Lets have a new forum for people diagnosed after the year 2000. Restricted participation of course. ..
Vacation request denied.
Hi Ted,
I understand you're concern and feelings. I myself have anxiety about posting anything here for the fear of being attacked, so I mostly just use the site for information and it gives me something to browse thru when I'm surfing the net. Most folks are pretty nice, but i Know some like to be confrontational it just seems to be in their nature I guess. I will respond to a post once in a while and usually on pins and needles waiting for someone to give me a bad response, so I feel ya.
I hope you stick around though, I do enjoy you're threads.
mike
PPS. Use my mantra: I'm a strong white women, and I can do it.
Hi Ted,
I understand you're concern and feelings. I myself have anxiety about posting anything here for the fear of being attacked, so I mostly just use the site for information and it gives me something to browse thru when I'm surfing the net. Most folks are pretty nice, but i Know some like to be confrontational it just seems to be in their nature I guess. I will respond to a post once in a while and usually on pins and needles waiting for someone to give me a bad response, so I feel ya.
I hope you stick around though, I do enjoy you're threads.
mike
So on point. Thanks!
Amen sista! I could post that the sky is blue and still receive posts telling me how wrong I am. The thing is, being "newly diagnosed" you (and I) are more likely to have questions or ask about experiences because we havent had them or are nervous or curious.
That just opens the door for some.
I cant wait to see what vitriole this thread unleashes. Let it begin.
Since when did it become "abusive" to tell people the truth, particularly a truth they refuse to hear? I often read posts that at first glance, seem patently offensive, but usually, upon review I can understand what the poster is trying to convey, rather that looking for something to pick apart. If some of you, truly believe that anyone who speaks the truth to you, is somehow attacking you, then you are missing the true power of these forums.
It is very hard to remain supportive, when some members are simply looking for situations where they can swoop in and declare their outrage at something that had absolutely nothing to do with them.
Killfolie, you are projecting a bit of your own challenge here. You can be rather quick with the trigger. You often express a sense of great offense only to later walk it back, to your credit, and apologize.
See it all goes to preception. There was no slamming at all man. You have offered nothing but support and kindness. I was just trying to say there are times when some respond to post it can be precieved as rude. I applogize now if I came across attacking you. It couldn't be more from the truth.
Rather than offer any response to my query, you decide to just slam me. Really nice way to further any understanding.
No Dear.
Ted expressed a feeling that some people take offense to his small queries by telling him there are much more serious problems to worry about.
You did this in his thread. Then later you walked it back and apologised. I said the apology is to your credit. I'm not a slamming you. Rather asking you to keep in mind your frequent "wise words" persona, which you just expressed, yet again.
I too have noticed you sometimes express great outrage, having been deeply offended by some posts. (As in, how trifling, such a concern. How insensitive to express it.) You have a right to that sense of outrage and offense but it occasionally runs hotter and faster than your stated willingness to step back and consider the poster's situation, not your own.
The advice to Ted to consider some help to further adjust to HIV is A OK advice.
Well I tried to read the wall of text that is the OP. With only a modest degree of success, alas.\\
I did note references to someone using the term "coffin-dodgers" to refer to LTS members. That someone was your present interlocutor. That is, myself. Indeed I didn't just use the term, I believe I coined it.
Memetics-r-me I suppose.
With regard to the rest of the OP, allow me to say:(http://tool.shagnasty.net/wiki/images/b/ba/Dontgiveafuck.jpg)
MtD
\\
If you don't "give a fuck" then why post?
\\
If you don't "give a fuck" then why post?
With the very first official post since we're back online.
Nice one, H.
With the very first official post since we're back online.
Nice one, H.
With the very first official post since we're back online.
Nice one, H.
I do what I can. I like your criticism of Matty's completely pointless post too btw.
I have no criticism because I don't find it at all pointless.
What's your horse in this race?
I like Ted and despite his slightly hypochondriac behavior like him around here. I wish I could say the same for others.
