Connections to a previous life.

[PozBrian]

I'm not sure if this belongs here or in a different forum but I'll start here because it has more to do with my state of mind than anything else. So here it goes.

Recently I've developed a pretty strong desire to contact friends I've lost contact over the years. I don't really know why this is, but it is pretty strong. I'm not sure if it is because at 48 nearly 49 I realize that HIV nor not I'm likely in the second half of my life. Put HIV on top of that and thoughts of my death have become more tangible if not imminent.  Anyway I've googled several friends from different periods of my life and have some success. I've not contacted any as yet. I'm working on the courage to do that.

Today I found out that a fraternity brother and roommate died last November. It knocked me back a bit. Many of the folks I've found have had happier results. I even managed to find a childhood friend (1st to 4th grades) still living in the same little town.

So there it is. I'm not sure what to make of this relatively recent desire to reconnect with people from different parts of my life. I'm nervous about contacting them. Will I be remembered? I certainly remember them which after all this time makes them important to me,  but will they want to hear from me? I think that most will.

The other thing that I'm not sure about is if this desire stems from my middle-agedness or coping with HIV, or if it even matters. I'm seriously considering a pilgrimage to the first 2/3's of my life. (I kind of segment my life like this: up to 22, 22-45 & 45 and up.)

So I guess I'm just feeling a little melancholy and not quite sure how to handle it.

[mecch]

It can lesson the weirdness for both parties, or potential weirdness, if you can find them on Facebook, or email, and have the first contacts be quite light and superficial and virtual. Asynchronous communication works for this - keeping the pressure off and not feeling put on the spot.     

Facebook is great for this.  Almost ANY old friend will respond positively to a old friend on Facebook.  The follow up runs from nothing, to a relit friendship. 

I don't think there is anything stange about your desire.  Some people are like that, other people always look to the present or the future.

[darkerpozz]

I agree that it is hardly weird to think back cause for me it was a happier innocent time and there is that part that wonders about the past. I have a habit of thinking I will run into friends all the time and I remember when I was disheartened when I finally realized that the world was big enough that I would probably never see friends again and I really should have kept in better touch. I really thought I would. I still hope.

[Bucko]

Last May I needed to go job searching, so I updated my resume and contacted my old references to let them know that they might be contacted. About two days after I sent an e-mail to an info@ address of a company I worked for from 93-97, I was contacted by the manager (who recognized me immediately) informing me that the owner had passed away of esophageal cancer in 2006.

I called immediately and this began a series of calls and e-mails back and forth. As the manager (now co-owner) and I had been close throughout our professional relationship and always very frank, it took fewer than ten minutes before all awkwardness was gone; we both commented on how it seemed that the intervening years seemed to melt.

Overall, it was a highly satisfying time, though it really went nowhere. I've had similar experiences contacting my ex Carlos (1985-89) in 2005: pleasant, but as they say in French sans issue.

[Moffie65]

This is a direct result of your "40 cycle" and will abate soon enough.  However, like  Bucko said, it also can be rewarding, but I find the key is to keep expectations in check, because you are only one side of the quotient here.

[allanq]

During the last year, I’ve reconnected with six people from my past — five former high school classmates and one former coworker. It had been at least 40 years since I had heard from my classmates, and 32 years since I had last seen my former coworker. In three of these reunions, I was the one who initiated the contact, and in three instances, they contacted me. In each case, the reunion was a very happy occasion. (In case you’re wondering, I’m 62 years old.)

I’ve gotten together in person with four of these people, and I exchange occasional e-mails with all of them. In each case where we got together, it was almost as if we had been seeing each other all along. The conversation flowed very easily. If they lived closer to me, I can imagine being good friends with them once again.

In general, I think that if you try reconnecting with someone from your past, it helps if you mention something that you valued in that person. If you have fond memories of someone, I think there’s an excellent chance that they feel the same about you.

There was only one time that I was not happy when someone contacted me. It was a guy I knew in college, and my main recollection of him was that he treated his girlfriend miserably. He used to call her “dunderhead.” (Fortunately, she eventually wised up and left him.) I responded to him, but I did not offer any encouragement to get together or have any further contact, even though he lives just 30 miles from me.

The internet has made it so much easier to find old friends. I would encourage you to give it a try. By the way, various ways were used to initiate the above contacts with old friends, including Facebook, classmates.com, and a plain old Google search for my former co-worker.

[Fondoo]

Ha Ha! I got all exited seeing the name of this thread I thought we were going to talk about rebirth. Good luck mate!

[Ravhyn]

i actually contacted an old friend of mine today  from high school we both came from a very small not very open minded town.  he's been on my facebook for like a month now i just haven't wrote too him.  well, i wrote him today when i noticed he had one of those little ribbons on his profile too show support if u know someone with hiv. i told him about my status, he wrote me back and i found out it was him.  really tore me up. now i'm scared to contact any of my other old friends, no telling what i'll find out..