinking this guy is on here! I would probably flip out if the guy who infected me was on these forums! Even though I have moved on, it is still hard to deal with sometimes! But I agree with the others that karma is a bitch and in the end hate will hurt you more than it will hurt him. Stay strong and try to let it go...I know that is hard to do!