\\
If you don't "give a fuck" then why post?
Touche'
I like Ted and despite his slightly hypochondriac behavior like him around here. I wish I could say the same for others.I think (or would hope) that Ted will stay around - while he may not have liked reading some of the responses to his post (and he acknowledged, I believe, that had it been put in off topic it may not have gotten the same response), I think the majority of those responding were trying to be helpful - even if it was in a tough love type of way. Not all messages can be sugar coated (so is the nature of life). I also think that ted has contributed in a positive way to many other threads in the forums and is, for the most part, open to feedback - even when it is uncomfortable to hear.
Oviously, neither of you score very highly in reading comprehension - as Matty's statement was in reference to a portion of the OP rather than the entire thing.
In some backwoods environments, such sub-par schooling is perhaps to be anticipated. I would expect more from Silver Spoon Academy or wherever else those of means secure their educational credentials.
Actually what I'm comprehending is that no matter what stream of utter bullshit emanates from Matty's keyboard you're going to agree with him. You get the gold star for solidarity.
I think (or would hope) that Ted will stay around - while he may not have liked reading some of the responses to his post (and he acknowledged, I believe, that had it been put in off topic it may not have gotten the same response), I think the majority of those responding were trying to be helpful - even if it was in a tough love type of way. Not all messages can be sugar coated (so is the nature of life). I also think that ted has contributed in a positive way to many other threads in the forums and is, for the most part, open to feedback - even when it is uncomfortable to hear.
The responses given were not (from what I could see) meant to harm him - but rather to assist him in moving to the next level. Personally, I think that if no one gave a shit about him as a person, his thread would have been met with the sound of crickets.
There is an old saying that a statement tends to hurt in proportion to its level of truth.
at any rate, ted is entitled to procede as he wishes - whether he stay around, take a break, or move on completely.
Edited to correct a dyslexic moment
I do tend to side with those who speak their positions directly rather than passive aggressive shit stirrers, yes.
And for the record, I thoroughly support Phild's assessment.
as Matty's statement was in reference to a portion of the OP rather than the entire thing.do you have any insights on which portion it was a reference to though? ;)
Well I tried to read the wall of text that is the OP. With only a modest degree of success, alas.
You mean like say the passive aggressive swipe you just took at me? Look I like Ted and I do feel like you guys took it too far in the other thread. I didn't say a thing about it because I didn't want to get involved with it. That matty would come into his "I don't particularly feel welcome here anymore" thread and essentially go completely off topic with his commentary irked me. Especially considering the picture he linked which I'm sure was done to great comedic effect. I just called him on it, and of course you backed him up on it because there's no way I could be, dare we say it, correct to call him on it.
Gee I wonder what the OP was talking about? Being attacked? Naaaa. Not here.
And ps Im not being passive aggressive i am being sarcastic DB.
You mean like say the passive aggressive swipe you just took at me? Look I like Ted and I do feel like you guys took it too far in the other thread. I didn't say a thing about it because I didn't want to get involved with it. That matty would come into his "I don't particularly feel welcome here anymore" thread and essentially go completely off topic with his commentary irked me. Especially considering the picture he linked which I'm sure was done to great comedic effect. I just called him on it, and of course you backed him up on it because there's no way I could be, dare we say it, correct to call him on it.
do you have any insights on which portion it was a reference to though? ;)
If you were not interested enough to initially get involved in this issue, why are you now? If you feel that some of us went too far in the other thread, why don't you tell us why you feel that way? Was it the content of what was said or the delivery? I am trying to understand how you can portend to be the victim here, when the initial subject matter was of no interest to you. Exactly what do you believe you are adding to this thread?I have to say, as someone who did post in the original thread by the OP, that Joe and thunter's responses are both spot on. It's like someone not voting in an election and then wanting to criticize the candidate that gets elected. If there really was a concern about the OP, it would have been voiced during his original thread. Covers are pulled all the way back on this one.
I would also ask you the same. Exactly what are you contributing to this thread by these comments?
The only way you could take that statement as a swipe against you is if you actually see yourself in it.
"Taking it too far", in my opinion, is completely closing yourself off to hearing what was actually being said to you in one thread and instead turning it into a platform to pit one group of posters against another. And if that's someone's response, I too "don't give a fuck" about listening to it.
Yes, the fact that you "didn't say a thing about it because you didn't want to get involved with it" speaks volumes - and brings into focus what most irks me here. And that is that, once again, you are hiding behind a supposedly noble position when your real intention was to sieze an opportunity to slap at Matty. You didn't have anything to say when you could have actually...ya know...helped Teddy. Instead, you saw an opportunity to get a jab in and took it.
Well I tried to read the wall of text that is the OP. With only a modest degree of success, alas.
....
Indeed I didn't just use the term, I believe I coined it.
....
With regard to the rest of the OP, allow me to say:
Rather OBVIOUSLY the portion he mentioned...the portion alluding to him and his coining of the phrase "coffin dodger".no it's really not that obvious. Matty refers, not to his "coffin dodger" comment, but to the entire rest of the OP (which at the beginning, he implies that he did not completely read) with the "don't give a fuck" graphic. So which part did he read, which part did he not read, which part does he not give a fuck about - and how can anyone agree with such an ambiguous statement?
If there really was a concern about the OP, it would have been voiced during his original thread.not always. as has been stated in this thread, many people are often leery of jumping into the fray around here knowing the venom that gets spewed. So often times it takes a while for someone to gather their courage, fortitude and wit before jumping in. For example, I stayed out of this until thunter said he agreed with Matty's graphic, yet Matty states he didn't read all the post, and never explains exactly what part he was being so dismissive of (which of course, leads to the question of why even post if you don't give a fuck, but that's another matter). Since I really don't see how anyone can jump onto the bandwagon when we really don't know what parts Matty read in the OP, I thought it was an appropriate time to post rather than earlier on.
If you were not interested enough to initially get involved in this issue, why are you now? If you feel that some of us went too far in the other thread, why don't you tell us why you feel that way? Was it the content of what was said or the delivery? I am trying to understand how you can portend to be the victim here, when the initial subject matter was of no interest to you. Exactly what do you believe you are adding to this thread?
I have to say, as someone who did post in the original thread by the OP, that Joe and thunter's responses are both spot on. It's like someone not voting in an election and then wanting to criticize the candidate that gets elected. If there really was a concern about the OP, it would have been voiced during his original thread. Covers are pulled all the way back on this one.
I respectfully disagree with you Phil. This thread was also started by Teddy. It's a continuation of sorts really, and most, if not all, the same players are still participating. Teddy has obviously taken some of what was said in the other thread personally, he says so here. Joe specifically called out the portion of his post, and even apologized for it. To be honest I think it was the comments following Joe's that Ted took personally, most likely because he himself became jaded to all advice at that point. Then in post #17 in that thread you say the following: It was a fucking peppermint on his tongue - since when is that a question related to health? Unless of course he chokes on the peppermint or has an allergic fucking reaction to it. I think his motivation should be very clear to everyone why he felt it necessary to make this thread, not just the same select.In regards to my comment, which was in reference to other comments being made - I stand by it --- i.e. it was a fucking peppermint on his tongue - since when is that a question related to health --- how is it???? unless of course the person chokes on it or is allergic to it --- once again, I stand by that....and, as I said previously, and ted acknowledged, if the thread was in off topic - discussing the humor he and his partner found in him getting anxious about thrush when in fact it was a peppermint - he probably would have been joined in that humor --- but he posted it in Living With and accompanied it with pics ---- my comment, which BTW is in response to one of the previous posts and was not a direct response to ted's initial post still stands.
I've been here for 6 years now, and I take swipes at no one. But I do know when I see someone wronged.
In my opinion it went a bit too far.
I see your two smileys :) :)
C'mon buddy, you know I respect you and your take. I just don't agree with it.
Can you and I can both agree though that delivery is everything?
Also, if a good guy like Teddy says he felt slighted and has hardly ever said so before, thus feeling the need to make a thread like this, I suspect it could be valid.
Just my opinion.
:) :) (two smileys)
Personally, I already responded to this thread by writing Ted a PM when he first posted this (basically telling him what others have told me - just ignore your detractors.
And I don't buy the whole "tough love" canard. It's just an excuse to rationalize bad behaviour.
I see your two smileys :) :)
and raise you two smileys :) :)
I winLMAO -
(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR0Ih5f_iOx0opHB4zEE4oi9XkB9Up171yQVVQMpgGrt1-h5y7DlQ)(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR0Ih5f_iOx0opHB4zEE4oi9XkB9Up171yQVVQMpgGrt1-h5y7DlQ)
Well, that's odd. It's practically the whole foundation upon which substance abuse treatment is based.
Tough love in this situation would have looked like this;
"Ted I think your concerns are frivolous. And I'm not going to respond to your posts anymore until you address this issue in therapy."
Not like this;
"get a fucking grip"
See the difference. Still tough and loving but not disrespectful or disparaging.
You stir up more shit behind the scene with your poisonous PM's than anyone ever has saying something publicly. It's common knowledge.your paranoia is showing ROFLMAO
Maybe you should get a life. ;D ;D ;D
You're pathetic.
Ah, but it doesn't matter what you think it should "look like", does it? Your statement was more generally applied.
your paranoia is showing ROFLMAO
Interesting, that's at least the second time in this thread alone that you have tried to diminish someones opinion who disagreed with you, rather the just disagree with it.
Kind of goes to the heart of what I'm talking about.
No, buttercup. I said that it didn't matter what you thought it should look like because you statement was more generally applied.
Interesting. (Not really)
You read into my post what you wanted to read.
Kinda goes to the heart of what I have been talking about.
Your continued condescension toward anyone who disagrees with you says more than anything I could say.
Your continued condescension toward anyone who disagrees with you says more than anything I could say.
You stir up more shit behind the scene with your poisonous PM's than anyone ever has saying something publicly. It's common knowledge.
Tough love in this situation would have looked like this;
"Ted I think your concerns are frivolous. And I'm not going to respond to your posts anymore until you address this issue in therapy."
Not like this;
"get a fucking grip"
See the difference. Still tough and loving but not disrespectful or disparaging.
Since I apologized for that uncalled for comment, exactly what is the point you are trying to make. That I said something inappropriate? Admitted, check. That I recognized that it was insensitive and therefore apologized. Admitted, done and check. So what exactly is your problem? I am trying to understand what purpose you wish to accomplish and how that will help Ted.
Oh, and for fuck's sakes, please! Quit this crap about bullying. You are not children. Grow up.
-- folks on here throw out the "bully" card way too much here. It is used incorrectly and, in the ends, demeans all the kids who have been and continue to ACTUALLY be bullied.
Mike
Ted honey, I feel like you are just "over-thinking" everything too much. Chill for awhile, take a break, and come back when you are ready. We'll be here.
I would just ask you to listen with an open mind and and open heart when you read the replies to your posts. We (or most of us in the forums) just have each others best interest in mind, that's all.
You're gonna be fine.
Hugs, Alan
People use the term "passive aggressive" on here incorrectly ALL THE TIME. I figured I could throw in a bullying comment.
I cant wait to see what vitriole this thread unleashes. Let it begin.And you actually have the nerve to call anyone a bully? who tried to turn this thread into a flamewar to begin with? All one has to do is reference the comment YOU made above --- it speaks for itself (talk about the pot calling the kettle black) ---- get a better frame of reference before YOU start referring to others as bullies. Maybe you don't meet the definition of a bully - but an instigator --- me thinks so.